by Paige Tyler
Listening to Grayson speak, I wish more than anything that I didn’t understand where he was coming from. I wish I could tell myself that he’s being ridiculous and selfish and mean. But the truth is, I do know those fears because I live with them, too.
Hot tears fill my eyes. I blink hard, trying to stave them off so that I don’t make this moment even more horrible by crying.
Grayson’s jaw clenches and he reaches his hand out toward me like he wants to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but then he freezes. He’s so close that I can feel the heat of his fingers against my skin, but he doesn’t touch me. I’m actually kind of grateful for that, because if he did, there was no way I’d be able to hold back these damn tears.
“Let me drive you and George home,” he offers, dropping his hand. “It’s the least I can do. I want to make sure both of you get home safely.”
“No!” I say a little too loudly. “I mean, thanks, but no.”
Grip tight on George’s leash, I step away from Grayson. The last thing I want is to sit down in that car with him, not because I want this date to end, but because I don’t want his final memory to be of me hunched in that seat with my face buried in George’s neck and tears smearing my makeup down my cheeks.
“Sutton and Liv will come to get me,” I add softly.
Before he can insist, I pull my phone out of my purse and shoot a short, simple message to the private group chat already set up between my besties and me. It’s a single word—911. A split second later, my phone is flooded with responses from Sutton and Liv, as well as confirmation that they’re already jumping in the car to come rescue me.
I lift my head, forcing a smile, but Grayson doesn’t mirror the expression.
“You don’t have to do that, Kali,” he says quietly, sadly. “You don’t always have to smile even when you don’t want to.”
I don’t say anything.
I can’t.
Because if I do, I’ll start crying for sure.
And once a single tear falls, more will follow, and they won’t stop.
All I can do is stand there and watch the man of my dreams get in his car and drive away.
CHAPTER NINE
The beaters from the handheld mixer clatter hard against the side of the mixing bowl as I fervently whip up extra chocolatey, extra gooey, edible brownie batter.
On the other side of the kitchen island, I see Sutton and Liv share a worried look. They know I only break out this particular recipe when I’m desperately trying to ease my internal pain with comfort food. I haven’t made these brownies in a few years, back when we were really starting to become popular and our YouTube channel got hit with a slew of copyright strikes from another jealous creator and we almost got completely shut down. Thankfully, we were able to make a case for ourselves and prevent a total wipeout, but it had looked pretty dire at the time.
I sniffle hard, glad that I have the edible brownie recipe memorized because I wouldn’t be able to read it through the tears that keep welling in my eyes. I reach up with my free hand to wipe the wetness off my cheeks.
We’d been home less than an hour since Sutton and Liv came and got George and me from Franco’s Burgers. The moment we got home, I took off my duster cardigan and tossed it on the back of the sectional couch in the living room, then marched straight into the kitchen to start baking, not even bothering to change out of my blouse and Daisy Dukes.
Since I can remember, baking has been my favorite form of therapy. Bouncing from foster home to foster home, I had to learn how to feed myself most of the time and while I enjoy cooking, baking came more naturally to me. Right now, it’s the only thing stopping me from completely breaking down and losing it.
George, Coco, and Chanel seem to sense the dismal mood in the house because they are nowhere to be seen. Chanel is most likely back in her oversized hutch, while George is almost certainly curled up in my bed, and even attention-seeking Coco is out of sight. Sutton and Liv have been bravely perched on the barstools at the island the whole time, but they haven’t been able to get much out of me yet. Not for lack of trying, though.
“So, I guess the date didn’t go as well as you’d hoped?” Sutton finally asks bluntly.
She yelps suddenly, wincing and grabbing her side, and I realize Liv must’ve elbowed her.
“What?” she demands, glaring at Liv. “Kali is going to have to tell us the details at some point. She didn’t say a word the whole drive home.”
“No, it did not go as well as I hoped,” I mutter sharply.
