“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. I see the way you two look at each other. It’s like you’re about to have crazy-monkey-sex at any moment. It’s gross and cute at the same time.”
“I don’t want to hear this, and I have things to do.” I try to get up and leave, but Cassie grabs my arm.
“Stop it. Stop hiding behind your job all the time.”
I gasp. “I don’t.”
“Stop it,” she says more firmly. “Don’t try and say you don’t do that because you do all the time. You use your job as an excuse for everything, and you know you do.”
I clamp my mouth shut because I know she’s partially right.
“Kinley, I know you still feel bad about what happened between you and Elliott, but you need to move on. There’s a great guy out there for you, and you will have a successful relationship.”
I feel the tears building up behind my eyes, and I’m glad my sunglasses are still on.
“Maybe Carson isn’t the one, but you have to try. You need to put yourself out there.”
“I have to go.” I jerk out of her grip and race inside to my room, keeping my head down as the tears fall.
For the next couple hours, I lie on the bed trying to figure what the hell is going on with me. Maybe it’s that time of the month, or maybe I need to stay away from the Lifetime movies for a while. When my phone rings, it’s the one person I don’t want to talk to, but I know I have to.
“Hi, Mama.” I sigh. After I ran away from dinner, Mama and I didn’t talk much the rest of their stay here. I mostly talked to Dad.
“Kinley, are you alright?”
“Yep, just work…stuff.” I don’t even want to talk right now.
“Well, I’m calling for a reason. Your father and I have talked, and I need to tell you something.”
I sit up. “What’s wrong?”
Mama takes a deep breath and my heart races thinking the worst thoughts. “Kinley, I’m old.”
“What?”
“It’s true. I’m old and I’m not getting younger. On top of that I’m worried about you. What happens if your father and I die soon? You’ll be all alone.”
“Oh my God, Mama, the last time you went to the doctor he told you that you’re in perfect health. You’re barely fifty-five. You have a long life in front of you.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t worry about my only child.”
My shoulders deflate. “Mama, I’m glad that you’re alive and well enough to worry about me. However, you raised me to be a strong, hardheaded female, and I’ll survive anything life throws at me.”
“First, it’s your father’s fault you’re stubborn because I’m not like that at all.” I giggle at her lie. “Second, I know you are a strong girl. I know you will always finish first because that’s the way you are. I guess I don’t want you to not have someone to lean on, like I have in your father.”
I close my eyes and let the words sink in. My mama has always been an amazing person, and I really can count on her for anything in my life. “Mama, I love you.”
“Kinley, there’s nothing more in this world that I love more than you.”
“I know.” My voice cracks, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Now, you go on and get some work done because I can’t wait to see it on in those magazines.”
I smile. “I will, Mama.”
I disconnect the call and toss my phone onto the bed. This has been a crazy day, but I need to get some work done. The knock on the door makes me forget for a moment that I need to go through today’s pictures. When I open it, I should have already known who it would be.
“I need to start looking through the peephole, so I know not to answer the door.”
“Are you still hung up on pretending I annoy you as much as you try to make out that I do?”
I roll my eyes at his childish comment.
“Do you want to watch a movie with me?”
“Are you going to be a rude jerk?” I snap my question back at him.
“Not today.” He smirks.
“Must be a full moon tonight then.” I mumble. “Fine, I’ll watch a movie with you. It’s not porn, right?”
“Not unless you rather it be porn.” Carson winks at me.
“No, I don’t. A regular movie is fine.” I grab my cardkey and go across the hall with him.
Carson already has the movie set up, along with popcorn. I sit in the the chair. The movie is Austin Powers, and even though I don’t tell many people about it, I have to say it makes me laugh every time I watch it.
“You look very uncomfortable over there.” Carson hands me the bowl of popcorn.
“Yeah, it’s not the greatest.”
“Come sit on the bed with me.”
I stare at him for a second.
“Calm down, sweetheart. I’m not going to attack you.”
I nod and climb up next to him. I’m not sure what to say or do, but soon I’m laughing at the bad British accents, horrible one liners, and overall the worst acting ever. Carson is laughing too, and it’s nice to have company. When it’s over, I help him clean up the kernels that never made it to our mouths.
“Thanks, Carson, I really needed this tonight.”
“I think I did too. What’s that old saying, laughter is the best medicine?”
I giggle. “Yes, that’s correct, but I need to get some work done now.” I head over to the door but stop and turn back to him. I take a deep breath and hug his neck. “I really mean it, Carson. Thank you.”
I feel his arms around my waist, but he doesn’t say anything. I go to pull away from him, but he holds me in place. I look up at him, and I know that look. Carson’s going to kiss me. I go to open my mouth to tell him to stop, but instead our lips connect.
I can’t believe it. We’re kissing, and I can’t stop myself. His lips are soft against mine, but there’s a control about them as he maneuvers his against mine. Carson pushes me up against the wall, and he drives his tongue into my mouth. I moan as he grasps my thigh, pulling it up over his hip, pushing against me.
