by Maxine Sarr
"I've sent the email. I'll get you some more coffee while you read it."
"I'll take it home and read it tonight. The wife would love it."
Kelly beamed. "Well, you don't have your conference call so you can read it and take it home for your wife to read."
Twirling like a dervish along the corridor Kelly shimmied into the canteen. Alan with glazed eyes staring at the empty doorway wondered, not for the first time, why he had employed her. Hint taking, a large part of being a secretary, was not in Kelly's vocabulary. Alan recognised he was beaten and opened the email.
Kelly began to hum The Triumphal March and decided now to be a good a time as any to get a few minutes extra rehearsal. Kneeling with head bowed in front of the dishwasher she flung her arms into the air, with a look she hoped epitomised beseeching. After a minute or two, she realised she wasn't alone.
"Kelly, you need to know you're worshipping a dishwasher. You do realise that?" Jackie, at the doorway to the canteen, stood in front of a group of colleagues hiding smirks behind their hands.
"Rehearsing, you know. Every little helps."
"Kelly, you're off your head."
She chose to ignore Jackie and Kelly, grabbing the countertop to lift herself up, said to the captive audience. "I've sent you all an email about my opening night. If you want we can go to lunch and I can tell you all about it, in more detail."
If her colleagues had been cartoons they would have left their skin behind, they ran to their desks, forgoing coffee. They knew it was going to be a very long day.
Kelly forgave Jackie for her previous snide comment and pulled her into the canteen.
"You can read it if you want Jackie but I would prefer to tell you."
Jackie had visions of a lamb to the slaughter, trapped; but knew she would have to take one for the team. "Okay, fire away. Let me get some coffee first and we can talk at our desks."
Kelly rushed to her chair then realised Alan's coffee was still in the canteen; she dashed back. She was all of a tizzy.
Trying not to be inconspicuous by shuffling and clearing her throat Alan looked up from his computer to see Kelly at the door. He closed down the eBay page he was on and brought up Kelly's email.
"So, what do you think?"
"Sounds like you were the star of the show Kelly. Did you have a good time?" Alan had learnt praise followed by a question was a classic deflection technique when talking to an egoist. It backfired when Kelly took this to be an invitation to come in, close the door and sit down.
She placed the coffee on Alan's desk, aware she needed to tread carefully. Kelly had picked up on Alan's tension and recognised it as worry. She had to reassure him he would not be losing her as his secretary yet. An ex-boyfriend had told Kelly sensitivity was her middle name.
"It was an amazing experience Alan and although they've asked me back for the rest of the week I want you to know." She leant forward which made Alan sit back a little. "I won't let you down and desert you."
Alan was quick to hide the crestfallen look on his face. "Great. I'd hate to lose you, you're such an?" He blushed. He realised he had no idea how he would finish the sentence without being offensive.
Kelly was unaware of Alan's embarrassment; it went right over her head. She made a mental note to write down this conversation the minute she got back to her desk; for her autobiography. Everyone would want to know what work she was doing when she received that call.
"Kelly? Kelly?"
"Oh, sorry, miles away then."
"I need to get on and do some work."
"Okay, let's do lunch." Kelly performed a pirouette, made a curtsey and left Alan's office. Alan shook his head but, happy in the knowledge he was now off the hook for a while. Today his staff would have to fend her off themselves.
"Kelly, you're mobile's been ringing." Jackie held Kelly's phone aloft as it started to ring again.
In a less than graceful lunge Kelly retrieved the phone from Jackie.
"Hello, hello, Kelly speaking."
"Hi Kelly, this is Liz, the production manager of Aida."
"Liz, hi, how are you?" Kelly performed the, I desperately need to go to the toilet jig, mouth agape. She wasn't sure why; later she would say it was because of excitement.
"I'm good thanks. Listen I wanted to thank you for last night. You did a great job but we won't need you to come back."
"Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that Liz, can you repeat that again please." Something about Kelly's tone made Jackie pay closer attention to what was happening. Putting her elbow on her desk she lowered her chin into her palm, scrutinising every movement, every word and every nuance.
"I said we don't want you back."
Kelly gulped. If she responded Jackie would know and spread rumours around the office. She half turned as Liz disconnected the call.
"No problem Liz. I was happy to help. Oh, okay you want me to get there half an hour early tonight. I'll speak to my boss and get back to you. Is that okay?"
Kelly put her phone on her desk, turned to Jackie shrugged and said: "What can you do?"
