She’d only tried to be honest with Brodie. Tried to be fair. But she would see Jess and talk to him. She owed him that much.
Something flickered in his eyes. Remorse. Regret. It was gone in an instant, and so was her intractable man. His shoulders fell, and he gently cradled her shoulders, brought her back to him. He murmured her name against the softness of her hair and rocked her from side to side.
“I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t want you to see him. Please don’t. Don’t go.”
“I want you to trust me.” She let her body soften against his hard chest. Melted into his arms.
“I’ll try.” His warm breath stirred her hair, falling gently over her face. He bent lower, hovering over her mouth. “When you’re with him, think about this.”
The minute his lips touched hers, she knew her Brodie was back. The strong, sexy, totally irresistible one. His kiss was gentle at first, a kiss seeking forgiveness, making amends. But it deepened as his hands ran up her arms to her shoulders and settled around her neck. His thumbs made lazy circles in the hollow of her throat, coaxing a low, crooning moan from her mouth.
His tongue penetrated her mouth, swirling around the walls, her teeth, the soft palate at the back of her throat. He mated his mouth with hers, and the image of his body filling hers imprinted itself on her mind. That was his intention, of course, to remind her of the blazing hot nights they’d shared, his tongue mimicking the motions his body would make as he drove into her and brought them to the brink of insanity. Remember this…remember me.
It worked. She’d never wanted any man the way she wanted Brodie, and she never would.
He broke away, rested his forehead on hers, and inhaled a long, deep breath. Then he turned on his heel and left.
Allison watched him stalk across the street to his house and disappear behind closed doors. Her emotions were in a turmoil, and she realized they’d had their first fight. But if the kiss was any indication, he wasn’t walking away or giving up on them. Neither would she.
She removed the remnants of their spoiled dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and made herself a cup of tea. She drained her cup and walked to the window behind her piano. His light was on; he hadn’t gone straight to bed. She wondered if he needed her…her music…her comfort in the night. But when she sat down to play, it wasn’t his music, but the music of her own unsettled spirit. Rachmaninoff. Rich, violent chords that echoed her frustration and let her release the conflicting emotions roiling around inside of her.
She pounded out her hurt, frustration, and confusion with the dark, orchestral sounds of the tormented Russian composer. She knew just how he felt when she touched the keys. It had always been that way with her. One with the music and the composer. Tonight was no exception. The piano shook with the force of her playing. She unleashed her pain at hurting Jess, the agony of her need for Brodie, the anger at having to work at loving him.
Why couldn’t it be easy? Why did it have to be so damn hard?
By the time she finished the piece, she was sweating and depleted. Letting the lid to the keyboard fall shut, she rested her head on the cool wooden top. It occurred to her the gesture was symbolic. Whatever happened next between her and her distant listener was beyond her ability to control. She’d loved him and reassured him. The rest was up to him.
Chapter Fifteen
Presto Agitato
“Come in, come in,” Eleanor Harper invited Allison with a warm smile and a genuine hug. “I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally meet you.” Jess’s mother was a lovely woman, with beautiful silver hair and an energetic personality.
“I’m delighted to meet you, as well, Ms. Harper. I’ve had the pleasure of accompanying some of your students at various competitions but never had the honor of meeting you. You are a gifted teacher—your students bear witness to your talent.”
“Thank you, my dear. I accept the compliment with humble pleasure. But please, come and meet the others who are going to entertain us tonight.”
She graciously introduced her to the members of the music community at the university. Jess brought her a glass of wine—her favorite. She looked at him in surprise, and took it from him.
“You didn’t think I noticed?” he teased. “I notice everything about you, Ally. From the wine you like to drink to the sparkle in your eye when you drink it. Thanks for coming tonight. Mother is thrilled. The entire faculty buzzed and begged to attend when mother told them you’d accepted the invitation to play.”
