David was about to say hello. He was going to ask after Beth and the in-laws. He was going to ask about the honeymoon. He was going to ask what time she was coming over at the weekend for his birthday. He was going to make conversation. Instead Jojo pushed him down into a chair.
‘Sit down. I’ve got some questions for you. First, why did you cheat on your beautiful wife? Second, how could you do that to Rachel? And for the hat trick, what the fuck were you thinking?’
‘What? How do you …? But—’
David was transported back in time to when he was up in front of the headmaster for letting off firecrackers by the staff car park. He squirmed in his seat, praying that his mum wasn’t going to be called.
‘When you came crying to me because you thought your marriage might be up the spout, you didn’t think to mention your mistress? This whole time I’ve been thinking that it was all some innocent misunderstanding. But it’s not, is it? God, I can’t even look at you right now.’ Jojo downed her drink and left the table to go and stand by the door. David could see her tapping her feet, working out if she would stay or go. There was nothing he could say that could change Jojo’s opinion of him right now. She nodded for him to follow her.
They walked along by the river in silence.
‘What happened?’ Jojo eventually asked.
And David told her how he was wooed by Amelia-Rose, and how young and sexy she had made him feel, until Jojo stopped him and told him off for sounding smug and unrepentant. He apologised and tried to redeem himself. He explained how lying to Rachel had made him feel awful. How he’d punished himself in the gym. How he still loved Rachel, and now that he’d tasted the forbidden fruit he was certain he’d never be tempted again.
‘Do you still fancy her?’
‘I … It’s comfortable. But, you know, it’s not fireworks going off every night. It’s been a long time—’
‘That’s a no then. Do you still say, I love you?’
‘Look, it’s weird having to say this to your sister. Yes, I love her. Yes, I fancy the arse off her. I might not be good at remembering to tell her. But I don’t need to be told what a bastard I am. I know what a tosser looks like – I have a mirror. I fucked up.’
‘My advice? Let her go. I’d prefer to be dumped at thirty-four than forty-four, especially if I found out my partner had porked some young strumpet.’
‘How do you know she’s young?’
‘ – I took a punt. You’ve always been obsessed with new and shiny gadgets. I’m betting she’s no different. She’s as beautiful as a doll, with a carnal sexuality straight out of a Victorian bodice ripper. Am I right?’
‘It’s not like that.’ David had run out of steam. He didn’t have the bravado to answer her honestly. Jojo would see through him straight away and would call him out on it. And now he could add arsehole who disappointed his younger sister to his ever-growing list of flaws.
‘Is this helping?’ Jojo asked. She tried not to sound judgemental. ‘Or is it too close to the bone?’
David wasn’t sure.
‘Okay – all you need to do is be honest.’
‘Why?’
‘Rachel’s an intelligent woman: share your woes about getting older. I see you’re more salt than pepper these days. She’s still hot and if you can’t see that—’
‘It was a moment of madness. Like an out of control hourglass and I was unable to curb the free flow of sand.’
Jojo laughed at his absurd pomposity.
‘I promise I’ve learned my lesson.’
‘Have you cheated before?’
David shook his head. They headed for a small riverside pub. It wasn’t the type of establishment that served decent wine or stocked fancy tonics. David ordered them two pints of Doom Bar.
Jojo told him, ‘I thought you two were happier than ever. You said you were thinking of trying for a baby.’
‘We are! I mean we were planning to … I made a horrible mistake. I hadn’t touched new flesh in years and it was frankly exhilarating. But it wasn’t real. It was a sexual out-of-body experience. I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t explain it. Haven’t you ever been tempted?’
‘All the time, but then I remember the blonde bombshell waiting for me at home. You could have told me about the affair, you know?’ Jojo was deadly serious.
‘It wasn’t an affair!’
‘And you’re not still seeing this other woman?’
‘It was a one-off! A one-night-stand! I haven’t seen her since. Well, once in the street. It was nothing. It meant nothing.’
