by Dean Murray
Chapter 24
I realized something for the first time as we were walking back out to the beach. I was idly thinking back to the two kisses the night before and the near kiss from a few minutes before and noticed that all of my memories were much stronger and more vivid than they should have been.
It wasn't like I was remembering being back at the campsite and kissing Jace, it was like I was reliving it. My knees went weak and my insides got all trembly so fast that I started to collapse. I would have hit the ground if Jace hadn't grabbed hold of me.
"Selene, are you okay? What's going on?"
His voice seemed to be coming from a long distance away. This Jace sounded so small and unimportant that I was tempted to just ignore it and focus on the Jace that had his arms wrapped around me while he pushed me up against a tree.
If it had been anyone other than Jace, I would have ignored them. The reality of our kiss was just so powerful, and I'd discovered that time seemed to speed up and slow down perfectly to provide the most amazing experience possible. The high points stretched out so that they seemed to take forever, while the boring parts leading up to the kisses flew by at lightning speed.
"Selene! You have to snap out of it. Those are just memories. They aren't real—I'm out here, not there inside of your head."
I tried to force my eyelids to pry themselves open, but my eyes just rolled even further back inside of my head.
"It's so real. Why would I ever want to leave it behind?"
"You don't have to leave it, it's going to be there for you for a very long time, but you do need to come back out here with me. There are so many incredible things that I want to show you and I can't do that if you stay trapped inside of your own head."
I could feel his breath on my cheek. It was still a distant, faint sensation, but it and the feel of my hand in his provided twin anchors that gave me something to pull against. They slowed my fall enough for me to consider what he was saying. He was right. I could stay inside my head reliving everything that had ever happened to me up until now and I'd be happy, but at some point I would start wondering what would have happened next. I would want to know the next chapter of my story, but unless I came back now, the story might not play itself out the way that I wanted it to. Jace wasn't going to wait by my side for decades.
My eyes flickered back open and I looked up to find that Jace had pulled me up onto his lap. I was cradled in his arms, which wasn't the equal of reliving our first kiss, but it wasn't a bad thing to come back to.
It took me a couple of tries to get my voice working. "What just happened to me?"
"We explained that we Awakened don't naturally forget anything, but that doesn't really cover the sheer strength of our memories. The first time someone experiences a peak memory after they become fully awakened can be tricky, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly. I knew that what we shared just now inside the RV might turn out to be a peak memory, but usually it takes at least a few hours before someone has enough distance from a memory like that to get sucked back into it."
I shook my head. "It wasn't the memory of just now in the RV that grabbed me. It was the memory of our first kiss."
Jace looked poleaxed again. Apparently it was a banner day—I'd managed to shock him twice in less than twenty-four hours.
"That shouldn't be possible, Selene. All your memories from before your first effect should still be there, and they won't get any weaker, but there's no way you should have gotten sucked into something from before your awakening. Those memories don't have the clarity to do that kind of thing to an Awakened…"
"Look, I don't know how it's supposed to work, but the memory of that kiss was as real as anything I've ever felt. I could have sworn that I was back there reliving it again."
"Are you sure? The specifics should have been lacking."
"I could feel the ridges of bark in my back where you had me pressed up against the tree, Jace. There was nothing lacking about the specifics."
I actually managed to make him blush. It was cute. Don't get me wrong, I like Jace the way he normally was, confident and completely in control of his surroundings, but it was nice to know that he had this other side too.
"I, ah…I'm sorry if I got carried away—"
"You didn't get any more carried away than I did. I'm telling you though, the memories from last night are just as vivid as what happened a few minutes ago. It's like someone went back through my mind and added in all of the details that time had worn away from my experiences. What does that mean?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't have any record of anything like this ever happening, but it's a big deal. The memories from before someone becomes an Awakened aren't as good for powering effects as the stuff that happens afterwards. They still work, but they burn faster for less result. That means you would normally be a lot weaker than another Awakened, even just one who only had sixteen or seventeen years' worth of memories. If your memories are really all as detailed as it seems they are, then you've already got nearly a quarter of the saved-up fuel that Kat has."