“You’re flattering me, but thank you.” She smiled, her heartbeat accelerating, but not with desire. She dreaded the coming conversation, knowing he would be hurt, hating to be the instrument of his pain.
“It’s not flattery—it’s the truth.” He glanced toward the rear of the room. “Mother has a beautiful garden, courtesy of her talented and willing son, and we have a few minutes before the program begins. Would you like to see it?”
He placed her arm through his and drew her through the French doors at the back of the room. He’d created a floral fairyland. It was amazing. Roses, peonies, annuals of every color, size, and description surrounded the flagstone patio. A small bridge led over a bubbling creek at the back of the property, and a replica of a small oriental temple sat at its side. Succulents and small shrubs flanked a smiling Buddha, and a bench at the periphery invited meditation, relaxation, perhaps with a cup of fragrant green tea. Decorative lighting created an atmosphere of mysterious beauty. The effect was breathtaking.
“Your mother isn’t the only talented member of the family. Jess, this is marvelous.”
“I’m glad you like it.” His gaze traveled over her. She hated this—hated that he wanted her. It would have been better if he’d wanted only friendship. That she could have gladly given him.
She couldn’t deny Jess was a special man. The crisp blue dress shirt skimmed his lean, muscular chest and massive arms. She’d felt the power of those arms and the mix of strength and restraint as he’d held her. He worked with his hands yet was an excellent businessman. He spoke with quiet authority and respected others just as he was respected by others. No hidden agenda, no baggage. Friendly, open, and easy to be with. Easy to love.
She liked him. She liked his twinkling deep blue eyes and the curve of his smile when he teased. He was a nice man…a good man. And he cared for her.
Her mind morphed back to the last kiss she’d shared with Brodie. The one meant to keep her thoughts focused on him rather than Jess. It must have worked—she saw his face in her mind’s eye as she walked the garden Jess had planted and nurtured.
That was a good description of Jess Harper—a nurturer. He would make some woman a wonderful husband, some child a wonderful father. Just not hers.
“Jess…about tonight,” she began.
“Don’t,” he said, drawing out the word. “Don’t say it. I knew when I didn’t hear from you last week you were seeing Miller. But I also know, when I look at you and see how you look at me, you have feelings for me, too. At some point you’ll have to choose. I just want you to take your time. Be sure. I know how I feel. I want you to be sure what you feel. I can give you more than he can, Ally. I’m whole. I’m steady. I’m emotionally available and ready for a wife, a home, a family. Don’t throw us away because of a childhood crush, or a sense of finally getting what you thought you always wanted. That was then. This is now. Don’t lose us because you think he needs you more than I do. I care… No, I won’t lie. I’ve fallen in love with you. I want a life with you.”
Her heart froze in her chest. What was she hearing? “Jess…I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. All I’m asking is that you take a little time. Think about us and what we could have. Don’t jump into anything with Miller.”
Time. Timing. It always came back to that, didn’t it? The time wasn’t right for her and Brodie when they were young. The time wasn’t right when she came back and he was still suffering in the throes of P
TSD and getting his life back together. And now, because of Jess…
God! How did life get so complicated?
Eleanor Harper opened the doors. “Are you two out here? We’re about to begin the music. Allison, would you be kind enough to start? Everyone is dying to hear you play the “Moonlight.” The reviews we’ve read about your performances have piqued our interest. Your name has become synonymous with the piece. We simply must hear it.”
Allison glanced at Jess, a resolute sadness creeping over his handsome features as his gaze traveled over her face. She watched his shoulders droop with a deep sigh. Jess was a smart man—a perceptive man. Somehow he sensed what was coming. She could read it in the darkening depth of his eyes and the tensing of his body.
Allison swallowed the lump that had grown in her throat and gave her attention to his mother. “Of course. I’d love to play it. Do you want only the first movement or the entire sonata?”
“Why, the entire piece, my dear. Jess, are you coming?”
