Ooh! A part the novels got right! Only that was little relief, really.
“But,” Sheppard said. “While the vampires were unnatural things that roamed the Earth long after their time had passed, the wolves were not quite immortal—the church did not want to damn them to eternal life without the release and blessing of God's kingdom.” He folded his hands in front of him. “The wolves hunted in the daytime—protecting the weak—so that when night fell and the demons stirred, no more villages would fall.”
Something swelled in my chest. As I looked around, the pack all seemed to be sitting just a little straighter in their chairs. Protectors. Each and every one of them.
“As time wore on, the vampires learned to hide themselves better and the wolves found a rift amongst their own kind: some found themselves questioning the church, turning instead to protect the natural balance of things as God had made them; while the others held to a dogmatic, unwavering loyalty to their creators.”
“Cool,” I said. “So, I get a pamphlet now, right?”
Jonathan elbowed me, his eyes glittering, and his mouth turned up in a smile.
Sheppard blinked at me.
“I just mean it sounds like you drank the Kool-Aid,” I said. “Is this what they teach in the werewolf churches?”
I wasn’t a regular church-goer, but when my mom was still alive, we had been to mass on the major holidays like Christmas and Easter.
Jonathan’s smile had turned to a quiet snicker. Ian and Jamie joined him.
Sheppard shook his head. “I suppose the story does sound like dogma, doesn’t it?” He leaned back in his chair. “But it was what I was taught when I was growing up, and it’s what is widely accepted as the truth.”
And it rang true in me, too. I couldn’t explain it, but it just felt like he was right.
“Yea, but now the vampires seek to right themselves,” Matt said, agitation in his voice. “And become true masters of their nature instead of being bound to the darkness.” His spicy musk scent gained an edge to it that prickled my nose. “They believe they were always meant to walk in the daylight and that humanity is meant to serve them. They assume that something simply went wrong when they became what they are.”
I couldn’t follow the agitation in Matt. It was almost directed at me. Or it had something to do with me. I couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but I felt uneasy and leaned away from him in my chair.
He sat back, crossed his arms, and looked at Sheppard. “But I don’t get what the point is in telling her any of this.” He jerked his chin toward me. “We may just have to kill her at the full moon anyway.”
“Matt!” Sheppard’s voice barked, but I had already shot from my chair.
“What?!” My eyes must have been as wide as dinner plates.
Matt leaned forward in his chair, keeping his arms crossed. He met my eyes with his clear and milky gaze. “If you go crazy at the change, on the night of the full moon, there’s nothing to be done for you. So, there’s no point to telling you any of this.”
Oh God, he was serious. I don’t know how I knew for sure, but I could feel he wasn’t lying. I backed away slowly.
Sheppard stood up, his eyes wary and his hands open in front of him. “Lynn—”
“You might have to kill me?!”
I didn’t give him a chance to respond, I just ran. Out the door of the diner, out into the parking lot, out to the sidewalk along the street. I needed to get away from them. They might have to kill me? What the ever-loving fuck? What the goddamn hell was the point of making sure I met pack or anything if they were just going to have to kill me? Why save me at all? Tears streamed down my face, but I wiped them with the back of my hand and kept running.
“Lynn!” Sheppard’s voice came from behind me. His footfalls echoed on the pavement.
I shook my head and tried to run faster. I had to get away from him—from all of them. He knew where I lived.
“Lynn!” His voice was closer now.
Oh god, I was going to have to figure out a way to get into the witness protection program or something. They’d lock me up in a mental institution and throw away the key. I needed to hide from a pack of werewolves? Really? How the hell does one do such a thing? I wiped at my face again.
“Grace Lynn Cartwright!” Something vibrated in the air, but it didn’t matter. I froze.
The footfalls stopped when I did.
I turned around, slowly, and looked the mountain-of-a-man in the eyes. I didn’t stand a chance if it came to blows. “How do you know that name?”
Sheppard took a few steps toward me, closing the distance until I took a step backward. Nodding, he stopped.
“I told you,” he said. “Pack doesn’t keep secrets.”
I lifted my chin, maintaining eye contact with him. “Then why didn’t you tell me about that?!” I gestured back toward the diner.
He put his hands up in a placating gesture as another vibration wafted through the air. He took a couple more steps and I stood my ground, despite the fear that trailed down my back like an icy bead of sweat.
“I chose not to tell you that,” Sheppard said, nodding back toward the diner. “I could have, but it would have changed nothing.” He took another step closer. “You were bitten. You will change. You will either make peace with your wolf, or you won’t. These are absolute facts, Lynn.” He smacked the back of his hand into the palm of the other. “Knowing them doesn’t change anything. You’re angry, and you’re scared—and that makes sense. But don’t let that lead you to stupid decisions.”
I heard what he wasn’t saying. “And running home, away from you and the pack, is stupid because there’s a vampire there.”
He spread his hands. “You smelled him as well as I did.”
I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. “No. You told me that was vampire. But it just smelled of rot, decay, and dead things.”
Sheppard crossed his arms and looked at me the way a disappointed father would look at a toddler throwing a tantrum. “And does rot and death smell like something you want to be around?” His voice was incredibly calm and patient. “What do your instincts tell you?” He arched an eyebrow at me.