David downed the remainder of the warm English ale and stared miserably into the empty pint glass. He explained everything, right from the beginning. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry my dick got caught in an extramarital black hole.’
‘That’s not what Rachel thinks. She believes you’ve got a mistress. That’s right, she thinks that you had an affair, and you’re STILL having an affair. She thinks you want your cake and to eat it. She thinks you’re a sick fuck for continuing to lead on two women. She’s met the girlfriend. Yeah – the redhead. They’ve shared words. It’s OVER! It’s too late. I told you not to fuck it up, but you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? Do the decent thing and stop playing with Rachel’s feelings and hurting her. You need to let her go.’
David couldn’t make eye contact with his sister. It was too much to take in. He didn’t answer her, he had everything and nothing to say. David took a large gulp of Jojo’s pint. He was a failure. Here he was – one week shy of his forty-sixth birthday and everything he wanted was destroyed. The one thing he was scared of most was happening. He couldn’t undo his actions. He was a shit, and the fear and the shame of everyone knowing the truth, well, that cat was well and truly out of the bag. The only person he wanted to protect from harm, Rachel, had found out, and now she wouldn’t forgive him.
At the bar he ordered two more drinks and saw an advert in the local paper that piqued his interest.
‘We need to see a man about a boat.’ David showed Jojo the newspaper.
She ignored him. ‘Not so long ago you asked me what it is women want? I’ve given it a lot of thought. How about: not to be thought of as a puzzle to be solved. Not to be used or taken for granted. Not to be fooled. Women don’t want to be part of an equation; it’s not Men + flowers + compliments + love = sex. They want communication, collaboration and companionship. They want their partners to be present. And, above all, not to fuck other women.’
‘Noted. But, to be fair, it was you who advised me to buy her flowers.’
‘Shut up, David.’
Rachel
38
Eva smoothed the tablecloth and Rachel gently pushed her away from the table.
‘Please! It’s not your job, you’re here as a guest!’
The doorbell rang. Most of the guests had now arrived. They were only waiting for Jojo and Beth, Beth’s parents and Kevin.
‘Do you want me to get that?’ Eva asked.
‘Funny! Please enjoy yourself.’ Rachel could see her friend was trying to act nonchalant when at any moment Kevin was going to arrive and blow Eva’s cool girl cover.
Jojo and Beth both beamed when Rachel opened the door to them. She couldn’t wait to have a proper conversation with them, but that would have to wait.
‘Wow, look at you two – married life obviously suits you!’
Jojo gave Rachel a hug that was too long and whispered into her ear, ‘Let’s not tell Mum or Norma yet.’
Rachel laughed, and agreed that David’s birthday was designated a drama-free day!
Jojo ground her teeth as behind them a giant of a man complained about the cool English weather and asked if there would be sweaters at this party.
Jojo rolled her eyes. ‘Rachel, have you met Ed, my hilarious father-in-law?’ Ed it seemed did not get British sarcasm. ‘He would die for a Long Island Iced Tea.’
‘Ed, welcome—'
‘Rachel, I heard a lot about you. Rach
el this, Rachel that.’
‘Please come in.’ She closed the front door.
She whispered to Jojo, ‘A Long Island Iced Tea is just the contents of the drinks cabinet with a splash of orange and a splash of Coke, right?’
‘That’ll do it.’
Rachel accompanied Jojo’s new in-laws through to the conservatory and asked David to prepare the drinks. Jojo disappeared into the kitchen to help him.
‘Hi, I’m Rachel.’ She held out her hand to Beth’s mum.
‘Don’t be offering me no hand! Come here an’ give me a hug. I’m Patrice, but all my friends call me Patty.’ Rachel wondered if she and Patty were now friends? Could she call her Patty too? Then call-me-Patty grabbed her in a squeeze so tight Rachel felt her ribs compress. ‘I heard you did a great job on the wedding, and it was your idea to get people to record video messages for us? That was so thoughtful. And look at my lovely daughter – you sure are a guardian angel looking over her, and I’m glad she has found love in your family!’