Sutton sits up straighter and squares her shoulders, looking like she wants to say something that’s undoubtedly along the lines of I told you so! but one warning look from Liv reminds her not to rub my pain in my face.
I slam the mixing bowl down and grab two huge fistfuls of chocolate chips to add to the brownie, butter, and heavy cream mixture, then use a big spoon to stir them in. The chocolatey dough glistens in the overhead lights invitingly. I bet even celebrity chef, Paul Hollywood, would go crazy for these edible brownies. Makeup might be my profession, and art my passion, but baking has always been my refuge.
When I sniffle again, Liv slides from her stool and comes around to my side of the island.
The kitchen still bears some remnants of our party the other night when we were celebrating our big Instagram milestone. We’d rinsed the now-empty bottle of expensive champagne and saved it as a memento and we still have a few leftover baked goodies. Looking at them now makes my heart ache because it reminds me of the day I met Grayson. It’d felt like such a sweet twist of fate to run into him at the library, but now I know it simply isn’t meant to be. It was nothing but a fantasy and now harsh reality is settling in once again.
“Kali…” Liv sighs, fumbling for words that she can’t seem to find.
Eventually, her arms circle my waist and she leans into me so that she can rest her head on my shoulder. I bite my lip hard, trying to keep what little is left of my composure, but when Sutton comes around the island and joins us, wrapping her arms around me, too, it’s more than I can take.
There are no words that they can say to ease my breaking heart, but my two best friends holding me up when I want to collapse means more to me than perhaps they even know. The tears I’ve been desperately holding back seep through my scrunched lids and I cling to my best friends as waves of sadness wash through me.
“This is so dumb,” I manage to say hoarsely once my nose is red, my eyes are swollen, and my throat is raw. “I only just met Grayson, but it felt like I was losing a huge piece of myself when we said goodbye. Every time we touched it was electric and when he looked at me, he saw me—just me, the real me.”
“Then that means it isn’t dumb at all,” Liv murmurs quietly.
She caresses my hair and pats my back while Sutton continues to hold me close. That’s probably for the best, knowing Sutton’s penchant toward sass. Her embrace is so tight that I know she’s hurting for me, too, though, and that’s enough for me.
At some point, the three of us all sink down on the kitchen floor with the bowl of edible, egg-free brownie batter wedged between us. My two besties sit on either side of me. Sutton and I have our legs outstretched while Liv’s are curled beneath her. We each have a spoon and take turns eating scoops of the rich chocolate dessert.
There’s no better salve for the soul than edible chocolate brownie batter.
Sutton sucks some chocolate off her finger and eyes me. “I don’t know if you want to hear this, but the fans you ran into at Franco’s posted about it on our Facebook page.”
“Please tell me they didn't say anything negative at least,” I say with a grimace. “It was so awkward. I did my best to be nice.”
Liv immediately shakes her head, her long ponytail swinging back and forth as she jumps in to soothe me. “No, not at all! It was all good stuff. They were thrilled. Franco himself even reposted it.”
“Franco?” Sutton and I echo at once.
“Yep!” Liv gives us a tentat
ive smile. “And we all know that Franco only ever posts about his motorcycles and his burgers, so that’s a pretty big deal.” She pauses to lick some batter off her spoon, her dark eyes thoughtful. “Maybe he’ll want to do some sort of collab in the future.”
Sutton laughs and I can’t help but do the same. It feels kind of hollow compared to the waves of laughter that threatened to swallow me whole when I was with Grayson. But at least it’s a reminder that I’ll smile again, even if I’m hurting like hell right now.
“What kind of collaboration would we do with Franco’s Burgers?” I ask. “A chili cheese inspired makeup pallet?”
“Never say never,” Sutton quips.
We all laugh again. I lean back against the island, closing my eyes and thanking all of my lucky stars that I have Sutton and Liv at my side. No matter what little fights we have, at the end of the day, we can always depend on each other. That’s what family really is.
