After a moment of contemplation, Bodhi shrugged and followed Terrance.
Mom tore her gaze from their retreating backs and shifted her focus to me. “Oh my god!” she mouthed, her eyes twice their normal size.
“Right?”
“Uh…yeah. What were the odds of you getting saved by… that?”
“I can’t imagine them being real high.”
“Probably not. And the odds are even less of the two of you going to pound town, but look at you! You go, Girl!”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “How could you possibly know whether we slept together or not?”
“You brought him home.”
“So what?”
“Breeze. You’ve only brought three men home. One was Brandon. One was,” she waived her hand dismissively, “I can’t remember his name, the one with the mohawk who cried a lot.”
“Troy.”
“Oh, that’s right, the Weeping Warrior. Anyway, that brings us to number three.” She inclined her head toward the house like I didn’t know who she was talking about before adding, “See, honey, you’re like a pigeon. You only come home to breed.”
I just choked out a laugh. “You’re ridiculous, Mom. I hope you know that.”
“Ridiculously intuitive. Don’t even try to deny you and Bodhi aren’t doing the bowchickawowwow.”
She swiveled her hips in an exaggerated motion that made me wince. “Until you speak in age-appropriate slang, we have nothing more to say.”
“And the best part of this whole thing is now that you have your Jon Snow, you can come to the family reunion.”
“Mom.” I lowered my voice to barely a whisper. “Don’t you dare bring that up to Bodhi. That’s not why he’s here.”
Mom’s face flashed with surprise at my abrupt tone. Then she wisely closed her mouth. Not that I hadn’t expected her to bring it up. Just not so soon. Any illusions about my celebrity bed buddy would be dashed when she found out Bodhi was heading back to Los Angeles the day before the reunion.
But now that I was in town, there’d be no getting out of my family obligation. The firestorm, and subsequent road trip, had dumped me straight into the lap of my ex-fiancée. I was going to have to play nice - alone.
“What did he come here for then?” Mom asked, leaning a hip against the singed paint on the quarter panel of the Range Rover.
“Not for me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Before she could respond, Terrance and Bodhi joined us, beers in hand.
“Thanks for letting me stay here tonight,” Bodhi said, raising a bottle to my parents.
“Oh, of course,” Mom replied. “I so enjoy harboring fugitives.”
“You heard about that, huh?” he asked, with just the hint of a smile.
“It’s all over the news. I think people in Mongolia have heard about it.”
“So what’s the verdict now? Am I dead or alive?”
“First you were dead. Like candlelight vigil dead,” Mom said. “But now you’re alive and the world can rejoice once more.”
“She’s mocking me already?” He laughed.
Before I had a chance to answer, Mom mused, “I’m warning you, though. You may want to lay low for a few days. Maybe go to a movie in a darkened theater or a family reunion with people you don’t know. Stuff like that.”
I flashed her a warning glare. Thankfully, Bodhi had no idea what she was babbling about. Still, he seemed amused by the whole exchange with my parents. Which was encouraging. At least he wasn’t running away.
“Anyway, I made up the bed in Breeze’s old room. I assumed the two of you would want some privacy.” She winked at Bodhi. “And fresh sheets.”
“Mom? Not cool. Boundaries, remember? Is it too late for us to book a hotel?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Anything you can do in a hotel, you can do better here. Terrance and I don’t judge, do we sweetie?”
“No, we do not,” he replied. “The two of you can feel free to—”
“Nope.” I covered Terrance’s mouth with my hand. “I think you’ve said plenty. Bodhi gets it. Now, can we change the subject please?”
“I’m actually thoroughly enjoying this conversation,” Bodhi said.
“Oh, I’m sure you are. But I’m also convinced it’s getting close to bedtime for these two chatter bugs.”
“Are you kidding?” Mom said. “We’re just getting started. Terrance and I are binge watching Orange is the New Black. Very informative. Lots of lesbian sex.” She tossed us a smile. “You really should watch it.”
