by Mia Ford
“I know it sucks, but you have always had this relationship with your father. Especially with fathers like ours. They can’t stand that we might have figured out life a little better than they have. They resent us for it and try to tear us down. They want us to be just like them and when we turn into an individual and tell their way of thinking and doing things to go to hell, their egos can’t quite take it.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but he calls me, specifically to shit on me,” I replied, sitting on the couch next to him, burying his head in his hands.
“I mean, my old man disowned me,” he shrugged again, letting it ride off his shoulders, like he let all other stresses simply melt away.
“Yeah, unfortunately, I think that has something to do with you being friends with me.”
“Nah,” Gavin insisted, almost too immediately, but quickly added, “But even if it does have something to do with it, I don’t care. That is his problem. I’ve always been the black sheep of the family anyway; my old man was always looking for a reason to write me out of the will.”
“Yeah, I don’t get that,” I replied, shaking my head, unable to help feeling bad for my friend. Even though he had always taken it well, it was hard to believe it didn’t bother him to some degree.
“Neither do I,” he admitted, “I’m pretty damn awesome.” He laughed, raising his beer, speaking in a cheery tone now I supposed so things didn’t get overly serious. “To the black sheep of our respective families!” He called, and I raised my beer as well, “My we be a pain in their ass until the day one of us dies…”
“And if it’s us, may their guilt destroy them,” I added cynically.
“That’s dark…But I like it!” Gavin insisted as he threw his beer back.
We both drank and continued to laugh. It wasn’t all that often that I got to see Gavin anymore, because of my busy life, so it was always fun to catch up. He was one of those friends that I could always pick right up with wherever we left off. It was nice to have that with someone, especially with everything that was going on in my life.
Sometimes, it felt like Flora and I were completely alone, against a world who would like nothing more than to see us fail.
However, when I was with Gavin, eventually, his free spirit attitude rubbed off on me a little and I was able to relax…or at least come as close as possible to relaxing.
It was nice because, even though my life and the issues that plagued me were far from settled, having someone who related to me and told me that this was normal, when nothing seemed to make sense, made me feel a little bit better.
Chapter 13: Flora
For the past few months, I had become despondent and distraught. My usual cheery disposition had faded, and I was left with less confidence than I had in a long time.
Although, I wasn’t quite sure why. After all, even though everything wasn’t perfect, I had everything I had ever wanted. I loved Collin deeply, wholly, and completely. I would do anything for him, as I was sure he would do anything for me.
I had landed the job I had always wanted and even though I wasn’t able to see Collin as often as I wanted, I was still incredibly fulfilled. I was the woman that nobody messed with. Throughout the rest of my college years, I had found my stride and eventually had to admit that dating Collin had a lot to do with that. He helped me find the confidence I needed to be the woman I was working so hard to become. He taught me not to take any shit from anyone and he was the person who helped Riley drag me out of my comfort zone. However, when we were together, it was okay, because now I didn’t have to worry about finding a date, or who I was going home with. I had Collin and that was all I needed.
Therefore, I was able to focus my attention on other areas of my life. Collin had always been extremely supportive, both in my job and in our relationship. I felt that he understood me, like no one else possibly could.
Even Riley and I didn’t share the deep connection that Collin and I had garnered over the years of being together.
I wanted him as badly now as I did when we first met. In my eyes, he hadn’t changed a bit, and, in a way, that was kind of the problem.
Of course, I wasn’t that kind of crazy wife who was jealous of her husband and his good looks, especially since I was still young and super sexy.
It was more his attitude, towards life and toward me that bothered me.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I told Riley, “If feels like it’s just me against the world.”
“You know that’s not true,” she replied, changing a diaper without even looking down at it.
Riley was happily married to a man she had met after college. She had two kids with him that were all in diapers.
Needless to say, her house was a madhouse. Crying children, stinky diapers, bottles, and teething toys galore. It looked like Barney, Thomas the Train and Veggie Tales got rapidity and violently ill in her living room, every time I came over. However, her motherly instinct was good, far better than I feared mine would ever be.
Despite her crazy college days, she was able to settle down nicely and now, she was completely happy with her life; or at least, that was what it looked like to me. I was happy for her and she was happy for me.
Although, since she had taken on the wife and mother role, she seemed to think that was the answer to everyone’s issues.
Therefore, I knew basically what she was going to say before she even said it.
“You know that Collin loves you.”
“Yeah, I have no doubt of that. I love him too. It has nothing to do with the love we do or don’t have for one another. It’s…something else,” I looked away, trying to find a way to explain it to her so that she could possibly help me. “We are both successful, but there’s something missing in our lives. We can’t be who we want to be. Even though we make good money, we can never manage to stay ahead of anything. We are always going absolutely insane, trying to keep the house clean, the bills paid, and food in the refrigerator. We’ve cut back on nearly everything we had…” I huffed.
“How did people afford to buy so many drinks and pizza in college?”