I wasn't sure what to think of that. I liked the idea of being able to hold onto my childhood experiences longer than I otherwise would have been able to, but I wasn't quite as reconciled to the idea of losing them as I'd thought I was. The important thing right now though was to find out how to avoid getting sucked back into them again.
"So how does this work? How do you avoid spending every waking moment in the past?"
"You already know part of it. Living in the past prevents you from having a past or future either one. For most people that's enough to force them to deal with all of the less exciting parts of life. Other than that, it's important to keep the people you care about at the top of your mind. You value your relationships with them, so that will naturally help pull you back to reality because, even when you're immersed in the past, you'll know that spending all of your time in memories will destroy those relationships."
I started to nod and then had a terrible thought. "Jace, what happens if everyone you care about is killed? What pulls you back if that happens?"
His face went cold and expressionless for several seconds, and I suddenly realized that it wasn't just a worrisome hypothetical for Jace. He'd experienced that—maybe not completely, but close enough—when I'd died the last time.
"If that happens you just have to try to think about the future you hope to build and remember that other Awakened are never really gone. They may come back somewhere thousands of miles away from you, they may even come back to circumstances that turn them into a very different person than you remember, but they'll be back. That means there is always a chance that you'll be able to rebuild the future with them that you were hoping for the first time around."
"I'm so sorry, Jace. I didn't mean to send you someplace dark."
"It's okay. In an odd way the dark times help me value my time with you even more than I would otherwise. I've detailed them at length so that they'll always be with me in some form or fashion."
I suddenly realized that I was still sitting on his lap and blushed as I pulled myself to my feet. Ari and Kat were far enough out on the lake that I was pretty sure they couldn't make out any details, but there wasn't any reason to court danger.
"Okay, most brilliant of teachers. What's next?"
Next turned out to be putting our towels down in a new spot several dozen yards away from where we'd been before, and then sunscreen for me so that I wouldn't burn now that the sun was over the mountains.
After that, we took another go at me transmuting sand to platinum. I managed glass one time, something that looked and felt a lot like wood the next time, and then actual platinum on the next try. I felt like a million bucks—even though Jace said that my little mound of platinum dust was 'only' worth about twenty thousand dollars.
Knowing that I never had to be poor again, that I'd always have the ability to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food to eat, was liberating in ways I couldn't
even begin to describe. When I poured the silvery-white granules into Jace's hand and he confirmed a few seconds later that I'd created ninety-nine point nine percent pure platinum, I jumped to my feet and let out a whoop of excitement that I was surprised didn't make it all the way out to Kat and Ari.
"Do you ever want to just leave behind everything else? There has to be a temptation to just take all this money and go live the life that most people dream about."
Jace nodded. "All of the time. I'd do it if it was possible, but it isn't. Maybe if our abilities worked differently and there was a way to guarantee that other pantheon couldn't sense us, then it would be possible, but it just isn't. No matter where you go other Awakened eventually come looking for you. And if they didn't, you'd still have to worry about the Unseelie Court fairies coming after you."
"That sucks."
"Yeah, it does."
Bethany zipped over appearing as if from nowhere. "What sucks?"
"The fact that no matter what we do, we'll never be able to get away from the constant battle between the different pantheons."
"Oh, that. Yeah, you told me about that before you died last time. It's the same way for us fairies. The Seelie Court is in a constant state of warfare against dark-incarnation, Awakened pantheons and the Unseelie Court. Basically I'm screwed too."
Jace was looking at me oddly, but I just made some flapping motions with my hands to let him know that Bethany had arrived.
"So what are the two of you up to? Have you managed your first effect yet?"
I nodded in response to her question and held up the handful of platinum dust that Jace had returned to me a few seconds before.
"I successfully managed to transmute sand to platinum, which means that I'll never have to be poor again."
Bethany's eyes got really big. "Does this mean that you're going to buy a bigger television? I've seen the television at your house and it's not nearly big enough. Are you going to get one that's the same size as Jace's? Now that's a television."
