by Dani René
I nod slowly. “It was,” I respond honestly; the raspy tone of my voice is the only clue that emotion has taken hold of me.
“Hey,” he says as he scoots closer to me, taking my hand in his. “This is for the best.” He presses a kiss to my knuckles, and I don’t miss how he glances at the ring on my finger, the princess cut diamond he slid onto my hand only a week ago. When I said yes, I didn’t think the guilt would eat away at me, and now, as we pull up to the one place I never wanted to return to, I realize there’s no more hiding away. I have to face my mistakes, my past, and the one man who still holds my heart.
The reason we’re here is not to reminisce on days gone by but to say a final goodbye. I just wish my father was here. Even though he couldn’t make the trip due to his illness, I still miss my dad being close.
I think about the last time I saw him, two days ago, when I told him we needed to get this done. He looked so much older, frailer, with his hair graying and the illness taking hold of him like I never thought possible. Even though they caught it early, the treatments have stolen his energy. All I can do is pray that he overcomes it, that it doesn’t spread into his stomach and liver, but there are no guarantees in life.
My chest tightens at the thought, reminding myself of what I’ve already lost, who I’ve lost. Tears burn my eyes as I push open the door and step out of the town car. My gaze taking in the three-story mansion, I notice how ancient it looks from out here. Since living in Los Angeles, where everything is glass and steel, I breathe a sigh of relief, taking in the darkness of the wooden beams and black metal terraces. Most of Thorne Haven is old, with antiques and open brick.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Paulo, my fiancé, questions in a whisper, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. It’s meant to come from a place of love and affection, but I know it’s more intrusive to find out if I’m feeling like snorting white powder up my nose.
“I’m fine,” I tell him before stepping onto the porch and over the threshold as our driver pushes open the door. My heels clink against the tiles as I step inside the home I came to love. I’m different now, yet still the same. I’m older, more mature, but the lie I told still haunts me. The addiction I allowed to eat away at me is still there, lurking beneath the bright, fake smiles and designer clothes.
It’s all smoke screens.
I take in the entrance. Nothing has changed. It’s as if the house was stuck in a frozen state with us not living in it. Compared to most homes in Thorne Haven, ours is modest.
“Are you sure?” Paulo asks as he sidles up beside me, causing me to glance up at him. He’s the man I agreed to marry. The same man who’s been my co-star for the past two years, and the same one who’s now found his way into my home.
I wasn’t ready to bring him to Thorne Haven, but Dad insisted. For some reason, he likes Paulo. Perhaps it’s because Paulo was there for me when I went to rehab the first time, and the second. If only Dad knew the truth.
Maybe it’s because he thinks that Paulo can save me. What he doesn’t know is that my fiancé is the one who’s feeding my habit, one party at a time. But if I were to admit it, I know Dad wouldn’t believe me.
I nod my head because I realize I haven’t answered him, and he doesn’t like being ignored. The thoughts of my father have my chest tightening. I can’t look at the disappointment in my father’s gaze anymore. I’ve spent the past few months watching him get sick, get weak, knowing I’ve fucked up. More so than usual.
Paulo has seen to it we’re in his debt. I don’t know how long I can survive this, but for my father to get his treatment, I play the game until I can find a way out of this shitshow my life has become.
“Yes.” I smile up at the man who says he loves me. “I’m going to shower,” I tell him, ignoring the glare he pins me with. The heat of his stare is nothing short of scorching, as if he’s trying to burn me alive. I know he’ll ensure I’m pliant this evening. And every night after. I’ll spend my life with him in a blur of highs, and a series of lows.
“I’ll be up in a bit to check on you,” Paulo says, his voice tinged with fake concern, and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Kalyn.” My name is a warning on his tongue, so I nod, but I don’t lock my eyes on his. “While we’re here, don’t forget where you belong.”
For a long moment, I stay silent, tears burning my eyes.
