by J M Wolf
Malcolm nodded as if that was the answer he was expecting. “I can tell you do. The way you look at him, and hold him, they say it all. It’s the real thing, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said with no hesitation.
“Then what about when it’s time for you to leave?”
I looked down at my lap, unable to speak right away. Even though I knew Jace and I would stay together, the fact I’d be heading back to Florida made my heart hurt. In truth, I didn’t want to leave. I loved it here in Abingdon. Even though we already talked about visiting and I said I’d like to move here, for now I couldn’t.
“Jace and I will still be together after I leave,” I finally said. “It won’t be easy, but we’ll make it work somehow.”
“You’re right, it won’t be easy. But I speak from personal experience when I say that distance means so little when someone means so much to you. Whether dead, alive, near, or far, your heart is always with them.”
I stared at Malcolm, curious as to what experience he had gone through to feel that way. It almost sounded like he lost someone he loved. Maybe the loss he felt was why he was so protective of Jace.
When it was just Jace and I in our room that night, I decided to ask him about Malcolm. “What do you know about your boss, Malcolm?”
Jace looked up at me from resting his head on my bare chest. “Why, are you planning on leaving me for him? If you do, I’ll cut off your dick and choke him with it.”
I laughed at that gory image and gave Jace a reassuring kiss. “No chance in that, baby. I’m all yours, I swear. I was just wondering why he always seemed to be upset about something.”
“Oh,” Jace said in a melancholy tone. “He’s been through a lot, is all.”
“What do you mean?”
Jace paused for a moment before settling himself between my legs, his back pressed against my front. My arms wrapped around him waiting patiently for Jace to collect his thoughts.
“Malcolm has a son,” Jace announced. “His name is Damian, and he was mine and Adam’s friend ever since we were little kids.”
“Where’s Damian now?” I asked.
Jace shrugged his shoulders. “I wish I knew. Before I left for Juilliard, Damian left Abingdon, and nobody’s heard from him since then. It’s not like with your brother. At least you know where he is and know he’s okay. With Damian, it’s like he vanished off the face of the Earth. We don’t even know if he’s dead or alive.”
My chest tightened at the knowledge that Malcolm’s only son had just disappeared. “That’s crazy. Has Malcolm tried looking for him?”
“We all tried. For the first year of his disappearance, we all tried finding him. The problem was his phone got disconnected, his Facebook account was deleted, and his bank account closed. The police couldn’t find him, and Malcolm even went so far as to hire a private investigator.”
“And still nothing?” I asked in shock.
Jace nodded.
“Shit. I can’t imagine what Malcolm must be going through.”
“I know he blames himself. This all started over some argument Malcolm, and Damian had, and I guess it was so bad Damian decided to leave town. Malcolm still carries that in his heart, that he lost his only child because of an argument.”
Now I understood why Malcolm feared so bad for Jace’s life. If his son was friends with Jace and Adam since they were kids, then I understood his attachment. Jace was like another son to him, and the poor guy already lost Damian. I couldn’t imagine what losing someone else he classified as one of his kids would do to the man.
“I hope one day he hears something about Damian,” I said.
“Me too, babe. Me too.”
Jace
“Jace?” I heard Adam call for me as he reached the back patio.
It was Friday, which meant that the memorial was tomorrow, then Gerard would be leaving the next day. I’d been so happy the last couple of days that I nearly forgot all about him leaving. I tried not to dwell over the inevitable, but how could I not? The man I loved would be gone in a couple of days, and I’d feel alone again.
“I’m out here,” I called back.
Adam came through the side entrance and spotted me drinking a bottle of beer and keeping to myself. “Hey, where’s your aunt and Gerard?”
“Desiree needed to run errands for the memorial tomorrow, and Gerard went to help her. I’m just here.”
I’d half expected for sassy Adam to make some witty remark about how he could grace me with his presence, or that I was pining over a man because he’s the most godlike thing to exist since rainbows, or some shit like that. But once I looked in my best friend’s eyes I knew I wouldn’t be hearing any snark remarks. I wasn’t dealing with sassy Adam. No, I was dealing with serious Adam.
“What are you doing here, Adam?” I asked taking another swig from my beer.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Adam retorted taking the seat next to me. “I’m here to check up on you. The memorial is tomorrow, and if memory serves, Gerard will be leaving the next day. So, I knew you’d be like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jace, I’ve known you my whole life. There’s only two times I’ve seen you like this. The first time was when your mom left, minus the beer, but I’m pretty sure if you were of legal age you would’ve been drinking.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” I said. “And the second time?”
Adam looked at me with love and concern. “The second time was when your dad died, except that moment lasted a whole year. We just got you back to normal, Bluejay. I don’t want to see you close yourself off again.”
I let his words sink in for a moment before taking a breath. “What do I do, Adam? I mean, if Gerard leaves then yes, I will do my best to keep us together. But I don’t want him to go.”
“Have you asked him to stay?” Adam asked.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know how to.”
