Help Me, Hold Me

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Help Me, Hold Me Page 50

by Barbara Gee


  “I’m glad, too,” Callie said. It was the first time she could say that and really mean it. “I’m sorry my happiness in North Dakota came at the expense of yours. In spite of your doubts about yourself, somehow I know you’d have been a good father.” She met his gaze steadily, hoping he could tell she was sincere.

  He wiped a trembling hand down his face. “I hope so,” he said gruffly. “I did love my little girl. I was a busy man, but I spent more time with you than I ever did with Elliot, probably because your mother didn’t.” He winced as soon as the words passed his lips. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t intended to say that.”

  “No, I’m glad you did,” Callie said quickly. “I’ve wondered about that, actually.” She rolled her lips between her teeth, hesitating before she went on. She didn’t want to cause the man more pain, but she had so many questions. “Can I ask you something? About her? If you don’t want to answer, it’s okay.”

  He nodded. “You can ask. If I know the answer, I’ll tell you.”

  Callie had told herself dozens of times she felt nothing for Julianne, and yet her voice sounded thick when she voiced the question that had been bothering her almost more than any other.

  “Do you think she knew what Elliot had done? With me?”

  His gaze went back and forth between her and Vince, his eyes slightly narrowed and thoughtful. “Can you tell me what you know about her so far?” he finally asked.

  Callie glanced at Vince and he gave her a slight nod.

  “I know she and Elliot were having an affair,” Callie said carefully. “It started before Tabby took me away, and went on for quite a while after.”

  Howard looked down at his lap, rubbing his palms together.

  “You don’t have to answer,” Callie repeated. When he remained silent, she cleared her throat and put it all out there. “I’m going to be really honest with you. I’m asking because I don’t believe there’s any way she couldn’t have known, and if I’m wrong, I’d like for you to tell me so I stop thinking the worst if it’s not warranted.”

  His hands stilled, and after a moment he looked up, his expression grim. “She’ll never admit it, and I doubt it can be proven. But I can’t tell you you’re wrong, because I believe the same as you do.”

  Callie had expected that answer. She didn’t feel gutted to have it confirmed, and her weird lack of emotion toward her mother continued. “Did she want to have a child, or was I unexpected?”

  Howard gave her an approving look. “You have good instincts, Callie.” He pushed slowly to his feet and walked over to the wall of windows, staring out into the yard as he began to talk.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t be the one to tell you the story of Julianne. I wouldn’t, if I thought there was any chance that she’d tell you herself, and tell it truthfully.”

  “There’s no chance of that,” Callie told him. “She doesn’t want to see me. Kirk reached out to her, and had to leave six messages before she even got back to him. She finally sent him a text that said it would be too traumatic to see me after all these years, and it would be best for both of us not to pursue a relationship at this point.” It should have made her sad to hear that. Instead, Callie had been relieved.

  “Yes, Kirk told me that. Which is why I know the only hope you have of learning about the woman who gave birth to you is if I tell you.” Howard turned toward her, clasping his hands behind his back, ready to reveal what he knew.

  “Julianne was, and I presume still is, very beautiful, intelligent, and driven,” he began. “When I met her, she was a new college graduate and had come to work in the HR department at the shipping company. To put it bluntly, she made sure I noticed her. I wasn’t naïve about what she was doing, and I let it happen. Welcomed it, even. I’d been divorced for five years by that time, and I enjoyed the distraction. I liked having a pretty, much younger woman on my arm at company events and on social occasions. Someone who looked at me like I hung the moon and stars.” He laughed bitterly. “Or, more accurately, like the one who had enough money and social status to keep her happy, even without the moon and stars.”

  “Yet you still married her?” Vince asked, frowning slightly.

  Howard uttered a bitter laugh. “Oh, believe me, marriage wasn’t in the plan. I didn’t love her, and she didn’t love me. Then again, I wasn’t looking for love. I wanted an interesting companion, and a ready date. Julianne was fun to be around, and she didn’t have a problem with me being a bit of a workaholic. She liked the things I bought her, and the places I could take her. The relationship worked for both of us. For a while.”