My instincts were telling me that he wasn’t as full of shit as I wanted to believe he was. Which made it really hard for me to stay angry. “They say no, I don’t.” I huffed and raked a hand through my hair. “But I can’t trust my instincts.” I let my arm fall to my side. “They aren’t even mine!” My vision blurred.
Sheppard sighed, his expression softening. “No. They’re your wolf’s right?”
I nodded.
He took a step closer. His toes were almost touching mine. He lifted my chin with a crooked finger, looking me in the eyes. “She doesn’t survive without you,” he said, and lightly tapped my nose.
I sighed. He at least meant no harm to me right now. I was certain of that, somehow.
“Listen,” he said. “You and your wolf are two sides of the same coin.” He fished a quarter out of his pocket and laid it flat on his palm. “Right now, you think the coin is glued to the pavement. But after the full moon, after your first change, you’ll find you can not only pick up the coin, you can flip it over.” He flipped the coin in his palm. “You’ll realize then that it was never glued down, you just weren’t paying close enough attention yet.”
Two sides of the same coin. You know, I just could buy that...for a quarter.
I crossed my arms. “But how does that make any difference on what Matt said?”
Sheppard huffed out a breath. “He’s not wrong.” There was a deep pain in the words. “I hate when it happens. That’s why I try to make a new wolf feel as welcome as possible in my pack. Then there’s less to fight against, and they seem to have a better chance.”
I guess that made sense. It would be harder to fight something if you felt like you belong to it.
He wiped at his face. “Matt shouldn’t have just blurted it out to you. And he won’t apologize for it, either. But I will. I’m sorry
Lynn, for scaring you, for making you feel like your life is in imminent danger.” He sighed. “But it’s in our best interests if you do survive. I swear to you that this pack doesn’t want any harm at all to come to you.”
“How is it in your best interest? Are bigger packs better or something?”
Sheppard pressed his lips into a line and shook his head. “They are, but it’s actually because of who you are that makes you a huge asset to our pack.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure. A lonely copy-editor who lives paycheck-to-paycheck is exactly what your pack needs. I’m practically indispensable, really.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice.
Except it didn’t feel like he was making light of things.
He gave me another fatherly smile. “I had Matt follow you and protect you from the vampires in this town because of your bloodline—because of who you’re related to.”
“I never did one of those DNA mapping things,” I said. “You’ll have to spell it out for me.”
“You are what is referred to as consanguinea,” Sheppard said. “It means that you are a direct descendent of the family of Christ.”
“Like hell I am.”
But there had been certainty in his voice when he said it. Even if I had trouble believing it, I was certain he did. And then the world seemed to tilt, the air too thin.
Sheppard caught me before I lost my balance, but my vision was unfocused.
“This is too much,” I whispered. “I’m just a girl.” The tears flowed freely from my eyes.
He brushed my hair back and kissed the top of my head. “You have never been just a girl, Lynn. That's why Matt had to watch out for you. I wanted him to make sure you never had to know about any of this.”
Now that I was steady on my feet, he held my face and brushed a tear away with his massive thumb.
“I’m not sorry for what happened,” he said gently. “You are far safer with pack than you could ever be alone.” He released my head and grasped my hands. “This is who you are now, Lynn, and you deserve to understand the whole of it.”
I sighed, staring at nothing where the curb met the road.
Sheppard placed a gentle hand on top of my head and something stirred deep in my gut. Something inside me was waking. Warmth from his hand spread through every limb of my body and I breathed it in as it displaced the crisp November air. My breath caught in my throat as I felt her. My wolf. She was there—steadfastly leaning into me, lending me her strength. I would never be alone again.
In that moment, I realized that when Jonathan had been flirting with me, I hadn’t felt butterflies. I had felt my wolf, nudging me. The pull in my gut after I showered yesterday was her lending me her strength. The panic of what happened to me—and the fear of what my life was to be—crumbled away beneath our combined power. Suddenly I felt so undeniably strong.
My vision refocused, and I found myself staring the alpha straight in the eyes. It took me a moment to realize it was a clear challenge. Not what I wanted to do. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looked down, and thumped my head into his chest as he hugged me.
“Welcome to the pack,” Sheppard whispered.
SEVEN
SHEPPARD STEERED ME back to the pack. The rest of the day blurred for me. Something inside me was certain he hadn't been lying. My wolf. She was sure of the truth of his words. Still, I replayed them over and over in my mind until I was certain the story was written on my bones.
But I just had so many questions. They tumbled into and over one another in my mind. I couldn’t even pick out the words to a question without arriving at three more.
At some point, I must have made my way up to my room and fallen asleep. I awoke with a grunt as my shoes landed on me sometime soon after dawn.
“Up and at 'em, pup,” Matt said, tossing me a pair of my sweatpants. “Let's go.”
Not exactly my ideal way of waking up. I squinted at him in annoyance. He was decidedly more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed than I thought should be legal for this time of morning.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stretched, a yawn escaping me. “Go where? What for?”
