That opened the floodgates. Sobs wracked me so hard I could barely breathe. Fear, guilt, and shame all warred for loudest voice in my heart. Fear at the overwhelming desire to kill when I was in the cave. Guilt over the death of my former friend, monster or no. Shame at having attacked my alpha.
I could still see the open wounds on Sheppard’s chest.
I could practically taste the ashen bone in my mouth.
Bile rose in my throat again as I raced back to the bathroom, nudging the door shut with my foot as I dry heaved at the toilet. But I had already thrown up all that was in me.
I crept over to the sink, avoiding my own reflection. I couldn’t look at myself. I wasn’t even sure how Jonathan could look at me. I ran the water and slurped some out of my hand, trying to get the taste and texture out of my mouth.
I still hadn’t bothered to turn a light on.
I sat back against the door to the bathroom again, my knees pulled to my chest. I crossed my arms over my knees and laid my head down, letting the tears fall to my sweatpants.
Jonathan sighed. “Oh, Dreamer.” His tone was sorrowful. His phone buzzed near the bathroom, and I felt the weight of him sag against the door and slide to the ground.
“Listen,” he said. “Sheppard will be here soon. We’ll get this sorted out.”
And still, I believed him. Dammit.
I don’t know how long I was in there—staring blankly into the dark bathroom—but sometime later I heard the front door open and Jonathan’s weight shifted away from the bathroom door.
A light pressure against the door soon replaced his weight, followed by the light thump of a finger tapping against the door. The warm scent of Sheppard wafted under the door.
“Grace Lynn Cartwright, come out of there at once.” Sheppard’s quiet yet authoritative voice held power that washed through the door.
I clambered to my feet and opened the door, my head down and eyes on the floor. My shoulders shook as fresh tears fell. I folded my arms across my stomach and slithered past him in the hallway, trying to get as far away from someone who undoubtedly was very angry with me, no matter how much restraint his voice held.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Sheppard reach for me as I passed him, and my eyes went wide as I rushed away from his hand.
“Don’t!” The sobs wracked my chest again. “Please,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
Sheppard scrunched his face, pressing his lips in a line. He seemed puzzled. No. That didn’t make any sense.
“It’s alright, Lynn, just come speak with me.” His voice was soft as he gestured to the dining room.
I looked at the hulking black table and back at him, my vision still watery. I nodded meekly.
He stepped past me and pulled out the chair next to his spot at the head of the oval table before taking up his usual seat. He looked at me and gestured to the empty chair. I expected a wash of power to accompany the gesture. None did.
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth as I sat in the indicated chair anyway. Jonathan took up a seat near the end of the table.
Sheppard watched me and let the silence stretch. His heartbeat was steady, and I sensed not even a hint of anger from him. So, either I was completely wrong about how angry he was, or he was just that good at controlling his emotions.
I guessed maybe I would be too if I were over five hundred years old. His hands were folded in front of him on the table, and his shirt was different than the one he had been wearing. Now, he had on a black button-up shirt, the collar button open.
I remembered the mangled bodies of dead vampires, their blackened eyes staring at nothing in the cave.
“None of the other vampires died that way,” I quietly blurted into the silence.
Sheppard shook his head almost imperceptibly. “No.”
“The others,” I continued, taking a breath. “They were all just torn apart,” I made a gesture with my hands, like pulling a small ball of taffy. “They were...still fleshy. Not dust and rot and empty clothes.”
The image of a rotting, desiccating Frederick flashed in my mind. His skin had shifted from fleshy to dried leather to ashen and his black hair had turned grey and stingy before turning to ash along with the rest of him. His clothes had practically deflated, like a balloon. I squinted my eyes shut, trying to clear the image, but that only made it worse. I could still hear the gentle crunch of his dried bones turning to ash as my paws crashed through his ribcage. Bile rose in my throat, but I swallowed around the lump and forced myself to sit still. There was nothing left to throw up anyway. I took a deep breath.
