Like The Wind

by Bengtsson, J.

  “Tucker Beckett here. I’d like to see my son.”

  Jesus, he made every greeting sound like an ultimatum. Even when he wasn’t trying, my father still came off like a douche. From my spot on the couch, I saw Terrance fidgeting in response to Tucker’s curt request. Poor guy. No doubt he rarely ran into uptight Hollywood dipwads who bossed him around in his own home. With my father no doubt dressed for success in his expensive business casual wardrobe, I wondered if Terrance was regretting his choice of the yellow Minion board shorts and wife beater combo right about now.

  “Oh, um,” Terrance fumbled with his words before doing the worst thing possible if you were trying to conceal a fugitive… he turned and made eye contact with me, the runaway prisoner. Dude, come on!

  That was all Tucker needed to overpower the situation.

  “Bodhi!” His big, booming voice cut through the hallways of Breeze’s childhood home, ricocheting off every wall as it pierced my ears. “No more games. I need to see you now.”

  I glanced in Breeze’s direction, trying to gage her reaction. She hadn’t been the same since being dropkicked into my world but, after last night, I thought I’d at least eased her worries some. Until the Josh incident stirred thing up all over again. I knew Breeze had feelings for me, but were they strong enough to weather my constant storm? It was a lot to ask of a person to give up their privacy for the sake of a guy she’d just met.

  As I pushed off the couch, I checked Breeze’s phone for another message from Marni. We’d made plans to meet at six and, no matter what came out of Tucker’s mouth, I would not be missing my time slot.

  Breeze grabbed my hand, locking eyes with me. Infusing me with strength.

  “Relax, it’ll be fine,” I told her as I leaned in to steal a kiss. It was meant to be a quick peck, but Breeze cupped my cheek, holding the kiss for longer than expected.

  Before I could fully appreciate the number it was doing on my insides, Tucker rounded the entry way and we came face to face for the first time in five days. His eyes darted to Breeze, confusion lining his brow.

  Terrance stood off to the side, irritation flashing across his features for the first time since I’d met him. As usual, I was embarrassed by my father’s behavior. Looking every bit the urban professional with slicked back hair and a Bluetooth affixed in his ear, he wore his standard uniform— a fashion forward button down shirt and expensive slacks.

  Betsy emerged from the back room, exchanging a whispered word with Terrance before she approached my father with an outstretched hand.

  “Hello, I’m Betsy, Breeze’s mother.”

  Tucker took her hand, flashing his winning smile before turning his attention back to my girl.

  “And you are Breeze, I presume?”

  Pushing to her feet, she smoothed her shiny hair before sliding her palm against my father’s. “Yes. Hello.”

  “Sorry, but I’m a little confused about how the two of you met. Did you know each other previously?”

  “No, Bodhi rescued me from the fire.”

  Shock deluged Tucker’s features. “He did?”

  Obviously, he didn’t think I was capable of such a feat. Or… more likely he was formulating a plan to spin our tale of woe into a press opportunity. If that was his angle, he’d be sadly disappointed because Breeze would never become band publicity fodder.

  But then, to my surprise, Tucker took a turn toward the unexpected as his bottom lip began to tremble. It only took a second before he regained his composure and, clearing his voice of sentiment, he replied, “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Breeze. You seem like a lovely woman.” Shifting his focus my way, he smiled tightly. “Can we speak in private?”

  “Why don’t you take your dad to the covered patio?” Betsy suggested. “I’ll bring you some cold drinks.”

  “That won’t be necessary,” Tucker shot back. “I sincerely apologize for putting you out. Please let me know what we owe you.”

  I cringed, as did every other person in the room not named Tucker. Why did he always assume everything had a price?

  “They weren’t babysitting me, Dad. Jesus.”

  He seemed taken aback by my reaction, and uncharacteristically contrite. “You’re right it was a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry, Betsy. Yes, we’d love something to drink. Thank you.”

  Admitting he was wrong? What in the fresh hell was happening to this man? It was like he was a software program committing to memory each new interaction and then learning from his mistakes. Something had changed in him since the fire. Something significant enough that it was altering the very fabric of his being.

  I gave Betsy a tight smile, then ambled toward the patio with Tucker a few steps behind. Was he dragging his feet? Did he suspect the turn our conversation was about to take?

  Once outside, I turned toward him and was shocked when he pulled me into a surprise hug. I don’t think we’d done that since I was a child. “Thank god you’re safe.”

  “I’m fine, Dad.”

  “Are you sure? You’re walking stiffly, like you’re hurt?”

  “No, it’s from yesterday. I’m sore. I was flying a kite and falling off swing sets.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “Because it’s fun. Haven’t you ever done something just for the fun of it?”

  “When I was young, I guess.”

  “Well, that’s where we differ, because my father never let me do things like that.”

  It was the equivalent of a slap to the face and Tucker recoiled. Shifting his feet, he finally found his tongue a good minute later.

  “You don’t think I already know I was a shitty father?”

  “Do you?”

