by J M Wolf
I couldn’t begin to describe the myriad of emotions that were running through my mind. I was pissed, furious, digusted, horrified, but I the biggest feeling was guilt. Guilt because I felt responsible for what was happening. If I’d just told the Dean what happened instead of running away like a coward, then this may not have happened to him. I thought I was the only one Brett seduced to get his way, but clearly I was wrong. How many more students had he terrorized? How many after me?
Jesse let out a shaky breath then met my eyes, his pleading for help. “I don’t know what to do, Jace. I came here to ask for your advice since you went to Juilliard and maybe you knew Professor Summers.”
“Oh, I know him alright. And that’s why I’m telling you to stay as far away from him as possible. Trust me, Jesse. I was sucked into Professor Summer’s little game and I barely made it out with my sanity still intact. No scholarship is worth it.”
“Then what do I do?” Jesse asked in a broken whisper.
“Don’t contact him. Don’t let him anywhere near you. I’m going to New York tomorrow anyway, so it’s time for me to let the Dean know what’s going on. I made the mistake of never telling people what he did to me and because of that, you got mixed into it. I won’t make that mistake again. As for your scholarship, I was a prodigy there so I’m sure the Dean will listen to me if I put in a good word for you.”
“You’d do that for me?” Jesse asked and for once I was able to see a ghost of a smile creeping on his face.
I nodded. “I will. I promise.”
The next morning, Gerard and I got up early to have breakfast with Desiree. Since it would be a long drive, we decided to spend the night in New York and drive back the next day. That would also give me time to stop by Juilliard so I could pay the Dean a visit. So much was going to happen within the next couple of days. Aside from Adam’s concert and visiting my old college, there was also my father’s memorial that Saturday. Which meant that Gerard would be leaving Sunday. Our time was running out.
I told Gerard about stopping by Juilliard on the way back and he was completely floored by it. Once I told him about Jesse, he too felt the need to go there. There was no secret that he felt I should’ve said something when Brett had me. But I could tell he was happy that I was finally going to stand up for myself. I refused to let another potential student suffer the way I did. I was able to save Jesse, and dammit all I was going to make sure I saved every other future student hoping to make it into the entertainment business.
Malcolm already gave me the time off and told me to give Adam his regards. Patricia told me to let her son know that his mother loved him and was proud of him. I didn’t have a problem delivering either message. Once Gerard loaded our overnight bags in the trunk, we said our goodbyes to Desiree and Patricia who stopped by to see us off, and away we went.
During the drive, Gerard and I talked nonstop about one thing or another. I was dying to know more about Gerard’s childhood and his likes and dislikes. I already knew Gerard was forty-one-years-old, which made him three years older than my dad. His favorite type of music was rock, and he was a die-hard Def Leppard fan. His favorite type of food was barbeque, but he also enjoyed sushi.
We then got to the topic of his family. I was familiar with his mention of a younger brother, and that his parents weren’t supportive of him being gay. I learned more about what drove him to become a SEAL. It was a family tradition, and Gerard used it in hopes of being in his parents’ good graces.
“Do you think your parents would ever accept your sexuality?” I asked.
Gerard solemnly shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. It’s wishful thinking though. They never knew about my relationship with Riley and nothing against you, babe, but I’d prefer not to tell them about you. Not because I’m ashamed of you, but rather I don’t want to end up in a fight with my parents that could spiral out of control, and I don’t want them talking poorly about you.”
I nodded in understanding. My mother wasn’t around when I discovered that I was gay so I wasn’t sure what it was like to have a parent who was intolerable. While it sucked that I might never get the chance to meet Gerard’s parents, I’d rather not have them around if they would cause trouble.
“What about Jerrick? How did he take it?”
“Jerrick accepted it, but when I caved into my parents demands to become a SEAL, he called me a sellout and hasn’t spoken to me since. I guess he felt I was too weak to go against my parents as he did.”
“No offense, honey, but your parents sound awful,” I said wrinkling my nose.
“None taken. They can be horrible, which is why I rarely talk to them unless I need to or if they call.”
I opened up my hand resting on the armrest, and Gerard clasped his hand with mine, steering with just his other hand.
“Do you ever think about trying to rebuild your relationship with your brother?”
“All the time.”
“You should. If there’s one thing I learned, is that it’s important to keep your loved ones close. You never know when you’ll need them or they’ll need you.”
Gerard gave me a quick glance and I could see the corner of his mouth curve into a smile.
We continued driving in silence for a few minutes before Gerard picked up the conversation again.
“How did your friend end up being called Adam Love?” Gerard asked.
My smile widened as I remember full well what the story behind Adam’s stage name was. “Well, you know how people call me Bluejay?”
Gerard nodded.
“Adam felt jealous because I had a new name and he didn’t. He tried for a long time to come up with one that suited him, but none of the names he picked stuck around. During our teenage years, we started doing karaoke on the weekends.” I stifled a laugh before continuing with the story. “I sang Every time We Touch by Cascada, and he picked Burning Love by Elvis.”
Gerard chuckled. “How did that go? His performance, I mean.”
