God may have taken Boaz’s mother from him but He’d given the child another one who loved him as fiercely as if she were his own.
He had to remind himself that Delilah belonged to Boaz.
The cold had numbed him thoroughly, but Esau still sent up his daily prayer for restraint.
“Dear Lord, you sent me a wife for Boaz’s needs, not my own. Please help me to remember that.”
And every time he sent that prayer to the Lord, a verse he wanted to reject entered his mind. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
“I didn’t ask for a wife, Lord,” he said out loud, uncaring now that he felt like a giant icicle. “I didn’t ask for her, so I don’t want to feel this way about her.”
It was an impossible thing to deny his attraction for Delilah. The need to consummate their marriage and make it binding in every way.
No, that would never happen.
His lips formed a straight line. That will never happen.
With that, he rolled his shoulders and gripped the handle to enter his cabin.
As soon as the door opened, Boaz let out an ear-splitting scream of joy.
“How are you, my son?” Esau said, his heart already walloping in his chest as he shut the door behind him.
Boaz babbled, and jumped eagerly in Delilah’s arms. “He’s always so happy to see his Papa,” she said as she laughed, catching Boaz deftly in her arms as the boy lunged forward. “Wait until your Papa takes off his coat and boots, Boaz,” Delilah said. “He won’t be long.”
A few moments later, Boaz was in his arms, placing sloppy kisses all over his face.
“He loves you, Esau,” Delilah whispered in a soft way. A note had entered her voice, one that was both strange and compelling. “He loves you with all his heart.”
Some instinct made him look down into her eyes.
What he saw, he couldn’t unsee. How he recognized it, he didn’t know but it was as clear as day.
Delilah was in love with him.
That love blazed from her eyes like twin flames, searing his soul with their intensity. His breath caught in his throat but, just then, Boaz blocked Esau’s view of Delilah with another sloppy kiss. By the time he looked back down at her, the look had gone.
But he’d seen it and knew nothing about their life together would ever be the same.
Throughout the evening, as he ate the wonderful soup that Delilah had made and they played with the baby before feeding him his bottle and putting him to bed, he noticed something was different about Delilah. The air about her hummed with a sort of expectation. Several times, she dropped something or other, or her eyes stared off into the distance, a pensive look within their brown depths. A couple of times, he had to say her name to gain her attention. Something obviously preoccupied her mind.
Was it him?
Later, as they sat before the fire, he had a hard time focusing on the Scripture he was attempting to read.
“Esau?”
“Yes, Delilah?”
She set her knitting down in the woven basket. “Why won’t you…”
Her voice trailed away, and his breath hitched in his throat. His fingers went limp and he set the Bible on the nearby table lest it fall to the floor. What was she going to ask? Did he want to answer?
“Why won’t you…” she began again. The second time, she straightened her shoulders and back. Her eyes stared into his. The flames’ reflection flickered on the brown irises.
“Why won’t I what?”
“Why won’t you…tell me about what happened with Boaz’s mother?”
His breath came out in a short exhalation. That wasn’t what he expected to hear. From the resigned, almost defeated look in her face, he suspected it wasn’t what she wanted to ask either.
But maybe, it was best.
He rolled his shoulders. “It’s a sad story, Delilah. I don’t like to think about it.”
“I’m sorry that telling it hurts you, Esau, but I’d like to know. One day, Boaz is going to want to know about his mother. I want to be able to tell him.”
One day, that meant she would remain with him till at least Boaz was a young man.
A pervading sense of relief swept through his body. Until he heard her say that, for a moment, he hadn’t perceived that it had been a latent fear of his.
Had he taken on Jacob’s fear? The fear that by caring for someone…anyone…gave way to losing everything?
No, that wasn’t him. That was Jacob’s fear.
Clearing his throat, Esau said, “To start, I’d have to begin about ten years or so ago.”
“Why so far back?”
“Because what happened then is what led to Boaz’s mother’s death.”
“How so?”
Esau sniffed. “About ten years ago, the bison were disappearing from the land. The fur trapping industry had taken a huge loss. Not only were the bison dwindling in population, but back East folks, and folks across the ocean were no longer interested in furs. They had started to develop an appetite for silk. This was coupled with the fact that relations between the tribes and the settlers were hostile for years. Tribes in this area began retreating over time to the territory around the Marais River.
“A rancher and trapper named Malcolm Clarke used to work for the American Fur Company. While a fur trader with the company, he took issue with a man name Owen McKenzie. So much so, he killed him and then left the company. He moved out here and ended up marrying a Blackfeet woman named Cothcocona. The marriage created an alliance of sorts with the Blackfeet of the region. Eventually, he married another woman, and built a ranch out here.
“Back in ’67, there was a Piegan warrior named Owl Child. According to Owl Child, Malcolm Clarke had stolen his horses, so he returned the favor. This in turn caused Malcolm and one of his sons to beat up Owl Child in front of a group of Blackfeet. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but there was even talk that Malcolm had taken Owl Child’s wife against her will. She was the cousin of his first wife, Cothcocona. I talked to Boaz’s mother, and she said some believe she gave birth to a baby but it died.”