“You’re going to be all right, Kali,” Liv says softly after we’ve all stopped laughing and had our fill of brownie batter.
Sutton frowns at both of us. “Of course, Kali is going to be okay. She’s going to be more than okay. She’s got her job to focus on and she has that Fostering Tomorrow event coming up and we’ve got that fashion collab with the boutique in the city. Kali is going to keep blasting off like a rocket while that lawyer guy does…well…whatever boring things lawyers do.”
Liv giggles, lacing her fingers with mine. “Plus, you have us.”
On my other side, Sutton does the same to my other hand. I cling to both of theirs, unable to help but smile a little.
“You’re right,” I state with a resolute nod. “I am going to be okay.”
However, I don’t say the pained word that should follow next—eventually.
CHAPTER TEN
I never really thought lime green was my color, but looking at myself now in the bathroom mirror, it turns out I can definitely rock it.
The front of the loose-fitting tee is emblazoned with the Fostering Tomorrow logo I designed and the charity has asked Sutton, Liv, and me to wear the shirts for the event in LA today. While I’ve simply tucked the shirt into my shorts so it doesn’t fit like a potato sack, Liv has meticulously snipped a few fashionable holes in hers so that it’s morphed from a regular unisex tee to an off-the-shoulder, cute-as-hell top. Sutton, meanwhile, has deftly knotted it above one of her slender hips so it shows off her flawless figure.
I smile at my reflection. I can hardly believe that the day of the charity’s fundraiser has already arrived. The past month has been a busy blur of video recordings, photoshoots, heartache, and business meetings.
Laura Randolph, the chair of Fostering Tomorrow, has asked me to be one of the main hosts of the event since it’s a cause so dear to me, but Sutton and Liv are coming along to support me—and to snap lots of pictures for our social media, of course. The best part of G&G’s fan base is how much they’re willing to give back when we amplify the voices of the various charities that we work with. I can’t wait to see how much money we raise for Fostering Tomorrow by the end of the day. Something tells me it’s going to be a lot.
“It’s nice to see you smiling again,” Sutton remarks as she pops into my bathroom. She holds out a tube of lip gloss. “Can you?”
I take the gloss and take off the cap, then apply it to her plump lips. “I’m always smiling.”
It’s true, even when I don’t want it to be.
“Yeah, I know,” she answers, barely holding still long enough for me to help her with her makeup. “But this smile seems for real.”
I’m too busy making sure the gloss is perfect to argue and the second I’m done, she bounces out of the bathroom.
“You better hurry up, babe!” she calls back over her shoulder. “We’re going to be late for your big day if we don’t get a move on. Liv is already waiting by the car.”
I check the time and gulp. I chase after her, pausing just long enough to plant a kiss on George’s head before grabbing my purse and sunglasses and racing outside. It’s yet another beautiful morning in California. There isn’t a cloud in the sapphire sky and the weather is perfectly warm. When I slide into the backseat of Liv’s bright pink hybrid car, the leather seat sticks to my legs.
Liv steers the car away from our bungalow and I halfheartedly listen as my two besties mess with the radio and giggle together.
I gaze out the window, watching the palm trees and the sandy beach fly by. It’s been a whole four weeks since Grayson and I had that disastrous first date, and though I’ve been completely swamped with work, he still worms his way into my thoughts constantly. Sometimes, I’ll just be lying in bed and his beautiful brown eyes will appear in my mind or I’ll hear his husky laugh. It’s haunting and painful, not to mention frustrating. I’ve never been hung up on a guy before.
At least, work has been as constant as ever and has been there to distract me. I’ll always have that to fall back on, which is good, I suppose. But ever since meeting Grayson, I’ve started wondering what else there is to life. I’ve always been focused on my career, but the feelings inside of me that stirred in my soul when I was around Grayson has made me question everything.
I love my job and my friends, but my heart yearns for more now.
“Earth to Kali!” Sutton says.
She has my door open and is leaning down toward me. She waves a hand in front of my face until I jolt back to reality.
