by A. Nybo
Haha. Thanks for that Captain Obvious.
I chuckled when I reread what I had written. Hey, that was very profound when I wrote it! You just read it wrong.
Why didn’t you make me coffee?
Because you weren’t here.
Yeah right.
So he had known I was aware of his location all along. Oh well. He stood up with his head bent, and then my phone pinged again. This conversation is over. When he didn’t move, I guessed he was waiting for my agreement before starting back to the house.
Okay.
As I watched him approach, steering the conversation around to Luke occupied my mind. I had to surreptitiously let him know we were just hooking up and it wasn’t the start of something. But as he neared, I forgot about our plan. Dan’s gait was flat, his body missing that spark of energy that inhabited him. The closer he came, the more obvious the dark rings beneath his eyes were, and despite the smile he offered, he looked tired and miserable.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“Yeah, please.” He sat on the sun lounge beside mine.
I went inside and made coffee. I really hoped Luke’s and my actions of last night weren’t responsible for whatever was bugging Dan, but then I didn’t see why I should take the blame when Dan wouldn’t clue me in to what was going on with him. Sure, he’d said maybe he was in love with someone, but I had merely made assumptions about the rest, and in typical Dan fashion, he hadn’t really clarified anything.
I set his coffee on the makeshift coffee table between the sun lounges and sat down. Cue the introduction of the Luke topic. “When’s your next surfing lesson with Luke?”
Dan shrugged, “We haven’t made any plans.”
That was short and not so sweet. I tried again. “How did you like Three Bears?”
“Yeah. It was good.”
“You’re quite the conversationalist this morning. Are you hungover?”
“Sorry. No. I’m just… confused.”
“About?”
“About who I am. Who I’ve ever been.”
I sighed. “Are we going to have the existential crisis talk again where you get to know the details, and I have to speak in the abstract because I have no idea what you’re talking about?”
An impish grin altered his entire face and sent a sense of longing through me. I always wanted to be either the reason for that grin, or at least to know why he grinned that way. “Maybe.”
“Why not surprise me and let me in on what we’re talking about.”
“Where would be the fun in that? It would be too difficult to tell you how wrong you are if you have the facts to support your position.”
“Okay, I am officially withdrawing from further philosophical conversations where I’m not allowed to know what we’re talking about.”
“Spoilsport,” he groused with a grin that faded all too quickly.
Getting anywhere with Dan on what was bugging him was beyond pushing a conversation uphill, so I decided to leave it alone and if it came up naturally, then I’d pursue it. “Got anything planned today?”
“Not really. You?”
“I feel like cooking. I might go into town and get ingredients to cook a meal tonight. Feel like anything in particular?”
“How about Szechuan chicken?” A small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. Bastard didn’t think I could make it. Neither did I, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.
“Okay, Szechuan chicken it is!” The confidence in my voice came as a bit of a surprise to me.
“Can we get some two-minute noodles as well? Just in case?”
Rising, I grabbed my empty cup and pushed a hand to his chest in a mock slap as I passed. “Nope. If I cook what you want, you have to eat it.” He grunted as if it was a diabolical idea. “Don’t fall asleep out here,” I warned. “I’d hate to come back from town to find you’d become a lobster.”
“Yeah. I might go grab an hour or two.” That surprised me. It was unlike Dan to sleep during the day.
By the time I got myself together and made it into town, it was almost one o’clock. On the off chance Luke could talk for a few minutes, I called in at Chino’s. I thought it would be a lot easier than texting—at least that’s what I told myself right up until I walked in and saw him lifting the apron over his head.
My heart turned in my chest, leaving me breathless. He turned his head toward me as if I had spoken, and he broke out in a brilliant smile. He hung the apron on a hook behind the counter and called farewells out to his coworkers before walking up to me. “How’d it go?” I had the strange urge to grab him and pull him into me, but caution quashed that idea before it was fully formed.
“It didn’t really,” I said as we turned and walked from the café. “I don’t think he slept, and he wouldn’t talk to me about it, but we did text about it a bit.”
Luke looked at me with disbelief. “You texted about it? And you were both at the house? That’s weird.”
“Not really. This is Dan we’re talking about.” As we strolled down the street I told him how it came about and what he’d said.
“So he has strong feelings for someone, but we don’t know who, for how long, or in which state?”
“That about covers it.” I looked down the street realizing we had passed the supermarket. “Where are we going?”
“Dunno. I was just following you. But if you want to follow me, we can go back to mine.” His salacious grin was accompanied by the lazy but very sexy shrug of his golden-brown eyebrows.
“I’ve got to do some shopping, but I can make a quick stop at yours if you’re up for it.”
“I’m not up for it yet, but give me a minute alone with you, and I’m sure we can come to an agreement.” The slight emphasis on the word “come” didn’t bypass me although a passerby was unlikely to have noticed.
I shopped and then stopped at Luke’s on my way home. I was barely in the door when I found myself pushed up against the wall, being kissed to the sound of the Velcro on my shorts ripping open. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you haven’t had sex in….” Luke slid down to his knees and had me in his mouth before I was even hard. “Aaaah. Jesus,” I whimpered as he rectified that problem.
