Dean tries to get as close as he can to me, but there’s a gearlever in the way. He strokes my hair, trying to soothe me. “Blair, no. You can’t really believe that? Do you believe that?”
I don’t answer him because there’s nothing to say. I’m so confused right now.
He moves my hands from my face and wipes my tears with his thumbs. I look at my lap, and he places a finger under my chin and forces my eyes to meet his.
“Please look at me, Blair. I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but if you never trust another word I say, you have to believe not everything in this industry is bad. I made a mistake, a fucking terrible one, and that mistake cost you more than it ever should have. But please don’t let my mistake cause you to abandon what you’re meant to do.” He pulls out his phone and scans through his emails. “Amanda sent me the contract. Please just consider it. It doesn’t get any sweeter than this. They’re pretty much letting you write your own ticket.”
“Why is this so important to you?”
“Because I’m a selfish asshole. Straight up. I told myself I was coming here to get you to sign the contract, and then I’d leave you alone. But I can’t leave here without telling you what you mean to me. You’re everything. I made a huge mistake, and it wasn’t coming to South Africa on our break and it wasn’t fucking you when I should’ve been honest with you. As fucking terrible as those things were, my biggest mistake was not showing you exactly what you mean to me. And that is unforgivable. I can’t let you believe you were anything other than everything to me. I’m an asshole for not showing you sooner how much I love you. Please forgive me.”
“Wait. You love me?”
“I do. I love you. I don’t know the exact moment I fell in love with you, but I knew the exact second my heart would never beat the same again. It was the day I lost you. I know this is unfair. And I know I shouldn’t be asking you this, but I will regret losing you till the day I die. Don’t let me regret stealing your dream from you too. Don’t let my mistakes cause you to doubt yourself and everything else. Please, Blair.”
I’m suddenly more nervous than I’ve ever been, and it’s taking an insurmountable effort to get my brain to catch up to what Dean just said. A tear rolls down his cheek, and my heart shatters a little bit at the sight.
“I’m scared.”
“I know. I’m scared too.”
“I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“I will do everything in my power to never hurt you again. I promise you that.” There’s hope in his eyes, and I know everything has just changed. Can I do this? I want to do this. Dare I do this? I want to believe this is going to work. I want to believe again. So I do. But then the reality of the situation hits, and suddenly I’m thinking logistics when I want to stay cocooned in hope. “What if things don’t work out with the label? What about the distance?”
“You can move to LA, or if that’s not an option, I’ll move here. I’m pretty handy, and I’ve proved my assistant vet skills.”
I laugh. “You’d do that? You’d just give up your music career? Isn’t that the same as me giving up my dream?”
“No, it isn’t. You’re the dream.”
I don’t know what to say, so I let my heart do the talking. “I love you, Dean.”
“I love you too, Blair. I’m sorry about everything.” His hands cup my face, and Dean’s eyes beg for permission. I’m lost in their steely depths for the longest time. “Can I kiss you?”
I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that question before, and it’s swoonworthy. I nod. “Yes.” I’m shy all of a sudden and lick my lips. He presses his mouth to mine, and if I had any doubts, his kiss allows me to see right inside his heart. With every movement of his lips and every beat my heart takes, I open up a little bit more. We get lost in our kiss, and I relish the feel of Dean’s mouth against mine so much so that I forget we’re in Maddie’s car.
A loud banging on the window has me jumping back like I’ve been caught doing something illegal. Maddie’s grinning face is pressed against the window. “As much as this makes me happy, there are innocent eyes you two are destroying.” She opens the door and thumbs to the back seat. “In the back, children. I’ll take you someplace private.”
I open my door and climb out the car. I can’t even be embarrassed about the scene Maddie is causing because I’m too damn happy right now.
“That won’t be necessary. I have a driver.” Dean walks around the car and slides his hand in mine. I love the feel of his calloused hand holding mine. I never want to let go.
“Yeah, about that. I let him go. It’s amazing what a good tip will do for you.”
“Maddie!”
“Oh hush, you. I’ll take you where you need to be. Relax.”