I can say one thing: Carson can kiss. My knees are growing weak from his tongue, and my mind wanders to how it would feel in between my legs. When he lifts my shirt, and I feel the heat of his hand on my skin, I begin to realize that this is a mistake.
“Carson, stop.” I push against his chest, and he drops my leg. “We can’t…we can’t do this,” I pant.
“Why?”
“Because…” Before I can list all the reasons on why this is wrong, there’s a knock on the door.
“Don’t you dare move,” he orders me to stay as he answers the door.
I hear a female voice, and I know it’s one of the other models. I hear her ask if he’s ready.
“Yeah, meet me downstairs, and I’ll be there in a little bit.”
My heart is racing, but this time it’s from anger.
“You ass!” I yell at him when he shuts the door.
“What?” He tries to look innocent.
“You’re trying to get me in your bed, but you have a date with another girl.”
He is still playing confused. “Wait, you have it wrong, sweetheart.”
“Shut up, Carson Lee! I can’t believe I was played by you. I should have known you didn’t even like me.” I’m still yelling at him, and I try to push past him.
“Enough, Kinley.” He grabs my arm and spins me around. “You’re wrong here. That girl and I are just working out.”
“Yeah, her mouth on your dick. Thanks for showing me how much good you really have in you, Carson Lee. I truly believed that there was something good about you, but I was so wrong.” I jerk my arm out of his grip and bolt to my room, slamming the door, and letting the tears fall as I hit the pillow.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Carson
Kinley is a fucking piece of work. I’m standing in my hotel room, wondering what in the hell just happened. I don’t know if things started going wrong when she said we couldn
’t do this or when the model I’ve been working out with knocked on my door. Either way, it all went downhill. Part of me wants to go talk to Kinley, but her comment about being wrong about me keeps thrashing around in my head. I need to exercise and leave her alone.
With my room key in hand, I go downstairs to meet the girl, Stella. We’ve been working out together lately and it works because she has no interest in me whatsoever, seeing that she’s a lesbian. Yet, Kinley thinks I’m banging her. I probably couldn’t bribe her into putting her mouth on my dick. We silently fall into a jog on the treadmill first.
“You’re quieter than usual today,” Stella comments.
“I don’t have much to say.” I press a button to make the speed go up, so I can start running. My mind replays what happened again. Kinley practically melted against me as her body relaxed completely with the kiss. She took me by surprise with the sincerity of her words on top of a hug. It was weird how easy going and fun it was hanging out with her.
But it was nice too.
Different than usual.
The things she and her father have been saying to me lately refresh in my head. They both think that I can be better than who I am. They believe that there is a woman out there who is going to be so over-the-moon amazing and overlooks the faҫade I wear. Somewhere along the way, I’m supposed to change the way I see things and become the man who is worthy of such a woman.
The real, most important question that’s been weighing on me is if they are right, would I want that for myself? I told Kinley I didn’t. If I do, even a small part of me, then maybe I should get my shit together before that happens. Just in case.
When this is all over, I’ll be going back to a large, empty house on a big piece of land. There aren’t any photos of loved ones or even friends in my house. Hell, there aren’t any pictures at all. Instead, I have trophies and expensive shit that no one really cares about. I’m thirty years old and all of my accomplishments reside in a career and the material things I own. I’ve been stuck in my ways for such a long time, I may have permanently sealed myself there with no escape route available.
Should I open myself up to any possible opportunities or keep things the same and live in a house that has a revolving door for one night stands? The question has me wanting to run for the hills and never look back. For some reason, though, my fingers are pressing the off button, my hands grabbing a towel to wipe away the sweat on my face, and my body turning towards Stella.
“I’m done for today. See ya later,” my mouth moves all on its own.
There’s a line for the elevator, so I find the stairs and sprint up them, two at a time until I reach my floor. Thank God, I’m fit or that would have nearly killed me. I jog down the hall, stopping once I find the door I want, knocking on the door in short, rapid knocks until it swings open.
Her mouth opens, but I speak first. “As you can see, I’ve just come from the gym,” I breathe. “From working out with the model, Stella. She’s not sleeping with me, sweetheart. She doesn’t sleep with guys. At all.”
“You’re still a jerk, Carson Lee, whether she’s gay or not. You were leading me on in there, being all nice and shit.” She folds her arms over her chest defensively. This isn’t the start I was hoping for, but I should have expected some sort of fight from her.
“I’ve always been a jerk, Kinley! And I wasn’t leading you on because you can’t be led on. You don’t do anything unless you want to do it,” I level at her.
A bit of the tension falls away as her voice reflects her calmness. “I wanted to kiss you. Is that what you want to hear?”
“No, I want to hear that you wanted me to kiss you back. Just because you want to kiss me, doesn’t mean you want me kissing you.” I’m the lowest of the low to her, so I know that while she may want to kiss me, in a way, she doesn’t either.
“Oh my God,” she huffs. “Are that fucking blind you can’t see I like you?” She likes me? “Yes, I wanted to kiss you. And yes, I wanted you to kiss me back. You’ve been hit too many times on the ice.”
“Seriously, Kinley? You’re the queen of mixed signals. I never know what the hell you’re thinking.” And I don’t. Sometimes, things are good, and sometimes, we’re arguing just because.
