Like The Wind

by Bengtsson, J.

  He jerked a nod. “I get it. I do. It’s just a tough pill for me to swallow. You’re my life. I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not micromanaging you.”

  “Don’t I know? No offense, but you’re the stage dad from hell.”

  Tucker’s gaze shot to mine and I smiled, the dark cloud lifting as the seconds passed in silence.

  “I know,” Tucker finally said with a bereft sigh. “Sometimes I can’t stand myself. Remember the time when you were like ten and I was bossing around the television crew and you said, ‘Dad, Jesus wants you to stop being a dick?’”

  I remembered well. The whole crew clapped for me. Tucker and I had a good laugh at the memory. It had been so long since we’d connected on a personal level, I’d forgotten he was an actual human being under all the expensive clothing.

  “Will you come back with me?” he asked. “I’ve got a jet waiting.”

  “Not tonight.” I clapped him on the back. “But I’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “Will Breeze be coming too?”

  Breeze…

  I frowned at the thought of her at the family reunion with her ex. “No.”

  Tucker’s brows shot up, but he didn’t press for details. Instead, he blew out a breath and sat back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head.

  “Well, I guess I’ll have to find myself a new client to suck the life out of.”

  “That’s the spirit.” I laughed. “Just because you won’t be suffocating me anymore doesn’t mean you can’t find scores of other young hopefuls who’d jump at the chance to be throttled and deprived of oxygen by the one and only Tucker Beckett.”

  Smiling, he pointed a finger in my direction and winked. Were my eyes deceiving me or had Tucker just tagged himself out of the game? Maybe my presumed death had actually been the wake-up call he needed to finally unfurl his fist and let me go. It gave me hope that, in the near future, we could come out of it as father and son.

  23

  Bodhi: My Own Eddie

  “Are you sure this is the place you want to be dropped off?” the driver asked, craning his neck to get a better look out the windshield. I followed his gaze to the duplex, taking in the slanted garage door, the patch of dirt in the front where grass may once have grown, and the barred windows and doors.

  Well shit.

  Breeze and I exchanged identical disconcerted expressions before I confirmed to the driver we were indeed in the right place. I realized rents were high in the Bay Area, but my father was paying Marni five thousand dollars a month, and this drug den was the best she could do?

  It was just that kind of day. Not only did I have showdowns with both my parents, but I also had to say goodbye to Betsy and Terrance, the pets, and one very bruised and battered Range Rover.

  And then there was the matter of the growing herd of miniature humans grazing outside on Breeze’s front lawn. Now that the Where’s Waldo of the boy band world had officially been spotted, a migration of sorts began. An ever-growing influx of Dayers flooded in, with more on the way as scores of metal-mouthed adolescents hopped in the back of their moms’ minivans and began their pilgrimage.

  Touted as the new pop music mecca, Breeze’s outdated family home had gone viral and was unexpectedly thrust into the twenty-first century. Suddenly, the 1960’s eyesore had an Instagram account, and also a GoFundMe campaign. Stories flourished on the Internet, everything from Breeze’s trending hairstyle to my supposed life-threatening burns—which I illogically chose to have treated in the Brady Bunch home instead of the sterile environment of a hospital. No one said fake news had to make sense.

  Staying at the Cassidy-Bening house was no longer an option for me, at least not without an army of security personnel stationed around the perimeter.

  And that’s where Tucker came in. Even though I’d fired him, he continued to work his magic. Watching as things seamlessly fell into place made me appreciate my father’s special brand of over-parenting. Flights were booked, hotels were reserved, security was strategically put into place, and a black SUV appeared in the driveway ready to take Breeze and I here, to the Breaking Bad drug shack.

  Tank, our bodyguard for the night, hopped out first and took a look around before ushering us out of the car and up the cement slab that served as a porch.

  Marni swung the door open before we even knocked, then took an immediate step back when she spotted the bodyguard.

  “Is this… is he a cop?” Her eyes darted back and forth in a way that indicated her home was absolutely not police-proofed.