“It’s easy. Just do it like this.” Adam reached forward grabbing my lower jaw, then opened and closed my mouth like he was trying to make a puppet talk. “Gerard, I love you because you’re super hot and I love your monster dick in my ass. So please stay with me,” he said in a mocking voice as if he was trying to sound like me. So sassy Adam came to visit, and I was pretty sure I felt a little insulted if that’s what he really thought I sounded like.
I jerked my face back away from Adam as he chuckled. “That’s not what I meant, asshole. As much as I would love for him to stay, I also know he has his life there in Tampa. I can’t just expect him to drop everything and stay here. Besides he was the one who asked what we would do once he leaves, which tells me he doesn’t plan on staying.”
“Well maybe he will in the future,” Adam suggested.
“But will we even make it that far along?”
“Okay, now you’re being ridiculous. Why are you being so paranoid?”
I looked down at the blue birds tattooed on my wrist, remembering the words my father spoke that inspired it.
“I think Gerard’s it for me. That thing that would help me learn how to fly.”
Adam furrowed his brow. “What the Hell does that mean?”
“It means I think Gerard is the one for me. You know, the one I’m meant to be with forever. And I don’t know if he feels the same way. I’m afraid if he goes back to Florida, his feelings will change overtime and I’ll be wrong. I don’t want to be wrong, Adam. I want him to be it for me.”
Adam reached out for me, so I set my beer down and let the redhead hug me. He was rubbing circles on my back trying to soothe me. I knew I might’ve been overreacting, because I was scared. I was so scared of losing Gerard. I was scared that the near two weeks we’d spent together would’ve been for nothing. I loved him so much in such a short time that it hurt.
“If it’s meant to be, then you and Gerard will make it,” Adam whispered in my ear. “You have to keep believing things will be alright in the end, Bluejay. I know Gerard loves you. I can see it in his eyes when he looked at
you the night of my concert, and yesterday at dinner. You guys are meant for each other.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mumbled.
“Me too, Jace. Me too. But Jace, you can’t spend the last two days sulking about Gerard’s departure. All it’s going to do is bring you both down. Use this time and make the most of it. Don’t you want to enjoy the rest of Gerard’s visit?”
I pulled back and nodded.
Adam brushed the loose strands off my face. “Then do it. Worry about what happens next once it’s time for Gerard to go. And understand that even if he leaves, it may not be permanent.”
“You’re right.” I cleared my throat. “Thanks, Adam. You’re awesome.”
“Damn right, I am,” Adam retorted giving me a wink.
Once we got that out of the way, Adam began telling me about Kaleidoscope Records and what I could expect once I got my contract signed. He was excited as Hell to have me working with him, and to be honest, so was I. He then asked if I would write his songs for his new album.
“Not that I don’t love my songwriter,” Adam began. “But your song Renegade was meaningful and totally me. The other songs were great, but didn’t really capture who I am as you do.”
He had a point there. The songs that he played from his album during the concert were great and catchy, but they didn’t quite fit him. Adam was feisty and sexual and full of life, but I knew what he was trying to say. There was a deeper side of Adam that not many people knew about, and he wanted me to incorporate it into his songs.
“We’ll see,” I told him.
I didn’t know when Desiree and Gerard would be returning home, so once I sent Adam on his way, I went back inside and started cooking dinner for everyone. I had music blasting on my phone and I couldn’t help but dance around. Once I had the chicken in the oven, I was in the middle of mixing up my white rice and beans together when Get Low by Liam Payne started playing. I fucking loved that song.
I found myself singing along while my feet slid around the floor and my hips swayed to the rhythm. I was using the spatula as a microphone, twirling and literally dropping like it was hot. I was having too much fun cooking. Funny how music seemed to lift my spirit. Probably because Adam was right. I was going to enjoy my time left with Gerard and worry about the future later.
I was in the process of doing another twirl when I jumped back at seeing that I was no longer alone. Desiree and Gerard were standing by the dining room table laughing at my surprised expression.
“Don’t let us stop you, Mr. Popstar,” Desiree said coming up to me and kissed the top of my head. “Good to see you in a good mood again. Carry on.”
Once she went to her room, Gerard and I were left alone, and I felt my face heat up.
“Well I always wanted a private show,” Gerard said with a wink.
I giggled like a little girl and urged him to come closer. He did, eyes growing darker with hunger in them. I turned to the stove stirring the food while Gerard came up pressing his front against my backside and wrapping his arms around my waist. I continued my little performance, but was also grinding up on him. I could already feel Gerard’s cock hardening and pressing against my ass. Perfect.
I reached back wrapping an arm around Gerard’s neck as I continued giving the love of my life the private show he wanted. His hands were running up my chest and pushing back against me. I wanted this sexy man naked with me right fucking now. Once the music stopped playing, Gerard reached forward and turned off all the burners.
“Is everything done?” Gerard murmured in my ear.
“Just waiting on the chicken, but we have less than an hour before it’s ready,” I said in a shaky breath.
“Less than an hour, huh?”
I nodded.
Before I knew what was happening, Gerard quickly lifted me in his arms and practically ran up the stairs. I busted out laughing all the way to his bedroom where he finally gave me what I wanted.
“I was worried about you earlier,” Gerard said once he was able to catch his breath.