“Are you listening to me, Kalyn?” His voice is terse with frustration. “Because if you don’t, you know I have something to ensure you obey.” The threat is there, reminding me what I’ve gotten myself into. His steps behind me send a shudder through me, and when his hand grips my arm, his fingers dig into the flesh, causing me to wince. Then Paulo leans in, “And you know how much I like when you submit to me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. “Yes, Paulo.”
“Good girl,” he coos the two words that used to make me feel appreciated, now they leave fear in my gut. “I don’t like repeating myself.” He releases me, and I finally allow myself to breathe. When I walk, he doesn’t follow, but I know it won’t be long before he’s ensuring I’m malleable.
In my bedroom, I shut the door and lean against the wooden surface, breathing deeply. I want nothing more than to run into the forest and get lost in the darkness, but I can’t leave the house right now. Not when I have Paulo watching me like a hawk, and I know he’ll be coming up here to make sure I don’t overdose.
A shiver wracks through me when I step deeper into the room and find nothing has changed. When I left five years ago, I cried all the way to the airport, and when we landed on the West Coast, I knew I should have done things differently.
With my parents.
With my schooling.
With Cassian.
Guilt has eaten at me for years, and even though I haven’t seen him yet, the dread I feel for what I did that night hasn’t left me. My father believed me, so did my mother, and when I realized what I’d said, it was too late.
In my bathroom, I turn on the shower and strip off my clothes. The hot spray stings as it hits my skin, but I don’t turn on the cold tap; I need to feel the pain to remind myself why I’m here. A quick glance at my toiletry bag that I set on the counter has me moving without a second thought, and I find what I’m looking for as the room fills with steam.
I’m nothing more than a blur in the mirror, and I inhale deeply, sniffing back the powder that’s kept me sane for most of my life. I tip my head back and close my eyes.
I didn’t choose to do this. It happened one night when I was vulnerable. When I lost the one woman who loved me unconditionally, I broke. Alcohol and drugs were easy to get when you had the money and grew up in a town where every kid had problems. I hid it well for a long while.
Until that night.
Until the moment I fell over the edge and hurt Cassian.
And the moment I lay my gaze on him again, I know forgiveness will not be something he’ll ever offer me. I wouldn’t ask it of him, but I know if he’s still around and I do see him again, all I can do is apologize for the mistake I made.
“Tell us where you’ve been, young lady?” Dad grits angrily. His fists clench, and I am almost certain he can smell the alcohol wafting from me. I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I couldn’t help it. It’s a poor excuse. Even I know that.
“Was it that boy that hangs out with you?” This comes from Mom, her concern clear. I glance down, noticing my clothes are torn. I wanted to avoid them, so I tried climbing the trellis that leads to my bedroom. Only, I fell, ripping my top.
It looks bad.
It looks…
“Kalyn Narro,” Dad utters with rage dripping on every syllable. “Are you drunk? Have you been taking drugs? I told you that Thorne boy was bad news, but you don’t listen to me.” His voice is loud, booming through the room, all the while making my head spin. “Tell me, young lady! Are you on drugs? Who gave them to you? Is that Thorne boy you’re hanging around with dealing drugs?”
Anger surge
s at his questions. I wish Cassian had touched me. I wish he had kissed me. Something. Anything. All I wanted was some indication I wasn’t being a stupid little girl, but he didn’t.
“Kalyn, is that Thorne boy giving you drugs?”
“Talk to us, Kalyn?”
“What happened?”
Too many questions are fired at me. Images dance in my mind. Cassian. His car. His goodbye. Even his words of encouragement didn’t hit home like they usually do. Not tonight.
“Kalyn, did he force you to take something?”
“I…”
Dad storms forward, gripping my arms and shaking me as if I were a rag doll. My head spins due to the alcohol and weed, and everything turns blurry. I want to go to my room, but the hold Dad has on my arms is like a vise, and I know I’m not going to escape anytime soon.