  His candor made Callie realize the two had used each other equally, at least in the beginning. She compared their relationship to what she had with Vince, and felt blessed all over again. What a difference it made to have God a part of it all.

  “I’m guessing it worked until she decided she wanted more?” Vince speculated.

  He nodded. “When Julianne started hinting at marriage, I was very up front with her. I told her I didn’t ever intend to marry again. I considered our relationship to be a long term one, just not one that included a wedding. She appeared to accept that.”

  Howard walked back over to his chair and sat. He picked up a cracker with chicken salad and ate it in one bite, chewing slowly. “You can probably guess what happened next,” he said when he’d swallowed.

  “Yeah. Me,” Callie said softly.

  Howard gave her a crooked smile and nodded. “I was furious. Oh sure, I gave her what she wanted so badly, I married her, but I was furious.” His expression hardened as he went back to that place for a moment, but then it suddenly softened and his eyes glazed over with much better memories. “Until you were born. Then the anger turned to love. A love like I’d never felt before.”

  He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over his stomach. “When Elliot was born, I was very young, and working sixty-hour weeks. I was happy about having a baby, but it didn’t change my life drastically. His mother was a very involved mom and she was content to have me be in the background. In fact, I’d say she preferred it that way. So, that’s where I stayed. But with you, Julianne had a nanny all moved in and ready to take charge of you the day we brought you home from the hospital.”

  “Not exactly the involved mom,” Callie said dryly.

  Howard shook his head regretfully. “I’d gloss it over if I could, but you might as well know the truth. Your nannies and I took care of you. Julianne barely glanced in your direction. She was so busy with events in the community and at the country club, all those things my money and name gave her access to, that she had no time for either of us. The sad thing is, that was just fine with me. I loved the child she’d given me, but I had no affection left for her.”

  “Did you know about her and Elliot?” Callie wondered.

  “That came later, when you were about two and he came home after graduating from college. I suspected they’d made a connection, but Elliot and I were soon at odds about his position with the company, and I didn’t care enough about his dalliance with Julianne to pick another fight. I’m not proud of my apathy, but it is what it is.”

  “Then he took up with Tabby, too.”

  “Yes, and it sounds like his affection for her was actually genuine. Thankfully so, as it apparently saved your life.”

  “And we know the rest of the story,” Vince muttered.

  Howard barked out a laugh. “Pretty much. I fell apart, and Julianne started divorce proceedings fourteen months later. She got a very large settlement, and moved to Atlanta. She’s remarried, and this time she did it without getting pregnant. You don’t have any more half-siblings, Callie.”

  She nodded and leaned over until her shoulder was against Vince, glad when he put his arm around her.

  “Thanks for telling me all this. It helps to know about her. Maybe I’ll want to try to see her in the future, but I don’t see it happening any time soon. I know she’s my biological mother, but I feel no bond to her at this point.” />
  Howard’s throat worked with emotion. “I hope the fact that you’re here means you don’t feel the same way about me,” he said thickly. “I loved you from the moment I saw your little red face, squalling to beat the band.”

  Callie saw his hands were shaking again when he picked up his glass, then quickly put it down when the water sloshed. She reached across the table and took his hand in hers, feeling an intense need to comfort him.

  “I do feel differently toward you. That’s why I’m here. I want to get to know you.”

  He closed his eyes briefly. “In spite of my flaws?” he asked, his eyes shiny when he opened them and met her gaze. “In spite of the monster I raised who tried to kill you?”

  “In spite of it all, and you blame yourself far more than I do,” she assured him. She’d prove it to him, too. She already knew she was going to be a part of his life, for whatever time he had left. Howard Tate truly was a man she wanted to know.