“Truly,” Sheppard said, his voice pulling me from the replay. “I have never seen what happened in there before.”
I watched his hand creep across the table, like he might place it on top of my own. He stopped short.
Ouch.
That was my alpha, and though I didn’t want him to touch me, watching him stop himself from doing so hurt in a way I wasn’t prepared for. God, what would the rest of the pack think?
Sheppard pressed his lips in a line as he shook his head. “Not like that, at least. I have trapped vampires in the sun and watched them turn to ash. But, that’s not what happened. Frederick didn’t just ash, he turned to a corpse that then decayed before our eyes.”
“Is this—” My voice cracked, and I swallowed around another lump of bile. Maybe it was the same one. “Is this what Langley meant when he spoke of my power?” I spread my hands, the First Sergeant’s voice ringing in my head. “Is this what kind of talent comes from being of the blood?!” I couldn’t stop my voice from rising as I put air quotes around the last phrase.
“Consanguinea are always a little more than just another werewolf,” Sheppard said, his voice staying level and even, despite my own hysterics. “So yes, this is almost certainly related.”
His golden-brown eyes met my gaze and I wanted to look down and away again, but stopped myself, balling my hand into a tight fist against the cold black table.
“Beyond that, I do not have any real answers for this, Lynn,” he said quietly. “I wish I did. Odds are good the military hasn’t seen anything like this either. But I am not as old as my friend, Kristos, nor have I seen all the things he has. I have called him, left him a message. He should have answers when he gets back to me.”
His quiet calmed me more than I thought possible, and I did drop my gaze then, pulling my hands into my lap. “Do you know anything at all?” My voice was soft and low, but I couldn’t keep the hopeful tone from it.
“Only that you had no effect when you landed on me,” he said simply.
I bit the inside of my lip. “Maybe that’s because you’re the alpha.”
Sheppard nodded, his sandy blond hair waving with the motion. “Maybe because I’m the alpha. Maybe because I’m a born wolf.”
“Or maybe because whatever that was with Frederick doesn’t work on werewolves at all.” Jonathan’s voice startled me.
I had almost forgotten he was there.
Sheppard’s eyes darted to meet Jonathan’s, though Jonathan ducked his head as soon as it happened.
Sheppard nodded again. “Or maybe because it doesn’t work on werewolves.”
TWENTY-NINE
SHEPPARD’S PHONE BUZZED, and he fished it out of his pocket. It seemed small in his hands—something I hadn’t noticed before. He stood as he tapped out a reply to a text message.
“I need you two to clear space in the basement,” he said, shoving the phone into a pocket of his loose jeans. “Daniel and Kaylah are done handing off the sheep, so I’m headed back to the cave. We’ll get the last two crazed wolves that were in the cages loaded up, and bring them here.”
My eyes went wide. Again. “Two? I thought there were three wolves in cages?” I shook my head. “And what are you going to do with them here?!”
Sheppard’s expression turned somber. “The vamps let one loose to try to flank us in the cave. It took Jamie and Ian by surprise. We had to kill it, so it didn’t k
ill any of us.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket.
Well that explained the jangling in my head and all the bodies on the ground in the cave. Pack members had gotten hurt in the fight, but the vamps paid for that with their lives. And I was so caught up in my need to destroy Frederick that I didn’t even know it happened. Dammit.
“As for what to do with the remaining two, well...crazed wolves have no place in this world. They are as much a danger to themselves as they are to people. I’m going to see if I can calm them down after being in that cave for so long. Maybe they aren’t actually crazed and it’s just the bloodlust. But, if I can’t calm them down,” his expression hardened, “then there’s nothing to be done for them. I will have to kill them.”
“You can’t just kill them!” I stood from the dining room table so fast it nearly toppled my chair. “They can’t even understand what—”
Sheppard speared me with a look of hard resigned sadness that told me he had been through this argument a thousand times.
