The difference was I’d been only nine-years-old when Beth left. Powerless. She’d disappeared from my life simply because I’d lacked the maturity and strength to bring her home. But I wasn’t that helpless child any longer. It was time to fight for what I wanted.
History would not repeat itself.
* * *
My father did a double take as I strolled toward him in the hotel lobby with Tank in tow, but no Breeze.
Before he could ask, I held up my hand. “She dumped me.”
His reaction was swift and comical, like a cartoon character with eyes popping from the sockets. I patted his shoulder. “You alright there, bud?”
“Are you?”
“Yep.” Pinning on a smile, I snagged a banana from the gigantic fruit bowl in the lobby. “Fine.”
Because I knew it wasn’t the end for Breeze and me. Not by a long shot.
“All right, well, that’s… surprising.” Tucker rubbed the back of his neck, eyeing me carefully. “You just seemed so hooked on her. Maybe I was misreading things.”
“No, you weren’t. I think I might actually be in love with her.”
I peeled the banana, then chomped down while my father continued to gape, further imitating the caricature I imagined in my head.
Through a mouthful of mushy fruit, I asked “Can you please not make eye contact with me while I’m eating a banana?”
Tucker looked away, chuckling. “So, let me just see if I have this straight. You might love this girl, but she dumped you, and now you’re eating a banana without a care in the world. Am I missing something?”
“Yeah, you’re missing the part where I vowed to get her back. Trust me, old man, I’m not going down without a fight.”
My father finally returned to his human form. “Honestly Bodhi, I don’t know who you are anymore… but I kinda like it.”
The private jet landed in Los Angeles and, the minute my feet hit the pavement, we were up and running. Welcome back to the grind. The paparazzi. The army of security personnel. The screaming fans. All for me—the guy who, two days ago, was crawling around the floor of a Marshall’s clothing store blowing bubbles down my girl’s shirt. That’s where I wanted to be. Not here.
Sometimes this world made me feel like I was floating in zero gravity.
In the heat of the melee, with hands ripping at my flesh, I turned to my father. “Do you know there’s no angry way to say bubbles?”
Brows furrowed in frustration, Tucker pushed through the crowds grumbling, “Fuck that. Bubbles.”
I’ll be damned. You could remain angry. I laughed, wishing I could call Breeze and share the news, but she was gone.
Not for long.
Security protected our heads as they ducked us into a vehicle that whisked us away from the circus. Tipping my head back on the seat, I exhaled. “Dad.”
“Yeah?”
“I hate this shit.”
With a sigh, Tucker let his head fall back as well. “I know.”
* * *
Because of my headline-making week, interview requests had poured in and, to my surprise, my father actually asked my opinion on the matter. He was trying, and I gave credit where it was due. In the end I agreed to an interview, but only if it was focused on the entire band and not just me alone. The fact that AnyDayNow had become the Bodhi show was never far from my mind, and I didn’t want resentment to become the wrench that pried the five of us apart.
My father and I, accompanied by a small contingent of bodyguards, met up with the other guys at a television studio. I was instantly surrounded, heartfelt hugs and unnaturally hard smacks on the back were the name of the game for all but RJ who stayed back, nursing a disgruntled scowl.
I slid to his side and tried whacking him in the nuts for old times’ sake. He was quick to react. And retaliate. Before I knew it, he had me down on my knees, my arm twisted behind my back.
This wasn’t playful fun anymore.
“RJ!” Hunter warned, heading into the fray.
The pressure in my joints eased and he let me up.
I spun around. “What the fuck?”
“That was for making me think you were dead, asshole!”
“Well, it was a traumatic week, dickhead. Maybe I just forgot.”
“Right, so the ice cream, that was therapy?”
He had me there. “I’m sorry, okay? I should have called.”
His shoulders hunched and RJ exhaled. He was worn out… beaten down. “Yeah, you should have.”