Dean shrugs and opens the back door of Maddie’s I10 and indicates for me to get in. He closes the door after me and rounds the trunk to get in on his side. Maddie’s car is tiny, and for once, I’m grateful for the lack of space. Dean pulls me close to him and kisses me on the top of my head. It’s strange that an hour ago I was buried in utter desolation and now feel weightless by hope. I know I might be putting myself at risk for a whole lot of heartbreak, but what if I’m not?
Isn’t it worse to regret something you do than something you don’t?
35
Blair
By all rights it should be freezing; after all, it is the beginning of winter, and we are in a tent in the middle of the bush. Naked. But the only thing I feel is warmth. Warmth from the way Dean’s eyes meet mine and tell me I’m treasured. Warmth from where his hands roam over my body, making me feel beautiful and sexy. Warm from his mouth following in the wake of his calloused fingers from playing guitar.
The warmth spreading through me turns to heat when Dean’s tongue strokes my clit. No preamble. No build-up. No time to gasp or whimper as he steals my breath. I tremble but not from the cold as his tongue sweeps along my cleft in languid strokes. He’s savoring me, his tongue alternating between teasing flicks and long luxurious licks. I want to touch him, return the favor, but I’m drowning in the sensations.
I’m whimpering now as the steady throbbing in my pussy increases. We’ve spent the whole night in a tent that Maddie set up, getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies, and he knows what I need and crave. A tear slips from my eye and down my cheek as he inserts two fingers into me, and I trail my nails down his back. His lips move up my body so he can kiss the tears away, but his tenderness only makes me cry more.
He stills. “Blair, baby, are you okay?”
I nod because I can’t speak, and his lips move to mine. The tears I’m crying are happy tears. Tears of forgiveness and acceptance and love. His kiss anchors me, but he allows me everything I need to feel while his fingers pump in and out of me. He trails back down my body, and his lips suction onto my clit. I clench and I rock my hips unapologetically, rubbing my slick pussy against his mouth and tongue. He hisses in a breath, and I swear the sound alone could bring me to orgasm if I wasn’t in the middle of coming so damn hard. I’m still quivering, every inch of me trembling, my hands tingling. It feels so damn good.
My eyes open as Dean lifts me and settles me on his rigid cock. He’s sitting, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He allows me to rock slowly against him for as long as I think he can stand it. The entire time he doesn’t take those steel-gray eyes off me. His jaw twitches slightly, and that makes me smile. I know he’s barely hanging on. My body builds again, but I try to hold it, to prolong this moment that means more than I can verbalize. I lean in and sweep my tongue across his bottom lip, then bite down gently when the build can no longer be contained.
“Fuck.” The only thing Dean says before he pushes me back. My heated skin dots with goose bumps as my back hits the cold sleeping bag, but his body covers me before I have time to get chilled. A moan escapes my parted lips as he thrusts into me, a punishing rhythm that takes me over the edge. I can’t stop from crying out—no one ca
n hear me, but I doubt I would care anyway. Each stroke of his cock draws out my orgasm. I’m on fire, every inch of my skin burning with liquid heat.
His breathing increases and I know he’s going to come, and I refuse to take my eyes off his even though it’s a struggle to keep mine open. I meet Dean’s thrusts as a low groan rips from his throat. He dips his head and licks into my mouth. I taste a heady mixture of my orgasm and his sweat on his tongue, and I explode again, this time with him.
Dean collapses on top of me as we both get our breathing under control. I love his weight on top of me. As our breaths become more even, I look out of the tent. Dean had pulled back the flaps so we could see the dawn. I look to the horizon and gasp, the sight nearly bringing tears to my eyes again. Now I’ll admit I’m a little bit emotional—this is a dream come true for me, and I’m still battling to grasp that I’m actually here with him.
Trees silhouette against a sky ranging from powder blue to periwinkle to navy, but what really takes my breath away are the clouds. They are like bright orange liquid streaks of fire across the sky. It’s the most beautiful sunrise I’ve ever seen, and I tear up. Dean turns around to see what I’m looking at, and his breath leaves his mouth in a rush. He gathers me into his arms, and it’s like the universe has given me its ultimate blessing for our second chance.