  “Thanks for being up front with us, Mr. Tate,” Vince added. “Callie wasn’t sure whether you’d be willing to talk about the hard stuff.”

  The other man grunted. “You’ll find I’m not one to tip-toe around the obvious. Please, when you have questions, ask me. And I’ll do the same. We only have three days, after all.”

  Callie looked at him, knowing deep in her soul that this man cared about her as much now as he had when he’d last seen her at the age of three. Her well-being was still the most important thing to him—he’d proven it by accepting that his loss had quite possibly been her gain, and making no demands of her.

  She knew the sacrifice he was making. He didn’t have any assurance he’d see her again after this visit, but he was willing to let it play out the way she wanted it to.

  “You wanna know something?” she asked softly, looking into the eyes that matched hers so perfectly. “I think I’m gonna like having a father.”

  Howard’s chest rose and fell sharply, the tough guy’s version of a sob. He and Callie rose to their feet at the exact same moment. Callie felt his frailness when she put her arms around him, reminding her their time was indeed limited.

  She’d do her best to make the most of it, be it months or years. Howard would die knowing he had a daughter to carry on his memory, and she was pretty sure that would make a difference to him.

  That made her think about the other man whose memory she always wanted to hold close, and her heart swelled even more.

  Thank you, Jeremiah. Thank you for figuring out the right thing to do.

  ***

  Over the next few days, the three of them were nearly inseparable. Vince and Callie had canceled their hotel rooms, feeling completely comfortable with Howard and the doting Sophie, who hadn’t had guests to fuss over in far too long. She cooked them breakfast and dinner every day, and from mid-morning to afternoon, Howard had his driver take them into the heart of the city, where they found fun places to eat and explore. He also showed them around his shipping company, which had expanded into ship-building as well, to give Callie a glimpse of the Tate heritage that had started with his great-grandfather and one rickety warehouse.

  Vince and Callie had been pleased and impressed to see how respected the man was by those who worked for him. It was clear they didn’t hold Elliot’s actions against his father, and Callie hoped that knowledge would help heal the wounds of profound betrayal Howard was struggling to come to terms with.

  Although the fact that Lila was alive hadn’t yet been discovered by the media, Howard told some of his trusted people who she was, which had caused huge, disbelieving smiles, and sometimes happy tears.

  On their last evening, Sophie outdid herself with a Cajun seafood feast. Gary Denton had flown in to join them, and Kirk was also present. They talked and laughed and enjoyed the amazing food, complimenting Sophie profusely each time she brought in a new dish.

  Callie found herself getting choked up more than once as she thought about leaving her father the next day. They’d gotten close quickly, and it would be hard to go, especially knowing the state of his health.

  He’d had to have a dialysis treatment while they were there, and Callie had insisted on sitting with him during the process. She didn’t want him to feel he had to hide his health issues from her, and she made him promise he’d be honest with her about any changes he experienced, either good or bad.

  As the dinner wound down, Sophie brought out bread pudding for dessert. Although already stuffed, Callie had to make room because it looked and smelled incredible. Of course, Vince had no trouble finding room for two servings, which made Howard shake his head in awe. He’d been amazed by the younger man’s appetite the whole time they’d been there, but then again, Vince had gotten up at five every morning and spent two to three hours in Howard’s elaborate home gym, which hadn’t seen any action in years.

  Callie had taken her last delectable bite of dessert when Howard cleared his throat and announced they had some business to take care of.

  “I’ve waited as long as I could because I didn’t want you to worry your head about this stuff while we were having so much fun,” he said, looking apologetically at Callie. “But we need to get this over with before you leave.”

  Sophie came in and began clearing dishes, and Callie looked over at Vince, feeling like something ominous was about to happen. He gave her what was meant to be an encouraging smile, but his blue eyes were narrowed slightly, giving away his own concern.

  They both looked across at Howard, waiting silently for him to continue. Before he could say anything else, the doorbell sounded. Callie realized Howard didn’t seem a bit taken aback by the sound.

