He kissed my hand, and that was all it took to make the tears fall. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop them from coming, but snapped them open when the sickening crack of Ember’s neck breaking echoed in my head. Her body went limp in my grip all over again. It was all I could do to keep from screaming.
X pulled me into his lap and kissed my wet cheeks.
“You’re too good to me,” I whispered.
“Nope, you’re too good to me. Before you showed up, I knew I was going to die. I’d made peace with it. I’d lived a good life. I fought hard, but it was my time. You wouldn’t let that happen. When you knew I wasn’t in danger anymore, you could’ve left me. Instead you stayed here with my family, which is no small feat, until I shifted. You chose us, Chandra. You made this your home. Now you’ve done what none of my brothers or the Channings could do. You gave us a future.” X pressed his lips against my forehead.
He made it sound like a good thing. I couldn’t see past the death I’d caused. “But this can’t be it. Ember’s wolves won’t go quietly.”
“They will. Their alpha was defeated. Keeping with pack tradition, they actually answer to you now.”
I broke out in a cold sweat. What if those dead behind the eyes wolves really considered me their new leader? If I were them, I’d be planning mutiny. How could they ever pledge loyalty to the wolf that killed Ember? I didn’t trust them any more than I trusted her. After all, they learned from the best. “No. I’m no alpha.” I could barely get the word out. “I didn’t come here to take over. I just want to belong. And if for some crazy reason, they’re actually willing to follow me, I’ll tell them to go back where they came from. I don’t care where it is, as long as it’s not here.”
Emma’s laugh rang from the other side of the door. “How do I go down there and pretend everything’s normal?” I asked.
X’s face lit up. “You don’t. Remember what I told you about the forest?” I shook my head. I could barely remember my own name right now. “Second rule. We respect strength. It’s okay to be upset. Death sucks, it doesn’t matter who it happens to. Never be ashamed of what you’ve done.”
It was like it never even happened. Shea and Delaney sat at the table with Emma, making up ridiculous stories over their cereal. Cass stood on a stepstool, wrapping mugs and packing them in a box. She and Major renovated the house she grew up in and made it theirs. The room fell silent when they saw me. X squeezed my hand.
Cass climbed down, wiping the back of her hand on her forehead, a few tendrils of hair escaping from her scarf. She stopped in front of me, hesitating before pulling me into her body. I wasn’t sure if she’d hug me or strangle me, but it was definitely a hug. It was as good of an apology as I could ever ask for. She didn’t say anything right away, rocking back and forth softly.
“Thank you,” she finally said, pulling away slightly. Her eyes shined with tears, but unlike mine, they were happy. “I’ve given you such a hard time, and I was wrong. We wouldn’t have a pack without you.”
“Chandra was awesome. I wish you could’ve seen her in action.” Shea bounced with excitement with his seat, waving his spoon in the air. “She barged in out of nowhere, jumped on the bed, and whipped Ember around in her jaws like she was a piece of rawhide. Total domination.”
All the color faded from Delaney’s face. I didn’t know all the details of her past, except that violence played a prominent part. Her eyes were huge behind her glasses. I wished I could make it go away for her, but in Sawtooth Forest, that was one of the many things I couldn’t guarantee. Shea crossed his arms in front of his chest, then spread his fists wide. Safe. All of us were picking up sign language, and Delaney glowed every time we signed to her. She nodded, then looked to me, bringing her fingers to her lips, pulling them away. Thank you.
I curved my hand in front of my body. You’re welcome.
Today I’d planned to talk to Dr. Aldo, but I’d violated the cardinal rule of the profession: do no harm. I couldn’t face him. Everyone else had gone to work, business as usual in Granger Falls.
“It’s a show of strength,” Major said on the way out the door, echoing X’s sentiment earlier. “We don’t stop because we can’t stop. Success is victory.”
Emma spread her schoolwork out on the table, writing in a workbook. She sang to herself as she worked. I wondered if she had any idea of the turmoil that swirled around her.
