Playing for the Save (Men of Spring Baseball Book 3)

by Rachelle Ayala

  “I’ve been thinking.” Her mother’s brows furrowed. “You might have a mole here. Someone who’s telling Andrew everything that’s going on. Do you think it’s one of those teachers? After all, they’re obligated to discuss Drew with Andrew because he’s the legal father.”

  “You mean Amber, Eileen, and Dianne?” Jamie turned to stare at her mother. “They want what’s best for Drew, and they know Andrew isn’t it.”

  “Then it has to be either Marcia, Brock, or Marcia’s dad. Andrew’s a big baseball fan. Maybe he met Marcia’s dad at the ball park …”

  “Too coincidental.” Jamie applied lip gloss and dabbed it with a tissue so it wouldn’t be too shiny. “Ron felt horrible after finding Drew missing. He thought he was resting inside the tent the entire time while Bianca and Ben were singing around the fire pit.”

  “He could have left the gate open on purpose.” Mother’s mouth was an angry slash across her face. “I’m telling you. Someone’s working with Andrew and feeding him the dirt on us. Remember last time when you went out with Marcia and Brock? That time Ryan came over, and then Andrew barged in accusing you of going out.”

  “Andrew might have seen us from Alyssa’s house,” Jamie said. “Or maybe he snuck over and left the gate open.”

  That last idea was too chilling to contemplate.

  “Gosh, if he did that, he’s really a snake,” Mother said. “But don’t worry. Hershey hates him, so he’ll bark and I’m not letting the kids outside, even to the backyard.”

  “Don’t let them out of your sight,” Jamie said, spraying herself with cologne. “Are you sure it’ll be okay?”

  “Hey, I’ve dealt with many bum men and kept you safe, haven’t I?”

  “Yeah, you have.” Jamie preened one last time in front of the mirror. “How do I look?”

  “Like my beautiful daughter,” Mother said, softening her demeanor. “You go out and have a good time with your man. He’s a true hero. It’s amazing how he guessed where Drew would be.”

  “Yes, he’s so in tune with him.” Jamie stepped from the bathroom and walked by Drew’s many charts. Ever since Ryan started coming over, Drew had completed toilet training and was talking more than ever before. “I wonder if Ryan has experience with autism.”

  “He seems to know what he’s doing, and his mother understands everything you’re going through,” Mother said. “You don’t suppose he’s autistic, do you?”

  “The thought has crossed my mind, but he hasn’t confided in me,” Jamie admitted. She squelched the conversation they’d had about his hypersensitivity and love of watching water. After all, not everyone who hated vacuum cleaners and loved water had autism. She was just the opposite, calmed by vacuum cleaners but frightened by water.

  “I hope he’s not autistic,” her mother said. “That would be more than you can handle. Can you imagine if he has a meltdown? Or if you find out every emotion he portrayed was fake? Come to think of it, he was pretty strange asking you to marry him just to fight Andrew. Then what his mother said was weird, about how he doesn’t have a good sense of timing and that life was not a TV drama. I wonder.”

  Jamie steered her mother into the kitchen. “Stop speculating. Ryan’s as normal as they come. I bet he’s worked with autistic children before. Maybe he majored in special education.”

  “Very strange major for an athlete,” her mother said, reaching for a casserole. “Macaroni and cheese for the boys?”

  “Yes, and they can have hotdogs too,” Jamie said. She called to Ben and Drew. “You two do everything Nana says and don’t give her any trouble. You hear?”

  “Yes, Mom,” came two little voices, not missing a beat from the video game they were playing.

  The doorbell rang, right on cue.

  Before answering the door, Jamie turned to her mother. “Stop speculating about Ryan. He’s good for the boys, and he’s good for me.”

  “Right, I agree, but if Andrew shows up tonight, I’m going to think Ryan’s the mole.” Her mother laughed and poured herself a glass of iced tea. “You two have fun.”

  Jamie slipped into her high heels and picked up her clutch. “Oh, we will. We’re going to dance the night away.”

  “What do I tell Andrew?” Her mother wrung her hands.

