by D. N. Hoxa
“What if I got you into this position? Could you move if I held you like this?” he whispered, his sweet, warm breath on my face…wait, was he asking me if I could, or if I wanted to move if he held me like that? Because I sure as hell did not want to.
“Yes,” I whispered back and lost myself in his ocean eyes.
Something I’d never seen before was clear in them. Something like looked terribly similar to desire. Wild desire and passion. He licked his lips and looked down at mine again. Alarms went on in my head. This wouldn’t end well if I let myself lose control. He hated me, he’d made that very clear, and he was probably just making fun of me.
The sex-driven part of me complained because his body on mine felt mighty good, but the words coming from his mouth filled my head, chasing away the desire in me with anger. He hated me, and I didn't really expect anything less.
But that didn't mean I would let myself be played. Again.
I closed my eyes and gathered control. I’d probably just imagined the look in his eyes, anyway. He didn’t want to really devour my lips, no matter how much I wanted him to.
The reasonable part of me was right. As much as I wanted him, it was right. I pushed the left side of my body up and kicked his hips aside with mine—don’t ask how good that felt—and I jumped on my feet in a second. He was heavy but not that heavy.
He lay on his side on the mats looking at me like he found me extremely strange before the blue of his eyes darkened with disappointment, and finally, he composed himself.
“You’re a fool if you ever underestimate the power of women.” Maybe I was a bit angry but I was so at myself. I couldn’t allow myself to believe in what I wanted again. No. I was going to see things for what they really were.
Stupid, I cursed myself and headed for the door with a million thoughts in my mind. But curiosity, as always, was the dominating feeling. I turned around before I got out and found him sitting there on the mat, watching me, his expression unreadable.
“What do you turn into?” I asked before I could help myself.
The corners of his lips curled up into a lazy, victorious smile I both hated and lusted after. “Panther,” Aaron finally said.
He turned into a cat. Duh.
“They told me that you carried me on your animal form when leaving Lyndor,” I said. That question had been nagging me for far too long. I think I deserved a congratulations—and a trophy—for holding it in me for so long. “Why? After you heard my original plan, why not just leave me there to die?”
Aaron looked offended. “I’m not a monster, Star. We are not the Council.”
No, I guessed. Aaron wasn’t the Council. I was the Council. I would have left him to die. Well, maybe not him specifically, but anyone else. And I wouldn't have even thought about it twice.
Because that was who I was, how I was brought up. That was how I survived.
I smiled at myself, at how cold and soulless I had become. How I’d changed in those four years.
Aaron was right. I shouldn’t be trusted. Hell, I didn’t trust myself sometimes. I was a selfish bitch, and even I couldn’t argue with that.
“Something funny?” Aaron’s voice brought me back to the present. He’d stood up and was standing right in front of me now. It still surprised me how I could never hear him move around me, but at least now I knew what he was.
I shook my head. “Not even close,” I said and turned to walk out the door, but he caught me by the wrist and stopped me. As soon as his skin touched mine, my mouth went dry and my breathing became heavy. He pulled me just a little, but I let my body go like I never did before, and his little show of force made me turn and practically fall against his chest.
I composed myself quickly and looked down in embarrassment for God knows what reason, and Aaron never took his hand off mine. I tried to get myself together, tried to remind myself of who I was and what I’d done as I forced myself to look up and meet his gaze because I did not back down from a challenge.
Wrong move.
I should’ve backed down from this particular challenge because Aaron was close. Too close. So close that I could feel the warmth of his skin as if I were touching it. So close that I could feel his warm breath in my mouth, and I could taste him on my tongue. He kept my gaze and watched my lips in every changing second until he, very slowly, leaned in, and my heart stopped altogether.
His lips were an inch away from the corner of my mouth, which was dry as a desert. And all I could think about was his lips on mine, the length of his body pressed against mine again, the heat of him mixed with mine.
Then he turned his face, so agonizingly slowly, and whispered in my ear:
“I see right through you.”
By the time realization kicked in, he was gone and I was all alone in the training room, struggling to catch my breath and slow my heart rate. I’d never felt like that before, and I was glad that he left me alone because I needed time to recollect my emotions that fell and flew and were bouncing all over the room.
What’s happening to me?
2
——————————
Aaron’s words were my wakeup call. A reminder of who I was. He was right, and that provoked thousands of thoughts in my mind to resurface. I didn’t sleep until the sun came up. I thought about my life, about how it had changed, how I’d turned into a killing machine and had been fine with it for four years, thinking I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t see the monster I’d become until those I hunted and killed for years turned the light toward me.
Irony...such a fucking bitch.
My own sister wouldn’t come near me. The only guy I’d ever thought about nonstop and wanted—really wanted—didn’t trust me. Probably hated me. Sure, he was physically attracted to me. I could read his body language although he tried damn hard to hide it. And with any other guy on Earth, it would have been perfect, exactly what I would want. But Aaron had gotten under my skin way too deep, and now I was the one who wanted more. I wanted what I knew I couldn't have. Such a dangerous feeling.