  “He’s security.”

  “Security?” Marni scoffed. “You need security to visit your own mother?”

  Before I could answer, Tank interjected, “No, Madam, he needs security because he’s Bodhi Beckett from AnyDayNow.”

  Oh yeah, that was unnecessary. I was pretty sure Marni didn’t need to be reminded of who I was. Way to make me sound like a cataclysmic asshole, Tank. It went without saying that my bodyguard was a few tacos short of a fiesta platter. However, as evidenced by his nickname, he did win the contest for most massive and that was all that was required for his position. I grabbed his arm and pushed him back.

  “It was Tucker’s idea,” I explained. “Not mine. The big guy will wait outside.”

  Tank shook his head. “Not my orders. I go where you go.”

  “Actually, you go where I tell you to go. You work for me now, not for him.”

  Clearly the steroidal monster hadn’t been informed of the changing of the guard and, while he chewed over my proclamation, Breeze and I stepped inside.

  At the last moment, Tank took a step but I held up my hand. “Stay!”

  Breeze barked out a laugh as I closed the door. “He’s not a dog.”

  My thoughts immediately turned to Little Dick, and I smiled.

  “I know, Tank listens.”

  Our laughter caught Marni’s attention and she looked between us, clearly curious about the woman I’d brought to her home.

  “Um … yeah… Marni, I’d like you to meet my…” A variety of options floated through my head, but I settled on something neutral. “Friend.”

  Marni tilted her head to the side, amused, “Uh-huh, and does Friend have a name?”

  Breeze stepping in to introduce herself and, as they went through the pleasantries, I took a look around. Two sets of eyes locked onto mine.

  Drawn to my brothers, I moved blindly, my hand outstretched. “Hey, I’m Bodhi.” The older of the two, Evan, slumped against the wall, dropping his gaze to the floor.

  Marni’s sharp voice cut across the room, “Evan, don’t be rude.”

  Surprised by her flash of anger, I took a step back. “Hey, it’s okay,” I said. “This is awkward for all of us.”

  My mother lifted her chin, fighting to regain her composure. “Oh, sure. I know. Evan’s just shy. It can come across as bad-mannered.”

  Evan glared at his mother, the muscle in his jaw clinched tight. He said nothing, but the contempt was there for all to see.

  The room descended into silence, tension like a thick fog rolling in from the ocean. Seeking a ray of sunlight, I turned my attention to Jonah, who’d been a bright, ball of energy since the moment I’d arrived. Unlike his brother, there would be no need to win him over. He was already there. Offering my fist, Jonah readily bumped his against it.

  And without an ounce of restraint, my youngest half-brother and I chatted each other up like old friends. Jonah’s paternal grandfather, Marcus, was by his side throughout the entire exchange. I wasn’t sure why he was here, but it was clear the two were incredibly close and that the older man played an active role in my brother’s life.

  After a moment, we all took our places around the table and ate pizza straight from the box. As I continued my lively conversation with Jonah and Marcus, I watched Breeze from the corner of my eye, as she tried to coax Evan out of his shell.

  He proved no match for Breeze’s easy charm, and soon a smile tugged at his lips and th
e tension in the air evaporated.

  Even Marni seemed to relax, dropping her mother of the year act in favor of some light-hearted banter. All seemed right in the world. I had everything I could ever wish for - a family, a career, and the girl who took my life to a whole other level.

  I tapped Breeze’s thigh under the table, and she turned, her eyes sparkling like jewels, her smile wrapping itself around my heart with ease. Our fingers threaded together like the notes of my favorite song.

  This was our fate. The reason we’d come together up on that mountain. We belonged together and, in that moment, I knew I was falling in love.

  Caught up in my own thoughts, I didn’t notice the detour the conversation had taken. Instead of just leaving the kid be, Marni felt the need to call attention to Evan’s many ‘gifts’.

  “Evan’s an artist.”

  “Evan’s best subject is writing.”

  “Evan’s popular with the ladies.”