  “Don’t let him in. I changed the locks today. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  Ryan hated the big clubs with their glittering disco balls and flashing lights that pulsed to the beat of fast and urgent music. The press of so many bodies, the waving arms and the shaking heads made him disoriented, like he wasn’t inside his body.

  He’d promised Jamie dancing, so he would have to suck it up the way he did when pitching a big out. After a delightful dinner at the Hot Corner, Marcia’s sports bar, he called a taxicab and asked the driver to take them to the hottest club in Phoenix.

  Jamie was in a great mood because she’d changed the locks at her house and had also spoken to her therapist that day. The boys had counseling appointments, and she had a few leads for a new attorney.

  “Everything’s coming together, thanks to you,” Jamie said as they got out of the cab. “You organizing the meeting, giving me my to-do list. For the first time, I actually think I’m going to be okay.”

  “You are okay.” He took her hand and they got into the line in front of a swanky looking building lit with neon spotlights.

  “I’m glad we met.” She smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling. “I like what you said about time being all bunched up, and right now, I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

  “I feel the same way.” He pressed his lips on her cheek. “But at the same time, there’s always more to learn about you. Like what kind of music you like to dance to. How you act when you’re drunk.”

  “You’re planning on getting me drunk so you can take advantage of me?” Her voice lilted in a teasing manner.

  “I want you to kick back and relax. Have fun and not think about a thing.” They made their way to the front of the line and showed their IDs.

  After paying for their cover charge, Ryan led Jamie into the pulsating club playing ear-splitting electronic music.

  “I haven’t gone to a rave in forever.” Jamie wiggled her shoulders.

  “I think you’re dressed too conservatively.” Ryan raised his eyebrows at the extremely scantily clad women, some wearing little more than thongs under their fishnet tights, and puffy, fluffy skirts. Their tops, too, were skimpy and showed more than a bikini would.

  “Who cares?” Jamie said, laughing. “I don’t need to flaunt what I have. I’m more than you can handle.”

  “You can say that again.” He nipped her earlobe with a kiss. “Let’s have the time of our lives.”

  The guys at the door passed out light sticks and lighted necklaces, the kind that activated when bent. All around them, people waved the light sticks and twirled around, bouncing and spinning. Flashes of light rolled over the dance floor, and the music was a mishmash of electronic pulses with a sharp, steady beat.

  “Let’s dance.” Jamie dragged Ryan onto the dance floor. All around them, people bounced and jerked to the incessantly repetitive tones. The entire dance floor throbbed with such high energy that the atmosphere seemed to be on the verge of detonation.

  Ryan wiped sweat off his brow as he followed along with the monotonous dance. The flashing lights and the myriad light sticks and hoops being twirled around made him sick and dizzy.

  Somehow, the volume level increased and the beat hammered nails into his head. Fog spewed at his feet, making it hard to see his feet, and a strobe light froze all motion momentarily, making everything flash in a disjointed way.

  Sweat poured down Ryan’s face, and he couldn’t catch his galloping breath. His head pinched as if cracking inside a giant vise, and his arms and legs felt as if they were giant springs pressed too tight. Intense emotions flooded him, invading all the pores in his body, and he relived every pain and hurt compressed into a single moment.

  Ryan he
ld his head with his hands, trying to hold everything together. He couldn’t meltdown right now. Not in front of Jamie. Not when she was enjoying herself so much.

  Someone bumped into him, sloshing him with a shock of an ice cold drink. Voices clamored in his ears, stabbing through his eardrums. He was spinning around and around, out of control, and pieces were flying out of his body, splattering everyone around him. His bones grated and splintered, vibrating and setting his teeth on edge. He was losing it. Losing everything. His blood boiled inside a pressure cooker, and he was about to explode. And there was nothing he could do.

  A cool hand touched his face, and another one took his hand. Ryan allowed the hand to pull his heated body from the brink. He squeezed and bumped his way, always following the cool hand. They left the crush of bodies and then they were going up, up, up until a wash of cold air chilled his bare skin.