“No,” he said. “They cannot understand what’s happened to them, and it is no fault of their own that they cannot make peace with what they have become. But if they are that far gone, there is nothing to be done for them.”
“But it’s barbaric!” I slapped my palms to the hulking black table. I couldn’t believe he could just kill them, even though some strange part of me agreed that they were lost causes.
“No Lynn,” Sheppard replied. “It’s humane. As quick and painless as possible.”
“There’s nothing to be done for crazed wolves,” Jonathan said quietly, drawing my attention to him. “They know nothing but death and destruction. It’s why we all hoped so hard that you would be alright after the attack.”
Certain details were clicking into place—like what Matt had said at the diner the morning after I met the pack.
“And why it didn’t matter how much you told me before the full moon.” I pushed a hand into my hair.
Of course they didn’t care what I knew about them. If I didn’t go crazy, then I was a werewolf and needed all the knowledge. If I did go crazy...well. My eyes went wide. Then it didn’t matter, they would have killed me, like Matt said at the diner.
How could I have been so blind to such an obvious euphemism?!
“That’s what you mean about surviving the change! Everyone survives it, but not everyone stays sane!” I backed away from the table, but my back hit the wall.
“But Lynn,” Jonathan said, his expression earnest. “Listen. Crazed wolves are dangerous, chaotic, violent things. They don’t change back to human. They only know wolf. And that wolf only knows to rampage.”
“Matt’s our best fighter, and even he couldn’t stop the crazed wolf from turning you.” Sheppard’s eyes bored into me. “That’s how dangerous they are. That’s why we have to stop them just as much as we have to stop the vampires.”
A car horn sounded outside, the double beep of someone trying to get the attention of another.
Sheppard looked toward the door and then back to me. “I need you to breathe right now.” The faintest hint of power washed over me, and calm invaded me. “You have survived.” His voice was calm and precise. “Yes, it is simply a saying, and you’re right, it didn’t matter how much we told you before the full moon. If you went crazed, you weren’t ever going to return to a form that could do any real harm to the pack.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a slow, deliberate breath. I saw the strands of the pack. My pack. The pack that I only had because I had stayed sane.
A hand closed around my shoulder and I yelped out a scream as my eyes snapped open. Sheppard had closed the distance between us. His hand gripped my shoulder, but I flinched away. Maybe I didn’t affect him before, but I had no idea how what happened to Frederick happened.
“You are safe now,” Sheppard stated simply, power in the words.
He was right. Of course I was safe. I was with my alpha. Who had somehow managed not to turn to ash when I killed Frederick. I took a steadying breath.
“I remember you having to go through this with Ian too,” Jonathan said.
He was talking to Sheppard, and I could hear the age in him then. Or maybe it was just the experience of having been a werewolf for most of his life. But then he looked at me, and the softness in his gaze stabbed into me.
“That’s probably the hardest realization of pack. That you’re only there because you managed not to go crazy when you turned into one of the things that goes bump in the night.” He closed his eyes tight for a moment, balling a fist at his side. He took a deep breath before he continued. “I swear to you, Lynn, all of us are beyond glad that you made it. And pack is never going to turn its back on you.”
Dammit. I believed that too. My vision got watery again.
His hand still on my shoulder, Sheppard looked to Jonathan. “I need you to make space in the basement. Just push everything up against walls and clear as large of a space as you can. If you need to, move things into the garage. I need enough room for two of those cages down there with plenty of space between them and anything else, including each other.”
Sheppard met my eyes again. “Matt’s outside with my truck. I think you should come along and see for yourself what crazed wolves are like.” Once again, I was ready for a wash of power that never came. “You’ll understand better that way.”
I nodded and followed Sheppard to the garage, where he grabbed some rope and a couple of those big white painters’ drop cloths.
He held them up. “We’ll need these to cover the cages.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Won’t they just claw and tear through those?”
Sheppard shook his head, his sandy blond hair brushing his shoulders as he pushed the button to open the garage door. “They’ll probably tear some holes, but they can’t get enough of their claws or teeth through the bars of those cages to shred them. Especially not on this short of a trip.”
