Fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being weak.
Fear that our love was not real.
His mother had lied to her and also to him. Ryan stopped reading and called his mother from the landline.
“What are you doing out of the hospital?” His mother didn’t sound happy. “You’re not fully recovered.”
“Why did you lie to Jamie? Why did you tell her I refused to see her?”
“It was for your own good. She threw you under the bus. She dumped you to get good with Andrew. If Andrew hadn’t cracked up and threw Drew in front of all those spectators, she would still be under his thumb.”
“You lied to me and to Jamie.” Ryan wasn’t going to give her any wiggle room. “Mom, I’m disappointed.”
“She would only hurt you,” Mother argued. “She showed her true colors when she knuckled under.”
“That’s because she’s an abused woman. She’s used to knuckling under, to appease the abuser to minimize the short-term pain.”
“She still hurt you where it counted.”
“And you hurt me more by making me think she no longer cared about me. Do you know I dreamed about her every night, and every morning I woke up sad?”
“I was there for you every day,” Mother said. “Doesn’t my love mean anything to you?”
Even though he was angry with her, his heart softened at all his mother had given up for him. Still, she had to understand that he was grown up and capable of deciding his own life.
“Of course it does, but it’s not the same. I want forever with Jamie and the boys. I want you to fix this before you lose the chance to be in our lives.” Ryan hung up the phone.
He hated that his mother had forced him to choose, but in the long run, she needed to let go of him. She’d done a great thing for him, had always supported him, had always had his back, but he was okay now.
He was her biggest success story, and she should be proud of herself.
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
The telephone rang by Jamie’s bedside and she yawned, turning over. She’d checked her email before going to bed, but Ryan hadn’t responded. She’d heard from Marcia that he’d checked out of the hospital, and he could be calling her.
Breathlessly, she grabbed the phone. “Hello?”
“Jamie, it’s Frances.”
“Is Ryan okay? I heard he’s out of the hospital.”
“Yes, dear, he is, and I have an apology to make.” Frances sounded utterly and completely exhausted. “I lied to you and Ryan to keep you apart, because I was afraid you’d hurt Ryan. He’s so precious to me. I’m sure you feel protective of Drew.”
“I do.” Jamie didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t believe Frances had been so underhanded. After all, she had kept her in the loop concerning Ryan’s health while helping her with the lawsuit against Andrew.
“It’s not an excuse and I’m sorry,” Frances said, her voice choking up. “Ryan read me the riot act, and I’m afraid I acted out of fear. Will you assure me you won’t hurt him?”
Jamie could feel her pain. Drew was so precious to her precisely because his life was so difficult. She viewed him as an extra special gift, a tender sprout who she had to nurture and guide. Her heart soared whenever he accomplished a skill, but she’d shed plenty of tears when he’d had a setback—especially if it was caused by someone mistreating hm.
“I won’t hurt Ryan, because he’s as special to me as Drew. I know how you feel, guarding and protecting him while doing all that you can to help him fit into the world.”
She could feel the tension dissipate over the phone line as Frances sighed, whether with relief or regret, she couldn’t tell.
“When Ryan got hurt, I lost it. His body was so broken. They had to put him in a temporary coma to get his shoulder set and protect his spinal cord. I wasn’t sure he would ever walk again.” She snuffled quietly. “I sat there remembering his entire life. His first halting steps, the way he used to smile at me when I fed him, and then the silent years where his spirit sank to the bottom of a deep dark well. I couldn’t let him slide back again, and I knew he’d be depressed when he learned of his injuries.”
“Maybe I could have helped,” Jamie said gently, not wanting to rub it in. “Or I could have helped you, gave you a shoulder to lean on.”
“You had your own problems. Your boys were in a foster home and Drew had regressed, and I couldn’t get over what you told Ryan to get him to leave. He told me everything that night, after you went to Andrew’s place. He was distraught, not understanding why you didn’t want him to help you. You hurt him, and it pierced me to see him like that. I talked to him about respecting your wishes and to give you time. I put him back together and off he went, the next morning to the ballpark to coach. When I got the phone call—” Frances’s voice broke into a ragged sob. “That my boy was hurt.”
“I’m so sorry.” Jamie felt tears welling up in her eyes. “I was so torn. My boys needed me, the police wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to go with Ryan in the ambulance, but I couldn’t be four different places at once.”
“I don’t know if I made Ryan’s recovery worse by telling him you didn’t want to see him,” Frances continued.
“I’m sure it made him more determined than ever to walk out of there,” Jamie said. “He’s going to throw the first pitch tomorrow. You should be so proud of him.”
“I am, and again, I don’t know what got into me,” Frances said.
“These past three weeks have been hell.” Jamie knew it would have been for her, too, had it been Drew who’d been injured. “I’m sure you didn’t leave his side.”
“I kept him under my wing for too long. I guess it’s time for me to pass the baton on to you, if you’ll have him.”
“Of course I’ll have him. He’s a wonderful man, and it’s all thanks to you. He’s the real deal. Can I go see him now?”
“You don’t have to ask,” Frances said. “You should go right now. I’ll call and keep him there at his apartment because I’m sure he’s planning to go to your place as soon as you give him the green light.”
