by Amber Garza
When I held the beautiful, simple necklace in between my fingers, my eyes filled with moisture. He had told me I could only be his summer girl, but this gift said otherwise. His behavior since we’d returned home had been confusing. Sometimes he pulled away. During those times he called sporadically, and seemed distracted when we did communicate. But then he would do things like this. Unexpected things.
Things that made me believe he wanted more, the same way I did.
Luca thought the necklace was cool, but Mom was concerned. She came into my room a few nights after Christmas and confronted me about my feelings for Austin.
“That’s sure a nice gift Austin sent you.” Mom sat on the edge of my bed, eyeing the necklace fastened securely around my neck. Even though I was getting ready for bed, I had no desire to take it off.
“Yeah,” I responded, wondering where she was going with this.
“So what’s the deal with you two?” She scooted a little further up onto the bed, and it creaked beneath her.
I sat up, straightening my spine. “What do you mean?” My fingers played nervously with the edge of my blanket which was secured around my waist.
“When you spoke about Austin in the past, you made it clear that he was just a boy you hung out with during the summer. But this year things seem different. More serious.”
I shrugged, not sure what to say.
“Mina,” Mom pressed in her no-nonsense tone. “Is Austin your boyfriend?”
“No,” I answered.
An expression of disbelief passed over her features, and she shook her head.
“What?” My stomach tightened.
“You’ve always been honest with me.”
“And I’m being honest with you now.”
“Are you?” She pinned me with a challenging stare.
“Yes.” I swallowed hard. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because you and Austin talk and text every single day. And you don’t date or even look at other guys for that matter.” Her gaze flickered to the necklace. “And now he sent you this. It really sounds like you two are boyfriend/girlfriend.”
Mom was acting like this was a bad thing, but her words were giving me hope. Being Austin’s girlfriend was the thing I wanted more than anything else. And she was right. Things were different this year. But I knew better than to broach the subject with Austin. Whenever I did, it distanced us further. I liked the way things were going.
“I know,” I finally said. “But I’m telling the truth. Austin and I decided that we didn’t want a long-distance relationship.” Actually, he was the one who decided it, but I didn’t bother clarifying that. Let her think the decision was partly mine.
She pursed her lips. “But it seems like you are in a long-distance relationship.”
“Technically, we’re not,” I said, before realizing how lame it sounded.
“Okay.” Mom shrugged. “Then go out on a date.”
Whoa. Where was this coming from? Mom had never encouraged dating prior to now. In fact, she’d always discouraged it.
“I overheard you and Grace talking recently. I know a couple of guys have asked you out, so take them up on their offer,” she continued.
“I don’t wanna go out with them,” I replied.
“Why not?”
I sighed. “Because I’m in love with Austin.”
Her shoulders fell. “I see. And does he feel the same way?”
I nodded.
Blowing out a breath, her gaze lowered to her hands. “I don’t know if this is a good idea, Mina.”
My insides knotted. “You don’t even know Austin.”
“But your dad does.”
Recoiling, my head hit the bedframe. “You’ve been talking to Dad about Austin?”
“He’s concerned about you.”
“Dad likes Austin.”
She nodded, but it was in a placating way. “He does,” she spoke slowly as if trying to gather her thoughts. “He’s just not sure he’s the right guy for you.”
“Because of Penny,” I answered, anger simmering in my veins. “You know the only reason he’s unsure of Austin is because his girlfriend is sharing gossip with him. Gossip that isn’t even true. I know Austin. He’s a great guy. The greatest guy I know.” My lips trembled, and I bit down on them.
Mom’s face softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come in here and upset you.” She paused, studying my face. “I can’t make a judgment call about Austin because I don’t know him. All I know are the things you and Luca have told me, and you’ve both made him sound wonderful. Even your dad has told me some nice things about him. But you’re only seventeen, and I don’t want to see you get tied down to someone right now. Especially someone so far away.”
In that moment, I knew what was really going on. She was worried that I was going to end up like her. Leaning forward, I placed my hand over Mom’s. “Okay. I promise I won’t get tied down.”
That seemed to appease her. After stamping a quick kiss on my forehead, she left the room.
***
He kissed like a dying man fighting for his last breath. Like I was the oxygen he desperately needed, and he was drawing it from me with all the strength that he had.
It was different than before, but not in a bad way.
No, it was different in a good way.
A very good way.
When Austin asked me to go to the beach with him this morning, he’d joked about showing off his bodysurfing skills. The entire walk down to the sand, he’d teased me to pay attention to the wave and not to his body. I assumed today would be like so many other days with Austin. We’d compete and banter, give each other a hard time. It was what we did.
But things took a different turn the minute I got out my sunblock. I flipped open the top with the intention of squirting some on, but Austin reached out and gently took it from my hand.
“Let me.” The way his gaze seared into mine as his hand folded around the tube of sunblock made my belly quiver. After pouring some into his palm, he reached out and slid his hand up my arm, working the sunblock into my skin. When his fingers trailed up my neck and over my collarbone, a shudder ran down my spine. “Turn around,” he commanded, but not in a harsh way.