My cheeks ignited with the fire of a thousand suns. Kill me now.
As Terrance took care of the other animals, Mom grabbed Bodhi’s arm and steered him toward the front door. “I’m sure you’re starving. I have dinner all ready. Come in. Oh Breeze, wave to the Ring.”
“The what?”
“The doorbell.”
“You have a Ring doorbell? What do you need that for?”
“Packages I get from online shopping. It records thieves. Very useful.”
“Huh, that’s high tech for you, Mom.”
She laughed me off before leading the two of us through the house. To my surprise, the place was spotless and the typical nonsense clutter was nowhere in sight. I did a quick scan for the bobble-headed plastic turtles and the Mario Kart toy collection, but… nothing. Even the blue Aladdin genie Terrance insisted was modeled after him was gone.
What happened to my McDonald’s Happy Meal living room?
Shabby chic coastal designs had replaced the bric-a-brac, and on the wall—no way—I took a step closer to examine the smart TV.
“What happened to all your …. stuff?” I ran a hand over the fabric on the sofa. “And the old suede couches? And the black and white television set?”
Mom beamed. “I hired an interior designer. You like?”
I loved! But that wasn’t the point. Who was this materialistic woman and where had she been when I really needed her?
“The exterior is next,” Terrance chimed in, cradling Lucy in his arms. “We’re having it completely redone after the winter months.”
All these years of ridicule for being the black sheep of the neighborhood and now they decide to update—at a time when I get absolutely no benefit from it?
“You alright there, Sweetie?” Mom asked, patting my shoulder.
“Sure. Just shocked.”
“It’s not a big deal. Your dad and I just needed a change.”
After she called Terrance my dad, I knew what was coming. My stepfather never passed up a teaching moment. “In case you’re wondering,” he said to Bodhi. “Breezie and I aren’t blood related.”
He loved the shock factor of that line. Every single one of my friends meeting him for the first time got the same ridiculous salutation. See, there was no reason for clarification because it was clear by the lily-white color of my skin and the chocolate brown flavoring of his that the two of us weren’t a perfect DNA match.
Holding back a snicker, I smacked my stepfather. “Must you.”
“What?” Terrance shrugged, grinning mischievously. “He seemed confused.”
“Bodhi, were you confused?”
“Not really, no.”
“There you have it.”
“She’s so testy,” Terrance whispered conspiratorially to my companion.
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Pops.”
“You know, Bodhi,” he said. “If there’s one thing I’ve learn from raising a daughter, it’s that there’s always a little ‘fuck you’ in every ‘whatever’.”
That got him a laugh and a fist bump from a bona fide celebrity. My stepfather beamed with pride.
“So, what do you really think?” Mom asked, opening her arms to the new living space.
“It’s beautiful. It just doesn’t seem like you.”
She shrugged, appearing a little let down by my reaction. “The older I get, the more I appreciate functionality.”
Now I felt bad. Mom was looking for r
einforcement not eye-popping shock. “I love it,” I said, embracing her.
My cell phone dinged so I pulled it from my pocket.
“Oh no, honey, that’s mine.” Mom held up a nearly identical phone, only hers was the newest model. “I just need to answer this text really quick.”
“You have a smart phone now? I can’t believe you swapped out that ancient flip phone? Whatever happened to ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’?”
“It broke.” Of course it did. “Besides, Breeze, I got tired of people thinking I was a time traveler.”
“Well, that was bound to happen.”
“And now, the best part is, I have all my apps at my fingertips.”
“Oh god, Mom, you’re blowing my mind. You have apps?” What was happening here? When had my earth mother, the woman who’d forgone carpools for the more eco-friendly ‘bikepools’ become the futuristic matriarch of the Jetsons?
“Oh my god, Daughter,” she mimicked me. “Stop acting like I’ve been abducted by aliens. So I like a little technology in my life. Big deal.”