  “I’ve done a lifetime of soul searching in the past few days. It hasn’t been real easy for me either, Bodhi. When I thought you were dead, I can promise you, I had an avalanche of regret.”

  “Well, then that should make my next question easier. Tell me about my mother— the one you claimed died twenty-four years ago.”

  Horror. Absolute gut-wrenching horror. It was painted all over his face.

  “How did…” He swallowed hard as if his tongue were too thick to push the words out. “What do you know?”

  “I met her this morning.”

  His face crumbled. “No, Bodhi. Why? Why didn’t you come to me first?”

  “Because you lied to me. What makes you think I’d trust a word out of your mouth?”

  “Oh Jesus. Oh no. This is…” Stumbling backward, the color seeped out of his normally bronzed skin. “Bodhi, please, you have to hear me out. There’s so much you don’t know—about her, and about me.”

  “Like you’re not my real father? I already know that, asshole.”

  He dropped to the edge of a wicker loveseat, teetering back and forth and, for the first time, concern for his health sidetracked my need to make him pay for a lifetime of deception.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I think…” He grabbed my arm. “I think I need that water Betsy was offering.”

  “Wait here.”

  I ran into the house and straight for the kitchen where Betsy was filling a pitcher with lemonade. Her normally placid demeanor shifted into panic mode the moment she saw me. I wasn’t even finished explaining the situation before she’d taken off down the hall, calling over her shoulder for me to bring the water.

  Arriving back on the patio, I was stunned to find Betsy embracing Tucker, his forehead pressed to her shoulder.

  Was he… crying?

  Speechless, I held his glass of water with a shaky hand.

  Pulling his shoulder back, Tucker blinked at me with frantic eyes. “I’m so sorry. You have to believe me, everything I did was to protect you. I swear.”

  “Protect me from what? My own mother?”

  “God yes, Bodhi, from your own mother.”

  Betsy took the water and turned it over to Tucker before addressing me in a calm voice, “I know you feel you’ve been wronged, but just remember there
are two sides to every story. You owe it to yourself to hear him out.”

  She glanced back at Tucker before patting my cheek and slipping into the house.

  “Tell me,” I said flatly.

  Resigned, my father stared into his glass. “How far back do you want me to start?”

  “As far back as it takes to explain why you made me think it was my fault my mother was dead.”

  “I never meant for you to think that.”

  “Well, I did.”

  Tucker buried his head in his hands. “I screwed everything up so badly.”

  There was no disagreeing with him on that front. And as much as I wanted to feel sympathy for him, he hadn’t earned it yet. I flopped in the chair opposite him and waited for my truth. And, finally, after an over twenty-year wait, it came.

  “I was eighteen when my mother remarried a man named Andrew Easton. It was her third marriage. Needless to say, because of her track record, I wasn’t real optimistic about this one lasting either. So, before they married, I moved out. I had no interest in a new daddy.

  “Anyway, he was an okay guy, I guess. But he came with a lot of baggage. His ex-wife had taken off with a former flame, leaving him to raise two daughters alone. The older one was sixteen and her name was Serena. The younger was Marni—she was fourteen. I think he married my mom to be a good influence on his girls, but she was a timid lady, had struggled with depression all her life, and was also a gigantic pushover. Andrew’s daughters ate her alive.

  “From the start, those girls were nightmares. Both had drug and truancy issues. They were rude and never listened to my mother. The words they called her…” Tucker shook his head, anger tinging his tone.

  “Anyway, mom sunk further into depression and, a year after she married Andrew, she reached the end of her rope and hung herself with it.”

  It was the first time he’d ever discussed his family with me, and now I understood why. Tucker had always been about perfection, and to have something so devastating, so messy, in his past would have been viewed as shameful. His hand shook as he lifted the glass to his lips.

  “I blamed those girls,” he admitted. “And aside from seeing them occasionally at the restaurant where I worked, we had no contact. I learned a few years later that Andrew had a heart attack when Marni was sixteen. After that, she just ran wild.

  “I was twenty-five the day she walked into my work six months pregnant and begging for my help. She claimed she wanted to get healthy, for you, so I took her in. It was the first time I’d ever seen her put someone else first, and I was hopeful that you would be the thing to turn her life around.

  “Anyway, Marni lived with me those last three months. She got a job as a waitress and was doing great. Until you were born and things began falling apart. Friends, parties, drugs… they came back with a vengeance. Bad things started happening. Some days I’d come home from work to find Marni and her friends passed out on my couch while you were lying on the floor, needles scattered all around. Other days, I’d come home and find you alone in the crib, diaper full and crying from hunger. Soon she was disappearing for longer and longer stretches of time. I wasn’t your father or even related to you, but suddenly I became your primary caretaker. I never signed up for that, Bodhi. You were just dropped in my lap and I did the best I could.”

  As I listened to the story, I had newfound respect for Tucker. He’d only been a little older than me when all this went down, and I had to wonder how well I would’ve handled a drugged-out Marni… and a baby.