“I’m on my way,” Jamie said. “I understand completely how you went all mama bear over Ryan. I would too if anyone were to ever hurt either of my boys. I can assure you, I didn’t mean to hurt him, and I’m going to apologize right away.”
“Thank you, thank you,” Frances muttered. “You’re an answer to a mother’s prayer. Thank you.”
“I spoke to her,” Ryan’s mother told him on the phone. “And she’s on her way. You sit tight. I don’t want you tiring yourself out by running all over the place.”
Even though he missed the boys and little Hershey, Ryan had to agree with his mother. He needed alone time with Jamie to mend their relationship.
“Thanks,” he said. “Can you do something for me? Set something up for me tomorrow at the clubhouse?”
“Sure, anything.”
He described the surprise he wanted to do for Jamie and her boys. Even though his mother was initially against it, he prevailed, no doubt by heaping an extra serving of guilt for keeping Jamie from him during his darkest days.
The doorbell rang.
“I think she’s here now,” Ryan said. “See you tomorrow at the ballpark.”
“I can’t wait.” His mother said goodbye and hung up.
Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, which had gotten shaggy during his long hospital stay. He’d showered already and shaved, and put on a comfy pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
Still walking with a limp, he ambled to the door and opened it. Warmth glowed from his chest as he spread his good arm out to welcome her. The other arm was in a sling due to his shoulder injury.
Standing in front of him was the woman who’d captured his heart. How could he have imagined that day when he’d first met her how much she’d change his life?
“You lost weight,” Jamie said. “I missed you so much.”
She squeezed him, but not t
ightly, as he whirled her around into the apartment and shut the door.
“You coming to see me pitch tomorrow?” He gazed into her warm, brown eyes.
“Oh, yes, the boys are so excited. It’s been hard for them with all the changes, but the one thing that keeps them sane is asking about you.” Jamie swayed in his embrace, beaming at him. “Your mother kept me up to date with your progress and that helped me share with Ben and Drew. You’re their hero, you know.”
She tipped on her toes and kissed him on the lips. “You’re also my hero.”
He kissed her back, caressing her lips and holding her close to his heart. With a satisfied grin, he broke the kiss. “You make it so easy to be a hero. I never believed anyone would be able to see past my autism.”
“You’re now admitting you have autism?” Jamie’s face brightened and she tilted her head slightly, raising one eyebrow.
That had slipped out. But now that he’d voiced it, it didn’t feel so bad anymore. After all, when Andrew tried to destroy him by telling the world he had autism, everyone on his team and the general public had rallied to his defense.
Instead of being shunned by his fans or mocked by the media, people had sent him notes and cards, telling about their children or people they knew who were on the spectrum.
The media was amazed at how he was able to channel his intense focusing skills into pitching, and after Andrew’s accusations had been thoroughly discredited by Alyssa’s testimony that he’d fabricated them to gain custody, Ryan’s email was bombarded by requests from schools and charities asking him to visit and encourage the children.
He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “For too long, I wanted to be normal. I practiced being normal, rehearsed social interactions. I have a great memory so I was able to quickly compute what I needed to say or do to fit in.”
“You sure fooled me.” Jamie’s eyes sparkled as she teased him. “But I’m sure you didn’t fool Drew. He clicked with you as a kindred spirit.”
“Drew and I get each other, true, but Ben and I are best buds.”
“Hey, what about me and you?”
He let his eyelids lower halfway to show how much he desired her. “We’re soul mates. I know it sounds cheesy.”
“I’ll take cheese.” She lowered her voice and looked like she wanted another kiss.
He’d give her more than that, but there was something important he had to convey if he wanted her to trust him completely.
“I have a confession to make.”
Her brows creased, and she eased back ever so slightly. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
Ryan flattened his lips and nodded, suddenly uneasy. This could be do or die, just like when he’d told her he had autism. He’d been worried that his emotions had been an act. He’d convinced himself that being in love would prove him to be normal, but Jamie had assured him that he did love her and accepted him.
Would she still accept him if he told her why he had started flirting with her? Other than the fact that he was insanely attracted to her?
“What is it?” Jamie asked, her voice wary. “You look like you’re getting sick. Is it bad?”
“Yeah, remember when I told you I thought falling in love would make me normal?”
She nodded, her gaze not wavering from his—which should have made him uneasy, but with her, it felt comforting.
“I kind of used Drew to get into your good graces. And Ben, too. I saw you there with those boys, and I thought I might have a chance because you understood boys, especially boys with autism.”
“In other words, I’m easy pickings?” She sounded more amused than upset.
“Yeah, something like that.” He shrugged, lowering his gaze. “No one likes to be easy pickings.”
“Hey, if it worked in getting you to give me a second glance, then I’m okay with it.” She tapped his chin playfully. “There are worse things than being easy pickings. Most men see me as someone with too much baggage, not easy pickings. “
The way she said it, all lighthearted, as if he’d given her a great advantage made him chuckle. How was it this woman was so right for him when in the past, he’d found being with a woman awkward, except in bed?