“Need any help?” I asked Cass. I had to keep myself busy so I didn’t think.
“There’s not much to do. When I sold the house, I got rid of almost everything. Didn’t want to be reminded of that part of my life. It doesn’t take much. A book, a dish, even clothes. It makes it all come back like it was yesterday.” Cass sat down, glancing at Emma’s work. Her shoulders slumped, showing her exhaustion. She’d probably been up half the night worrying. Her mate’s absence was no secret.
“Did you shift this morning?” I asked.
“No.” Cass tried to hold in her smile, but couldn’t. “I’m pregnant. Just found out. We only shift to mate, so I’ll stay human for the next few months.”
It didn’t feel as weird to hug Cass as I thought it would. “Congratulations!” A wave of relief rolled through me. This baby wouldn’t face the same challenges as Kiera’s. But so far, Kiera was progressing what seemed like normally.
These two tiny wolves that needed a fighting chance were exactly the reason I should give myself a break about what happened this morning. I would, eventually.
“Why don’t you take a break?” she said to Emma.
Nobody had to ask Emma twice. She slid down from her seat and ran into the living room. A stockpile of her toys waited for her there.
Cass waited until her daughter sank down in front of the dollhouse and the world disappeared. “I still can’t talk about it in front of her. She loved her daddy, and I’ll never take that away from her. Walter, my husband, killed himself, but if he hadn’t, Major would’ve done the job. And he would’ve deserved it. Walter’s father kept them prisoner. Made them fight. I still feel guilty that’s he’s gone, like it’s my fault. That man tortured me for most of our marriage, and I still can’t be happy the bastard is dead.”
“Because then you’d feel like you were as heartless as he was.” Killing Ember didn’t make me better than her. I’d plummeted to her level. The gutter.
“Exactly. But my life has been so much better since he’s been gone. Major and I were in love long before I got married. If I had any balls, I would’ve never walked down the aisle. I would’ve found a way out of my contract come hell or high water. I was young, and thought somehow it would all work out. Stupid, that’s what I was. Now we can finally be together. I appreciate what we have, because I know what it’s like to live without that. My daughter can live the life she wants. That alone…. Anyway, what I’m saying is I know you feel like absolute shit. But sometimes awful things happen to make room for the good stuff.”
“I know that,” I said softly. “I wish it could’ve been different.”
“We all do, but think of it this way. Now it can be.” Cass raised an eyebrow before getting up. She taped up a box and smiled. “I’m gonna miss this crazy house. But I’m looking forward to having something I can call my own with Major. You’ll come visit me, right?”
Twenty-four hours ago she never would have asked. “Of course. I can’t wait for your mating ceremony.” It was coming up in a few weeks. “All I can picture is the one in the book.”
“It might be just like it. All the older she-wolves in the forest are so excited about a traditional ceremony between true mates, I gave up having any control over the situation.” She shook her head, no hiding her smile this time. “I’m letting them plan it. I don’t care what happens, as long as Major is mine.”
Something pushed the awful image of Ember’s lifeless body out of my head. The last page of the book I’d found with my mother’s belongings was a drawing of two wolves, noses touching, at their mating ceremony. But instead I pictured it as me
and X. It was the only thing that got me to smile today.
“Can I ask you a weird question? How long do you think you’ll be pregnant? Or how long were you pregnant with Emma?”
“A little more than six months.” Cass turned back to me quickly. “Are you pregnant? No, you can’t be. You shifted.”
“No. I’m not. Just curious.” These wolves didn’t miss a beat. “You know I’ve been studying Dr. Aldo’s book. It’s an eye opener. Not in a good way. I knew that wolves only stay pregnant for about nine weeks. But the notes on obstetrics are outdated. Most of them are handwritten and don’t make a lot of sense.”
“I’d like to say I’m surprised, or horrified, but I’m not. The doctor does the best he can, but the forest has always been an old boys’ network. He’s got to be older than dirt at this point, so things were different then. The she-wolves have always struggled for information about our bodies. If our mothers couldn’t tell us, we were pretty much screwed. My mom was drunk most of the time, so I relied on my girlfriends. It’s amazing we’re all still in one piece.”