I’d lost my humanity, and I wasn’t sure if I could ever get it back again. In fact, I was sure I couldn’t. I was living under the same roof with a lot of people who wanted to see me dead. Yes, people had wanted me dead constantly for the last three years but for a different reason: they’d wanted me dead because I was a threat. Because they were afraid of me and I was competition.
The Red Rebels wanted me dead because I’d spent the last two years of my life killing them. I’d become their worst nightmare, the monster that could be the reason their husbands, wives or children would never return home again.
And now they were forced to live with that same monster and eat the same food as her.
Bile rose in the back of my throat. What the hell am I doing here, putting them through this after everything I’ve already done?! I asked myself.
Because they need me, the voice in my head said—possibly my own self defense mechanism. As much as I was disgusted with myself and they were disgusted with me, they needed me. And because of that, I made myself swallow hard and face the cold, dark reality. I was good at killing, and I still had an enemy. I was still needed, and I would try my hardest to bring the Council down one by one until they were all dead. I believed that was the reason for my existence. I either would die fighting those pricks, or I would kill them all and then live the rest of my pathetic life for Ella, if she’d have me.
Things were as they were. There was no point in regret when you couldn't turn back time with a re-do button. So instead of showing the world that I felt pathetic and sorry for myself all day long, I decided to do what I did best: mask it. At least now, I believed—I knew—I was on the right side.
I decided to be the selfish, soulless person I really was and do what I had to do to end it all by setting the Red Rebels free. Or by dying.
Something told me that not many people would be present at my funeral.
***
I woke up after only
two hours of restless sleep and went for a shower. When I got back, all dressed up in my tights, shirt and sneakers, Dad, Ella and Nick were already in my room.
“What are you doing out of bed, Star?” Dad said, terrified at the sight of me.
“I’m perfectly okay, and I’m sick of lying around all day doing nothing.”
“Get back to bed, Star. Horatio said—” my father began to order, but I cut him off.
“I don’t care what Horatio said, Dad.” The potion warlock had done wonders for my pain, but it was over. No more potions. I was going to make myself feel every bit of pain my body could bear because I deserved it.
I turned to Nick, who was watching me with fear and a little guilt in his face. Why? I had no idea.
“Have everyone who’s ready to fight in the training room in 10 minutes,” I said, a little more roughly than I intended to, but I wasn’t going to say sorry.
Nick didn’t argue. Smart boy.
I pulled my hair up in a bun, ignoring the pain in my body as I moved. Dad and Ella kept watching me, their eyes wide and filled with fear. They didn’t know what to say. They’d never seen me like that before. The Star they knew was the calm one, the one who never said no to anything. Unfortunately, I could either be the heartless assassin that everyone feared or the calm daughter and sister. I couldn’t be both. At least not right away. I needed time, and I just hoped for my sake that they understood and gave it to me.
Without another word, I left my room, and they didn’t come after me. I went to the kitchen first, ignoring the stares everyone gave me as I passed, and I swallowed two glasses of fresh orange juice before I headed for the training room. The place was packed. Nick had been very fast. There were at least forty people of all ages in there.
I saw Aaron from the corner of my eye, his hands crossed in front of his chest, leaning on the wooden wall of the room and staring at me. My heartbeat tripled at the sight of him and my breath caught in my throat, but I forced my body back to order.
He hates me, I reminded myself. And he was right to hate me. So I ignored him.
“Those under twenty-one, leave, now. I will start with you once the new training room is ready.”
The new training room was going to be twice the size of the existing one. I would know more about it once Thomas gathered some balls and actually brought me those blueprints I’d asked for, but until then, some sups looked relieved, some looked angry, but in five minutes there were only nineteen of them left, including Aaron. That would have to work.
“Choose your place and pick your partner. Prepare the room for hand-to-hand combat. We start immediately,” I said loud enough for all to hear and stepped back to give them a moment and see if any of them wanted to say something. No one seemed to even be breathing. I wanted to laugh at the thing that was filling the pit of my stomach fast. Of course, I didn’t.
I left them to prepare and headed for the arsenal wall. I already had Bob with me, but I wanted to study the weapons that my new students would eventually use. I’d train them just like my teachers had trained me. Bloody and very messy.
“You think you’re ready for this?” Aaron’s voice coming from right behind me almost made me jump. I hated that I couldn’t hear him move.
“I thought you had it clear last night,” I said dryly, not even turning to look at him. “Take your position.”
“Excuse me?” A chuckle escaped his lips.
I turned to face him, fully in control of what the expression on my face was giving away. “You thought you’d be an exception. You won’t. Take your position and pick your partner.”
His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he spoke. “I did save your life, you know.”
A bitter smile stretched my lips. “I will have repaid the favor by the time this is over.”
“Are you really sure that you’re ready?” he insisted.
It didn’t take long for me to feel like I wanted to explode.
“Take your place with everybody else and do not push me, Aaron, or so help me God, I will break every bone in your body and you can kiss even walking on your own two feet goodbye forever.”