He wrapped her between his arms and hugged her, face-to-face. “I’m so lucky you’re easy pickings with tons of baggage. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be stuck behind my self-imposed shell. I’d still be pretending I’m a real guy with real feelings and capable of emotions, instead of knowing that I am real and that everything I feel for you is real, including my love for you.”
“You give me way too much credit.” She tapped his jaw playfully.
“Actually, not enough.” His voice deepened as the full meaning of what she’d done for him filled his heart. “Autism is hard. Real hard, but being the caregiver is even harder. When I saw you with Drew, it gave me hope that you’d accept me too, maybe even believe in me.”
She blinked, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh, Ryan, I do believe in you. And yes, it’s hard all the way around. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for the validation. Thank you.”
“Thank you, Jamie.” He swallowed as a wave of emotion crested. “By believing in me you saved me.”
“It’s you who saved me.” She held his gaze firmly, her eyes full of adoration. “You really do play for the save.”
“They don’t call me the closer for nothing.” Smiling, their lips met, and this time, he gave himself over to her for keeps. There was no more pretending, no need to act, no dialogue to memorize, and no script to read.
It was just him and Jamie. With her head on his shoulders and her arms around him, they danced to the music in his head. By the way she moved with him, he knew she heard it too.
The lyrics of his heart condensed into the word of love.
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
~ Frances ~
My heart is jittering a mile a minute as I walk with Ryan to Jamie’s front door. The puppy he adopted is barking behind it, and he could be the only one who’d be glad to see me.
Even though I apologized to Jamie, I’m not sure she’d truly welcome me. After all, I’m the one who held onto Ryan for far too long and put it on myself to be the only person at his side during his hospital stay.
He walks with a slight limp, but I’m grateful that he’s even walking. I don’t know if there’s anything scarier than to be paralyzed and unable to feel a significant portion of your body.
The door opens and it’s the older boy, Ben. He immediately leaps up and hugs Ryan.
“Mom, Drew!” he calls at the top of his lungs. “It’s Ryan.”
The puppy, as expected, comes tumbling out the door wagging his tail and wiggling all over to be petted.
I watch the joyous expressions on Jamie and Drew’s faces as they run to the door while Ben drags Ryan in.
Jamie notices me, but Drew is single-minded in rushing Ryan. He’s an autistic kid, so I don’t expect a lot of fireworks and excitement like Ben exhibited.
But he surprises me. He actually makes eye contact with Ryan and puts up his little hand for a high five.
Ryan gives him a slap on the hand. “Drew, my man. You’ve been taking care of your mommy?”
The little guy nods and pats Ryan’s hand repetitively, clearly enjoying the game.
“Come on in, Mrs. Hudson,” Jamie says, pulling Hershey back by the collar.
“Please, call me Frances,” I insist.
My eyes adjust to the darkened house, and I notice Jamie’s mother, Doreen. The last time I saw her, we had harsh words.
Ryan suddenly remembers his manners, and he puts a hand on my back. “Jamie, Doreen, you’ve met my mother, Frances.”
Everyone is warm and friendly, and I’m almost beginning to believe I might be accepted. Whew. I really dodged a bullet. I could have been shut out of this little family if I continued to interfere between Ryan and Jamie.
Later, at the ballpark, we’re greeted by Ryan’s teammates and coach. A white-h
aired man in the Rattlers uniform steps forward. “Welcome back, Ryan. We’re going to keep you busy.”
“This is my mother,” Ryan introduces me to his teammates. “I am what I am because of her. She’s my guiding light.”
Oh, blush. My son will give me a big head if he keeps this up.
“Nice to meet you.” The white-haired man shakes my hand. “I’m Coach Thomas, the head coach.”
He’s attractive for a man his age—oops, my age, and I feel my blood thrum in my veins as I note the lack of a wedding band.
What’s going on with me? I usually don’t notice men since I’m so wrapped up in Ryan and his issues.
We gather around the players in the clubhouse. They’re all dressed and ready to play, and it thrills my heart how popular my boy is. Everyone is genuinely happy to see him, and they all have words of encouragement for him.
“You’ll be back in no time.”
“We need you for the playoffs.”
“Looking good, big guy.”
An Asian man with longish hair gives Ryan a slap on the back. “Hey, do me a favor and introduce your mom to my dad.”
He points to a gray-haired Asian man who is in animated conversation with a young woman wearing grungy clothes—ripped jeans, a skimpy tank top and a checked shirt, unbuttoned, with rolled up sleeves.
“Your dad looks like he’s taking good care of himself.” Ryan gives the man a wink. He turns to me. “Mom, would you like to meet Timmy’s dad? He also has a puppy from the same litter as Hershey.”
“Oh, and somehow that means we have a lot in common?” I say a little snootily, before remembering that I need to be more down to earth.
The man called Timmy says, “Better to have him chat up your mom than the dog lady.”
At my raised eyebrow, Ryan explains. “The lady over there, Tina, is the one who rescues dogs.”
I’m not going to horn in on a man my age trying to impress a woman young enough to be his granddaughter, so I extend my hand to shake with Timmy. “I’m sure your father can take care of himself.”
Playing for the Save (Men of Spring Baseball Book 3) Page 31