“Dear Lord,” Delilah breathed. “So much pain for everyone around.”
“Why do you think I didn’t want to tell you?” Esau felt something crawl along his back at the anguish in her face. Anguish he put there without wanting to. “It doesn’t get any better. After all, pain is free, isn’t it, Delilah?”
“What happened next?”
“As one could expect, in August of last year, Owl Child retaliated by killing Malcolm. This made the settlers in the area demand justice for Malcolm Clarke’s death. They sent petitions to the U. S. government to get rid of the Blackfeet, so the Army sent word to deliver him in two weeks. When that didn’t happen, back in January of this year, the Army sent out a regiment to take care of the deed.”
His mouth tightened. “Owl Child must have heard about the impending attack because he took his followers and went further up the river. When the regiment came by, one of the men among them knew which was the correct tribe by the markings on the outside of the teepees. Joe Kipp was a scout who knew how to tell the difference. When he saw the tribe they had come across wasn’t Owl Child’s group, he told the major who was in charge of the regiment. The major said, “That makes no difference, one band or another of them. They are all Piegans, and we will attack them.”
“Oh, no!”
“They slaughtered hundreds of peaceful people that day, Delilah.”
Although he went on to tell her what happened with Boaz’s mother—how even though she was shot in the stomach, she made her way down the river, carrying the baby with her, dripping blood as she went, unable to stop—he remembered another massacre that hit closer to home. Visions of those he loved floated before him.
“We still don’t know how she found us, Delilah, but she did. Those butchers had killed other children during that fracas but for whatever reason, God chose to save Boaz from death.”
He gave a shuddering breath as he finished up with the sorry business. “We have been chosen to care for Boaz and that’s what we will do.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Esau’s muffled cry interrupted Delilah’s rest for the second night in a row. She jolted awake and turned onto her side to see Esau struggling against some unseen foe.
She wiped the sleep from her eyes, staring as his body jerked to whatever nightmare held him captive. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen him like this until this week, after he told the sad story about Boaz’s mother and the massacre.
Last night, when she’d gone to him after hearing him shout, he’d awakened in a foul mood. Even in the darkness with only the dim moonlight, she saw his face contorted in rage.
It frightened her.
Esau’s snarling visage melted away when he saw the expression on her face, but he gruffly sent her back to her bed. When she tried to probe him further, he very coldly told her it was none of her concern.
That hurt worse than she could have imagined.
They said nothing about the incident this morning, but she could tell it was very much on their minds. When Esau checked outside, she almost swore his legs shook with a massive sense of relief that the weather was conducive for traveling that day.
When he came back home later that evening, they continued to avoid the topic. His manner wasn’t as cold as it had been the night before, but she sensed he put a deliberate distance between them.
Except for Boaz. With Boaz, he poured all his attention onto the child who greedily lapped it up.
Now, here she lay again, watching as he wrestled his night demons.
Should she ignore it, seeing how he had responded before to her concern? Lord knew she didn’t want to experience that side of his personality again.
But if she did ignore it, would he continue to have this nightmare that made him cry out, even whimper as if he were a boy again? Esau had been closed-lipped about his childhood. When she asked pertinent questions before, he avoided them by changing the subject.
Delilah sighed and sent a prayer upward for guidance. As soon as it came up, she remembered a verse the Society had drilled into the Magdalens. “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
She wanted to be more than Boaz’s mother. She wanted to be Esau’s help.
Delilah pushed the covers back and stood. Tiptoeing over to where Esau lay tossing on the narrow bed, she bent and slowly reached out a hand. Without warning, Esau grabbed her wrist and began to squeeze. She gasped, and then cried out. “Esau, please, you’re hurting me.”
Instantly, the grip on her hand released and she cradled it as Esau awakened, jerking up to a sitting position in the narrow bed. “What?” he gasped out, his chest heaving up and down, his words coming out as a mere whisper. “What?”
“You were having a bad dream,” she told him. She pressed her hand against her chest. “I was going to wake you when you reached out and grabbed my hand and began to squeeze.”
“I’m—I’m—sorry,” he gulped. “Didn’t know.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“Would never hurt you.” He had a hard time catching his breath. His eyes bulged in the dim light of the moon, the white gleaming in the dark façade of his face.
“I know,” she assured him.
“I—I—”
“You don’t have to say anything.” She sat down on the narrow bed, feeling the hardness of his body pressed to her softness. Esau’s breathing, which had been coming out harshly, suddenly stopped.
“Esau?”
“What are you doing?” The words had a strangled sound to them.
“Nothing. I’m just…sitting here until you catch your breath.”
“Don’t need—”
“Yes, you do,” she interrupted. Then, throwing all restraint to the wind, she wrapped her arms around his neck. His body shuddered in a violent way. She felt his hands move and grab her waist as if to push her away.