  “Ryan, are you all right?”

  He blinked and recognized Jamie’s face. “Where are we?”

  “Outside, on the rooftop. You were getting too hot in there,” Jamie said. “I thought you were having a seizure.”

  “I was?” His brain was fried, but he’d avoided a meltdown. More like she’d pulled him out of one.

  Numbness overtook him and drained all the energy from deep inside his bones. He wanted to sit, to lie down, to float away.

  Instead, Jamie wrapped her arms around him, providing him the strength to stay standing. She held him and rocked him gently, swaying back and forth, back and forth, calming him.

  “I like it better up here,” she said. “Our own private dance floor.”

  “Under the stars,” he murmured, looking up. The twinkling stars winked at him like a multitude of old friends, welcoming him. “Thanks for saving me.”

  “I couldn’t leave you there looking like you were about to meltdown.”

  Meltdown.

  Did she suspect?

  Ryan’s heartbeat revved and backfired. It was now or never. He’d tell her and she’d run.

  Or maybe not.

  He swallowed hard and avoided her curious gaze. “I might have had autism when I was a kid.”

  “Oh, Ryan.” She cupped his cheek and turned him toward her. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  His shoulders slumped and he once again avoided her eyes. “You wouldn’t have wanted to be with me.”

  “I wouldn’t?” Jamie again put herself in his line of sight. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because …” His voice caught in his parched throat. “Because …”

  What could he say? That he wouldn’t be good enough? But that would mean Drew wasn’t good enough.

  That he would be too much trouble?

  Again, Drew, which wasn’t true.

  Because he didn’t want to be a burden—yet, Drew was not a burden.

  “I don’t know,” he finally muttered.

  “Right, you don’t know.” Jamie’s voice sounded tight as her eyebrows lowered and a defiant look hardened her face. “You think I would have turned you away. That I would have mopped the floor with your heart. That I would have rejected you like other women did.”

  “I didn’t think …” His tongue felt too big in his mouth and too heavy. He’d lost her. Lost her with his admission. He’d never had a chance. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s because you’re ashamed of your condition.”

  “I’m not sure I have it,” he cried, anguish gripping his voice. “I worked so hard to be normal. I trained and trained to speak, to interact, to understand feelings and emotions. I even took acting lessons. I was in the drama club, and I majored in special education all so I could be normal.”

  “Did it work? Are you normal?” Jamie’s eyes flashed with an emotion he didn’t get. He tried to catalog what she was signaling, tried to match her response to all the situations he’d encountered before, to the movies he’d watched, and to the scripts he’d memorized.

  But no one had ever asked him if he was normal before, and he wasn’t prepared.

  He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d thought that by being in love he would be normal. He’d thought that having a normal woman love him, that he’d be validated. He’d thought it all wrong.

  “Well? Are you normal? Did it work?” Jamie repeated, her questions bearing down on him like a weighted blanket—only it wasn’t comforting now. It was suffocating.

  “No, it didn’t work,” he practically shouted. “It never worked. I don’t have real emotions. I don’t feel the same things you do. I don’t know how to love anyone. I’m only a machine, a robot, a guy who memorized all the lines, who playacted every human emotion, who studied thousands of conversations, so that I could pretend to have those feelings.”

  Jamie drew back, gasping. Her mouth opened and closed, then opened again. She covered her heart with one hand and this time, pain flooded her beautiful eyes. “Are you saying you don’t really love me? That it was all a play?”

  “No.” His heart gripped with torment, almost bringing him to his knees. “I—”

  Then he lost his words. Everything jumbled up, and he couldn’t pick or choose a sound or a meaning or an image.

  He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He pointed to his mouth and shook his head. Panic overtook him, and he flapped his hands in front of his face, praying it would bring him back.

  He couldn’t even say her name. Her beautiful name was lost as words and letters tossed about in the hurtling space full of rocks and debris.