Matt hopped out of the big black truck as Sheppard approached, leaving the door open and the engine running.
Sheppard put a hand up. “It would be best if you drove, Matt.”
I followed him around to the passenger side.
Matt shrugged and got back into the driver’s seat. “It’s gonna be tight getting everyone back in just your Ram and Daniel’s Mercedes.”
Sheppard sat in the center of the bench seat. “We’ll make it work. Maybe I’ll sit in the bed with the cages. If it gets too tight, Jamie and Ian can run.”
Matt’s eyebrows rose as Sheppard shifted to make enough space for me to close the door, but whatever he thought, he kept to himself. It was probably better that way, odds were good that I mostly looked like a teenager who’d just gotten into trouble for breaking curfew.
The ride back to the reserve was quiet, aside from the rumble of the Ram’s engine. I wondered what on Earth seeing the crazed wolves in cages was going to do to convince me killing them would be okay. But there was that nagging feeling that Sheppard was right. Dread welled in my stomach.
We pulled off the path and right out onto the reserve, all the way to the cave mouth. I was sure any park rangers would have a conniption if they caught us. Or rather, they would until they saw those cages and what was in them.
As soon as Matt cut the engine and opened the door, Sheppard’s power started pulsing again as it had before. I closed my eyes and watched that power roll along the strands of the pack like a veil of fog. The wolves in the cages paid him no mind and continued to tear and bite at the bars of the cages, opening and reopening fast-closing wounds on themselves. The metallic scent of blood from the walls of the cave hung in the air, clinging to my nostrils as I breathed. It left me on edge even more than I already was, and I was glad Sheppard was there.
Chastity had a laptop under her arm, along with a leather-bound notebook. Her curls were pulled back with a hair tie. She walked over to the truck as I clambered out, Sheppard right behind me. She placed the laptop and notebook on the driver’s seat and p
laced a light kiss on Matt’s cheek.
“We’ll need to check what he was up to,” Chastity reported. “There was medical equipment in the cave. Kaylah said it was like the kind blood banks use to process donations. I don’t know what he was up to in there, but I don’t like it.”
“Let’s get these cages onto the truck,” Sheppard said, another pulse of power washing over us. “There will be time to dig through whatever you found tonight.”
The wolves in the cages were nothing but violence. Ian, Jamie, Matt, and Sheppard lifted the first cage, the wolf inside tearing at their hands and arms as they moved the cage toward the bed of the truck. Chastity hopped in the truck bed and motioned for me to do the same. I did. When the guys got the snarling cage to the truck, Chastity squatted down and grabbed an edge, pulling on the cage while the guys lifted it into the truck. Her arms were getting torn at too, though all of their wounds were closing almost as soon as they opened.
“Stop being useless and help me,” Chastity barked.
I stared at her. She wanted me to help pull the cage into the truck. With a wild crazy thing tearing at my arm as I tried? Really? I shook my head and waved my hands in front of me. Either one of those wolves would gladly kill any of us simply for being here. I didn’t want to get any closer to it than I already was.
And then it howled. It was a broken sound, coming from the throat of a broken creature, and icy claws rent down my spine. With a shiver, it was all I could do to just get out of Chastity’s way as she pulled the cage onto the truck bed.
Matt hopped up once the cage was stable, looking for all the world like he didn’t even hear the thing howling next to him.
“You help with the next one, pup,” he said to me, hooking a thumb back in the direction of the other cage.
“Lynn.” Sheppard’s voice broke my shock. “There’s still one more. Let’s go.”
I hopped down from the truck and followed Sheppard to the other cage, Ian and Jamie on my tail. The wolf inside circled as we surrounded the cage.
“Grab the corner, near the bottom,” Sheppard said as the wolf snapped at him. Power washed over us, and the wolf snorted at him before turning its attention to Ian.
A Place to Run (Trials of the Blood Book 1) Page 23