We went at it hot and heavy until we had both reached orgasm before anything more was said. I grinned as I tucked myself back in and did my boardies up, “That’s one of the better welcomes I’ve ever had.”
“I was desperate,” Luke said as he straightened his own clothing.
“I’m not sure how I should feel about that, considering we only got it on a few hours ago.”
“Yeah, but you’ve lit a fire in my brain with that whole Dan, you, and me thing.”
“Me! That was your idea!” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or lust. So I did both.
“I think we’re going to have to agree that we kind of egged each other on with that.”
“Yeah, I suppose we did,” I said. “But you know it’s not going to happen, don’t you? Even if he was into guys, that doesn’t mean he’s into threesomes.”
“I’ll wait until I hear him say the word ‘no’ when the subject is broached,” Luke teased.
I couldn’t help but grin at the man’s tenacity. “And exactly how are you going to broach that particular subject with him?”
He turned and leaned with his back against the wall next to me. “Not sure.” He stared off into the lounge. “But I’m thinking Dan needs a straightforward, no-nonsense approach.” Luke’s light green eyes glittered. I could look at him all day.
“I thought we agreed on that this morning. Wasn’t that the whole point of you making a pass at him that he couldn’t misinterpret?”
I wasn’t even sure why we were planning to seduce Dan. I wanted him, had for years, but it was clear he wasn’t into men, never mind me, or me as one-third of a threesome. “Okay, we’ve got to give this up. This is ridiculous,” I said as if I had just come to my senses—which I hadn’t.
“Tell me you don’t want him
,” Luke challenged. Silence was my unspoken admission. “Exactly,” he said. “Me too.”
“Just because we want him doesn’t mean he wants us.”
He laughed. “Judging by the way he was looking at you at Three Bears, he wants a piece of that.” He flicked my hip with his fingers. “Okay, how about this? Invite me to dinner, we’ll hang out on the deck, and I’ll introduce the topic of sex. We can slide into questioning each other, and hey, shit, we don’t want to leave Dan out of the conversation now, do we?”
“You want to see a man turn into a rabbit? He’ll disappear so fast you’ll think a magician on the other side of the world pulled him out of a hat.”
“Nuh-uh.” Luke grinned. “He’s fucking curious, trust me on this. You’re too close to it.” He must have seen the skepticism in my expression. “Twenty bucks Dan doesn’t run when the topic comes up.”
I shook my head. “There is no way I’m betting on something that might upset him.”
“Yes, Muppet Bear.” He paused. “But does that mean we’ll give it a try?”
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing with this,” I mumbled. “If Dan ever finds out he’s going to hate me.”
So it was set. Luke was coming to dinner. On the way home, I suspected Luke had somehow transported me to a different thought dimension. I had no other explanation for what we were planning to attempt. Dan had become the nectar we were both drawn to, and now that it had been exposed to air, that nectar had become like superglue.
Besides, what was the worst that could happen? Dan would leave the conversation. Even if the whole thing came down to the question being asked, Dan could just say no, and that would be the end of it.
Wouldn’t it?
Fuck.
Now that I was away from Luke and his thought-dimension-altering abilities, I was sure this was going to go to hell in a fucking runaway elevator. I had to stop this. But I didn’t know how to stop wanting it enough to keep from going through with it.
Chapter 6
LUKE
SO, A magician in Bermuda was obviously working hard although we didn’t even get to introduce the topic of sex. The moment the food was gone, Dan made himself scarce, and no matter how Josh tried to budge him from his room, he couldn’t convince him to join us.
We had little choice but to revert to plan A. But it was hard work to get Dan to even agree to another surf lesson tomorrow afternoon. In the interest of getting plan A to work, I didn’t stay with Josh. I was pleased to find he was as disappointed as I was, but trying to get Dan interested was important to both of us.
I had moments where I feared once they’d overcome the hurdle of actually getting together, then they wouldn’t want me hanging around, but when I saw Josh, I just fucking melted and forgot all that. I didn’t know what it was that had me so worked up for those two, but it seemed from the moment I met Dan, I hadn’t been able to get them out of my mind. One of them was always in there, and I had to say that I loved them being in there.
The following day, Dan and I met in town, and we took my car up to Moses Rock since I was more interested in a bit of privacy than surfing today. He was really quiet, and I struggled to make conversation, the strain draining my energy. By the time we hit the car park, I had no small talk left. I parked the car and turned in my seat to face him. “Okay, what’s up?”
His dark eyes held some surprise. “Nothing.” He looked down at the bag with the lump of board wax he had been nursing since we left Margs. He used his thumbnail to score it through the plastic.
“Bullshit. You’ve been quieter the last few days than the whole time I’ve known you.” I waited to see what he’d say, but he remained silent. “Is it because I hooked up with Josh?”
“No!” Then his entire body slumped. “Yes.” It was little more than a whisper.
“Okay, so what has you so bothered?”
He shook his head. “I can’t… I can’t do this.”
“Do what? Talk?”
He nodded.