  “Ryan.” Jamie’s voice seemed to come through a long, hollow tube. “You do love me. You love Ben, and you love Drew. You love your mother, and you love your father. You love your teammates, and you love your friends. You care so much, and you care so big. And if you think I’m going to walk away from this big astounding heart of yours, then I would be a fool. My greatest hope is that someday, Drew could find the love you have in your heart, and I do believe he has it. He said he went to look for you last night. He wanted to give you a fish. Do you know what it means?”

  He could only nod and blink. Blink back the wetness welling from his eyes.

  “It means he loves you, Ryan. And I know he feels it, maybe not exactly the same, but it’s there because he cares. Just like you care. Just like you’ve shown me each and every minute we’re together.” She caressed his face and nodded, assessing him with her eyes. “It’s a privilege for me, an honor for me to have your love. And in return, I have a song I want to dedicate to you. It’ll tell you how I feel about you.”

  “Okay …” His heartbeat had slowed, and the lingering effects of the almost-meltdown frayed at the edges, dissipating. Maybe it was all going to be okay. Jamie believed him. She believed him whereas his own mother doubted him. But Jamie was right. He loved his mother and his father. He loved, because he cared.

  The thought made him want to jump up and click his heels. To reach up to the heavens and hug all the vastness of space. To laugh and dance and scream.

  “You love me, Jamie, even though I’m different.” He didn’t realize he’d said it out loud until she put a finger onto his lips.

  “Thinking Out Loud,” she said. “By Ed Sheeran. Pay attention to the last part, and yes, Ryan, I love all of you, whether different or not.”

  She pulled her cellphone from her clutch, flicked through a few screens, pressed the play icon, and slipped it into his shirt pocket.

  Pulling her close, Ryan tucked his true love into his arms and danced with her to the gentle words of the song. Their steps matched in perfect cadence as they glided back and forth on their private rooftop.

  Their hearts embraced, kissing under the stars, filled with tender thoughts and vivid feelings—finding the love that was always there, no end and no beginning—just love.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  ~ Ben ~

  Drew and I get to play video games since Mommy’s out on a date with Ryan. I’m happy they got to go out and have fun. They’ve been so worried lately, and we had all ki
nds of trouble with Drew. Now, the kid acts like everything is all right.

  He passes me with his stupid go-cart. Oh no! He threw a banana and I slipped. Ahhh… My monster truck falls off the bridge. Dangit.

  This isn’t fair. We’re in mirror mode, and for some reason Drew can do the mirror images, but I keep turning left when I should turn right. Everything’s the opposite.

  My truck spins out again, and I’m turned the other direction. The computer racers whiz by me, but I’ll catch Drew in the mineshaft. He always goes for the shortcut and gets blown up when he takes a second too long.

  Our grandmother is sitting in the kitchen playing on her computer and Mom went out with Ryan. I like Ryan, but he likes Drew better than me. Mom says he has a special connection with Drew. It’s not fair, because I was the one who entered the contest to meet a baseball player, and I told Mom to choose Ryan.

  I have to be nice to Drew even though he messes up everything for me. My father wants to take me to a baseball game this weekend, but my mother says I can’t go because Dad scared Drew. Now I’ll never get to go to another game because Drew’s afraid of baseball bats.

  I cut Drew off and slam my truck into him. Ha, ha. His clown go-cart spins into the mud and he gets stuck. I zoom ahead and let out a cloud of black smoke so he can’t see where he’s going.

  Knock. Knock. Knock. Someone pounds on the door and rings the doorbell. Hershey gets up from where he’s sleeping and runs to the door, barking.

  Drew drops the video game controller. “Ryan is back.”

  “No, stupid,” I say. “Ryan doesn’t need to knock on the door because he’s with Mom.”

  “Don’t get the door,” Nana says, waddling out of the kitchen. “We’re not expecting anyone.”

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  She bends down to grab Hershey by the collar. “Be quiet, you guys. Don’t say anything.”

  “Why? Is it someone bad?” The hairs on my neck stand up and my heart starts pounding fast like it does when I have to go to the principal’s office.

  “A bad guy? A bad guy?” Drew shudders and hides behind me. “Don’t let a bad guy get me.”