For a minute, I thought that maybe they’d called the cops on me, but common sense kicked in. I doubted detectives would be called out for someone who sat against the building and colored most of the evening.
Not wanting to get caught up in any kind of trouble, because I was already in my own kind of hell, I decided to leave.
“Hey!” a man’s voice shouted from behind me. “Hey, wait! You with the backpack!”
I stopped, turning around. A young guy weaved around foot traffic to get to me. He carried an icepack in his hand. When he got close to me, he held it out, and I took it.
“Mr. Mac wanted me to give you that. And this.” He dug in his back pocket, coming out with a gift card. “He said come in whenever you want. Just use that card.”
It took me a moment to find my voice. “Mr. Mac, your boss? The guy who got out of that car?” I nodded toward the expensive one. The young guy nodded and I went on. “Does he always hand out these cards to the needy?” I held it up.
The guy squinted at me for a moment before his features relaxed. “No.”
“What about women?”
“Uh, no.”
“What about the other guy, the one who rushes out to meet Mr. Mac? Will he give me any trouble?”
“Bruno?” His nose scrunched up. “No. Whatever Mr. Mac wants, Mr. Mac gets.”
I nodded, he nodded, and then he hustled back inside. I stood there for a moment staring at the card. If there was one thing I had learned throughout my life, it was that nothing was ever free. Everything came at a price. I didn’t mind Mr. Mac looking at me, for whatever reason, but this—no matter how nice—made me feel like a charity case.
Yeah, okay, I was a charity case, but for some reason, coming from him, I couldn’t stand it.
Maybe because I wished that I was on steady ground with him. I wished, for once in my life, to be a woman who could compete with his…everything. Even if I wasn’t poor, I doubted he would’ve been interested in me. Not with the models that came and went from the restaurant he either owned or frequented. If anything, he noticed me because I was poor. It was no secret when you looked at me.
Jocelyn once told me that a woman should never want to be treated as a man’s equal. She should demand to be treated better. Our doors should be held, along with receiving the same pay and opportunities, that sort of thing. And she also said that if a man truly loved you, he’d treat you as though he didn’t deserve you, but hell if another man could do better.
My feelings and thoughts were not truly lining up, but for whatever reason, one somehow fed the other. Either way, I gave the card for Macchiavello’s to a woman and her daughter on the subway. The mother had cancer. She had a scarf wrapped around her head, no hair underneath, and dark circles underneath her eyes. Maybe a nice dinner would get their minds off things, even if for a short amount of time.
I was too late arriving at the shelter. So I walked the streets the entire night, thinking of the man in the suit, Mr. Mac, and why he’d been so kind to me. If I couldn’t accept his kindness, maybe thoughts of him would ward off any evil until daylight brightened the darkness.
5
Mariposa
“Shit! Mari! What in the hell happened to you?”
Keely grabbed me and pulled me so hard into her that I winced. She was a hugger, but since she had been my best friend since we wore kiddie underwear, and I considered her family, I didn’t mind.
Keely Ryan and her family had lived next to mine on Staten Island. Her parents were Irish/Scottish immigrants who had seven mouths to feed. Keely had four brothers. But after the kids were old enough to fend for themselves, her parents decided to move back to Scotland. Keely and two of her brothers stayed in New York. The rest of the boys followed their parents.
We stayed close even after I’d been put into foster care at ten.
She released me so suddenly that I almost stumbled back. She was a whirlwind. Her hair was fiery red with countless ringlets. Her skin was pale with freckles. She had the purest blue eyes, and she was at least five foot ten inches tall. The volume of her hair probably put her closer to six.
“I called Caspar and he told me what happened.” She planted her hands on her hips. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Why didn’t you come see me sooner? Why are you just standing there not answering my questions?”
“If you’d give me a second,” I said, adjusting my backpack, “I would.”
“What happened to your face?”
“It seems Merv had a difference of opinion with it, due to the fact that my body refused to screw him in return for rent.”
“That bastard! He did this to you?” She reached out and I moved my face.
“Yeah.” I didn’t like how her kindness made me feel, and I didn’t want her to worry. She’d want me to stay with her, and because her roommate was a certified bitch and possibly a psychopath, I didn’t want to have to refuse her offer.
Keely struggled to make ends meet, too. She’d been trying for years to land a major role on Broadway but hadn’t yet. She sounded like a jazzy bird when she sang, and she had the Irish’s flair for theatrics to go along with it. She took as many jobs as she could to keep her head above water.
To keep afloat, she had to share rent with someone. Sierra was her third roommate over the years, but one that she could, so far, depend on. But Sierra didn’t like me. I had accidentally eaten her eggs one day when Keely told me I could help myself to whatever I wanted in the fridge.
Sierra had walked in and caught me. She took a knife out of the kitchen drawer and held it up to my face. She threatened to “cut a bitch” if she ever found me eating her stash of food again. Keely and Sierra didn’t share food, and her stuff was off limits.