Grabbing the broody bastard, I pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It’s been an insane few days. I’ll tell you everything as soon as we have a quiet moment. Say we’re all good or I’ll tell the interviewer you own a man purse.”
A reluctant smile formed on his lips. “It’s a satchel, dickweed.”
I’d been forgiven.
* * *
While we waited for the crew to take their places, the five of us stood off to the side, conversing. Shawn placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Just so you know, I wrote a whole eulogy to speak at your funeral.”
“That’s nice.”
“Uh-huh. I planned on telling the congregation what a good sport you were the time you found out I replaced your pocket-sized hand sanitizer with KY Jelly.”
Confusion furrowed my brows. “What are you talking about? I don’t remember that?”
“Oh well, then… never mind.”
Eyes narrowed, I took in my nemesis. “Shawn, I swear, you’d better be kidding.”
Not only did he not appear to be kidding, but that smirk told me he was proud of his prank. “Remember a couple of months ago when you kept getting sick? Like one cold after another?”
“Yeah?”
“It was then.”
Grabbing his jacket, I shoved him back. “You asshole! I had no protection.”
“Technically you did. I used spermicidal lubricant.”
Raising his hands in surrender, Shawn patiently waited for the beatdown he deserved.
I didn’t disappoint.
And while holding the prankster down in a headlock, I listened to Dane’s idea on how he’d planned to celebrate my life. Unsurprisingly, his send-off would have been heartfelt and unique.
Always the sentimental type, Dane spoke of dividing my ashes into tiny urns and placing them in necklaces to distribute among our closest allies. These trusted few would then take my ashes on adventures around the world before releasing me into an ocean or sprinkling me over a mountain.
“I have a question.” RJ chimed in as Dane was finishing his inspiring send-off. “If Bodhi had burned in a fire, how would you know what were his ashes and what were —say—that of a kitchen table? You know what I mean?”
Dane made a face, perhaps considering for the first time the flaws in his plan. He ran his hand over his jaw. “Yeah. Huh. That could be a problem.”
“Right? Because you might think you are spreading Bodhi’s ashes in the Amazon but, in reality, it was just some junk from Ikea.”
“You guys are horrible.” Hunter cringed. “I hope you know, Bodhi, I took this seriously. I wrote a eulogy that meant something… because you were one of my best friends and you deserved so much more than dying the way you did.”
“Uh,” Shawn cut in, still gagging under my chokehold. “News flash, idiot, Bodhi’s still alive and currently suffocating me to death.”
Satisfied Shawn had paid his dues, I let him up.
“What about you, RJ?” I asked, curious what my best friend had to say about me. “How did you plan for my funeral?”
RJ shifted his feet. “I wasn’t going to go.”
“Seriously?” How could RJ, of all people, not show up? “You weren’t going to show up to my funeral?”
The other guys exchanged odd glances before RJ headed over to the row of chairs and took his seat at the end. I narrowed in on my friend. Something had happened in my absence that had him avoiding me like the plague; which, incide
ntally, I might actually have, since I’d apparently been sanitizing with lube for some time now.
* * *
The cameras started rolling and we took our seats, side by side, as we’d done a thousand times before. As musicians and friends, we melded perfectly into the characters we played on stage, ripping into each other to the delight of our overflowing fan base. Muscle memory kicked in and I went through the motions, even mugging for the camera as I’d done countless times before. It was all so familiar yet, at the same time, I could feel change was in the air.
I was like a ghost, looking down on the guy who used to be me. It struck me that I’d already closed this chapter of my life and had moved on to the next—the one with Breeze and my guitar and the songs that actually meant something to me.
Running my hands over my arms, I felt the words I’d written for her burning me through my long-sleeve shirt. These lyrics, they were my future and, before they faded from my skin for good, I needed to absorb their influence and learn their meaning. Breeze had been my teacher, opening my eyes to a new way, free from the trappings of celebrity. Our time together was a tiny stitch in the fabric of my life, but her impact had been monumental, proving to me I could be happy without the spotlight, the fortune, and the fame.
