by D. N. Hoxa
“Whatever you need to say to her, I’m sure I can hear it, too. Right?” Aaron said stubbornly, and I fought to keep a smile from spreading on my face.
“It’s okay, Aaron. I think I can handle your father.” I didn't once leave Thomas’s eyes. He had to see that I meant what I said. “Really, just go.”
Aaron looked at his father again, who was now watching me with his lips pressed together into a thin line, then reluctantly dragged his feet to the door and out. The second we were alone, the sick feeling that pulled at my stomach began to grow. God, how much he hated me…I turned my senses off and smiled brightly. This was going to suck dick and balls.
“I have called you to apologize about my behavior during the meeting with the Elders,” Thomas started, and it sounded like he was pushing the words out of his mouth with all his strength. “I am sorry.”
Real funny.
“But?” I said, leaning my head to one side and looking at him with a smile on my face. I knew there was more coming. With guys like him, there was always a but. He smiled coldly, too.
“But,” he continued, “just because I am apologizing for my behavior, I am not apologizing about my opinion,” was his way of telling me that the Elders had forced him to apologize. I’d expected nothing less. “I still think that you should be turned in and that you should do it yourself if you want some dignity left to your name.”
“I’m sure you do.”
He held his plastic smile on and nodded. “Since I have you here, do you mind if I ask you something?”
That was surprising. “Go ahead.” I encouraged him, though whatever was on his mind couldn’t possibly be good.
“I really am curious to know—how do you sleep at night?”
My nails dug into my palms, and I bit my tongue as hard as I could to keep myself from moving. To my horror, Thomas continued.
“Because I always thought that that much blood on one’s hands would keep anyone up all night, but I haven’t heard you complain.”
He sounded so fucking proud of himself and the more he saw me try to hold myself, the bigger his smile grew. When he opened his mouth to speak again, I began to count backwards…
“And one more thing, if you don’t mind, because I really am curious. How does it feel to live under one roof together with the families of the people you’ve spent your whole life killing and to know how much they all hate you?”
The numbers dissolved from my mind. Before I realized what was happening, I saw my hand closing around his throat, and my face was an inch away from his.
What I wanted to do was say that I was sorry, to tell him that he was right and to fucking congratulate him for saying out loud what everyone at the Base thought but didn’t dare put into words. I also wanted to tell him that I was trying to make it up to them. I was really trying!
But that wasn’t how I was built. I didn’t apologize. My past was rooted too deep in me. And that was who I was.
“Powerful,” I said as my evil smile played on my lips. My fingers were wrapped tightly enough around his throat that he wouldn’t lose consciousness, but he’d have difficulty breathing. Thomas’s eyes grew wide as they watched me smile, and his heart beat so fast, I could hear it. “It makes me feel very powerful. They hate me because they fear me, Thomas. And the Elders aren’t going to always be here, so I would suggest you take that unspoken advice.”
I dropped him on his chair the second the words left my mouth. I looked down at him as my body threatened to break into a million pieces. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I backed away and waited for him to catch his breath and compose himself.
His eyes held many other things now, things that made me want to puke my guts out right in front of him. Instead, I kept the same smile on my face I always had on since the first time I was forced to take a life.
“Was that all, Thomas?” I said when I realized he didn’t intend to say anything on his own.
Clenching his jaw, much like Aaron had at the Winter Ball the night before, he searched a drawer for something, then dropped a stack of papers in front of me.
“Our head shifter, who for some reason trusts you, wanted me to give you these.”
I ignored his tone and immediately took the papers in my hand. I could have laughed in joy! I knew Edison was going to be helpful. He’d put together every detail from the lives of the shifters who were killed. Everything was there: from where they hung out to what they ate for breakfast. Priceless.
“I’ve studied the information and was able to pinpoint the most important pieces last night,” Thomas said reluctantly.
“Last night? You had these last night, and you didn’t tell me right away?” Was he fucking kidding me?
“I said I read them, and I gathered the important details into one report,” he said. The look of disgust in his eyes hadn’t been replaced by fear like I’d expected it to be. Good for him.
Without dragging this on any further, I jumped to my feet. “You don’t happen to have the blueprints and the information about the Base here with you, do you? I did ask you for them more than a week ago.”
“I’ll deliver them when I have them,” Thomas said dryly. Shaking my head, I made for the door, when, “I’m not afraid of you, Raven,” he spit with so much hatred that my knees shook. I turned to him, but the smile on my face was getting harder and harder to keep.
“Aren’t you now,” I said. It wasn’t a question. He swallowed hard, but that didn’t stop him from speaking again.
“Stay away from him.”
My heart was pounding in my chest even before the words left his mouth. Thomas slowly stood up and searched my eyes, his suddenly filled with what I could swear was raw desperation.
“What?” I whispered, unable to find my voice.
“Stay away from my boy. If there’s any kindness left inside you, stay away from Aaron.” Then he closed his eyes, swallowed hard and looked at me again. “I’m begging you.”
No amount of torture I had endured had ever come even close to breaking me the way Thomas’s words did. I clamped my mouth shut and walked out in the hallway, before my legs gave up on me, and I fell against his closed door. My knees were shaking violently, and a small cry escaped my lips before I had the chance to put my hand on my mouth and shut myself up.