“Every morning, for as long as I was watching you at least, you went running,” Matt explained. “It was your morning routine. Time to regain some normality.”
He looked at me expectantly and I realized he wasn't taking no for an answer, nor was he interested in allowing me any privacy.
“Excuse me, then” I said, eyeing the door to my room.
Matt looked confused, and then he got it. “Hah. Get used to skin, little lady, everyone here has seen everyone else naked. Lots. Clothes don’t play nice with the change.”
And then he stood there, fists on his hips.
I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes at him. I was determined to keep at least a little of my modesty around this relative stranger. I brought the sweatpants under the blanket and squirmed my way into them. Swinging my legs out over the edge of the bed, I took the socks he handed me and tugged them on, followed by my running shoes, which were bloodstained but intact despite the attack. Gingerly, I put my feet on the ground and stood, but there was no pain.
I sighed in relief before following him downstairs.
Jamie lazily eyed us from where he and Ian laid on the couches in the living room, but neither said anything. Matt and I stepped out into the crisp morning air, but said nothing.
Dew clung to the grass and a light fog swirled around our legs as we walked around the neighborhood and out onto the main road, where we broke into an even-paced jog. Mostly, we ran in companionable silence, our footfalls matching in rhythm. Running cleared my head, letting all my questions go silent for now. A soft sigh of contentment moved through me. My wolf, I realized, was also grateful for the activity.
“So the wolf that changed you really must've had it out for your face,” I said in a careful tone. Only way to find out if it's a sore topic is to touch on it, right?
Matt frowned for a moment, then smirked. “Nah, the wolf that changed me left scars here,” he gestured to his right thigh and hip. “And on my back.”
His back? He must have been taken completely off guard by the wolf that changed him.
He gestured to his face. “This was from a bear.” He smirked again. “Pretty sure I deserved it really.”
“Remind me not to run through the forest with you.”
“Good luck with that,” he said flatly. “I go to the forest nearly every time one of the pack does.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I'm the best fighter,” he said. “That's why Sheppard chose me to watch you.”
“What does being the best fighter have to do with it? Aren't you guys—” I caught on my words. “I mean, aren't we the apex predator out there?”
“Minus the vamps, yes,” he replied. “And I wouldn't want any of us going up against any number of vampires without backup. Pack looks out for pack.”
I nodded. “So if you’re the best fighter, how come you’re not the alpha?”
Matt chuckled. “Have you paid any attention at all, girl? I’m too hot-headed for it.” He paused a moment. “And I’d be bad at it. I’ve watched Sheppard care for the pack through good and bad. It’s a pain in the ass. Frankly, the power he has scares me. I’m just a fighter, and I’m good at killing vampires. I’m happy to be a part of his pack.”
We ran the rest of the way back to Sheppard's in silence, walking the last couple of blocks to cool down, though I wasn’t even winded.
The smell of eggs and sausage made my mouth water before we opened the front door.
Inside, the house was abuzz with motion. I caught the scent of Jonathan and found him in the kitchen. He tossed a bottle of water my direction without quite looking at me.
“Thanks,” I said, catching it. I guzzled down the water like I'd just left a desert. Something wasn't quite right with his scent. It was sharper than it should have been, more electric. Something growled in my gut. I could have sworn my wolf was
saying “mistake.” I felt eyes on me and saw Chastity glancing between me and the eggs she scrambled in the pan. Her already unobtrusive scent seemed muted. I felt like I was catching on, and my wolf nudged me to comfort Chastity.
“I'm sorry,” I blurted out as I put a hand on her shoulder. Why did I say that?
Matt's spicy scent had a sharp edge to it as well as he stepped into the kitchen. Lightly running a hand down Chastity's arm, he kissed her forehead and she smiled, her scent returning to normal. I furrowed my brow.
“Shower's open,” Ian called from upstairs.
“Ooh!” I put my empty bottle on the counter next to the sink. “Dibs!”
I darted up the stairs and into my room. Grabbing clothes, I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. My leg ached dully with the exertion of the run, but it was negligible compared to how it felt even yesterday. With my shirt off, I could see that nearly all the scabs had become fresh skin with a little pink scarring. Many of the marks that had been pink just yesterday had lost much of their color. As I scrubbed myself clean under the shower, what few scabs I did have, came off. The warmth of the water soothed the ache of my leg and I resolved that I would get some answers as soon as I was clothed again.
EIGHT
AFTER I DRESSED, I called down to indicate the shower was free and scented out Sheppard. It didn't take long—he was sequestered in the office at the end of the upstairs hall.
“Come on in,” he called as I knocked.
I stepped in and gently closed the door behind me. The whole room smelled of old books and leather with a hint of electronics. To my right, a pair of leather chairs sat on either side of a round dark wood coffee table. A dark wood bookcase filled with leather-bound tomes stood against the left wall, their gilded titles glinting in the light streaming from a window opposite the door. Sheppard sat at a desk of the same dark wood directly to my left, hands resting over the keyboard. He frowned at a block of text that was open in his email window. He clicked 'send' and then looked at me expectantly.
A Place to Run (Trials of the Blood Book 1) Page 7