“Well, there was a bigger pool of people to bum money off of, we had no responsibilities, never had to pay bills, got all our other meals paid for with our tuition…and we didn’t usually buy it anyway. That was the perk of being a girl,” she teased.
“Yeah, but still. There was always so much fun. Now, there’s just work and the occasional ten-minute conversation…”
“And don’t forget the never-ending load of shit that I have to dispose of every day,” she grinned, holding up the tightly wrapped diaper and throwing it into the garbage. “Although, I still have to admit, it’s not half the shit you have to shovel on a daily basis. As long as these three little ones stay alive, clean, and have their nap at the right time, my life isn’t half as stressful as yours.”
Even though I knew she was kidding, I felt my shoulders rise and fall, almost in a defensive manner, “This is the path I chose.”
“Oh, I know that and I’m happy that you’re doing what you want to do, but you don’t seem happy.” I watched as she squinted and raised one shoulder, in an apologetic move as she answered added, “Maybe this wasn’t what you were supposed to do after all.”
I huffed, “Oh, and what am I supposed to do?”
“Well, maybe you’re missing the womanly urge…” Riley insisted in a careful tone.
I laughed, not really wanting to get into the conversation of the stereotypical motherly urge, that I wasn’t sure if I had.
“You only say that, so I have to share in your pain,” I teased.
“No,” Riley responded instantly, taking the same kidding tone with me, “I love my kids. I think it’s great to have kids. The only reason I want you to hurry the hell up is because I want to be sisters.”
I narrowed my eyes, “You want our kids to get married?”
While flashbacks of my mother, joking with Bill’s mother about me getting married to him,
when we were too young to even know what that meant came back to me. However, I was able to laugh it off. After all, we really were just joking around, and I didn’t even have a child yet.
“Not all of them, unless it works out that way…but that might be a little weird…But right now, we’ve got three chances and all you have to do is have one kid.”
I chuckled, “I think we’d be more excited than the kids.”
“We won’t make it obvious or anything though,” Riley insisted as she wiped up the kitchen counter while we continued to talk.
“No,” I playfully scoffed, “We wouldn’t want the men to figure out what we were doing…We would just…have them play together a lot and dress them up in matching outfits for Halloween.”
“Yeah, I mean, that would be completely obvious in hind sight, but going forward, Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein…Everybody would just think it’s cute!”
We both laughed as I imagined Riley’s child and what I imagined my child to look like, being pulled in a wagon made to look like a laboratory.
I even started to think about where I could get all the material to make it look completely spectacular.
“Well, I mean, you do have to have a baby first…” Riley reminded me when I started to express my creative genius.
“Oh yeah…” I replied, slightly disappointed.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want a family or want the urge to have a family. It was more that I was nervous about being able to care for a family.
My parents were extremely poor growing up and while I had a good childhood, I didn’t want to subject my children to the struggles that I was aware of at an early age.
Considering my parents thought I would turn out just like them, I suppose they were a little more comfortable letting me know that we were poor.
However, from a young age, I knew that I didn’t like the status quote. My family might have been happy with the situation they found themselves in, but I certainly wasn’t. I never wanted to grow up to be just like my momma.
While she wasn’t a bad mother, she wasn’t a particularly good mother either and when I had kids, I was probably going to do everything possible to do the exact opposite of whatever I thought she would do.
Before we could talk again, ironically enough, my phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw that it was my mother.
“Speak of the devil,” I mumbled as I ignored the call.
“Do you need to get that?” Riley asked, pointing at my phone, but I shook my head.
“No,” I answered bluntly when she continued to stare at me.
“Wasn’t that your mom?” She asked, thinking it was strange that my mother and I had such a tumultuous relationship.
Even through Riley’s wild stages, she had always remained close to her mother. Her father wasn’t around, and personally, that was what I attributed their continual closeness too, but I would never tell Riley that.
I just wished she would stop condemning me for the relationship I had with my mother.
“Normally, I would answer,” I replied finally, feeling slightly guilty now that she was glaring at me, “But we are not on the best of terms right now.”
Riley narrowed her eyes, “You know, you are really never on the best of terms with your parents.”
“Yeah, I know, but both of my parents on extremely thin ice with me right now and I don’t even think they understand that they did anything wrong.” I shook my head, starting to feel the color rise up, into my cheeks. I shook my head.
I don’t get them. I always wanted to do right by them. I always wanted to make them proud. Even though I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of that town, I still thought that one day, I would be able to show them what I was working toward, in a way that would resonate with them. Yet, every time I thought I had achieved something like that, I would be shot down again by some horrific idea or scheme they had.
This time was no different.
“Did I tell you what happened last time I went to visit my parents?” I asked, forcing a smirk, so I could try to laugh off the absurdity of their actions.
Riley shook her head, “You didn’t want to talk about it, remember?”