We were both cuddled up in bed naked and completely sated for the second time that day. After the first time, we came back down to have dinner with Desiree. It was Gerard’s first time trying the food I cooked, and he was impressed. It warmed my heart that he enjoyed it. After I cleaned up the kitchen, Gerard escorted me back to his room, where we decided to indulge ourselves in more naked sexy time. Hey, we needed to burn off all the calories somehow.
I turned to my side and looked up at him. “I know. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“What was wrong?”
I debated whether to tell him what Adam and I discussed, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. So, I chose to tell him half of it.
“I’m just not looking forward to you leaving is all.”
Gerard held me tighter, and I laid my head against his chest relishing the heat of his skin.
“I’m not looking forward to it either,” Gerard said after a long pause. “You made this trip about so much more than just saying goodbye to your dad.”
“You won’t be saying goodbye to me though, will you?” I asked.
Gerard kissed the top of my head. “Not a chance, Bluejay.”
I allowed myself to relax after that. Gerard’s fingers ran through my hair and I found myself humming the tune I’d been working on for song I was writing for him.
"What's your favorite song?" Gerard asked in a soft whisper as his hands began rubbing soothing circles on my back.
Curling myself tighter against his side I placed a gentle kiss on his heated skin then nuzzled my cheek against his fuzzy chest close to his heart.
"Your heartbeat," I mumbled with a smile. "Your heartbeat is my favorite song, and I could listen to it forever and never get tired of it."
Gerard
It was the day of the Memorial, and I was nervous as shit. I wasn’t able to make it to the funeral last year, so this would be my first time seeing Riley, or rather his grave. Tomorrow I would be going back to my life, and I honestly wasn’t looking forward to it. I wasn’t lying when I told Jace that he made this trip much more than saying goodbye to my former lover. In the two weeks I’d been in Abingdon, I had a glimpse of what I almost had, but still had the chance to have.
I was already planning on visiting around Christmas time, though that was five months away. It wasn’t much, but it was still something to look forward to. I knew eventually I would move to Abingdon, but I wasn’t sure when. There was just something holding me back, and I wasn’t sure what it was.
I put on my suit and headed for the bathroom where Jace was fixing his tie. We were both dressed in black tuxes, but where my tie was white, Jace’s was shade of blue that matched his eyes. He looked absolutely stunning.
Once he adjusted his tie he turned to meet me in the hallway. He was trying his best to stay composed, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. Even though it’d been a year, I knew Jace was still feeling the pain of losing his father. He wasn’t bottling his emotions like he used to, but he was still trying to put on a brave face.
“You look handsome, baby,” I said as I reached out and smoothed his jacket.
Jace looked up at me with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks, so do you.”
“You going to be okay, Bluejay?”
“Yeah, why?” Jace asked me.
I arched an eyebrow at him.
“I will be okay.” Jace sighed. “It just doesn’t get any easier, you know? Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s gone for good.”
“Believe me, I understand what you mean,” I said with a grin. “I miss him too, Jace. I miss a great deal. But at least he can rest in peace knowing we’re going to be okay, right?”
Jace’s smile was more genuine when he nodded his agreement.
I leaned forward and kissed the young man in front of me. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Jace whispered.
I took Jace’s hand in mind and led him downstairs where Des
iree was waiting for us. She was by the front door waiting for us wearing a smooth black dress when she spotted us
“Well don’t you two look handsome together,” Desiree said with a grin.
“And you look beautiful,” I replied.
“Thank you. Are you guys ready?”
Jace and I both nodded then the three of us made our way out of the door to my car. Within ten minutes, we’d arrived at the church where they were holding Riley’s memorial. It was small, specifically for close family and friends. Jace looked ahead and spotted Patricia, Malcolm, Adam, and Tara waiting by the front entrance, waiting for us I guessed.
The three of us got out of the car and made our way to them. Adam greeted Jace with a tight hug before anyone else. Malcolm reached over and gripped my shoulder giving me a reassuring nod, and I returned the gesture. Once all the greetings were over we all stepped inside the church and took our seats. Riley’s picture was enlarged and framed in the center for everyone to see.
The pastor made his speech about departing souls reaching to God, then ushered Jace to go to the front. Jace mentioned at dinner yesterday that he was going to make a small speech, then perform a song for everybody on the piano. I sat there silently watching as Jace stood in front of everybody and took in a deep breath.
“Thank you all for coming,” he began. “Most of you guys have known my father since he was a kid. You all know the struggles he and his sister, my aunt, went through growing up. Their parents’ death, being separated at foster care, my dad’s divorce, and then at this time last year, he was killed in action.”
Jace paused for a moment letting a few strands of tears fall before speaking again. “It’s been hard coping with losing my father, as some of you know. I didn’t handle it well. But what did you expect? He was more than just my dad, he was my best friend. We were a two-man team. He was my first music teacher, and my biggest supporter.
“He left behind a lot of people who loved him.” Jace’s eyes turned to me and I had to will myself to fight off the emotions threatening to come loose. “He also left behind a man who loved him unconditionally. Someone who wanted to marry him and have a life with.”