Okay, if he couldn’t talk about it…. I leaned across slowly making it very clear I was about to kiss him so he had every opportunity to avoid me. He didn’t, and even though the turmoil in his eyes was painful to watch, I smiled as I closed in. And then our lips touched, gentle as a feather falling, and his eyes slid closed. His lips were so soft and inviting. I wanted to deepen the kiss, but I drew back enough to break it, giving him yet another opportunity to stop me. Instead, with eyes still closed, he tilted his head slightly in invitation.
I did it again, this time a little stronger. He began to respond, and somehow, tender as it still was, his intensity came through the kiss and it sizzled through me, making me want more. His lips moved slowly against mine, like the motion of a gentle swell, and it was like I was falling into him. I just wanted to fall deeper, harder, more.
Only when the heat of the slow exhale through his nose brushed against my cheek, was I aware he’d been holding his breath. I let my tongue slide along the seam of his lips and his darted out, hesitantly at first, but then he relaxed and allowed it to stay out and play. The hint of vanilla and coffee I tasted welcomed me in. He began to deepen the kiss, and I stayed with him all the way without pushing for more, but God, how I wanted. I was losing myself over a simple kiss.
He abruptly broke away and fled the car.
Fuck that Bermudian magician!
Instead of running after him, I gave him distance and time to process what had just happened. When he hadn’t returned after about ten minutes, I went and found him sitting at the bottom of one of the dunes looking out to sea. I sat beside him and waited in silence to see if he wanted to talk about it. He didn’t. But I did. “Did you decide you didn’t like it?”
“Oh no, I liked it.” His vehemence surprised me. He picked up a stick and began to draw in the sand.
“Then why did you run?”
“Because I think I’m gay, and I don’t know what to do with it, how to handle it.” He waved the stick around as he spoke, his eyebrows moving, like they were both extensions of his thoughts. “I’ve made promises I’m too scared to keep. I’ve lived a lie that I kind of knew I was living but that I….”
“Stop! Let’s just handle one thing at a time, can we?”
He looked at me as if I had voiced the best idea in the world, but also a futile one. But I wasn’t about to give up. He gave a mirthless laugh. “You know someplace to start with that?”
“Of course. You said you think you’re gay. Why do you think that?”
“Because amongst other things, the physical interest in my ex-girlfriend was kind of forced, and I have been battling emotions for someone else.” He cleared his throat. “A guy. Those feelings are getting harder to hide, and now I’m looking at other guys as well.”
“Have you ever been with a guy?”
“That’s part of the problem. I haven’t, but I promised a guy that if I was ever interested he’d be my go-to.” He dug in the sand. “But now I find he’s in a relationship, and even if he wasn’t… shit.” The way he let the stick dangle from his hand reflected the dead end he’d reached.
“Are we talking about Josh?”
He let the stick drop, and his mouth drew down at the corners as he nodded.
“Well, don’t let me stand in your way,” I said. “We were just hooking up.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“Because I don’t want to damage any of our friendships. I don’t want to hurt you or him, and since I’ve never been with a guy, how do I know if it’s for me?”
“From what you say, being with a woman isn’t it. So unless you’re asexual, pansexual, or something, you’re kind of running out of options.” I gave him what I hoped was a winning grin. “You could always take me for a test run.” I waggled my eyebrows.
“Not saying I wouldn’t like that, but that doesn’t help with a promise I made to him, does it?” The question was rhetorical, but seeing an opening, I was going to go
for it.
“I could be your buffer.”
His dark eyes penetrated me, making me feel my innermost secrets were being scrutinized. “What does that mean?”
“I want to be with you, you want to be with him, I’ve been with him and he’s cool with me….”
“What is that? A riddle-me?”
“No, I was just saying a threesome might meet your criteria. You, me, and Josh.”
“I’ve never been with a guy, and now you’re suggesting I be with two? Don’t you think that might be a little overwhelming and, well, potentially humiliating?”
“You’re looking at it wrong, man,” I began. “Far from being overwhelming, it would kind of take the pressure off. If you felt overwhelmed, you could bow out and take a break, and no one’s going to hassle you because there’s someone else there to keep the second busy. And as far as the humiliation goes, you’re going to have to explain that, because I don’t understand how someone is going to be humiliated—I’m suggesting a threesome, not some BDSM scene.”
“Fumbling around, not knowing what I’m doing with one person watching would be bad enough, but with two?”
“Jesus, Dan, it’s sex, not an examination. Do you think we’re going to sit around scoring you on performance?”
The stunned look on his face made me think I’d gone too far, but then he huffed a laugh. “Given this is all theoretical, I suppose I was expecting some kind of test.” His smile suggested he was only partially joking.
“Why theoretical?” I asked.
“Well, how would a threesome not affect our friendship, for a start?”
“A threesome is far less focused than a couple, so it’s easier to keep the whole thing as a sex deal rather than an emotional thing. If you decide you like guys, and Josh in particular, then you can always pursue that if he’s into it.” Jesus, what was I doing? Cutting myself out of this? But I couldn’t watch Dan tearing himself to pieces over it. “And with two guys, if you decide you don’t like it, then it’s not like a personal thing, it’s a gender thing.” Ooh, I got him thinking with that last one. The ability to be with a guy and rejecting him later not being viewed as personal obviously appealed to him.