Behind my sunglasses, I blink hard, realizing that at some point, Liv has parked the car and I’ve spent the entire drive to LA in a haze. Liv idly leans against the side of the car beside Sutton, eyeing me curiously.
“You feeling okay, girl?” Liv asks, worry scrunching her pretty face.
I nod and quickly climb out of the car before forcing another smile. “Of course! I didn’t sleep great last night. I guess because I’m so excited for today. You know what I mean?”
“Sure,” she says, but there’s a little bit of skepticism in her voice.
“If you want to take a sec to talk—” Sutton starts, but I shake my head. We don’t have time for that, and I’m not sure I’m ready to lay my heart bare for them today of all days when I haven’t done it during the past month.
Clearing my throat, I march determinedly past my besties toward the basketball stadium where the Fostering Tomorrow event is being held. It’s set to start any minute and I need to find Laura beforehand to make sure the setup has gone without a hitch.
We’d agreed on hosting a day of Olympics style games for the underprivileged children in the city, the majority of which are foster kids like I was. They’ll get to let loose and have a blast while the staff plays referees. Local businesses have agreed to cater the food and any funds will funnel right back into the charity, which sets up scholarships for the kids in need. Attendees can buy raffle tickets and enjoy some scrumptious food while bidding on some special G&G gear Sutton, Liv, and I are auctioning off, which I know will help raise some serious cash.
“Kali! You’re just in time!”
A tall woman with shoulder-length, curly red hair and wearing the event’s familiar lime green shirt hurries over to us the moment we step inside, a smile on her face.
“Hey, Laura!” I say, returning her smile as I take in the different games that have been set up. “It looks amazing in here!”
There are hurdle races, a small volleyball net, and a water balloon station. There’s even tug of war and a three-legged race. They’d let one of the basketball hoops down too so that the kids can play. I can’t wait to see their faces get a look at all of this.
The chair of the charity hooks her arm around mine and pulls me toward where the stage has been set up. “Doesn’t it? I’m so thrilled with it. And you should hear the kids going on and on about you three girls being here. We’re just finalizing the staffing teams. I’ve got Sutton and Liv paired together to handle the raffle station, but because you’re one of our hosts, I need you close by.”
�
��Sounds good to me,” I say.
“I’m putting you by the stage so I can bring you up there for some announcements throughout the day. That means you’ll be working the water balloon toss.” Laura gives me an apologetic smile. “On the downside, that means your clothes will probably get wet at some point. Hope that’s okay?”
I grin. “Perfectly okay.”
Laura beams. “Fantastic! We’re about to let the attendees in, so I’m going to get the party started. I was hoping you could say a few short words too?”
I eagerly nod. “I’d be honored!”
Around us, people are starting to swarm in through the open doors. A sea of young people, from knee-high children to high schoolers, file in closest to the stage. They all look excited and eager to start this day of games and it makes my whole soul feel warm.
This is just what I need to put Grayson completely behind me once and for all.
Laura hurries up onto the stage and takes her place behind the podium.
“Welcome, everyone!” Laura says into the microphone. “Fostering Tomorrow is so excited to have you all here. The goal of today is to have lots of fun and raise lots of money for scholarships for these special young people who’ve had a bit of a struggle in their lives. Before we get things started, I’m proud to introduce Kali Lang of Glossed & Glammed fame.”
Around me, the crowd cheers wildly while Laura grins and ushers me up onto the stage with her. I eagerly jog up the steps and move over to stand beside her.
“Kali reached out to me a few months ago, saying that she wanted to help spread awareness for Fostering Tomorrow and she’s been instrumental in helping us organize this event ever since,” Laura continued. “Her Glammers have already donated over ten thousand dollars this month alone, of which Glossed & Glammed is going to match every penny from their own pockets. Whatever we earn today, these lovely ladies are going to triple! Please put a hand together for Glossed & Glammed, everyone!”