I did as I was told, and his hands immediately landed on my back. It felt like a sensual massage as his palms kneaded into my flesh, rubbing until the sunblock had dissolved. Then his hands circled my waist, and his mouth connected with my neck. His lips were moist and warm as he peppered kisses along my sensitive skin. Turning my head, I hooked my arm around his neck as his lips fastened to mine. Our tongues found one another, melding together as if they longed to be one. Lips separating momentarily, Austin released me and I turned around. With my knees in the sand, my body hovered over his. Reaching out, he tugged on my waist, drawing me on top of him. My chest fell against his as his lips crashed into mine once again.
I found myself wondering how many girls he had kissed when we were apart. We had agreed not to ask each other about it, but that didn’t stop me from wondering. Any time it took him awhile to answer my texts or calls, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was out on a date; if he was with another girl.
After promising Mom that I wouldn’t get tied down, I went on a couple of dates. Mostly it was to appease Mom, but there was another part of me that did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. As much as I wanted to believe that Austin was at home pining for me, I didn’t know if that was true. And I suspected it wasn’t. It was him who had insisted on keeping our relationship strictly relegated to summertime, after all.
But, no matter how many dates I went on, my heart wasn’t in it.
Not that I was surprised. My heart belonged to Austin. It had for years.
“What are you thinking?” Austin asked after our lips had finally detached and we were lying in the sand. His fingers lazily played with my hair as we stared up at the sky. The sun beat down on us, hot and unrelenting. But I didn’t mind. The heat had never
bothered me. Chatter and laughter swelled all around us. The beach was crowded, busy. But I had tunnel vision. The only person I noticed at all was Austin.
I couldn’t tell him what I’d really been thinking, so I said, “Just about how happy I am to be here with you.”
“Me too.” He propped himself up on one elbow and stared down at me. Reaching down, he softly touched my face. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. This kiss was faster than the others. When he drew back, he said, “Man, I missed those lips.”
My heart sank. He’d only said he missed me once, and even then he was ogling me and making suggestive statements. And he hadn’t told me he loved me again. Not since that first time. Everything between us had been physical. We’d spent every moment kissing or touching. It was different from last summer, and I was starting to wonder if he was different as well.
I shot up off the ground, frantically swiping sand from my body. Scooting away from him, I reached for my bathing suit cover up.
“Was it something I said?” Austin joked.
“Actually, yes,” I answered honestly, silencing his chuckle.
“Wait. Are you mad?”
Hurriedly pulling my cover up on, I said, “Nope. Not mad.”
“Then what’s going on?” His fingers circled my wrist.
I stared down at his hand and took a deep breath. “What do you want from me, Austin?’
“What do I want from you?” His brows furrowed. “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”
I glanced around at the beach, at the people playing Frisbee or running in the sand. And beyond them my gaze landed on those swimming in the ocean. Usually that would’ve been Austin and me. Perhaps Luca would be with us. My heart pinched. It’s not that I wanted to go back in time. I liked kissing Austin. I liked when he touched me, and when he held me. But I didn’t want that to be all there was. I didn’t want that to be all I was.
“Last summer you told me you loved me,” I reminded him.
“I do love you,” he said.
My breath hitched in my throat. I had to fight to keep my brain focused on what to say next. “Or do you just love kissing me and fooling around?”
Austin’s eyebrows knitted together, and he shook his head. “I’m not following.”
“I know what happens to the girls back home that are easy. I see how guys promise them the moon and then dump them the minute they get what they want.” I frowned. “It even happened to Grace last year.”
“Hey.” Austin moved closer. “I’m not using you, summer girl.” He snatched up my hand, threading our fingers together. “Maybe I’ve been a little…overzealous…but that’s just because I missed you so much.” His gaze met mine. “And because I care about you so much. But this…” He looked at my lips. “This is not all it’s about for me.”
“It’s not?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I meant it when I said I love you.” Tucking his finger under my chin, he lifted my head. “You believe me, right?”
I wanted to say yes, but I wasn’t sure. There were so many unanswered questions. Could I really trust him when I didn’t know the facts? “Were you with any other girls while we were apart?”
His finger dropped from my chin, his eyes darkening.
I guess I had my answer.
TWENTY-FOUR
“Forget it,” I muttered, my face flaming. It was a mistake. Before I said anything, I could tell myself it was all in my head and that there weren’t other girls. But now I knew the truth, and it hurt.
“Mina,” Austin reached for me. “We agreed that this would be a summer thing.”
“I know,” I said. “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
His finger lighted on my face. “I know I can’t.”
I froze. “What?” Was he saying this was over? I held my breath.
“The answer to your question is no, I wasn’t with any other girls when we were apart.”
“Seriously?” It was a little hard to believe, and yet I wanted to desperately.
He nodded. “I tried. I went out on a few dates--”
“You did?” I interrupted, my heart in my throat.