Dean kisses the top of my head. “I love you.”
I can’t answer him. I choose to show him instead.
Epilogue
Maddie
It’s hot as balls out here, and I’m glad I went with camo shorts and a pink tank. My hair is pulled back in a pony, and I have a cap perched on my head so I don’t get a sunburn and Rudolph’s nose as a result, but sweat is dripping everywhere and I’m sure Hell will be cooler right now. It’s worth it though. Seeing Blair on stage, performing the song she and Dean worked on in South Africa when Papaw was hurt makes me tear up, but I’m not going to cry just yet. There’s going to be a lot of emotional tears today, and my makeup is already running down my face. Alright, I might be being a bit dramatic, but it’s hot—I’m entitled.
Blair on stage is something to behold. She lights up and brings every single note to life. I don’t know how it happens, but she opens herself up when she’s up there, and she allows the world to see who she really is. I’ve been her friend since preschool, and every single wonderful thing I learned about her just oozes out of her when she’s performing. She’s the best version of herself up there. The chemistry between her and Dean might have a little something to do with that too. She’s up there working her magic, but they are barely able to keep their eyes off each other. The way Dean looks at her makes my stomach kick with longing. I want someone to look at me that way one day. For now, though, I’ll settle with an orgasm, and Keller Cannon from LP-45 would be the perfect delivery boy.
Not that he’s anywhere near a boy. Keller is all man and has quite literally been the star in a ridiculous amount of my marble-rolling sessions. By the way, I didn’t make that term up; I snatched it from my favorite author, Helena Hunting, but it does explain the act of alone time perfectly. I flick my eyes over to where Keller’s working his drums. Beefy guys aren’t usually my thing. Neither are guys with skull cuts and small teddies perched in their pockets, but damn those biceps are something else, and so is Keller. He looks like he could bench-press a small bus, but I guess if you’re beating away at drums as he does, that’s a perk of the job. A job he seems to love, if the smile spreading across his face is anything to go by.
Kade asked Blair and Dean to open up his annual Teddy Run, and LP-45 is on stage with them right now. Minus Kade for now of course, which is why I get to drool over Keller. The Teddy Run is a concert Kade puts on every year, and the entrance fee is a soft toy of any kind. It’s a sweet idea, and at the end of the day, they ride along with the trucks, distributing the toys to underprivileged kids. You’d think people would take advantage of the small entrance fee for an outstanding concert and bring along the smallest teddy they can find, but I’ve seen people lugging garbage bags of teddies in here, and it warms my heart to know there’s still a lot of good in this world.
Dean has arranged a truck full of toys; it’s an apology gift for what he’s about to do, and although it’s completely unnecessary, based on Kade’s reaction, it is appreciated.
As if on cue, Keller slows the beat down. He’s in on the surprise; all of LP-45 is in on it since Dean and Blair are using them instead of both bringing their own bands. They are in between verses, and I see the briefest flash of confusion on Blair’s face, but she’s used to Dean’s spontaneity by now. They don’t work together often, but they do try to align their tour schedules so they can see the most of each other. This last year has been a little on the crazy side with Blair signing with DMW and starting her first tour, but they have made it work.
I duck around Jeremy and Emerly sucking face and grin at Blair’s family—my “foster” family, since it’s just Mom and me. “This is it!” Jeremy comes up for some air, and you’d swear by the way he’s beaming that he’s the one proposing all over again. Jeremy proposed to Emerly right before the finale of Breakout. He jokingly tells anyone who’ll listen that he wanted to make sure she said yes just in case he didn’t win. He didn’t win. Amy-Leigh won—thank God it wasn’t that bitch Danielle who dropped off the scene and is hopefully working out her days for a telemarketing company selling hemorrhoid cream. He came in second, but as is the way with these kinds of shows, it’s always the runner-up who makes it in the end. I guess it’s the drive to succeed that does it. Whatever it is, Jeremy has been knocking it out the park. He released another single last week, and it’s in the top 100 in iTunes. I’m so happy Blair has everyone here for her today. Papaw reaches for my hand, and I can see he’s tearing up, and if I’m not mistaken Mr. McKenzie is too. Grams and Mrs. McKenzie hug each other tight.
