“You were paid,” I reminded him. “And quite handsomely I might add.”
“Yeah, well I’m gonna get paid this time too, and big-time baby.”
“Whatever you want,” I said.
“Oh really? How’s a cool hundred thousand in gold sound?”
“You greedy asshole,” said Kit, surprising all of us.
“Listen babe—” Tweak started, but Kit abruptly cut him off.
“No, you listen. Cecilia’s your friend. Anna’s your friend. Ember’s your friend. And you want to get paid to help them? Shame on you. We died to free you from the Underworld, and now you want us to pay you to help free the others?”
Tweak bowed his head beneath the weight of the fierce little furry’s accusations. “You’re right,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. Look, Sam, forget about paying me. I don’t know why I said that…it’s, it’s just this place.”
“It’s all good, bro,” I told him. “And listen, if I could take your place I would, but, Nanaya said the succubus would like you better.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he told me with a sigh, then turned to Nanaya. “Alright then, let’s get this shit over with.”
Chapter 15
Nanaya brought Tweak to the succubus in question, and Trinity, Kit, and I retired to the bedroom for a much-needed nap.
We woke up about four hours later and found Tweak and Nanaya in the living room. She looked to be consoling him, and I held my laughter when I saw him sitting on a thick cushion.
“Not a fucking word,” he groaned when Trinity peeked at him over my shoulder and snickered.
“Oh, you poor beautiful ape,” said Kit. She pushed past me and moved to his side.
Tweak loosened up a little and basked in the attention.
“It wasn’t easy, man, but I got the damn pizza,” he said dramatically.
“Thanks Tweak,” I said with all sincerity. “We really owe you one.”
“Nah,” he said as Kit purred and snuggled up to him. “We’re friends, and that’s what friends do.”
“Amen brother,” said Nanaya. She went to the kitchen and came back with two boxes of pizza. “Okay, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready.”
A few minutes later, she moved the lava stone coffee table and the throw rug depicting a demonic orgy and drew a large pentagram in chalk on the black stone floor. She then lit five black candles and placed one on each of the points of the star-shaped symbol.
We all watched her with intrigue as she set up her summoning spell, and when she was done, she stood back and inspected her work.
“Okay,” she said tapping her chin. “Now all I need is the bait.”
Trinity passed her the steaming piece of pizza that she had been eyeballing, and Nanaya carefully placed it in the center of the pentagram. She then instructed us all to take a few steps back, let out a slow sigh, and closed her eyes. A string of words issued from her in a language I had never heard, and the pentagram began to glow. The cry of a demonic sounding little creature suddenly issued from the glowing symbol, and a short, thin silhouette appeared.
“Pizza!” cried the creature, and the imp finally solidified in the middle of the pentagram. He grabbed the slice and tossed it into his too-big mouth.
I watched in amazement as the imp chewed twice and then swallowed the entire slice.
“I want more!” he screamed at Nanaya.
The imp wore a ragged kind of kilt that could have once been a potato sack. His skin was a deep green with black and brown stripes, and his bulbous head sat on a body that looked a size or two too small. In all he was about three feet tall, with skinny arms and legs and a little pot belly. His long, hooked nose was thin and pointy, but his nostrils were huge. Big eyes with fiery red irises glared at us all, and the small patch of green hair on his head bobbed back and forth as he pitched a fit for more pizza.
“Frig want more, more, more pizza!” he demanded over and over in a creepy little chant.
“Shut the fuck up!” Trinity yelled, rubbing her temples.
Nanaya shot her a glance that told her to heed her own advice, and then turned her glare on the little imp. “I will give you more, but first you must give me something.”
“How about two inches of Underworld sausage!” said Frig.
Trinity chuckled, and I bit my cheek to keep from laughing.
“Help me find my friends, and I will give you more pizza than you can handle,” said Nanaya.
“Oh, I can handle a lot. How about you, skank?”
“Fine!” Nanaya screamed, and it even made me jump a bit. “Have it your way, I’ll just summon one of your friends, and then they’ll get all the pizza.”
“No!” Frig screamed, and his demonic eyes watered like a scared child’s.
“Pathetic,” said Trinity shaking her head.
“Then give me what I want,” Nanaya pressed.
“Fine, fine, tell me the names of your whore friends, and I’ll see what I can do,” said Frig.
Nanaya nodded at me.