“Well, should I just fall on the bed right now and spread my legs? Because it seems you’re more accustomed to that.”
There is not an ounce in me that wants Kinley to be an easy lay. That’s the only thing I am sure of. Defeated in our bickering, I say, “No, you shouldn’t, sweetheart.” I shake my head, running my open palm over my face as I sigh. “Forget it. I don’t know why I came over here anyway.” Quickly, I turn around and go into my own room before she can say anything further.
I start a hot shower, undress, and step under the water. Maybe she and her father should be admitted to the madhouse because if someone like Kinley can’t see what I’m putting right in front of her, my semi-honesty, the genuine tone in my voice, then there’s no way any other woman will. Maybe they’re wrong, and I’m not cut out to be the person they think I am. I should probably quit while I’m ahead.
There’s one big problem, though.
I don’t quit.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kinley
I wake up with the worst headache of my life. I feel like shit, and it’s not because I was up half the night crying or thinking, but because of the way I treated Carson.
Why did I tell him that I liked him?
Why did I say the things I did?
Being an adult sucks!
I finally push myself out of the bed and into the shower. This is going to be a long day from hell.
~
“Well, you look like death,” Cassie greets me when I reach the park.
“Thanks. I feel that way too. Let’s get this over as quickly as possible.”
“It shouldn’t take too long.”
I sit at the makeshift desk where the laptops are connected and see Carson walking out of the tiny, portable dressing room. He’s not wearing a shirt, and his jeans are hanging low. I forgot that today he’s going to be shirtless, so we can focus on the jeans.
Of course that’s my luck.
I pretend to be messing with the laptop, but in truth, I keep watching him through sideway glances. I hear Cassie position Carson where she needs him for the lighting, and she tries a few test shots. Staring at his abs, I have the sudden urge for chocolate syrup. He looks amazing. Maybe he really has been working out. Hell, I don’t know how else he would get abs or arms like that.
Shot after shot, Cassie continues, but I’m watching his eyes and in every other picture, they are looking my way.
This sucks.
“Enough. Stop!” I yell out and Cassie stops taking pictures.
“What’s wrong?”
“We’ve got the shot. You don’t have to take anymore. We’re done for today.”
“Are you serious?” Cassie looks at me like I’m crazy, and she’s not far from the truth on that.
“Well, she is the boss.” Carson comes up next to us. “I’m sure that she would tell us when she’s done. I’m sure she hates to send mixed signals,” he sneers at me.
I’m about to cuss him out, but he walks away.
“Am I missing something?”
“Yep,” I growl. “I need a fucking drink.”
I begin slamming everything into my bag and head back to the hotel. I don’t even bother with going upstairs. I go right into the bar and order a strong drink. And then another. And then one more. By the time Cassie gets there, I’m feeling a little tipsy.
“Well, it’s not even seven o’clock and you’re drunk. Good job.” She pats my shoulder.
“I’m not drunk. Yet.” I sip my drink some more.
“Care to tell me what’s going on?”
I sigh and down the rest of the glass. “Carson and I kissed.”
“That’s great,” Cassie squeals with delight.
“No, no, no,” I keep repeating, shaki
ng my head. “It’s not.”
“Why? You two really like each other.”
“I’m a bitch. That’s why. I’m an evil bitch.” I wave at the bartender for another drink.
“Um, okay, I see that Crazy-Kinley is here with us tonight.” She tells the bartender that I need water, and I want to tell her ‘no’, but I don’t see the point in arguing. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Fine.” I turn my stool so I’m looking right at her. “Carson kissed me, and it was the best kiss ever. So, what do I do? I call him an ass, accuse him of leading me on, and that he’s fucking one of the models. Wait, it gets better. Then I yell at him and pretty much call him a man-whore, and he walks out. But not before I yell at him, telling him that I like him.”
Cassie stares at me for a second. She probably thinks I’m going to continue on my rant. “So, what is going on now with you two?”
I give her a look of disgust. “Nothing. Because I’m a bitch and when Carson walked out last night, I’m pretty sure he has no desire to talk to me ever again.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I mean, maybe if you talk to Carson, without shouting or name calling, he’ll listen to you.”
I peel the label off of the water bottle.
“Kinley, stop overthinking every move and go talk to the guy.”
Cassie’s right. I need to get over all this petty crap and be an adult. I’m twenty-seven, and I know what I want.
And it’s Carson Lee.
“Take care of the tab and my bags.” I jump off the stool, stumble for a second, and head up to his room. I stand at his door and steady myself before pounding on it.
“Yes?” His brown eyes make me wobble a little.
I give myself a quick pep talk, telling me to be strong and say what I came to say. “We need to talk.”
“We do?” He looks confused. “I thought we already did that.”
“Okay, let’s cut the shit.” He’s jerking me around, and I don’t have time for all of that silliness. “I’m a little tipsy and you know that I know we both like each other. So, I’m here to say I’m sorry for being a bitch and all that other stuff I said yesterday.”
Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captan, My Captain #3) Page 10