Mom proceeded to snap a selfie of the two of us, and add the dog-ear filter before sending it off to cyberspace.
“You have Snapchat too?” I nearly fell to the ground in shock.
“Of course. Who doesn’t?”
“I’ll tell you who doesn’t – you! The woman who refused to own a microwave because you thought it would damage our DNA and cause genetic mutations?”
Mom cringed.
“No?” I gasped. “There’d better not be a microwave in that newly remodeled kitchen of yours.”
Although she tried to block me, I slipped past her and into the kitchen. And there, sitting amongst the updated stainless steel appliances, was my mother’s lifelong nemesis— a microwave.
My mind was officially blown.
* * *
“Okay, so, here are the towels,” Mom said, handing me a stack. “I added some extra sheets just in case, you know…” Her eyes twinkled as she sent off the most awkward nod in Bodhi’s direction.
“Oh no,” he stumbled over his words. “That’s not… um…”
She patted his shoulder. “Right. Right.”
“No, really…”
But mom was out the door before he could reassure her that he had zero plans of banging her daughter in her childhood bed.
He sank down on the mattress. “Wow, your parents are…”
“Oh, trust me, I know.”
“It’s just, is it weird that I feel like I’m letting Betsy and Terrance down by not having sex with you tonight?”
I laughed, wedging between his knees so I could get close enough to steal a kiss. “If I had a nickel for how many times I’ve heard that in my life…”
He wrapped his arms around my waist, playfully asking, “Oh yeah? How much money would you have?”
My shoulders slumped. I had nothing to show for my bravado. “Honestly? I’d be a very poor woman.”
“Really? Like how poor?”
“Let’s just say a quarter would be too rich for my blood.”
“Huh? How many guys have you been with?”
“I started dating my ex back in high school. We were together for six years. After the split, I dated a few guys.”
“How many is a few?”
“Two.”
“So, based on the number of guys you’ve slept with you’d have fifteen cents?”
“A dime, actually.”
“A dime?” He laughed. “Wow, Breeze, you can’t even buy a gumball with that.”
I giggled, smacking his chest. “And how much would you have, Popstar? A hundred dollar bill?”
“Please. Do you have any idea how many nickels it would take to earn me a hundred smackers? I’d be physically exhausted.”
“Oh, I’m sure you earn a nickel a night on tour.”
“No, actually I don’t.” he said. “That’s RJ’s thing. Not mine.”
“So you’re saying RJ Contreras is more prolific than you?”
“Uh, yeah. He even has one of those coin counters and little brown paper wraps to bring his nickels into the bank.”
I was starting to get a bit antsy. I needed to know the dollar amount I was working with here. My smile melted as I swept hair off his forehead and demanded full disclosure from moneybags. “How much, Bodhi? Give me a ballpark figure.”
And so began the longest, most drawn out calculation I’d ever encountered in my lifetime. Bodhi tallied under his breath, even employing the assistance of his fingers to come up with an acceptable dollar amount. Finally he met my eyes, appearing confident in his answer.
“Before I give you the total,” he said. “I want to voice my objection to this line of questioning.”
“Duly noted.”
“And I feel like whatever I say will be used against me in a court of law.”
“Bodhi,” I blurted out. “The bottom line?”
“Fine $1.65.”
“Wait, is that per person or per time?”
“Same thing.”
He was right. I was using his admission against him. Even though I didn’t know him well enough to judge, my response was still borderline ‘jealous bitch’. “You’ve slept with thirty-three nickels?!”
He shrugged. “Give or take five cents here or there.”
“Bodhi, Jesus. Did you even have time to reload between nickels?”
“I thought this was a judgment free zone. I’m supposed to be safe in the love shack. That’s what your mom said.”
“Yeah, well, she’s full of shit.”
“See. I told you this wasn’t a good idea, but did you listen to me? Nooo… you kept pushing for my bank account numbers.”
“Because I didn’t realize what a slut you were before we started counting money!”