Rachel turned to look at Beth, who was trying and failing to balance on a barstool. ‘Pregnancy suits her,’ Rachel agreed.
The doorbell rang again. Finally, it was Kevin. Eva blushed like a teenager with a crush.
‘Go get him.’ Rachel could see her friend was itching to.
Jojo snuck up behind Rachel. ‘Since when are Kevin and Eva a couple?’
‘Ha! Since the magic that was your wedding.’
‘I see what you’re doing.’
‘What?’ Rachel asked innocently.
‘You’ve already lined up a new sister-in-law!’
‘Don’t worry, no one can replace you. You and Beth, you’re two for the price of one!’
Kevin kissed Rachel and Jojo on the cheek and grabbed hold of Eva’s hand. To the shock of everyone watching, he took the opportunity to introduce her to his mother.
PEACH BELLINI RECIPE
Ripe peaches, stoned and diced
25 ml fresh peach purée
100 ml Champagne/Prosecco/sparkling wine
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
About an hour in, Rachel refilled her glass and gazed at the guests celebrating David’s forty-sixth birthday. It made her teary-eyed to think that this was the last time she would be with her friends and family in this house. It was the last time she would celebrate David’s birthday by his side. It would be the last time these people would think of David and Rachel as a couple. She had resigned herself to the fact that she might lose some of these friends. Rachel looked at the couples. She thought about their marriages, the pitfalls some of them had survived, and wondered why hers couldn’t work. Marriages survived worse things than infidelity. Some of these people had been able to rebuild trust. Then she looked especially at the second wives and husbands. They had managed to make new lives and new memories for themselves. Would it be so difficult for her?
David crept up behind her and put his chin on her shoulder. She could sense the sadness emanating from him without seeing his expression. She turned and clinked his glass with hers.
‘Happy birthday!’
‘Cheers.’ He looked drained. ‘Thanks for everything.’
‘You’re welcome – happy birthday.’
‘No, I don’t mean the party. I mean everything.’
‘Barry brought Gina. Are they making another go of it?’ Rachel asked.
David nodded. ‘You look beautiful.’
‘I’m going to see if Eva and Lydia …’ Rachel escaped from his melancholy mood.
She had rallied the troops from work and now thanked them for coming to celebrate David’s birthday. They too were family and now she would need them more than ever. She’d promised to do right by them. Her clients had remained largely unaware of Rachel’s personal difficulties, with only one jumping ship. Heck, you can’t win them all.
‘Eva, have you given any thought to what I said about us being business partners?’
She nodded. ‘I’m in.’
‘We’d have to rebrand. What sounds better, Keatley Jenkins? Jenkins Keatley? Or KJ?’
‘What about Sunshine Events?’
‘Sunshine Events,’ Rachel repeated. ‘I like it.’
David smiled at Rachel. He tapped a spoon against his glass and demanded everyone’s attention. The next few minutes passed in a blur. When David asked Rachel to marry him her friends and family looked happy and hopeful, even her mother was smiling. She was unprepared for his proposal, but could hardly turn him down publicly. Instead she opted for a courteous nod that was received with rapturous applause by everyone around.
Afterwards Rachel went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She added a dusting of bronzer and a swish of red lip stain. ‘You can do this,’ she told herself as she eased her face into a smile.
David
39
David was pleasantly surprised to see Barry had arrived with Gina, and it looked like they had more than made amends. Proud as punch, Barry told David he was back in the marital bed, and Gina elbowed him in the ribs.
Gina gave David a kiss on the cheek and wished him a happy birthday, afterwards whispering in his ear, ‘Thanks for looking after B.’
‘Thanks for coming,’ David said.
‘We couldn’t miss your birthday, mate.’ Barry said, as he slapped David on the back.
‘What did you get me?’
‘Our presence is your present, isn’t it Gina!’
‘Does Rachel know about the boat yet?’ Gina asked.