Holy shit. Not only was it so good to have straight talk with anyone about what happened in the forest, but this had to stop. I’d already considered it a great honor to take over Dr. Aldo’s practice, to be trusted with the heartbeat of the pack. Now it was an absolute necessity. The packs were on a collision course with extinction long before the marriage contracts and invasion from outsiders.
Cass looked off in the distance, and shook her head sadly. “The oppression didn’t start with the contracts. I can’t let myself get mad about it anymore. It was a different generation, a different time for women in general. I have to believe that my parents did what they thought was best for me, or else I’d go insane. But when I really think about it, and realize how different things could’ve been for all of us, I get pissed.”
“Like you said, the awful stuff makes the good stuff better.” Still, it was a hell of a price to pay. I tried not to mourn the opportunities that were surely missed for so many she-wolves.
“Just be careful.” Cass got up and resumed packing. “I know you and X are talking about forever, but take it from me. It’s a long time with a stranger.”
Chapter Fourteen
X
“We need to have a big fucking party,” Shea said as I drove him and Delaney to work. “Ding dong, the bitch is dead. Chandra’s the guest of honor. Let’s do it tonight. Make our announcement loud and clear. Nobody fucks with our pack, or we will put you in the ground.”
“Too soon.” I couldn’t get the image of my mate crumbling in front of me this morning. The lost expression on her face, the sound of her heart breaking. “Chandra’s having a hard time with what she did.”
“She shouldn’t,” Shea grunted, then tapped his hand against the window. “Then how about a welcome to the pack party? We never gave her one of those. You were sick, and we had to deal with Ember. We’ll do it at The Redheaded Stepchild. Kinda like a Full Moon Fever party, except this time we know who we’re bringing to Red Heaven.” He picked up Delaney’s hand and kissed it.
“That she’d go for.”
Chandra wanted nothing more than to belong to the pack. It was different than just being here. She wanted to be identified as one of us, and I knew Chandra well enough to expect she’d distance herself from Ember’s destruction as soon as she could. I couldn’t wait for her to open her practice. That was exactly what she needed, She’d been brought to us to make us stronger and better.
“I’ll call Jacques, get the word out. No later than this weekend,” Shea said before he climbed out of the truck. That’s when it really hit me. Ember was gone. I didn’t have to sneak around behind my brothers’ backs with Dallas anymore, and I didn’t have to worry about losing the shop.
I had everything I wanted.
It was fucking amazing.
Didn’t matter if it was good or bad, news always spread in Granger Falls like wildfire. So many people stopped by the shop, thanking us for saving their businesses, and more importantly, they all had the same question.
When can we meet Chandra?
“Come to The Stepchild this weekend, we’re having a party,” Major told every single one of them. “You can meet Chandra and Delaney, Shea’s girl. Have a drink and celebrate the way only Sawtooth knows how.”
Chandra was at the kitchen table when I got home, frosting heart-shaped cookies with Emma, Cass, and Connie. I wiped a smudge of red icing off her cheek and fed it to her. “We’re having a party on Saturday night.”
“That’s Valentine’s Day!” Emma looked up at me and smiled, baby teeth on full display.
“We are?” Chandra licked frosting off her lips. My cock twitched; she had no idea how sexy she looked.
“Yeah. In your honor.” Major rested his hands on Cass’ shoulders. He must have done something, because she closed her eyes and moaned. “Everyone wants to meet the long lost Sawtooth she-wolf.”
Cass snapped back to attention. “Major throws one hell of a party. Is there still gonna be a Red Heaven, babe?” She tipped her head up at Major.
“If you want to go to Red Heaven, we won’t leave all night.” He dipped down and kissed her.
“What’s Red Heaven?” Chandra asked.