I shouldn’t have said that. It was too much. The problem with my mouth was that once it started, I couldn’t keep it shut. And now Aaron was looking at me like he wanted to slap me. Good. My bitch-mode was on and fully functional.
“Yes, ma’m,” he finally whispered, and with his head down, went back to the crowd.
The others had taken their positions two by two around the room with their backs against the wall, fear mixed with excitement filling their features. This is it, I thought, and a deep breath later, I began.
“You will train for as long as we have time to train. Those of you who prove yourselves to be better than the rest will be training with me double-time. It will not be easy, fellas,” I said as I paced around them. “So you better mean it when you say you’re ready.”
I smiled my evil smile for all of them to see. This is going to be a lot of fun.
3
——————————
“All right, guys. Let’s take five,” I said to the men and women in front of me, going for my purple towel to wipe the sweat beads off my forehead. It was the second day of training, and they were already a bloody mess. Except for Aaron. I don’t know how, but it seemed like he became better with every passing minute. He could imitate each and every one of my moves perfectly, the same moves I’d spent two years to perfect. I knew because I trained with him. He was the only one of the 19 sups who was close to the same level as me. I didn’t like it, but I had no other choice. The importance of what we were doing was very high.
After the first hour in day one, I replaced the partners they’d chosen for themselves. They’d chosen their friends. Naive. They weren’t giving their best or really trying to hurt their opponents. So I made new arrangements.
Now, they were a mess. Their bodies were bruised and cut in more than a few places, but by the middle of the second day, I knew who was going to train with me double-time. Some people just had it in them to fight. They needed more attention in order to reach their full potential. I gave them and myself five minutes to relax. After that, one more hour, and then only six of us would remain in the training room for the rest of the day.
That morning, every person in the room looked at me differently. The fear was still there, but something else was there, too. Something I couldn’t make out, and I didn’t really want to. I was afraid. And ashamed. And, of course, felt guilty. I wasn’t going to let feelings get in the way of my priority. This was too important.
“Again,” I called and stood up from my chair as everybody else took their places. Aaron was waiting for me in our usual spot, right next to the door.
“One of you will begin to exercise your moves in front of your partner while they watch and analyze them, and then tell you what you did wrong, and where you need to concentrate more,” I said, taking Longwood’s methods into mind. I could clearly remember his thin lips always turned downwards and his ice cold stare throwing daggers my way. It helped me, even though hitting and kicking air was not very productive.
“Fighting is not all about the physical. Half, if not more, of what the outcome depends on is your mind. Your move calculation. Your ability to make the right move at the right time. Keep in mind the saying think before you act. Begin.”
I stepped in front of Aaron. The smell of him, tangerine mixed with a light sense of sweat, made it impossible to draw air in through my nose. It was too distracting. I put my arms behind my back and waited. He smiled a half smile while he watched me, as if he was surprised that I didn't even think about doing the moves myself while he observed. I just looked at him passively, ignoring that my heartbeat doubled at the sight of his smile. So he started. They all did.
Aaron used his fists and his elbows. He was good. Stronger, more solid than he had been barely a month ago. And I thought I was a quick study. But still, whatever it was he did, it didn�
��t feel right. Like there was more to it than just the fact that he was fast. Despite my curiosity, I made myself drop it immediately. It was none of my business, and it was going to stay that way.
I only needed five minutes with Aaron before I turned to walk around and watch the others. With little adjustments to the moves of his feet, Aaron was good. Better than good—perfect. The gracefulness of his moves took me off guard every single time. He moved like a freaking cat. Obviously because he was a cat.
The hour was quickly over, and everybody was more than ready to be done with the day. I stopped them before they hurried out the door. Not that I blamed them, but they needed to be taught discipline.
“So eager to leave, aren’t we?” I asked, my voice low and my evil smile playing on my lips. “You think you’re good enough that you can finish your four hours of training every day and then go about your lives and not think about fighting until the next morning?” I asked, really curious actually. I didn’t think they knew what they were up against, what Royal Guards and others trained by the Council were capable of doing.
“Hate to break it to you, but you’re not,” I said. “You have to be disciplined. The real fight will be nothing like what you do here every day. The pressure and fear that will freeze your body when facing the real enemy will be hard to overcome. I expect all of you to spend your days thinking about fighting, about your techniques, about how you can improve. I want you to think about it even when you go to bed. I want you to be better than what you are going to face once the war starts.” They all flinched at the mentioning of war. “Better than the Royal Guards.”
I kept them like that for another couple of minutes just to make sure my words had sunk in. The fresh fear in their eyes wasn’t from me for a change, and I hoped it would inspire them the way it did me.
“Joshua, Mike, Naomi and Carlos. You’ll stay with me. I will see the others in the morning.”
I went back to my chair and to the small bottle of water I kept with me at all times. I felt Aaron’s gaze on me before I turned toward him. I didn’t mention him at all, thinking he’d know that he was in the small group for double training without having to tell him. I’d just gone against my own words because I told him he wouldn't be an exception just days ago. I held his gaze for a second until a ghost of a smile appeared on his face. He was thinking the same thing. Damn him.