"Bethany, Jace's theater room is nearly as big as my whole house. There isn't anywhere to put a projector that big at our place."
Bethany made a dismissive gesture. "So get a bigger house—you're rich now."
Trust a television-obsessed fairy to rain on my parade. The truth was that all of the platinum in the world wasn't going to do me any good if I couldn't come up with a way to get my dad to accept it.
"Things could get a little complicated there, Bethany. My dad is going to want to know what's going on if I start spending thousands of dollars all of a sudden. I'm going to be lucky if I can manage to come up with a way to pay down our existing mortgage—I'm pretty sure he's never going to go for a bigger house, not with money that he's going to suspect came from dealing drugs or something else even worse."
It was depressing to be so close to successfully solving all of our monetary concerns and then still not be able to make a difference. Jace reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.
"Actually, Kat and I have a few ideas where that is concerned. Your dad is probably going to suspect that something is up, but he's not going to be able to prove that you're into anything illegal."
"What do you mean?"
"Would your dad believe that you have enough spare cash to scrape together the cost of a metal detector?"
"I don't know—how much do they cost?"
Jace shrugged. "I don't have the foggiest, but we'll buy a brand-new one and then bang it up some so that you can claim that it's an old, used model that you got a great deal on."
"Then what?"
"Then we'll go transmute a sizeable rock into solid gold and bury it on your property. You'll let your dad see you poking around the yard with your metal detector one day, and then on the next you'll dig up the eight-pound nugget just before he leaves for work."
I turned and threw myself at Jace, wrapping my arms around him in the most heartfelt hug I could remember giving in ages. Jace braced himself against the ground with one arm and wrapped his other one around me.
"Thank you, Jace. This is going to make all the difference in the world for us. I know I said that before, but then I started freaking myself out because I couldn't come up with a way to get my dad to take the money. This is perfect."
"You're welcome, Selene. I'm not going to leave you hanging. If that idea doesn't work, there are other options. You could find a stash of jewelry in your attic, or if your dad has somewhere he stashes cash inside of the house, then you could slowly add to it. If nothing else, a long-lost relative on your mother's side can die and leave you a bunch of money."
Bethany yawned. "Does this mean that I'm going to get a bigger TV?"
"Yes, Bethany, I'll get you a bigger TV. Probably not as big as Jace's TV, and probably not for a while, but eventually you'll get to watch movies in the style to which you've become accustomed."
"Good. Are you guys going to get back to work now, or do I need to tell the two of you to go get a room?"
That made me blush, which caused Jace to give me a raised eyebrow of confusion, but I just shook my head at him. There were some things I most definitely wasn't going to pass on.
"Bethany thinks it's time we get back to work. I suspect that she'd like to be visible to you and Kat at some point in the not-too-distant future…"
"Don't you know it, sister. I was starting to think that maybe you'd forgotten about me."
"Hardly. You're the one who zipped off to play tag with Kat and Ari."
Bethany gave me an unconcerned shrug. "I just thought that the two of you might like some privacy. If that's not the case though I could always—"
"Behave, Bethany, or I'll stop practicing today and go play on the jet skis instead."
"Fine, fine. No more room comments—at least not once Jace can overhear me."
"Deal." I turned back to Jace and sighed. "The winged slave-driver wants us to get started."
Over the next two hours I practiced transmuting sand into platinum until I could force it into flat bars just like the one that Jace had handed me earlier that morning. It was a process. My first couple of attempts were still just loose grains of platinum, but then I progressed to the point where I could fuse the grains all together so I got a rough little platinum pyramid, and then eventually managed an actual bar, albeit much smaller than the one that I'd bequeathed myself.
The final bar was challenging mostly because I was transmuting a lot more sand than I had before. About the time I managed my first actual bar of platinum, Bethany got bored of hovering in the air around us and landed on my shoulder so that she could get a better view of my results.
By the time I finished and told Jace I was ready to move on, he indicated that I had the better part of a million bucks sitting on the towel between us. I would have happily kept on making platinum for the rest of the day, but Jace said it was hard to liquidate much more than a hundred thousand dollars' worth of precious metal at any one time, and even then you had to go to at least a medium-sized city to do it.