“Well, I can tell you now,” I decided then that at least I could talk to someone about it. I still hadn’t told Collin, because I didn’t want to upset him. That, and I hadn’t seen him much since I returned, so I didn’t want to dampen the mood with a story about my parents’ crap. “When I went down there, you know, Collin can’t come with me, because he isn’t welcome,” I rolled my eyes, “I swear to God, they act like he’s the devil incarnate, just because he doesn’t live in the town where I grew up. I could’ve married the goddamn president and if he didn’t come from that stupid down, that they think is some kind of oasis…” I shook my head, stopping my rant, “Anyway, so I go down there, right? And they tell me that they want to go out to dinner. Cool, whatever. My parents go out to dinner, literally, every night. But they take me to this nice restaurant and they want me to dress nice and I didn’t bring nice clothes, but anyway…”
“You know, you’re stalling,” she insisted, raising her eyebrow toward me.
I sighed, realizing that maybe I didn’t want to say it out loud, after all. Nevertheless, I quickly finished, “Ultimately, my parents tried to set me up a kid I went to high school with.”
“Oh my God, it wasn’t Bill, was it?” She demanded, her eyes growing wide.
“No, thank God! I would never speak to them again if they had done that to me.” I shook my head with disgust. “The sad part is, I think they thought since it wasn’t Bill, they would actually have half a chance.”
“Oh my God…” She shook her head with a smirk.
“Oh yeah, and they had it all planned out, too. Through the course of me freaking out, acting like a crazy woman, they revealed how they figured out I could just leave Collin, move back to my hometown, and start popping out babies.”
Riley laughed, “Wow, your parents really don’t know you, do they?”
“They’re crazy!” I insisted.
“Yeah, that’s messed up…Oh God, that poor guy…”
“Oh, yeah…” I chucked, “He was cool with it, I think. I was nice to him. I chose to believe he was an innocent victim of my parents’ fantasy world. I politely told him that my parents belonged in a psyche ward and I was happily married. He apologized and left, then, I started reaming my parents out,” I bit my lip and looked down, “I may or may not be allowed back in that Olive Garden ever gain.”
Riley giggled, “That’s my girl! Did you tell Collin?”
“God, no! That would destroy him,” I answered, shaking my head, “He’s still holding out the hope that one day they’ll accept him.”
“Yeah, but his parents don’t like you either, right?”
“No, well, his dad doesn’t like me. I think his mom passed away. At least, that’s the vibe I get from him. He’s never actually said.”
“But, he said his dad hates you?” She inquired, as though she wasn’t sure why that conversation would ever be completely necessary.
“Well, he hasn’t said it, but I know for sure, his dad hates me.”
“Why?” She insisted.
“I dunno. I never met him,” I replied, cracking a smile. While I felt bad for Collin, at this point in my life, with all that people who were supposed to care about me did, I didn’t care much if about whether or not anyone liked me. I had the people in my life that mattered to me and that was all I needed.
I barely had time for them, why would I stress out about worrying about whether some random person liked me.
Riley was simply staring at me, trying to figure out how that was possible.
“The dude is weird. I don’t know. Collin doesn’t tell me what he says, but from what I’ve overheard when they talk on the phone, his father is pissed because he wants Collin to live closer to him so that he can be his little errand boy…Oh, and apparently, he thinks I’m going to leave Collin an
d take him for all he’s got.”
At this, Riley burst out laughing. “Wow! What planet do these people live in! If you got a divorce, I think you might have to give half your shit to him. Not the other way around.”
“I know, right? I mean, I love Collin, but he is not the breadwinner of the household…but I like that I’m able to provide for us, at least as much as I can. I wish we could buy a house but…”
“It’s hard to buy a house. You guys know that. The only reason we bought this house was because we needed to put down roots somewhere when the babies started coming…” She grinned in kind of a malicious way, “Maybe you should start popping out babies and Collin will be more inclined to get you a house.”
“Again, it won’t be Collin that secures that, it’ll be me. Besides, I’m the picky one and if I’m prego and going through buying a house, Lord have mercy on the real estate market!” I insisted, “But, you did get one thing right, the only man I would ever want to pop out babies with is Collin.”
I grinned, watching Riley’s little boy crawl over to his brother. It was so cute, until he bopped him in the head and made the smaller boy wail like he was dying.
“Oh God!” Riley sighed, rolling her eyes and picking up the smaller boy. Bouncing him up and down on her hip, she looked up at me.
“You know,” she retorted in a low, teasing voice, once the boy had settled down, “The only way you can have his baby is to have sex with him. I’m not sure if you know that, but you know…the birds and the bees.”
I playfully swatted her away, “I’m not an idiot, Riley. I know that…And after that display…”
“That’s only because there’s more than one. It builds character…” She chuckled, “Besides, you don’t understand. Everyone else’s children are annoying, but your own, you made them, so they’re like a little annoying mini of you, so it’s not so bad.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, unable to comprehend that. “I don’t know, when I’m PMSing, and I’m annoying, it’s not cute. I’m still just annoying.”