  “Right on cue,” he said, confirming he’d been expecting it.

  Sophie hurried to the front door, returning with a sixty-something looking man with dark eyes and graying black hair, dressed in a navy suit and carrying a large briefcase. They all stood while Howard made the introductions.

  The newcomer turned out to be Harrison Goudeau, Esquire, Howard’s long-time friend and attorney. After they all shook hands, Howard suggested they retire to his large, opulent study, where six chairs had already been placed in a semi-circle around a large antique writing desk in the center of the room.

  Mr. Goudeau opened his case and placed a stack of folders on the table as the others took their seats. Callie’s heart was beating fast. She was suddenly very afraid she knew what this meeting was about.

  Howard looked at her, his eyes soft and warm. “Callie, I wanted Vince, Gary and Kirk to all be here while we talked. I want you to have a support system, both now and when I’m gone. Obviously, Vince is the person who’s most important to you, but Gary and Kirk are two fine men who will also put your best interests first. They’ll be able to help you navigate the new territory I’m about to thrust you into.”

  He gave Vince an apologetic smile. “Gary and Kirk know what’s coming, but you’re going to hear it all for the first time right along with Callie. I thought that would be best.”

  Vince’s only response was a tight nod, and Callie’s dread grew. She sensed her world was about to undergo yet another drastic change, and she’d already had as much change as she thought she could handle for a while.

  “I’m going to turn this over to Harrison. You two hear him out, then we’ll talk.” Howard looked at Mr. Goudeau and waved a hand. “Go ahead, Harrison. Take it from the top.”

  The attorney cleared his throat, his dark eyes warm even though he appeared to be all business.

  “Ms. Green, your father has had me hard at work the last couple of weeks. There’s been no rest for the weary, even though he’s supposed to be my friend.”

  The other men laughed, while Vince and Callie managed only weak smiles.

  Harrison tapped a finger on the stack of folders. “There’s about a hundred pieces of paper here, but don’t worry, we don’t have to read through them. At some point I’m going to have your father sign in about a dozen places, and then his wishes will be official.” He glanced at
Howard, then back to Callie. “Ms. Green, aside from a few million dollars of charitable bequests, everything Howard owns will be going to you upon his death. My best calculations show the net worth of the estate, at today’s rates and values, to be right around one point two billion dollars. Of that, there’s roughly three hundred million that is fairly liquid. The rest is the value of his business enterprises.”

  Callie reached for Vince’s hand, holding it so tight she lost feeling in her fingers. She shook her head violently. “I don’t want it,” she declared, feeling panicked. “I don’t want any of it.” She looked at her father, her eyes pleading. “Please, do something else with it. I don’t need it, and I don’t want the changes it would bring.”

  Vince added his concerns. “Howard, I understand you wanting to take care of her. But what you see as a gift looks like a terrible burden to her. The businesses and the people who work there—that’s a lot of responsibility. How’s Callie supposed to handle that?”

  Howard held up his hands, his palms facing them. “Now calm down, Vince. I’m glad you’re looking out for my little girl, but you need to let Harrison finish. Then we’ll have a discussion.”

  Harrison folded his hands on the table and nodded. “Howard anticipated this exact reaction. His intent isn’t for his estate to be a burden on you, Ms. Green, although some change is indeed inevitable when we’re talking these sums of money. Here’s what he wants to do.”

  Callie and Vince listened tensely as the man painstakingly described Howard’s plan. Based on conversations with Gary, her father had known there was a good chance Callie wouldn’t want his money. He was leaving it up to her as to whether wanted to set any aside for her own use, but his ultimate wish was for her to be in charge of disbursing his estate to those in need, as she saw fit. Bottom line, he’d found great joy in bestowing financial help to many organizations and individuals over the past fifteen years, and he wanted Callie to experience that same joy. That was his gift to her, and she was his legacy.

 

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