From there, we moved on to amping up my various internal systems. I learned how to reinforce my skin and bones, how to drastically increase the strength of my muscles, and how to make my lungs and circulatory system more efficient so that they could function on thinner, less fluid air.
It was surprisingly easy for the most part. After all of the stresses and difficulties mastering transmuting I'd expected to struggle with amping, but apparently I'd got the worst of the learning curve out of the way because I picked up most of them on the first try, and the one I didn't get first time out of the gate only took me two more tries to master.
Kat and Ari came in to refuel the jet skis twice while we were training, but each time Ari called out for Jace to come join her—preferably on her watercraft so that she could wrap her arms around his muscly chest—he just smiled and waved her off. By the second time, he looked more distracted than sincere as he sent her back out onto the water.
He then had me try to maintain all of the am
ped-up attributes he'd taught me at the same time, and I really struggled for the first time since transforming sand into white goopy acid. Individually, none of the effects he was asking me to do were that hard, but maintaining them at the same time was a lot more difficult than I'd realized it would be.
At first I tried to implement them all simultaneously, but that failed so badly that I didn't manage to get even one of them to work. Jace seemed to relax slightly, but I cut him off before he could say anything.
"Hold on, I'm trying again."
The second time I layered the effects on incrementally. It was still hard, still felt like I was splitting my mind into eight pieces, but that time around I was able to implement all three effects for a couple of seconds before I lost my focus and they all lapsed.
"Okay, go ahead and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I had them all, but each time I added another effect it got harder to hold it all together. I could still feel my default emotion, but it was weird—it felt like there was a force building underneath the surface. It didn't drain away the strength of my emotion, but once it got to a certain strength it washed all of the emotion away and left me feeling blah and apathetic."
Jace ran his fingers through his wavy blond hair and then shook his head. "Honestly, Selene, I have no idea what's going on."
I felt like I'd been slapped across the face, but I refused to cry in front of him, not over something so stupid.
"I'm sorry, I'll try harder. Just let me catch my breath and try to get my default emotion back in place…"
Jace grabbed my hand. "No, you don't understand. I'm not disappointed in your progress, I'm astonished at it. None of the things you just did should have been possible—not this fast, not without hours upon hours of practice. You aren't failing, you're succeeding beyond my wildest dreams. It just makes me nervous because I don't understand how it's happening."
"You mean most people don't pick it up this fast?"
"Not people who are being awakened for the first time, no. Occasionally someone who gets what appears to be a complete wipe, will manage to pick stuff back up very quickly, but we've always assumed that is because there is a level of habitual memories that can sometimes survive even the most brutal expenditures of power. With someone who's died and been reborn there's never been any indication that it's possible for any memories to survive."
"But you and Kat kept saying how much like myself I was…"
"Yes, but that all came down to your mannerisms and personality, not actual memories from your past life."
I shrugged. "I guess I should just be happy that for once in my life I'm exceptional and leave it at that?"
"Exceptional doesn't even begin to cover it, Selene. You're like some kind of prodigy. As of right now you're basically the Mozart of effects. Most brand-new Awakened are lucky if they learn one new effect every two or three days. You've learned, what, four or five today and it's barely lunchtime? Even more astonishing, you managed to chain together multiple effects on your second day of training. That usually takes months to accomplish."
I was finally feeling uncomfortable. What Jace had described went beyond just beginners' luck. "Maybe you shouldn't have told me any of that. Now I'm going to be second-guessing myself."
"I know. I tried to keep it inside, but it's just so incredible. I can't wait to tell Kat."
"Maybe we should hold off telling her, Jace. She's already jealous of me—of us. I don't want to give her another reason to hate me…"
I could tell that Jace didn't agree, could see that he was going to argue with me, but right as he opened his mouth a two-foot-tall man with black iridescent wings came hurtling out of the sky and landed right in front of Jace.
"Selene and Ari's dad is on his way."
Jace nodded. "Thanks, Kregor. How much time do we have before he arrives?"
"About ten seconds."