‘Sshhhhhh! Not a word.’ David checked Rachel was out of earshot.
Barry told him not to worry. ‘Now, let’s get this party started!’
David could hear a commotion at the front door. He’d been expecting Beth’s parents and here they were, literally larger than life. It didn’t help that her father was dressed in khaki green; he looked like the Jolly Green Giant on a hunting trip.
David held out his hand, which was shaken so violently it felt like it had been through a tumble dryer.
Jojo followed him into the kitchen and gave him a forgiving smile and a big hug. He was relieved to have his confidante back. He explained he didn’t want Jojo to have to keep any secrets from her best friend. And he also didn’t want to jeopardise his relationship with his sister. She shooed away his apologies.
‘Last night we took Ed and Patty to Pizza Express. You know, the one in Covent Garden. Ed likes jazz and everyone likes pizza, what could go wrong? The first thing he does is grumble the music coming from the cellar bar is too loud. And when the food arrives, he calls over the manager to complain. He points to the unsliced pizza and asks, “What are we, barbarians?” Ed looks to us to back him up. We all smile politely and the manager has a waiter slice Ed’s pizza for him.’
David laughed as he finished preparing two Long Island Iced Teas for his new in-laws. Jojo tasted one. It needed more whisky.
‘What are we, barbarians?’ David mimicked. ‘But I already put—’
‘Trust me. It’ll quieten him down.’
David did as he was told and received no complaints from either recipient. Patrice thanked him and insisted he call her Patty. Jojo tried to introduce David to her new in-laws, but Ed brushed him away as if he was a hovering waiter. Ed was busy reiterating the story of their delayed flight and how it was the fault of some idiot at airport security.
‘They were meant to change at Atlanta and the whole of ATL had to be closed down because some jock joked about having a bomb in his carry-on. IT WAS A FRICKIN’ JOKE! But could anyone see that? I feel for that college kid – now he’s all over that face-tweet. So we were diverted to LAX, just missed the flight to London, couldn’t get on the one to Paris and missed our only daughter’s wedding.’
Patrice was an older version of Beth. She was also tall and blonde, with a lovely calm disposition. She must have heard Ed’s stories countless times, but kept her hand loyally on his arm and smiled along with his raucous gags.
David clinked his gla
ss to get everyone’s attention. ‘When Rachel asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I couldn’t think of anything. Because I’m lucky, I already have everything I want. But then I thought about it. And actually, I do have one question I want to ask.’ David glanced at Norma and once again regretted not consulting her in advance.
He looked to Jojo, who shook her head.
Beth’s face crumpled.
Rachel stared on aghast.
David dropped to his knees. In the palm of his outstretched hand, he held a turquoise ring box. He looked up with excited eyes and a wide smile.
‘Mrs Chatsworth, will you marry me?’
Barry added ‘again’ for humour.
‘Again,’ David repeated.
‘Ha! Who cheated?’ Roger heckled cheerfully. An awkward pause followed. He quickly clarified that he was only joking, and went on to over-explain that the only couple he knew to renew their vows did it after someone – who was he kidding, it’s always the fella – had experimented with some extramarital how’s-your-father!, he said with a big wink.
David nervously laughed off any suggestion of infidelity. Rachel stood frozen to the spot as he pulled at the white silk ribbon and opened the small box for her. Inside was a Tiffany ring, encrusted with diamonds and pearls. He kissed her hard on the lips before he felt her squirm out of his arms.
‘Another wedding!’ Lillian cheered.
‘One we’re invited to this time?’ Norma said sardonically. Beneath the sarcasm David could see she was delighted.
Rachel nodded. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
David was filling glasses with fizz when it occurred to him that Rachel hadn’t actually said yes.
When all the guests had left, the house was full of empty bottles and mountains of washing up. Rachel and David retired to the sofa. Without thinking, they let their legs intertwine. David untangled himself and paced the living room. He downed a glass of flat fizz.
How to Marry Your Husband Page 25