I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t stop the tears in my eyes from falling.
“Star?”
My world shook all over again. Aaron was standing only four feet away from me, his body frozen, his blue eyes wide. He’d seen me. He’d probably heard my cry, too.
I breathed in deeply and begged whoever was up there to give me strength to just walk on my own, just so I could get to my room. And then they could take all of my energy away if they pleased.
I clenched my jaw and reminded myself that I was Star, the Raven, the Council’s fearless assassin. There was no heart in me. No soul, or mercy. That was me.
Standing on my own again was a bigger challenge than I ever imagined. I slowly wiped my cheeks with the sleeves of my shirt and turned to him. Aaron looked at me with his mouth open and his hands in front of him, like he wanted to say something, do something, but he didn’t know what.
Finally, he took my face in his hands, and I barely held a gasp. Instead, I searched for any strength left in me, and I put on the best mask I could construct.
“Star...” Aaron whispered as his thumbs moved up and down my cheeks to wipe away the tears I’d missed. I pulled my hands up and pushed his away from my face. I almost pushed him back, too, but I wasn’t sure I’d manage.
“I’m fine. I will need an hour for these,” I finally said, showing him the documents his father had given me, “so tell the group to continue training without me.” My voice was weak. Everybody would hear it—especially him, but there was nothing I could do. I turned around to leave when he grabbed my arm and stopped me.
“What happened?” Suddenly, Aaron looked like a wild animal just waiting for the right second to ju
mp its prey. He looked like he wanted to kill something. Shivers washed over my back. I’d never seen him look like that before. If I were strong enough to turn my senses on, I would feel his energy. All of it. But I couldn’t
Instead, I tried to jerk my arm away form his grip, but I just looked pathetic.
“What happened?” he asked again, his voice lower, more dangerous. Who was he?
“Nothing happened. I got word from Edison. I’m going to check it out right now, if you intend to let me go anytime soon.”
I wished I’d let him stay in there. I wished I hadn’t told him I could handle his father. I couldn’t. Not when he asked something like that from me.
But what was done was done. And when Aaron finally let go of me, I didn’t wait a second longer. I left.
As I threw up, Thomas’s words repeated themselves in my mind over and over again. He was right, I was a monster. No matter what I said or how hard I tried, I couldn’t wash away every drop of blood I’d spilled in my life.
And this time, there was no turning back. I could break my own promises. I could tell myself that I would ignore Aaron all my life if I had to, and yet I knew that if it came to it, I would take my chance because I was selfish like that.
But I would never be able to break the promise I made to Thomas when he put his heart out and left it bare for me to see it. So despite my own feeling, I’d silently promised him that I would stay away from his son. I would stay away from Aaron, even if it killed me.
19
——————————
It took both Jack and Aaron to ask me what the files Edison sent said, before I realized that I was actually working with someone now—not just myself. I had yet to see the day in which telling other people about my plans came naturally to me.
“All the supernaturals, or at least the shifters and vamps that were found dead that night, they were part of the same thing.” Jack sat on my bed, as always, and Aaron had taken a chair at the corner. I was thankful because that way, I didn’t need to be closer to him than I had to be. “All of them stayed in Madison, South Dakota, in the same place for the same number of days, for four times in the last four years.”
Just like I’d suspected, the information Edison provided was priceless.
“Definitely something going on there,” Jack said as he went through the documents himself.
“The weirdest thing? The shifter that was a Rebel was in the same place, too, just last year. And he asked for permission from Edison to go again this November. He said he was visiting a friend.”
Jack was right, there was something going on there, and I needed to see Kyle now more than ever. I wanted to know every single detail of where these guys stayed, even their hotel room numbers. I wanted to know what they did, who they met, what they ate.
But that last thing I said rang the loudest alarm for me. Why would a Red Rebel—a known Red Rebel be part of something that was clearly organized by Council’s sups? Sure, his brother was a Council’s shifter, but I doubted that was the reason. There were many siblings in rivalry, separated by their own stupidity.
“Why do these names sound familiar to me?” Jack said, analyzing the names of the first six victims.
“Because most of the victims held very high rank in the Council’s hierarchy,” I explained. “They worked everywhere, from lawyers who kept the papers in order to agents who worked with the US Government Bureau that deals with us.”
They both looked up at me in surprise. “So the Council really killed their own men? Even though they were obviously important to them?”
“Maybe they were stealing. Or maybe trading information? Or they came across information that they weren't supposed to hear? Or maybe they just didn't look pretty enough for one of the Council members. Who knows? Each one of these reasons could be enough to get them killed,” I said in wonder.
“But you don't believe it’s any of it,” Aaron said, and he was right. I’d already told them about the traitor before. Or at least I thought there was a traitor in the Council’s midst. I had no proof.
“No, I don't think it’s any of those reasons. Whatever the sups were up to, they were killed all at once. That's not the Council’s style. They like to make deaths look like accidents when they can help it.”
“So we’re back to the traitor again,” Aaron mumbled.