  Tucker sighed, and then continued, “When you were about four months old, Marni was arrested. I’d been working with social workers and they were fully aware of the situation. When they confronted her about abandoning you, she signed away her parental rights and suddenly I was being given the option to adopt you or let them place you in foster care until they could find you an appropriate family. The thing is, I’d grown attached to you.” His gaze found mine and held. “I loved you, Bodhi. And I thought that would be enough, but clearly I had no business being a father. I realize now how selfish I was. I should have let them place you with a loving family instead of turning you into a circus animal. I’m so sorry, kid. I really am.”

  Tears spilled down his cheeks, and the sympathy I never thought I’d feel hit me full force. He looked…broken. Not larger than life, like he’d always appeared. Today, Tucker proved he was only human.

  “You did the best you could,” I said quietly. “There’s no telling whether I would have gotten that loving family.”

  It was the closest thing to forgiveness I was willing to give him at this point in his story.

  Appearing grateful for my small concession, Tucker nodded and continued with a sigh, “Anyway, after Marni spent time in jail or rehab, she’d just randomly show up on my doorstep unannounced, crying and asking to see you. And I allowed it. She seemed like she was getting her shit together. I trusted in her sobriety. She promised me, Bodhi. She promised I could trust her.”

  He paused, pain and regret etched deep in the lines on his forehead. I leaned forward, wanting—no— demanding more. Was this what Marni had let slip in our meeting this morning?

  “I let her move back in with the contingency that she stay off drugs and watch you during the days while I was working,” Tucker said dully. “It was working for the first few weeks and it saved me the childcare costs. But then one day when you were just over a year old, I came home and found her knocked out on the couch. Some guy was in there. You were screaming in your crib. I knew something was wrong when he tried to block me from going to you, saying you wouldn’t shut up and that he was just trying to get you to be quiet.”

  Tucker broke down as if reliving a physical pain. Rising to my feet, I gripped his shoulder, offering what solace I could. I had no memory of the incident, no stake in the horror playing out in his mind.

  “You’d been badly beaten. Broken ribs. Fractured jaw. I pressed charges and both the guy and Marni were arrested. I didn’t wait for her to work a plea deal and arrive back on my doorstep. I was never going to allow her to hurt you again. That’s when I packed us up and moved to Los Angeles. I changed our names to keep her from finding us. And, yes, once you were old enough to start asking about your mother, I didn’t want you tainted by the past. So I lied to you—told you she was dead. I figured it was better for you to think of her as an angel than the devil I knew her to be.”

  “And Beth? What happened to her?”

  “Beth.” Tucker released a weary breath, shaking his head. “Would you believe me if I told you I fired her because I was jealous? She was just your nanny, but you began to see her like a mother. The plain truth was, I hated that you loved her more than me.”

  The two of us sat silent for a long while, caught up in the story of our shared past. For the first time in my life, I understood Tucker— maybe even admired his devotion to a baby that wasn’t even his. He’d given up his life in San Francisco to keep me safe. He may not have been a traditional father but at least he had kept me alive and healthy and gave me a future I wouldn’t have had with my mother.

  “Are you paying her off?”

  Tucker cringed. “Yes.”

  “For how long?”

  “About seven months.”

  Of course, Marni hadn’t disclosed that piece of critical information.

  “But if I’m legally adopted, she really has nothing to hold over you.”

  “She has you, Bodhi—her trump card. I was paying her to spare you the truth.”

  “Then, why did she reach out to me? Wouldn’t that end her paydays?”

  “See, the problem with blackmail is, once you give it up once, the price goes up. She was squeezing me for more. I could see the writing on the wall. It was never going to end, so I had a ‘take it or leave it’ agreement set up for $5000 a month. She agreed to it and was cashing the checks, so I thought you were protected. Apparently not.”

  “You think she’s looking for money from me too?”

 
; Tucker hesitated for a long moment. “I’d like to say she’s changed her ways, but I’ve been dealing with her for the past few months and what you need to understand about Marni is that she’s the most important person in her life. I do think she loves you, I really do, but she’ll never be able to put you first, no matter what she promises. Just remember that.”

  “By not telling me about her, you put me in a vulnerable position, you know that, right?”

  He nodded. “Yes. I know. It was stupid. I haven’t been thinking like a father for a very long time. I sort of lost myself in the Hollywood trap.”

  “Sort of?” I gaped. “It was a little more than ‘sort of’.”

  “I know.” His lips fell into a deeper frown. “When you first started out in the business, it was a fun little pastime, but then real offers materialized and it became a job. Not only for you, but for me too. I got all caught up in the power. It wasn’t until you started pushing back a few months ago that I took a hard look at my behavior. I didn’t like what I was seeing. And then the fire.” He shivered. “I thought I’d have to live with that crushing regret forever, and it felt like a just punishment.”

  I detected only remorse in my father’s words. The remorse that came with seeing the light under the worst possible circumstances.

  “I’m firing you as my manager,” I said quietly. But for a slight twitch, my father remained stone faced and silent. “It’s not to punish you,” I was quick to assure. “But it’s a conflict of interest to have you managing me and being my boss. And my father.”

  And Tucker was my father. He’d raised me. Sacrificed for me. All the things a parent should do.