“Oh, everybody loved it, and over time people kept requesting him to sing it more and more. One woman said that the audience wanted to hear Adam’s love. So, he became Adam Love.”
“Well, that’s one way to find yourself.”
“It was great. I’m proud of his accomplishments.”
“What about you, Bluejay? When you become a singer, will you go by Bluejay?”
I nodded, but didn’t miss the fact that Gerard said When I become, not If I become.
He’s hopeful that one day I’ll be able to live my music dream.
Personally, I thought it was too late, but even I wasn’t sure what the future held. There may come a time where the opportunity would show itself. If it did, I’d make sure to take it this time.
“So, I’m curious about something,” Gerard said.
“Uh oh,” I replied with a smirk.
Gerard snorted. “No, nothing like that. I was just wondering of all the artists in the world, who do you idolize the most? The one who inspires you.”
I knew that answer like the back of my hand. “The band Jude and the Saints.”
Gerard cocked his head in confusion. “Isn’t that a country band? I didn’t know you listen to country.”
“It’s not one of my favorite genres, but some country artists I like, and Jude and the Saints is the one band who stays in my heart forever.”
“Why?” Gerard asked.
I leaned my head back smiling at the warm feeling I always get when discussing music. “You know how I am about music. I feel that it should tell a story. That it should show the artist’s vulnerable side so the fans can feel connected to them. The music should reflect who they are in their heart. With Jude Marian, his songs are beautiful, and I can feel the raw emotions in every single one of them.
“I loved him before he came out as gay. Hell, I had my suspicions long before he confirmed it. The fact that he was also brave enough to come out, knowing that the country side of music isn’t known for being gay-friendly, spoke volumes to
me. I knew I wanted to sing long before I discovered Jude and his band, but he’s the reason why I wanted to take my songwriting seriously. I wanted to be like him.”
“Wow,” was all Gerard said.
Even though his eyes focused on the road, I could see that look of admiration in his expression. He’d heard my music and understood what songwriting meant to me. I’d had people ask what my biggest influence was when it came to my music, but nobody bothered to understand the deeper meaning behind it. They just heard that an artist influenced my craft and that was the end of it. Not Gerard. No, he wanted to know the meaning behind it, and my heart pinged in response.
“I actually performed their song Blue Bells in a music competition,” I said.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I had to pick two songs to perform. I performed Blue Bells which was what got me into the finals. Then, for my last performance, I sang Move Your Body by Sia. Adam was also in the competition so I knew I had to give an unforgettable performance. I had Desiree help me with the costume, I created the choreography, I did it all.”
Gerard grinned with pride as he asked, “And you won, didn’t you?”
I nodded.
“Was this competition before or after the one where you sang Gone But Not Forgotten?”
I stilled at the mention of my performance of that song. “How did you know about that one?”
“Desiree showed me the video of you performing that song on youtube. I had to admit I was blown away. Not only can you sing, but your songwriting is beautiful.”
I never thought Gerard would see any of my youtube videos. The thought crept my mind before, but given everything that had happened in the last few days, I completely forgot about them. He seemed to have enjoyed the performance. Maybe I could show him more when we got back home. Maybe I could show them the one with me and Dad singing together.
“That performance happened four months later. It was to earn a scholarship to Juilliard. Gone But Not Forgotten is still one of the most treasured songs I’ve written.”
“I can understand why,” Gerard said. “You’re going to become a great musician, Bluejay. I just know you will. When the opportunity comes to where you’ll have the chance to live your dreams, I’ll be right beside you every step of the way cheering you on and telling you how proud I am of you.”
Even if I could tell him right at that moment, Gerard would never know how much it meant to me to hear those words coming from him. For the last couple of years I’d been completely lost and stumbling through life trying to erase what mattered most to me, but thanks to this man, he turned these days into the most life-changing moments of my life. I was terrified about what the future may hold for us, but I’d face it head on with him at my side. I knew my feelings for him were slowly becoming more. I was falling in love with Gerard.
Six long hours later, after making a couple of rest stops for bathroom breaks and to have lunch, we arrived in New York. I texted Adam letting him know we were in the area. He was just as excited as we were. New York was definitely how I remembered it when I came here to attend Julliard. Some of the businesses I grew familiar with. Some brought back happy memories, while others I wouldn’t miss.
We stopped at a nearby gas station so Gerard could look on his GPS to see how far we were from the theater where Adam was performing. Once he got the directions programmed, we got back in the car and hit the road. We stopped at the Haybranch Hotel that was ten blocks from the theater and checked into our room. The lady at the front desk didn’t even bat an eye when Gerard asked for one bedroom with a large bed. You’ve got to love New York.
Our room was gorgeous with marble floors, white walls, and ceiling; a queen sized bed with an oak dresser and nightstand. A matching round table and chairs in the far left corner of the wide room and a little kitchen to complete the look. It was more of a suite than a room. I looked to Gerard, about to ask him how much he spent on this room for only one night, but he shot me a look that told me it was best not to ask. It was probably a good call.
I wanted to break in our temporary bed with some…activities, but Adam wanted us to stop by early so we could meet him in his dressing room before show time. Sex was going to have to wait. Gerard and I both showered and got dressed. He wore a single black button-up shirt, blue jeans, and his black boots. I wore a white-printed t-shirt with my black vest that was open in the back, ripped jeans, and my boots. I finished the look with my leather jacket and fingerless gloves.