* * *
“Okay, I’m just going to put this out there, so please don’t judge,” Shawn whispered, his head partially concealed by a mannequin’s billowing skirt. “But is anyone else as turned on as I am right now? I mean I know they’re plastic and all, but these are some high-class dummies.”
The five of us were in hiding. Minutes earlier, we’d been driven into a women’s clothing store after thousands of fans descended upon the television studio, overrunning our security detail as they’d been attempting to herd us into the waiting vehicles. Hands had been everywhere—grabbing, scratching, and pinching. It was like running barefoot on a beach filled with crabs.
With our path forward blocked by bodies, a sideways trajectory became our only course of action and that’s how we ended up here—hiding behind a group of mannequins— until the police managed to cordon off the area and free us from the horde.
Shawn popped his head up, peering at the fans banging on the storefront window. He groaned. “If they break through that glass, we’re all toast. Police need to get this under control. It’s dangerous. Now I know how Bodhi felt escaping the fire.”
Yeah right.
“I’d take this every day of the week over a flaming roof collapsing on my head.”
“Dude.” Dane nudged me. “Now that you’ve been through it yourself, any advice on what steps we should take in the event of a fire?”
“What steps? Big fucking ones!”
All five of us dissolved into a fit of hysteria and had to be shushed numerous times by the guards tasked with getting us out of this mess in one piece. I looked around at the absurdity of the situation, seeing it for the first time through fresh, unfiltered eyes. Through Breeze’s eyes.
A flash mob of preteen girls prepared to shatter the glass and bleed all the way to the hospital for just one special moment with their boy band idols. Full grown, ex-military men speaking frantically into their phones using words like ‘Under Siege’ and ‘Extraction Point.’ Roads being cordoned off as everyday citizens were physically removed from public streets under the threat of arrest.
All for us.
Five unassuming, unremarkable, and unworthy twenty-something guys just trying to find their way in the world like everyone else. It was pure and irrefutable insanity. And very soon, it would no longer be mine.
“Guys?” I whispered. “What the hell are we doing here?”
Not understanding the true meaning of my question, Hunter replied with an entire rundown of the situation.
RJ punched him in the arm. “He means, in this place in life, half-wit. Hunkering down like combat soldiers in a war zone.”
I nodded, pointing at RJ. “What he said. Look, I don’t want to let you guys down, but these past few days, I’ve really had some time to evaluate my life, and what I’ve concluded is—this shit sucks. I need things to slow down or I’m gonna go fucking crazy. I hate to do this to you but, after the tour is over next month, I think I’m done.”
Silence. My gaze jumped to each of my bandmates—hoping and praying that they’d understand. We were family. To my amazement, nobody seemed surprised.
“So, I haven’t said anything yet,” Hunter whispered, “but Daisy and I are getting married.”
We all jostled him around, congratulating him.
“Why didn’t you tell us you were going to propose?” I asked, truly surprised he’d keep something like this a secret. He was the TMI guy of the group, and had even been known to confess rubbing one out in the tour bus shower.
Color rose in his cheeks as he replied sheepishly, “I just wanted it to be between the two of us. But now that she’s said yes, I’m so stoked and I wanted my best friends to know.”
“Of course she’d say yes.” Dane said, ever the optimist. “You’re a catch.”
RJ nodded. “Exactly. And what woman wouldn’t want a virgin? Now Daisy can mold you into her very own sex-puppet. Good for you, man.”
“Well, since we’re sharing confessions,” Shawn chimed in. “I’m going to be a daddy. Shoshanna is four months pregnant.”
Dane’s eyes widened. “You? You’re going to be a father?”
Shawn nodded, his grin spreading from ear to ear. “DNA tests pending, of course. But yeah, call me Daddy, boys.”
RJ rose to one knee, setting off a volley of screams from the crowd so intense a security guard was forced to drag a rack of clothes over to shield him from view.