“No, Mother. I’m not being rude, but if Allison is going to play the “Moonlight,” I’d like to listen out here—in the garden, under the light of the moon.”
Eleanor glanced from her son to Allison. She could see a shadow of concern flit across his mother’s face. Knowing she would hurt Jess filled her with remorse. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she supposed it was inevitable. She put her hand on Jess’s arm and pressed.
Reassurance?
Regret?
She could only do what she’d always done. Perform. The show must go on, right? She approached the ebony concert grand, sat at the keyboard, and let herself get lost in the hauntingly beautiful harmonies of Beethoven. She played, unaware of the man silhouetted in the doorway by soft beams of light. In a way, she wanted it to be Jess’s face she pictured in the beautiful garden in the moonlight, calling to her, enticing her. But it was Brodie she saw—always had, always would. At the conclusion, as the sounds faded into the silence, her hands hovering above the ivories, she happened to glance his way. He watched from the terrace, the moonlight spilling around him, highlighting the tortured expression on his face. The portrait her fingertips painted was not his.
What she saw took her breath away. Raw hunger. Raw need. Raw pain. She saw something else, and it broke her heart. In that moment she knew. As did he.
After the guests had gone and his mother had left them alone by the piano, he took her in his arms and kissed her good night. “This thing with Miller. If it doesn’t work out and you need me, you have my number. Day or night. I’m always here for you.”
“You’re a good man, Jess Harper. You deserve to find the love you’re looking for.”
“I deserve you. I wasn’t going to back out. I was going to fight for you… Does he know how much you love him?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure,” she softly answered. “Not sure of a lot of things lately. I’ve decided to concentrate on the things I can control and see where the rest leads. Brodie and I have been dancing around each other for most of our lives. If we’re meant for each other, we’ll find our way.” She reached up and cupped his face. “Friends?”
“Always.” But the parting kiss he gave her was far more than friendly. As she drove away, she let the sadness envelop her. Causing Jess pain left a heavy weight around her heart, guilt at hurting Jess. As perverse as it seemed, she wanted to go to Brodie. She needed his comfort. He was her rock, and he was what she wanted.
She looked over her shoulder at the house across the street. The sound of glass bottles clanging against one another cut through the silence. Watching and drinking. No doubt he was drowning his jealousy with his longnecked buddy. She wanted to go to him and tell him she’d ended things with Jess. Put his mind at ease. Erase the tension between them.
She hesitated. Exhaustion overwhelmed her. She simply wasn’t capable of another confrontation tonight. Sometimes you have to face the demons on your own. Face them, conquer them, and find a little faith along the way. If they truly loved each other, the trust would grow. For now, she was turning out the light and going to bed. No more music in the night, not tonight.
****
Brodie’s truck was already out of the driveway by the time Allison left for work the next morning. She wondered if she’d see him at all during the day, or during the upcoming week, for that matter. He was pretty mad. She was a little miffed herself. Maybe they both needed some space.
Mary Leo called her into her office as soon as Allison arrived. “Have you heard anything from the realtor?”
“Not yet,” Allison replied. “She said to expect to hear from her today or tomorrow. I don’t anticipate any problems—it’s a straightforward deal. As long as there aren’t any outstanding liens on the property, we should be able to close as soon as the paperwork is complete. Have you heard from the board of directors?”
“They were beyond delighted with your decision to buy the house, and extremely grateful. Because of your dedication to the project and investment, we have their full support on the renovations and staffing. To tell you the truth, I think they’re a little in awe of you, which is good. What you want you’ll get. I contacted HR this morning as soon as my early session was over. They are putting together a list of potential therapists and nurses. Finding a couple to live in full time will be a challenge. We’re putting out feelers to other VA hospitals across the country. Maybe someone will turn up.”
“And the renovations?” Allison asked.