“What are you—”
“No, I’m not leaving,” she said, bringing him closer to her. His head was buried in her hair, and she could feel his breath warming the space between her neck and shoulder. “I’m not leaving you until you’ve relaxed and captured your breath. And you need a hug.”
“I don’t need anything.” His hands gripped her waist tighter. She could feel the latent strength of his fingers, knew he could hurt her if he wished. But she wasn’t going to let him go.
Dear Lord! She’d wanted this closeness for so long. And now it was here, he was in her arms, breathing into her neck, heating her skin through the material of her long modest nightgown.
“Delilah, please.” Any moment, he would push her away. His fingers twitched on her waist.
“Don’t send me away. I’m here for you, too.”
Once again, Esau stilled. Where those words came from, she didn’t know but she knew that she had to tell him that. “I’m here for you, too.”
“You can’t be. I never asked for a wife for myself.”
Her heart plummeted to her feet. He didn’t care for her.
“I never thought I’d have one,” he went on. “Then, Boaz needed a mother and you came as an answer to prayer. I thought that’s all I wanted was – a mother for Boaz.”
“Thought?” Maybe, maybe…
She went to draw away so she could look at his face, but he clutched her waist tighter, as if trying to hold her there.
Like she wanted to escape!
“Please. Don’t move. I’ll never say it otherwise.”
Excitement coursed through her. “Say what?”
“I didn’t ask for a wife, but God gave me one. I’ve tried to not want more from you, Delilah. I’ve tried but—”
“What is it, Esau?”
With a long sigh, he gently drew her away from him. “If we’re going to talk, we might as well do it with some light. There are things you need to know.”
It was only a few minutes before they were sitting at the table before the low burning hearth. A tiny candle lit between them, dancing soft firelight on their faces. Boaz was asleep, and for the first time since she’d become his mother, she hoped he’d stay asleep. What was happening here between Esau and herself – dear Lord, please don’t let anything interrupt them!
For a moment, Esau sat in silence, his eyes fixed on the flame wavering between them. Then he said, “The nightmare I was having was about when my parents were killed.”
“Oh, Esau. I had no idea.”
“How could you? It’s something I don’t like to talk about, or even think about. Every time it comes up in my mind, I think of something else. When I am sleep; however, that day plays over and over in my mind.”
“What happened?”
“There’s always been unrest between the settlers and the tribes who have occupied this territory. The settlers felt it was their right to establish their homesteads and push us away. It wasn’t like that every interaction but for the most part—”
He gave a nonchalant shrug. “At any rate, when I was a boy, we were visited by a group of missionaries who came and lived among us, not in our village but in the area. We traded and that eventually led to some conversions of a few of us. For myself, when I heard the Gospel from the missionaries, it lit something within my soul.” An awed reverence came into his voice. “I knew that what they spoke was the truth. I didn’t care that they bore white faces—they had given me the truth and I knew it.
“From that moment on, I wanted to learn everything I could. I learned to speak and read and write English. I knew then I wanted to spread the Gospel of Jesus to the other tribes and anyone else who would hear me.”
“I’ve never heard you preach except for what you’ve told me when we talk here. But I know you to be a man of God,” she said shyly.
Esau leaned over and gripped her hand. “Thank you for that. I guess I should mention that before my parents’ death, my twin br
other had also embraced the Gospel. He was as eager for it as I was, although he didn’t want to be a preacher like I did.
“By this time, the tribe had fully accepted the missionaries and we them. Life went on as it does. One day, a wagon train came by our village, mostly men. We welcomed them and invited them into the village.”
His eyes narrowed. “What we didn’t expect was that the wagon train wasn’t real. They were a group of robbers who decided to earn our trust and then, when they gained it, proceeded to attack us.”
Delilah shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“They slaughtered us,” he gritted. “We were nothing to them. They abused the women and children who had the misfortune to still be alive after they ripped through the village. My mother and father were killed. Most of the missionaries were also slaughtered, save for one or two who escaped. The only reason why Jacob and I had been spared was because our mother and father sacrificed themselves for us to remain hidden.”
His fingers scraped at the table. She had the distinct impression he had no idea what he was doing. “Even then, we had to escape because the men were going back through the village and searching for survivors to either kill or abuse in some manner.
“It was then that Jacob lost his faith. I nearly lost mine.”
The silence reigned between them. Delilah didn’t know what to say at first. She had to admit she thought her life being known as the daughter of a loose woman had been difficult.
But had it? She had the shelter of the Society for most of her life. There was never any worry about attacks within those walls. The Scriptures had come alive for her. She had Anna as her companion.
Esau had seen his family slaughtered. How could her pain compare to that?
After a while, she ventured with a question. “Did they ever find out who did this horrible thing?”
“The missionaries that had escaped reported the incident to the U. S. government but not much could be done. I didn’t want to let that affect my belief in God. In the Bible, it says to not sin when you’re angry. So, I’ve done away with my anger. I wasn’t going to let that affect my wish to be a preacher. And it hasn’t.”
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