“It’s the best place on earth. It’s a VIP area in the back room where anything goes. I mean, anything. I say we close it off for the first hour or so just for the Channings and the Lowes.” Shea pulled Delaney down on his lap, raising his eyebrows, and she squealed. “You’ll go to Red Heaven, right, angel?”
Delaney nodded, turning bright pink.
“We won’t have any secrets from each other after this weekend.” Cass laughed. “I’ve only been to one of those parties, and it was beyond wild. I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for, from when I was playing good little wifey.”
“Yeah, none of that being good shit on my watch.” Major squeezed her shoulders. “You’ll leave every wolf in that room with his tongue hanging out.”
“Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.” I leaned down and kissed Chandra, putting my lips to her ear so no one else could hear me. “Ready to put on a show?”
“Seriously?” Her mouth dropped when she turned to me, as pink as Delaney. “We get to drink first, right?”
“Whatever you want.” I kissed her again. “Wanna get out of here for a little while?”
Chandra smiled. “Yeah.”
“I can’t lie to you,” I said once I backed out of the driveway. “These parties are as wild as everyone describes them. It’s a hell of a time, and a Sawtooth tradition.”
“I’m equally excited and terrified.” She laughed. “You’re not serious about having sex in front of everyone?”
“Well, yeah,” I knew her mouth would drop. “It’s a total no judgment zone. If you can find me a Sawtooth wolf than hasn’t been to Red Heaven, I’d tell you they weren’t part of the pack. You’ll see things you didn’t think were possible. What happens at a Full Moon Fever party…you get the picture. You can do whatever your heart desires. That’s why Major started having them.”
“Okay.” She didn’t sound convinced. “I mean, I’m going to be their doctor, and I killed someone this morning. Saturday seems a little soon to be doing reverse cowgirl with an audience.”
I almost crashed the truck with that visual. “It’s never too soon for reverse cowgirl. And I’m done letting you beat yourself up about Ember. You saved this pack. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’ll get used to it eventually.” Chandra sighed. “Where are we going?”
“Big Wood River.” I pulled off the main road, and the truck bumped along the dirt path. “I’d planned to bring you here on Valentine’s night, but now we’re spoken for. I’ve been dying to show you this place, but it wasn’t safe before. If someone caught wind of what you were…”
“Am I still unclaimed?” Her voice changed. All the doubt was gone, replaced by strength. So fucking sexy.
“You’re mine,
” I growled, stopping the truck. I turned on the interior light. Her dark eyes glittered and we may never make it to the river. I’d never wanted anything worse than I wanted to claim her right now. Not even my freedom. This was what it meant to have a mate. To want someone else’s happiness more than your own. “Technically, you’re unclaimed until we have our ceremony.”
“Do it tonight.” She reached for my hand and squeezed it. Her pulse thundered. “I don’t want this to be the day I killed Ember anymore. I want it to be the day you marked me.”
Holy shit. I crawled over the console, pressing her against the window. Chandra’s scent was so strong I thought I’d start hallucinating. I kissed her, hard, rough, and without any warning. My hands were under her shirt, squeezing her tits and rubbing against her nipples. I never thought my wolf could come twice in one day, but her command had it rumbling inside me, begging to be let free.
“Get out of the truck,” I said as she gasped for breath. I held on to her as I opened the door, and then helped her down.
This was fucking crazy. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d mark a Sawtooth she-wolf. Even with Chandra in my bed, it still seemed beyond reality. I knew better than to count on anything before I had it.
Without the moon to guide us, the night covered the forest in a velvety blanket. We held hands as I led her to the river’s edge. The trees fell away to brush, and I helped her over the rocks. It got easier to see the closer we came to the water. The current roared, and I had to yell to be heard.
“Look up,” I said, holding her by the waist.
“It’s amazing,” Chandra gasped, holding her hand up and laughing. “The stars are so close, it feels like we should be able to touch them.”
A thick swirl of stars glowed above us, shadowed with pink and green. “It’s the Milky Way.” I knew she’d love it. “But it’s not the most beautiful thing in this forest.”
Complete Me Page 8