“Bodhi, you asked me why I wasn’t going to come to your funeral. It’s not that I didn’t want to honor you. It was because I wasn’t going to stand next to all the hypocrites mourning your death when they were the ones who put you in the coffin. When I heard they found your stuff and you were presumed dead, I lost it. I wish you would have called or something. I mean I almost drank myself to fucking death over it.”
A lump settled in my throat the size of a boulder. “I’m… ah, shit, RJ. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Or maybe I was just thinking about myself.”
“Yeah, ya think?” His lips flattened into a thin line. “Dick move, dude. Anyway, I beat you to the punch because I quit the band three days ago.”
“You what?”
“You heard me.”
“What the…?”
The others nodded in confirmation.
“I quit and flew home to Idaho. I only came back for you, but, as far as I know, they were making plans to cancel the remainder of the tour and end AnyDayNow for good. Trust me when I say, I’m ready to walk out the door with you.”
Tears pooled in Dane’s eyes. “Am I the only one who wants to stay on this ride forever?”
I gripped his shoulder. “That’s the thing, Dane. It’s not going to last forever. We’re getting older. Trust me, there are five guys waiting in the wings, ready to knock us off our pedestals. Let’s go out at the top of our game.”
“I’m with Bodhi.” Hunter sighed. “I don’t want to become a joke.”
“Exactly.” RJ flashed me a wicked smirk. “We don’t want to be the pubescent child star who can’t even book a mouthwash commercial.”
I delivered a swift punch to RJ’s arm and then turned to my brothers. “Here’s the deal. We can spend the rest of our lives with our heads up a mannequin’s ass, or we can be out there.” I pointed to the great outdoors. “It’s a big, wide world out there, boys. Let’s go live in it.”
Adding our fists to the circle, we noticed one missing. Our heads swiveled in Shawn’s direction. Had he seriously not been paying attention to our life changing conversation? Only a wicked grin revealed his true intentions.
“Sorry guys, I was just checking my Twitter status,” he said, grinning as he made a show of putting his phone away. “So, what did I miss?”
* * *
While still hunkered down under maximum security, the guys and I made plans for our mutiny. Once the decision had been made, a weight lifted from my shoulders. I was one step closer to the life I wanted to live. An authentic life. Since we were all on the same page, no one person would take the heat for the breakup and we could all emerge untainted by drama.
Maybe someday we’d work together again but, for the foreseeable future, the five of us had agreed to go our separate ways. Professionally, at least. Privately, we were still brothers. Family.
Tucker took the news better than expected. After the conversation we’d had on Breeze’s patio, he probably expected the exodus, although I’m not sure he was anticipating it times five. But true to his word, my father stood by me, negotiating a settlement with the handlers. Because we had only four months left of our current deal, it was agreed upon by all parties that after the end of the tour, they’d let the contracts burn out. In return, we promised to make the final thirteen shows a farewell event for the ages.
In two months’ time, AnyDayNow would officially be no more.
* * *
Tucker stretched out on the couch in the suite, glancing over the notes I’d left on the table. “Are you sure, Bodhi?” His eyes flicked to mine.
I wasn’t sure about anything. Except that Marni had agreed to sign over her parental rights to Evan in exchange for an all-expense paid trip to a luxury rehab where sobriety went hand-in-hand with massages and mani-pedis.
And that was only the beginning. More treasures would fall at her feet once the program was completed. A lump sum payout, overseen by a trust that would regularly administer funds. Contingent on Marni passing random drug screenings. And a nice three-bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood.
Despite everything I knew about the woman, I had to make the offer. If Marni was serious about getting clean, I’d give her the shovel to dig her way out. If she wasn’t, she could use that shovel to add more dirt onto her grave. Because that’s where she was heading. But the agreement I forged ensured that she wouldn’t be taking my brother along for the ride.
Like The Wind Page 27