His finger caressed my cheek, his gaze intensely colliding with mine. “Only because I kept picturing you out with other guys.” I opened my mouth to tell him there weren’t any others, but he spoke before I could. “But I couldn’t get into it. On the dates, all I could think about was you. That’s why I sent you the necklace.” One side of his lip curved upward. “Because I’m a coward, and I’m selfish.”
“What are you talking about?” Reaching up, I fingered the gold chain around my neck. When I left the beach house this morning, I knew I should take it off. The saltwater would probably rust it, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I’d been like this since the day I got it.
“I didn’t want to go back on what I said. I didn’t want to ask you to commit to me, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of you being with other guys.” The smile he flashed was a shame-filled one. “I guess I thought the necklace would be a constant reminder – to you and to other guys.” His gaze dropped to the sand. “Lame, huh?”
“No,” I whispered. Raising my arm, I touched his face. “You could’ve asked me to commit to you. I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.”
His head swung toward me. “What if I’m asking now?” My heart stopped. “I don’t want you to be my summer girl anymore.” Moving forward on his knees in the sand, he bridged the gap between us. Then he framed my face with both of his hands. Our gazes locked. “Be my forever girl, Mina.”
It was the moment I’d been waiting for. A moment I wasn’t sure would ever come. And all I wanted to do was say yes. However, he’d been so adamant about our former deal. “What changed?” I had to know.
“I fell in love with you,” he said.
A group of kids ran past kicking up sand, and it made me feel like I was waking from a dream. I’d been so focused on Austin I had forgotten where we were. My gaze scoured the area revealing that the beach was still in full swing.
“But you were in love with me last summer too. At least that’s what you said.” I hated myself for making this so difficult. We could be hugging and kissing, declaring our feelings for one another right now. Instead, I was forcing this uncomfortable conversation. But I knew that if I committed to Austin, he would own the final piece of my heart. I’d already given him most of it, but I’d been holding onto the last of it. I’d been guarding it, keeping it safe, just in case this all blew up in my face.
If I handed over what little I had left, he’d own me. All of me. So before I did that, I had to be sure.
“I fell in love with you last summer, but I was scared. Scared of losing you to some other guy back in your home town. Scared that your feelings would change while we were apart. Scared that my…” his voice trailed off, a flicker of darkness passing over his face. “Just scared. I’ve never been in love before, Mina.”
Everything he’d said resonated with me. It was funny how alike we were. Last summer we’d had our first big fight, and it was all because we were both feeling insecure and uncertain. Seems we’d been doing that once again. “Me neither,” I confessed.
“And it seemed crazy that I had to fall in love with a girl who lived so far away.”
A laugh escaped through my lips. I’d thought the same thing so many times.
“But being away from you all these months has been torture. And the more time we spent apart, the more I realized that I didn’t want anyone else. I want to be with you, Mina. Even if it scares me. Even if my heart gets broken in the process.”
I stared into his eyes, the sincerity in them stealing my breath. He wasn’t playing me. And he was right. There was no way to predict where this would lead. Then again, nothing in life was certain. But I still wanted to go for it. I loved Austin, and he loved me. Wasn’t that enough?
Besides, who was I kidding?
Austin owned my entire heart already. I may have thought I was still
holding back a piece, but every time he looked into my eyes, I knew that wasn’t true.
My heart belonged to him.
“Yes,” I breathed. His head cocked to the side, one eyebrow raised as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “Yes, I’ll be your forever girl.”
The smile that swept across his face was brighter than the sun.
***
I was walking on air when I returned home that night. It was like my feet never even hit the ground. Austin loved me and wanted to be with me exclusively. The whole thing was like a dream. In fact, it was a dream I’d had many times. As I headed inside the house, I fished around in my beach bag for my phone. Grace would die when she heard the news. Yanking out my cell, I planned to hide away in my room and call her. I knew I’d have to tell Dad at some point, but it didn’t need to be tonight.
“There she is,” Dad’s voice boomed as I attempted to scurry down the hallway undetected.
I paused, swiveling around. And that’s when I saw her – Penny – standing beside Dad with her hand tucked in his. Luca was sitting on the couch, and his wary expression gave me pause. What was going on? “Yep. Here I am,” I said, my gaze catching Luca’s, hoping he’d throw me a bone. But he didn’t.
“Hi, Mina. Welcome back,” Penny said wearing a smile.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“Have you been out with Austin all day?” Dad asked, way too cheerily.
Had I entered the twilight zone?
“Yeah. We were at the beach.”
“Wonderful,” he said.
Looking down at Luca, I furrowed my brows. Wonderful?
“It was fun,” I spoke slowly. “Now I’m just gonna go get changed out of these wet clothes.” Pointing down the hallway, I longed to be in my room away from all the weirdness. I had no idea what was going on, and honestly I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Penny was already weird enough on her own. The last thing I needed was for her to rub off on my dad, but it seemed like she was.