“You’re looking at this in the wrong way. The point I was making is that none of those nickels were spent on the same woman.”
“And that’s supposed to please me?”
“It should.”
“How do you figure?”
“Because, Breeze, you’re my first dime.”
* * *
I was a dime! A dime.
Bodhi’s admission, however unorthodox, warmed me from the inside out and left me all gooey and starry-eyed.
Okay, sure, maybe it wasn’t the most romantic thing to come out of a manwhore’s mouth, but I was batting off the butterflies anyway. Bodhi Beckett could have whoever he wanted, as many times as he wanted, but I was the one who’d changed his spending habits.
Once we were in bed, I couldn’t even think about sleep. “Bodhi?”
“Yeah?”
“We could make it fifteen cents, if you want. My parents wouldn’t mind if we fornicate.”
Choking out a laugh, Bodhi shifted in bed and pressed his finger to my lips. “Babe, normally you’d have me at fornicate, but this is a special circumstance. As we speak, Terrance and Betsy are on the other side of this wall— - your stepdad still in his rubber ducky shorts— with a notepad and pen in hand, eagerly waiting to critique my performance.”
I scrunched my nose. The sad part? He was probably right. I could picture my parents sitting us down after breakfast to give us our score.
“Maybe we should just call it a night,” I suggested.
He laughed, settling onto his back and pulling the sheets up to his neck. “I’m thinking that’s best.”
“Although…” I said, drawing out the word to add a touch of sexy.
Bodhi shifted again, throwing off the sheets and rolling onto his side to face me. He’d heard the suggestive tone in my voice and despite the obvious pitfalls of sex in a hippie household, my guy was still willing to entertain any avenue that might lead to some booty. What a keeper.
“I was just thinking how fun it would be to give my parents a little dose of their own medicine.”
A conspiratorial grin materialized as he wrapped his brain around the inner-workings of my evil mind. At this point, it didn’t matt
er what I proposed because Bodhi Beckett was all in— and then some. “You’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, are you?”
Bodhi reached up and slid his hand through wayward stands of hair on his forehead. My eyes tracked his every sexy move.
“Oh, but I am,” I said, a conniving smile curving my lips as my fingers followed his into his luscious mane. “And all it will take from you is some painful dialogue, a little bed rattling, and a whole lot of faked orgasms. What do you say, Bodhi, you ready to prove how good an actor you are?”
“Bitch, please. I’m at least as good as a porn star. Let’s do this thing!”
18
Bodhi: Quicksand
I awoke the next morning to sunlight pouring through the curtains. Throwing an arm over my face, I chuckled. Maybe last night’s performance wasn’t worthy of an Oscar nod, but it was certainly enough to earn a nomination at the adult film awards. I was fairly convinced that if Breeze hadn’t overacted her third mind-blowing orgasm in less than five minutes, we could have fooled her parents into thinking I was a super stud.
But as it was, Terrance and Betsy knew a thing or two about shitty acting and turned the tables on us, faking their own love-making session by turning up the television in their room during a particularly racy scene in their favorite binge television program.
Still drowsy, I thought about catching a little more sleep. But Breeze wasn’t next to me, which was probably what woke me up in the first place. I sensed her absence. The girl was quickly becoming a staple in my diet, a necessity I couldn’t live without.
I was fully vested in her now… in us. My mind was officially blown. Breeze was everything, all wrapped up in a shiny pink package. I was quickly falling into a place I’d never imagined myself going. If there was such a thing as love at first sight, I was pretty sure it felt like this. She consumed me and, when she was near, I felt this freakish pressure in my chest. And then there was the smile that refused to leave my face, and the boner reserved specifically for her.
At the very least, I was intensely attracted to this woman. At the very most, I was already gone. She made it so easy to fall. There was something drawing us together, as if we were meant to be. What happened up on that mountain… there was a reason for it. Maybe we were meant to meet, meant to protect each other, meant to fall in love.
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