Gerard was staring at me as if he were undressing me with his eyes, and I wished he would do it with his hands. The man was sex on legs.
“Well you look sexy,” Gerard said with lust in his eyes.
I grinned and ran my hands up and down his broad muscular chest. “Me? Look at you, Mr. Stud.”
We shared a kiss before agreeing we should get the hell out of the room to see Adam before we ended up missing the whole concert and fucked like monkeys all through the night. Granted, I wouldn’t mind that, but Adam would be pissed if we were a no-show. Finding a parking spot in the theater was almost impossible, but we got lucky. The outside of the theater was already packed with crazed fans, photographers, and reporters. They were all lined up to see Adam Love perform.
“You ready, baby?” Gerard asked looking at me.
God, I loved him calling me baby.
“Yeah,” I replied.
We both got out of the car and walked to the front hand in hand. Adam told us we would be on the VIP list so we could just cut to the front and give the guy managing the front our names. A bald older man with a clipboard was standing out front when we entered. He asked for our names, and we gave it to him. He nodded and told us to step inside and to enjoy the concert. My body was beginning to buzz with excitement.
I asked a security guard directions to Adam’s dressing room, and he pointed toward where we needed to go. Once we were in front of the room, I knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” I heard Adam call from the other side.
“A little bird with a sex god,” I said with a laugh.
“Sex god, huh?” Gerard whispered in my ear, and my body tingled to the feel of his warm breath against my skin.
“Jace?” Adam asked.
“The one and only!” I shouted back.
I heard Adam gasp, “Come in already!”
I looked to Gerard to see if he was ready to meet one of the most important people in my life. His expression told me he was. So, I turned the knob and stepped in with Gerard following behind, anxious to meet the most colorful man in all of Abingdon.
Gerard
I was both excited and nervous to meet the famous Adam who Jace spoke so highly of. Adam was Jace’s best friend and an ex-boyfriend of his. Normally I’d be a little concerned about meeting an ex of my boyfriend’s, but I knew Jace only had eyes for me. He was mine just as I was his.
As we stepped into the dressing room, I was floored by the size of it. It was bigger than our bedrooms in Abingdon. A bathroom in the far right corner, a rack lined with multiple costumes of every color, shape, and size. A large red leather couch against the wall with a small wooden table in front of it with about five gift baskets covering it. To the left was a vanity that was occupied by someone seated in front of it, and I got a glimpse of his joyous face in the mirror.
Once we were inside, Adam turned his chair around to greet us. “Oh my God, Jace! It’s so good to see you! Come here and give me a hug!”
When Adam stood up, and Jace went to hug him, I got my first full view of Jace’s best friend, and I had to admit I was speechless. Adam looked nothing like I thought he would. He was about two inches shorter than Jace, but had a similar small frame. His hair was red and shaggy, his eyes were a golden brown color, and he had a touch of freckles along his nose.
I noticed that Adam had rainbow glitter smeared around his left eye and over his eyebrow in a half-moon shape. He was shirtless and had on a white jacket with a coattail; rhinestones decorated along the sleeves. He also
had on red fingerless gloves, white shorts that were sinfully short, but showed off his muscular legs, and red wine-colored boots. Adam was without a doubt the most unique looking man I’d ever seen in my life.
Once the two men separated from their hug, Jace turned to me. “Adam, this is my boyfriend, Gerard. Gerard this is my best friend, Adam Walker. Adam Love to his fans.”
Adam set mischievous eyes on me, hands on his hips and checking me out from top to bottom. “Mmm, well, aren’t you deliciously appealing.”
I couldn’t help but feel a tad exposed. I looked to Jace who had his hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter that threatened to spill out.
“Um, thank you,” I responded, making it sound more like a question. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Adam. I’ve heard so much about you.”
Adam had both hands resting on his hips as he stared at me. “Oh really? Like what? Like how amazing I am, and how Bluejay’s life would be a pit of despair without me?”
“Yeah, right,” Jace snorted. “More like how annoying and extra you are, and how my life would be simple and peaceful without you.”
“Extra? Baby blue, please remember that I practically invented being extra and I fucking own it like a boss,” Adam huffed exasperatedly.
“That’s for damn sure,” Jace mumbled under his breath.
Adam sure was quite the character. If I hadn’t known about his and Jace’s past relationship, I’d still have known he was gay from a mile away. The man’s whole demeanor screamed I’m Gay, from the highest mountain, and was so sparkly and colorful he’d make unicorns hang their heads in shame. The red hair matched that fiery personality of his. Then, alarms rang in my head as his last name sank in.
“Wait, Walker as in Patricia Walker?”
Adam’s smile widened. “Oh, so you’ve met my mother!”
I would not have been able to believe it without seeing it with my own eyes. The walking ball of sass and glitter was Patricia Walker’s son. Now that I was looking at Adam in a different light I was able to spot the resemblance between the two. But I was still amazed that such a quiet and put-together woman like Patricia had such a feisty little boy to raise.