  It wasn’t clear whether she was truly proud of him or just touting her own superior mothering skills. Either way, there was no need for the up-sell. Evan was my brother and, good or bad, I’d make sure he and Jonah were taken care of.

  Instead of being pleased by his own accomplishments, Evan seemed to be shrinking further into himself.

  Oblivious to her son’s discomfort, Marni shifted her focus to Breeze. “Evan’s at the top of—"

  “Stop trying to make me sound like something I’m not!” Evan bellowed, slamming his hands against the table. His eyes found mine, pure hatred glowing in the angry slits. “You want the truth? I draw deviant art ‘cuz I like death and destruction. Writing is my best subject, not because I’m good at it, but because it’s the only one I’m not failing. The only girls that look my way are the ones who slash their wrists after class because they’re as miserable as I am. Oh, and the only place I’m top of my class is in detention!”

  Stunned, I watched as he stormed from the room with Marni on his heels. A moment later, muffled voices drifted from a room down the hall.

  “Don’t take it personal,” Jonah said with a shrug. “He hates everyone.”

  “That’s encouraging,” I replied grimly.

  “Well, not everyone,” he added. “He likes me.”

  “I take it he and your mom don’t get along well?”

  The boy’s smile dimmed. “He doesn’t like living here.”

  “What about you? Do you like it here?”

  “He doesn’t live here,” his grandfather interjected. “My wife and I have raised Jonah since he was an infant. A few years ago we tried to get custody of Evan too, but Marni wouldn’t allow it. I do what I can for the boy, but it’s a slippery slope and he’s sliding fast.”

  My hope dwindled. “Meaning what?”

  “Meaning he’s on his way to becoming his mother’s son.”

  * * *

  Evan never returned. And after Jonah left with his grandfather, it felt as if we’d worn out our welcome. Marni seemed tired and fidgety. Something had changed in her demeanor since coming back from Evan’s room, and it didn’t take a genius to see that she’d taken something.

  I leaned toward Breeze and whispered in her ear, “Are you okay if I leave you a minute to find Evan?”

  When she bit down on her lip, I took that as a no and walked to the door to let Tank in. He’d been a good boy, sitting right on the porch where I’d left him. While he occupied my mother, I strode down the hall, determined to forge some bond with Evan.

  After knocking twice and getting no response, I let myself in.

  Evan was on the bed, earbuds firmly attached. He jumped up when I crossed the threshold, his headphones sailing across the room.

  “What the hell are you doing in here?” he demanded, hands curled into fists at his sides.

  I took a step back… and lied through my teeth. “I was looking for the bathroom.”

  Evan stared at me, his face a bottomless pit of distrust and anger. “Next door.”

  “Okay,” I said, not moving from my spot. “Sorry if I scared you.”

  “Like you could scare me.”

  Ignoring his obvious taunt, I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Look, I’m not really sure what’s going on here, but maybe if you talk to me I can help. Jonah said you don’t like living here.”

  “Yeah, well, Jonah’s an idiot.”

  “We both know he’s not.”

  “You don’t know anything about us.”

  “Because no one told me, Evan. It’s not like I was purposely avoiding you your whole life. I only found out you existed about eight hours ago. I’m sort of playing catch up here.”

  “I wish I could say the same about you.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Evan’s fists unfurled and he sat down on the edge of his bed. “All I’ve ever heard my whole life is Alex this and Alex that. My bedtime stories were about how Eddie stole you... how evil he was and how perfect you were. No matter what I did I could never measure up to you. So excuse me if I wasn’t super fucking excited when she told me she’d tracked you and Eddie down.”

  “How long have you known about me?”

  “Months.” Evan’s voice transformed into a high-pitched nasally number as he imitated Marni. “Oh, and by the way, Evan, just so you know Alex is actually Bodhi Beckett. So yeah, fuck you!”

  I stood transfixed by his rage and resentment. He hated me and, honestly, I didn’t blame him. If I were measured up to a ghost my whole life, I’d probably feel just as bitter.