Not until I give him an answer.
“Tell me!” His demand rings in my ears. And I can’t find words. I’m not sure how to free myself from this interrogation. It’s all too much, and my eyes burn with tears. I need to get away, to hide. “Is it the Thorne boy who did this to you?”
“Yes! Okay!” I hiss angrily, agreeing to something. I can’t remember what, but I give my father what he wants. “It’s him. It’s always been him, and it won’t ever be anyone else.” Tears track their way down my cheeks as my heart cracks at the thought of leaving Thorne Haven and not seeing Cassian every day.
“Are you happy now? Leave me alone; you’ve already ruined my life.” I push away from my father and race to my bedroom, shutting myself inside. I lock the door so they can’t come in; I need to be alone. I rush to the bathroom and turn on the taps of my shower.
By the time I’m under the spray, my mind clears of the fog. And as the realization of what I’ve just told my father hits me, a sob breaks free from my lips, and I drop to my knees under the scalding water.
I lied.
I fucked up.
And my father isn’t going to let this lie.
That night was a mistake. When my father called the police, I was downstairs, begging him to stop. I told my father it was a lie. I told him I only said it to stop them from questioning me, but the deed was done, and I had no way of stopping it.
My father is headstrong, and when he gets an idea in his head, he doesn’t let up. Thankfully, I was able to talk to Cassian’s father when he got to our home to sort the incident out. But Cassian wasn’t there. He didn’t come with his dad, and I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to look at me either.
Thankfully, the charge was dropped when I finally confessed it was a lie, but the damage had been done. Even though Mr. Thorne had made sure nobody spoke of it again, it was a lie I uttered, not realizing what it meant until after it fell from my lips.
The drugs course through my veins, reminding me of the euphoria that takes hold of me as it warms me from the inside out. Numbness washes over me like a wave dancing along the shore. Everything spins for a moment before it becomes clearer. I know I shouldn’t be doing this again, but I can’t help myself. My blood zings through me, and it feels as if I’m flying through clouds.
When I finally open my eyes, I can’t see anything in the mirror because it’s steamed up. Reaching for the cool glass, I swipe my hand along it, clearing the mist to take in my distorted reflection.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to the emptiness. My throat constricts when I think about saying those two words to Cassian. But it’s the non-response I know I’ll receive from him that makes the tears trickle from my eyes, burning their path down my cheeks.
It’s time to face my fuck-ups.
It’s time to see him again.
I just don’t know how to apologize to the one person I hurt more than myself.
4
Cassian
Settling into a seat opposite my brother, Damien, I pick up the mug of coffee and take a long sip. The meeting with the board went well, and they’re happy to continue our growth into Europe, which means Damien will be busier as the year progresses. It also means Finn and I will need to travel out here more often.
It’s been a few months since I’ve seen my older brother, and I have to be honest, I miss him being in Thorne Haven. But he’s needed here to run the British offices of Thorne Industries.
“What’s happening back home?” he questions, his narrowed gaze locked on me as he leans back in the expensive leather chair behind his enormous desk. His blue eyes focus on me, and it’s almost as if he can see the war waging within me.
“She’s back. She’s returning to Thorne Haven,” I tell him. I don’t need to explain who I’m talking about because there would only be one person who would make my voice turn dark with anger and pain.
He tips his head to the side, surprise evident on his expression as he regards me. He knows what happened that night when I tried to act like a hero. The tension in the room intensifies when he leans forward, his elbows on the desk, his hands clasped, and I notice just how white his knuckles are turning. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Finn said he heard they’re coming back from LA because something happened. I’m not sure what,” I tack on because I know he’ll ask for more information.
He ponders this for a while. “Do you want me to ask our team to dig into it?” I did consider doing this, but if I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t think it would make a difference. My anger has kept me strong for so long, I’m not sure I can live with anything else.