I tried to explain that it was a misunderstanding, but Sierra wasn’t the type to stand around listening to excuses. She refused to leave until I said the magical words. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not,” she had said. She lifted the knife up to me once more and then walked out of the kitchen. She counted her things on the regular and probably twice after I left. I made it a point to stay away from her.
There was just something about her that didn’t sit right with me. That was why I never came to stay the night. I worried that she’d harm me in my sleep. I never told Keely because they got along fine. Sierra had an aversion to me, and Keely needed her to keep up her share of the rent.
Keely’s mother had once warned me about what happens to two drowning people. One always takes the other under for good. Keely didn’t need me dragging her down, so I always downplayed my situation when she asked about things. This time, I couldn’t. She had called and found out that I had been fired.
She had gotten me the job at Home Run after she had quit to work someplace else for more money. She knew about Merv, too, since I had to tell her. Besides, Keely could smell shit from a mile away, so I could downplay but never tell a full-out fib. Which meant…
“You’re back on the street, Mari?”
She looked so disappointed in me that I had a hard time keeping my lip from trembling. “A little,” I said.
“A little,” she repeated, sighing afterward. She opened the door wider and told me to come in.
“Is Sierra here?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s getting ready to go out.”
Finally, something going my way for once.
“She’s not so bad, Mari,” Keely said. “Everyone has a story. Whatever hers is, it seems like a dark one. Who knows what she’s gone through to get where she is?”
“Where is she, exactly?”
Keely laughed a little at that. “Last I checked, in the bathroom.” Her humor faded as soon as she looked me over again. “You really look like shit, sis.”
“You got anything new to tell me, Kee?”
“No, but I do have some bread, butter, and cheese. Sit.” She pointed to her tiny kitchen table. “I’m going to make you something to eat and then you’re going to tell me what the hel
l is going on.”
“Who bought it?” I asked as I took a seat. “You or Sierra?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Does it matter? If I borrow something from her, I always give it back.”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel comfortable eating other people’s food.”
“It’s mine,” she said. “I swear.”
I hated how she scrutinized me, digging for the truth, so I tried to put her suspicions at ease. “I know she struggles, too. I don’t want to take what isn’t mine. I’m not even that hungry. I had bread earlier.” I patted my backpack. “Caspar gave me a little money after he fired me.”
“I’m still making you a grilled cheese sandwich. And Mam sent over some bread from scratch. Try it. It’s in the bag on the counter.”
As Keely made our grilled cheese sandwiches, I was honest about what had happened. Bruno. Caspar. Merv. The only thing I left out, or who, was the man in the suit. For some reason I wasn’t ready to share that yet. I had spent the entire night thinking about him and his kindness, and I didn’t want her to pick my feelings apart. I usually didn’t have those toward men.
Feelings.
I was twenty-one and I’d never had a relationship, serious or not. I had no time for that when all of my time was spent surviving. It was who I had become. Merely-Surviving Mari. I had no idea what living really felt like. Besides, it was ridiculous to even think about him in that way. The man was probably a millionaire, and to top it off, he looked like a model.
Keely slid a plate toward me, the smell overwhelming my senses for a moment. I rubbed my hands together, licking my lips. She laughed and I looked up before I took a bite.
She smiled at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling. Then she took a seat next to me, grabbing my hand. “I’m so sorry, Mari.” She squeezed. “I wish.” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I wish—God, I wish there was more I could do.”
A tear slipped down her cheek and I winced. I hated that she took my problems and made them her own. Keely was a fixer, it was what she did for her brothers, and I refused to do the same thing to her.
It made sense what her Mam had told me.
We all had our own hells to survive. Some of us felt like we were drowning. Others were in a burning room with no way out. Even though I felt the fires of hell, Keely was close to drowning. Barely keeping her head above water. My problems would only bring her down.
“Keely,” I said, putting down the sandwich. I squeezed her hand. “This. Just you being here, in my life, that’s more than enough. That’s worth more than all of the gold in the world.”
“Ha!” She barked out a laugh, but it didn’t sound all that funny. “True, but money helps.”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “I’m sure it would.”
“You need to call the police on Merv, Mari. He can’t get away with this. I might—I might just kill him myself for putting his hands on you!”
I stood from the table, walking over to the sink. I took out a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water from the tap. Sierra couldn’t cut a bitch for that.
“Have you seen yourself, Mari? You need to do this. You have to put him behind bars.”
“How long will he stay there, Kee? Not long. And when he gets out? I don’t need some animal coming after me. He has my scent. He’ll hunt me down.”
“I won’t let him. I’ll get the boys involved.”
“No!” I regretted snapping at her as soon as I did. “No.” I brought my voice down. “I don’t mean to snap, but no.”
She came up from behind me and hugged my shoulders. “I know, sis,” she said. “I just can’t stand the thought of him getting away with this. And if you want, I’ll talk to Caspar. He has a soft spot for me. Maybe we can get your job back.”
Choosing to change the subject, I took a step to the side and then turned around to face her. “I wanted to say this when I first got here, but you didn’t give me the chance. This is serious now, Kee. What in the hell are you wearing? And why?”