  “And you want to know the twisted part of it all?” Evan angrily swiped at the tears slipping from his eyes. “I used to pray for Eddie to come steal me in the night, like he stole you. When I was little I’d be in here hiding from her ‘friends’ while she was out there smoking crack. And I’d pray so hard for Eddie to come save me. But he never came. And Marcus never came like he did for Jonah. And you know why? Because I don’t fucking matter!”

  Evan brushed past me, barreling down the hall. I skidded to a stop in the living room in time to see the front door slam and Evan disappear into the night.

  24

  Breeze: Glamping

  After spending the past hour and a half looking over my shoulder, preparing for the drug deal I was certain was about to go down, I breathed a sigh of relief as I ducked into the car ahead of Bodhi. The evening played out like a Mexican soap opera, only with worse actors. There was dysfunctional and then there were Bodhi’s kinfolk. And that was coming from a woman whose fiancée slept with her cousin.

  It was possible that Bodhi had just forgotten to mention Marni’s tendency to nod off and itch like a dog battling fleas. Or maybe Bodhi had unconsciously rejected the warning signs because he needed this family connection enough to overlook the glaring inconsistences. I’d learned enough about Bodhi to know he craved simple human contact. I feared that Marni had figured this out and was using it against him.

  Tipping my head back against the plush, leather seat, I closed my eyes. The full day of spontaneous weeping had tuckered me out, but watching Bodhi navigate his way through a familial landmine had tipped me over the edge. I was exhausted.

  I was there by his side offering support where I could, but it wasn’t lost on me that I’d become the token female in his action flick. Of course, I knew that Bodhi respected me as an equal, but he wasn’t the problem – the world that revolved around him was. And as far as I could see, the writing was already on the wall. If I stayed with him, I’d forever be in his shadow, the woman who walked a few steps behind. And although that might be acceptable for some, my parents hadn’t raised me to be invisible. I was the flamingo in a sea of black and white.

  Bodhi’s hand covered mine, and I felt long, strong fingers wrap around my own. When I turned my head to engage, I nearly melted at the vision smiling back at me. He was beautiful, and damaged, and talented, and thrilling.

  “Hey,” he said, his thumb stroking over mine. “A nickel for your thoughts?”

  A laugh rumble
d low in my chest. “Oh, you’d be quite wealthy after an hour in my head.”

  “I’m sure. So, what did you think of my ma? She’s a keeper, huh?”

  “As long as you ‘keeper’ in the basement.”

  Bodhi laughed, the tension of the day rolling off him like beads of sweat. “God, Breeze, what a crapfest. That was more cringe-worthy than the time Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind guy.”

  I scooted closer to him. “You know, one time I went to this girl’s house after school and she and her siblings ate butter slices for their afternoon snack. That was only slightly less awkward than tonight.”

  Rubbing his eyes with his palms, Bodhi’s body shook with laughter. He laid his head back on the seat. “Ugh… sometimes I feel like we’re the only two sane people left.”

  “We may be.”

  “Well, then thank god I found you.” Bodhi squeezed my hand, holding it like it was the only lifeline he had left. Avoiding his gaze, I fought the tears threatening to give me away. I wouldn’t be his much longer. What happened earlier had sealed the deal. I couldn’t continue in this relationship knowing his lifestyle wasn’t for me. It was best to break this off now before our hearts got any more invested. Knowing what was in store for us, I rubbed my belly, feeling the sickness brewing inside. By tomorrow morning, we’d again be walking this world alone.

  Bodhi was quiet for the longest while and I wondered if perhaps he sensed the coming storm. Had the screaming voices inside my head somehow burrowed their way into his own thoughts?

  “Marni lied to me this morning. She’s not clean.”

  My heart hurt for him, but sadly I knew he was right. “No, she’s not. And from what Marcus hinted, neither is Evan.”

  “You know what he told me in the bedroom? He prayed for Eddie to come steal him in the night. I mean how fucked up is that, right?” Bodhi groaned, shifting his gaze to the window before muttering, “At least we know where the $5000 is going… into her bloodstream.”