He didn’t like the idea any more than I did. I contemplated for a second about telling them of the theory I’d come up with about the whole mess, but I couldn’t. I still didn't have the information I needed.
“I think so. But I need more information on this. I need it as soon as I can get it.” I turned to Jack. “Think you can help Thomas arrange my departure for tomorrow morning?” I asked him.
“Sure thing. And I’ve asked a lot of questions about the nymphs and the fairies that were killed. I’ll see if anybody’s come up with any answers.” He stood up. Where the he hell was he going? “I'll let you know.” He made for the door.
I wanted to stop him and ask him not to leave me alone with Aaron, but how would that make me look? Like a pathetic, scared little girl. Right. So I held my tongue. Plus, any extra information we could get would be very welcome. And he had strong, valuable connections. He was a messenger, after all.
The door closed behind Jack, and we were alone in the big training room.
Silence. Thick, awkward silence.
He cleared his throat. I cleared mine. More awkward silence.
“So this friend of yours,” Aaron finally said, keeping his eyes on the files, “what is he?”
“Human. Kyle is a human, but nobody’s better with a computer than him. We lost contact because I left my phone in the cave in Lyndor. But I know where he lives.”
Aaron nodded.
“My father’s coming with us, you know.”
This time, I turned to look at him. “Excuse me?”
“My father is—”
“No, I heard you, Aaron. But why? And who is we?” I had been prepared to leave alone for the trip. I definitely did not want Aaron coming along, let alone Thomas.
“We, as in me and you.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he beat me to it. “And I know what you're going to say, but you can save your breath. You’re not going alone. I just thought you should know about Dad.” He turned back to the files as if this was a done deal.
I inhaled deeply to chase away the panic. Shouting my guts out wasn’t going to help the situation. Besides, I’d already proved to myself that I could have a normal conversation with him.
“Aaron,” I started as calmly as I could manage, “the Base needs you here more than I do. They need Thomas more than I do, too. So, please, be rational.”
“The Base has many people here, Star. I’m coming with you one way or another. You should seriously save your breath.” He even raised his brows and smiled at me like he’d won. The jerk! God, I wanted to break him to pieces.
Instead, I took deep breaths, in and out. I could stay calm. It didn't matter that the universe couldn't seem to stop throwing its wrath upon me, but I was okay. I was calm. I didn't need to overreact, right? Aaron was coming with me.
So what?
Don't answer that! I warned myself.
“Fine,” I said with a loud sigh. “But Thomas doesn't have to come. Why would he even want to?”
It was no secret that he hated my guts. So much so that he’d begged me to stay away from his son. Goddamn reminders.
“He doesn’t. He’s being punished by the Elders for the scene he caused that morning,” Aaron said reluctantly.
Why would the Elders want to punish him? He was a jerk, sure, but he was just speaking his mind and he did apologize to me. He’d also stayed up all night to go through the files Edison sent, which was basically making my job easier for me. And most importantly, as much as I couldn't stand the sight of him, he cared for Aaron. Enough to tell me to stay away from him. I never wanted to admit it out loud, but that was one of the nicest things that anyone had
ever asked me to do. Disturbing, I know, but it was my reality.
“That’s unfair. I was part of the show just as much as he was. And they already made him apologize,” I mumbled. Aaron stopped flipping the files in his hands and looked up at me in wonder.
Then, he dropped them and stood up. Shit. I really didn’t want to keep fighting him. It was so exhausting, and somehow, yelling at him always ended with my wanting to kiss him.
“At least one good thing came out of that mess.” He grinned and I rolled my eyes.
“What good thing?” Thomas coming with us was not a good thing, ever.
“It’s changed you.”
My mouth opened and closed for a few seconds like a fish out of water.
“I haven't changed,” I said when I finally found my voice, at the same time my head insisted that I, in fact, had changed.
“Oh, really? So, if this would have happened two months ago, you’d have still thought that it wasn't fair that my father was being punished for speaking out against you, even though you put on as much a show as he did?”
I swallowed hard. I’d have never thought about it that way before. I’d have probably just said that he should've remembered his place and not even think about going against me again. Yeah, I did have that big an ego.
I sighed. “Okay, so I've changed. So what? No big deal.” In fact, we shouldn’t have even been talking about it.
“It is a big deal. You’ve come a long way. I’d have never said…” and his voice trailed off as he analyzed my face. Like a coward, I walked over to my bed and started to gather the files into a pile, when all I wanted to say was, geez, thanks man! You really do wonders for my self-esteem. I was already at the door. Time had come to go to Ella.
“You’re not listening to me, Star,” Aaron said and stopped me in my tracks. I’m not? “What I’m trying to say is that I was wrong about you.” It was like a slap to my face.
“No, you weren't. I see it now, too. You were right from the beginning. So is your father.”
The ceiling should have fallen on my head because I’d just admitted to his face that he was right. By some miracle, it didn’t. I smiled a bitter smile for myself and sent irony to hell again. I slipped out the door and headed for Ella’s without waiting for his reply. It was still half an hour before she started, but I wanted to propose we skip training that day—God, I really had changed—and just hang out.