Shaking my head, I sigh. “No.” I look at my brother as the words fall from my lips. “If she is back, I’ll have to face her,” I tell him. “And she’s going to pay for what she did.” I finally make my decision. At first, I thought I could run her out of Thorne Haven, it would be the easiest thing to do, but that’s not what I want anymore. I need her to feel the betrayal I did. It might be childish to toy with someone, but she did it to me, and I need her to understand how painful it was to learn how a lie, one simple untruth, could change your life.
“Cass,” Damien says, bringing my attention back to the present, and I can hear the wariness in his tone. Even though he’s the eldest, I’ve always been calmer when it comes to revenge, when it comes to making sure those who fuck over a Thorne pay.
But this time, I can’t stop myself from needing to see her cry.
“She was young, immature. Kalyn was dealing with demons you couldn’t cure for her. She wanted a hero, but she needed professional help,” Damien’s voice is calm as he tries to assure me of this. I knew she was. It’s the reason I didn’t take our friendship to the next level. But it doesn’t matter, not anymore.
“That doesn’t matter,” I say while meeting his cool stare. My fist clenches around the mug. “She lied. I don’t like people who lie, you know this.”
He nods. “I do, but perhaps there was a reason for what she did,” he assures me, but it’s not going to change my mind.
“I don’t give a shit. I was there for her. What if Nesrin lied about you? What if she spread rumors and got away with it?” I shouldn’t bring his wife into it. I love my sister-in-law, she’s a wonderful woman, but I need Damien to understand what it felt like to be blindsided like I was.
“Does Creed know she’s back?” he questions, ignoring my queries, and I don’t blame him. My brother is like me, and I know if Nesrin did what Kaly did, he would never have forgiven her. Fuck, he would’ve probably sent her packing right back to the starry skies of Hollywood.
“Not sure. I haven’t spoken to him in a while.” I finish my coffee and relax back into the soft leather of the chair. I have to get ready for my flight home, but I’d much prefer staying in London with Damien and Nesrin than to go back to my past.
“Cass, promise me you won’t do something stupid,” Damien pleads with me, and as much as I’d love to appease my brother, I can’t. He stares at me for a long while, but I don’t answer. Damien sighs, shaking his head as he pushes to his feet. “Just be careful,” he warns.
“Because you know I’m rig
ht. I should get my vengeance for the lies she spread about me,” I finally find my words. “You can’t expect me to ignore the fact that my life imploded.”
For a long moment, he’s silent, and I half-expect him to refuse. I think he’s going to say I’m being an asshole, but then he does answer. “I get that. Trust me, I fucking get it, but remember, we’re all grown-up now. We’re adults.”
I chuckle at that because as much as I know he’s right, he also knows nobody fucks with a Thorne. “We may be, but that doesn’t mean we can forgive and forget.”
“What are you not forgiving and forgetting?” Nesrin’s gentle tone comes from the doorway, and I turn to find my sister-in-law leaning against the doorjamb, her arms folded across her chest as she regards her husband and me.
“Nothing, sweet sister,” I respond, going to pull her into a hug, which she allows, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me. I don’t blame her. Nesrin Thorne is far too intelligent to believe my bullshit.
When I step back, Nesrin pins me with a disbelieving stare before shaking her head. “Don’t do stupid shit,” she tells me before leaning up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to my cheek.
“I’m the levelheaded one,” I inform her, but chuckle when she rolls her eyes at my insistence. “I’m serious. Have you met my brothers?” I tease with a smile, which earns me a giggle in response.
“Yeah, sure,” she answers as she sidles into Damien’s arms. “I can’t believe you’re leaving so soon. You just got here.”
“I know, but Dad wants me back there for the gala.” I pull my phone from my pocket when it vibrates, and I find a message from Finn. “And it seems if I don’t get back, Finn will commit murder because I left him alone with our folks.”
“I get that.” Nesrin grins. “Tell him I say hi. You both have to visit soon. We need to have a family reunion.”