“As soon as you close on the house, we can begin. Jess Harper called me this morning and volunteered his services. I’d called him on your recommendation to have some work done at my house, and mentioned our project. He knows a general contractor he thinks he can persuade to donate his time, too. If so, the contractor will handle the subs—electric, plumbing, et cetera. All we would be responsible for is materials. For now, it’s a waiting game.”
Allison’s chest swelled with excitement. Getting lost in this project was just what she needed, after the drama of the previous two evenings. She took a deep breath and nodded. “I texted my friends in New York before I left the house. Depending on the date we set for the concert, the Juilliard Strings have already offered to fly down for it. My former agent is putting out feelers to some of the pianists who played duets with me on the tour. He thought they might be willing to appear with me again. I don’t foresee a problem, as long as they’re in the country.”
“That’s wonderful. We need to select a date as soon as possible. I was thinking about a venue. We’re free to use anything on campus, but I’d like something more glamorous—that way we can charge more for admission.”
“Always thinking!” Allison quipped.
“Listen, you don’t think it’s been a challenge to run this department on the pittance they allot me? I’ve become a master at stretching a dollar. If I can persuade the city to donate the Alabama Theater, what do you think about that? Are the acoustics acceptable?”
“They’ve been holding concerts there since it was restored. Do you think we can get it?” Allison’s excitement grew.
“Please…as if they’d say no to you.” Mary Leo mocked a huff. They may expect us to pay something to reimburse them for the utilities, maybe for ushers or the like. I’ll find all that out once I get the go-ahead.”
“Then I think we’re on our way. Brett would be so happy. Thank you, Dr. Leo.” Allison hugged the older woman who was fast becoming more than a mentor and boss.
“Allison, please. No more Dr. Leo. I’m Mary, unless we’re in front of patients or the board. And it’s I who should thank you. By the way, what’s with Colonel Miller this morning? He tore through here like a bull, didn’t smile, didn’t speak, didn’t even make eye contact. I got the impression things were going well between you. Trouble in paradise?”
“Brodie? He’s here?” Allison had assumed he’d be at the Athletic Center.
“He came through here like a bear chasing a salmon. Red eyes. Unshaven. He really d
idn’t look well at all. You two seemed to be getting along pretty well lately. Have a quarrel?”
Allison didn’t know what to say. “We had words about my playing for Eleanor Harper’s faculty soiree last evening. I haven’t seen him this morning.”
“Jealous of the handsome Jess, is he?”
“It would seem so. An unfounded reaction, I assure you. Jess and I… We’ve decided to be friends. Nothing more. I haven’t had an opportunity to tell Brodie yet—I think he’s avoiding me. I should have gone over last night after the party, but to tell you the truth, I was emotionally wiped out. I’ll try to catch him tonight. Do you know what he was doing here? I expected him to be at the Blazers facilities.”
“Brodie attends my early morning sessions, Allison. I thought you knew.”
She was shocked, but in a good way. Brodie had never said a word about it. “No. He didn’t tell me. He’s been improving, that much is obvious. But I didn’t know he’d agreed to sit in with your group. That’s great news. He’s doing well?” she asked.
“He was until this morning. As I said, he sat there like an old grizzly and wouldn’t say a word other than to ask if I’d seen you.” Dr. Leo raised her brows, a hint of amusement on her face.
“He was pouting?”
Dr. Leo nodded. “Sometimes men are so like little boys. They’re toddlers in big skin suits. Give him some time. He’ll get where he needs to be. And he’s a man who’s worth the wait…and the effort.” She glanced at her watch. “I have another session. See you later.” The doctor left, and Allison thought about what she’d said.
Hearing he’d asked about her gave her a little hope. He’d said some nasty things, but she hated that he was mad at her. It hurt. And she missed him. Missed the sound of his voice and his big comforting presence. God knows, she missed the feel of his hands on her body and the taste of him as he kissed her senseless. She got hot just thinking about him standing at the foot of her bed, pulling his belt from his jeans, unbuttoning, standing proud and erect before her. Her mythological warrior, God of the Forge…
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