We stared at each other a moment before we both exploded with laughter. She had some type of costume on. I knew it had something to do with her heritage. The green velvet dress was long, touching the floor, and the sleeves flared out. Her hair was tamed underneath some kind of hair covering, and a crown sat on top.
She laughed a little more and then wiped her eyes. “I have a job in Upstate New York. Some kind of Scotland meets medieval-times fair, and they needed an old-fashioned maiden to walk around and greet guests. Lachlan nearly shit a brick when he saw me earlier. He took a photo and sent it to everyone.”
Lachlan was one of her brothers. And he would. If I had a phone, there was no doubt I would’ve gotten it, too. Most of Keely’s brothers had a great sense of humor, all but her brother Harrison. Her family called him Grumpy Indiana Jones behind his back. Though he didn’t look grumpy. All of her brothers had dark hair, light eyes, and golden skin. Keely was the fire in their darkness. Jocelyn used to say that one day the Ryan boys would be easy on the eyes. She was right.
“I bet your parents are proud.” I wiped my eyes.
“Mam was praising the Lord! She’s hoping that I’ll find a suitable man while I’m there. One I can bring home with me.”
Our laughter tapered when a knock came at the door. A second or two later, Sierra emerged from wherever she had been in the apartment. Her platinum blonde hair flowed down her back in perfect waves. Her top was long enough to cover her really short shorts. She looked like she’d been working on her appearance all day, when in reality, she’d probably just woken up. Whatever work she did, she did at night.
Keely raised her eyebrows and we both became quiet as Sierra opened the front door. She’d had a string of boyfriends since she’d lived with Keely, but the one knocking had been around the longest. So we were both surprised when he started cursing.
Apparently, she had broken up with him. A second later, his voice still demanding to know why—“Is it the rich fucker at the club?”—she slammed the door in his face. His voice was still high but muffled when she came into the kitchen.
Sierra gave me a death glare when she noticed me. Her eyebrows were much darker than her hair, which made her brown eyes more intense. Mean. She had wicked eyes to go with her wicked personality. “Going somewhere?” she asked Keely, eyeing the sandwich Keely had made me still on the table.
“Work,” Keely said. “I’ll be back late.”
“You, Mari?” Sierra chucked her chin in my direction.
I hated how she said my name. Instead of Mar-ee, like most people pronounced it, she said, Marry. Except she made it sound like Murry. She didn’t really care where I went, but she didn’t trust me alone in their apartment. Maybe she thought I’d steal something since I ate one of her eggs. “I—”
“Mari is spending the day with me,” Keely cut me off. “I’m taking her to the fair after she eats the sandwich I made for her and she takes a shower.”
“I’ll be back late, too,” Sierra said.
“Work?” Keely asked.
“You know how it goes. Things to see and people to do.” She grinned. “Don’t worry about Armino. He’ll get sick of complaining at the door soon. When he needs a drink. So I’d appreciate it if neither of you answer him.”
Keely nodded. “No worries. I won’t answer and neither will Mari.”
Sierra took one last, longer look at the sandwich on the table and slowly left the kitchen. I could tell she wanted to count her slices of cheese before she did, but instead, she slammed the door to her room a few seconds later.
* * *
Harrison picked us up. Keely didn’t tell me he was coming. Not that I usually minded, but he was always really sweet to me. I appreciated the thought, but I hated refusing him when he always tried to give me gifts. He had gone to law school, but because of the economy and other factors, he was in the same situation as Keely: barely treading water.
Keely told me on the way to the car that he had recently gotten a go
od job, though, and was doing better. The vintage sports car he drove testified to that.
He was nice enough during the drive, but I kept catching him staring at my face. His jaw clenched and his hands tightened around the wheel. Keely must have warned him ahead of time not to make a big deal about it.
Once we arrived at the fair, and I refused to allow him to buy me food and things, he stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans, refusing to look at me. After Keely asked me if I wanted to help out a booth that was short a person, he walked off without even saying he’d see us later.
Working the fair gave me some extra money, and food for the day was included. The only drawback was that I had to wear some kind of medieval getup. When Harrison finally came back and saw me, he grinned. He snapped my picture to send to his brothers, I was sure. They’d get a good laugh at my expense.
The ride back was quiet. I was thankful. My nerves were on edge. The day brought temporary relief from all of my problems, but the closer we came to the city, the more dread hung over my head. I was never one to keep thinking, What am I going to do? I just did, even if my options were scattered in the wind.
This time, though, life felt like it had brutally trumped me. I had no money but the measly few bucks in my bag, and no food except a loaf of bread. I had no job. No prospects. No home, and possibly, a crazed man with terra cotta pottery sticking out of his temple on the hunt for me.
I sighed long and hard as Harrison pulled up to Keely’s place.
“I’m coming in for a sec,” Harrison said, shutting off the car. “Give me a minute.”
Keely gave him a narrow look, but she got out, waiting for me to get out before she walked up to her door. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized Sierra wasn’t home. She must’ve left in a rush, because the door to her room was cracked open. Maybe she did that when it was only her and Keely, but whenever I came over, it was always closed.
Machiavellian: Gangsters of New York, Book 1 Page 5