The crowd knows something is about to happen. It’s normal during concerts for the singer to stop to address the crowd. Dean reaches for Blair’s hand, and she smiles sweetly at him. She always does, and he turns to the stage just as a cart with a cloche gets wheeled on by one of the stagehands. Keller twirls his sticks, and praying to Aphrodite I won’t drip onto my panties while I’m standing next to Blair’s family, I force myself to pay attention to what’s going on onstage.
Blair’s brow furrows, and she tilts her head ever so slightly in question. Dean lifts his mic. “You’re probably all wondering what’s going on here, right?”
The crowd screams and roars, and Papaw whistles. Blair turns to face him and blows him a kiss.
Dean smiles and pulls Blair in for a one-armed hug, then takes a step back from her. He’s still holding her hand, and the one holding the mic is trembling so hard, I can see it from here. This has to be the first time I’ve ever seen Dean nervous. By the look on Blair’s face, it’s the first time she’s seen it too. Dean lifts the mic again. “A year ago, Blair McKenzie forgave my ass and gave me a second chance. A chance I didn’t deserve but have worked every day to earn. I’m not an easy guy to live with, and if it weren’t for the fact that some nights we’re apart, I think she might have killed me in my sleep.”
The crowd erupts in laughter, and Blair shakes her head and lifts her mic. “It’s true—he messes up a lot, guys, but he means well. You mean well,” she tells him. “And I’d never kill you. I don’t look great in orange.”
Again the crowd goes crazy, and I beam at my friend. She’s so damn great with going with the flow—something I fail miserably at—and she’s also full of shit. Right now she’s wearing a short black skirt and a red blouse, but she’d look amazing in anything.
“Alright, now that we’ve established my mortality isn’t in question, I’d like to establish one more thing. Exactly how long Blair’s prepared to put up with me.” He dips to one knee, and the crowd goes deadly silent. I hear Blair gasp, and tears stream down my face.
“Blair, I can’t always promise I’ll get it right.
That I won’t do stupid shit that hurts you or pisses you off. I can’t promise I’ll never mess up. I can’t promise to let you sleep in on Sundays instead of listening to my music at full volume because I miss you too much when you sleep. I can’t promise I’ll know what to do when you’re hurting or sad, and I’ll probably always do the wrong thing, but one thing I do promise you is I’ll never stop trying. I’ll never give up on you or us, and I’ll spend every single day of my life showing you I love you. That is, if you’ll have me. Blair, will you have me?”
He reaches for the cloche lid, but he’s on his knees and he can’t quite reach from this angle, so he scrambles to his feet. I laugh. Damn, the guy can be awkward as shit at times, but he loves Blair just as much as I do, and that means I love him too. I won’t ever tell him that; I enjoy making his life miserable at times, but that’s neither here nor there.
Blair looks at the plate and throws her arms around Dean’s neck and whispers something in his ear. Every single girl in the crowd lets out a collective “Awww.” And every guy sucks back an emphatic “fuck!” because there is no proposal on this earth that will ever beat this.
Someone a couple of rows back yells, “What’s on the plate?”
The cameraman pans so the contents that were hidden under the cloche are now emblazoned on the two full screens at the side of the stage. Toast with the words “Will you marry me?” are piped with lemon frosting thanks to me. I bet the crowd is super confused as to why Dean would propose using a snack instead of a ring, but he knows the way to Blair’s heart by now. It’s also a little inside joke because Dean maintains the minute he hit the button for Blair, he was toast. I let out a sigh of relief the heat didn’t melt the frosting and roll my eyes a bit that I was involved in this level of cheese, but deep down, I’m struggling to hold back the tears. Blair is a mess—she’s shaking and crying, and Dean is holding her, his grin worth a thousand words.
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