“They are Anna, Ember, and Cecilia. Anna is an elf priestess, Ember is a drow assassin, and Cecilia is a fox-furry druid,” I told the imp.
He glanced at the two boxes of pizza, and his little fingers twitched at his sides. “Maybe Frig can get a slice for the road?” he asked, literally drooling.
“Not a bite until I get what I want,” said Nanaya.
Frig stomped his feet and turned around, clenching his little fists and swearing. “Lava eating, demon blowing, scum guzzling slut!”
“Excuse me?” Nanaya demanded.
“Oh,” said Frig, kneading his hands and turning to face her blushingly. “Oh, not you, princess. I would never speak to you in such a way—”
“Just hurry the hell up!” Trinity demanded.
“You want to rein in your pit bull?” Nanaya said to me, and I motioned Trinity into the other room.
I followed her and closed the door behind me before facing the haughty warrior.
“What the hell’s going on with you?” I asked.
She crossed her arms, looking bored. “I’m just tired of screwing around down here.”
“Look,” I said softly. “I know that you’re—”
“Don’t sweet talk me, Sam. I don’t need your pity or your consolation.”
“Yeah, you’re as tough as nails,” I said sarcastically. “Cut the shit, babe. It’s me.”
She took in a long breath and let it out forcefully. I watched and waited, even when her eyes teared up. She wiped at them angrily.
“It’s this fucking place. I’m sick of it, and I’m worried sick about the others. Anything could be happening to them right now.”
“I’m scared for them too, Trin.” I hugged her, and she didn’t try to resist. When I wrapped my arms around her, she broke down, but it only lasted a few seconds before she backed up and wiped her eyes.
I kissed her, and she melted once more into my arms. The kiss became frantic, and before I knew what was happening, she was trying to fish her way into my pants.
“Sorry babe,” I said after forcing myself to pull back. “The cooldown…”
“Oh shit,” she said with a laugh. “Jesus, I’m such a wreck.”
“You’ve been through a lot,” I said, and smiled, adding, “Even for a badass warrior bitch.”
We shared a laugh and held each other until Tweak finally interrupted us. “The little asshole is back,” he said, peeking into the bedroom cautiously.
We all hurried back into the main room and gathered around the pentagram once more. Frig was there munching on a piece of pizza with a hint more restraint, and Nanaya stood cross-armed in front of him tapping a foot.
“Well?” she said annoyedly.
“The little skank drow Ember is in Drac’Megulla’s Castle, have fun with that one, hah!” said the imp.
“Hey!” Kit screamed, and the hair shot straight up on her back. “If you disrespect one of my friends one more time, I swear that I’ll make you my bi
tch for the rest of your natural born life! I’ll cut off your arms so that you can never hold a pizza again! I’ll cut off your tongue so that you’ll never taste the greasy scrap that I give you once every year to quench your pain. I’ll cut off your fucking—”
“Whoa killa,” Tweak sang. He had gotten into a bottle of something called Baal’s Hellfire and was rosy cheeked and squint-eyed.
“What about Anna and Cecilia?” Nanaya pressed.
“Pizza first, answers later,” the imp demanded.
Nanaya tossed Frig another piece of pizza and waited as he gobbled it down. Grease ran down his reptilian skin and pepperoni stuck in his teeth, making him look even more crude.
“The furry slu—” Frig began, and then glanced nervously at a scowling Kit. “I mean, the nice furry fox lady is a prisoner of Drac’Megulla as well.”
“You better not be bullshiting me,” Nanaya warned.
“Oh no, never ever would I do that,” he said sincerely, but then he began to twitch and stutter and hissed under his breath, “Stupid succubus knob gobbler.”
“Hey!” Kit yelled.
“I said that they were both with Drac’Megulla, and they are, or my name isn’t pizza,” said Frig.
“Your name isn’t pizza,” Tweak reminded him with a laugh.
“Frig means pizza, you big oaf.”
“And Anna?” said Nanaya, trying to keep him on track.
The imp stared at the remaining pizza and licked his lips. “Gimme the rest of the pie or I’m not saying another word.”
“A slice and not a crumb more.” Nanaya tossed him another, which he gobbled down eagerly. He moaned and groaned and rubbed the grease all over his body.
“So gross,” said Kit.
“Don’t fight it baby,” Frig jeered. “You know you want some of this.”
“Where’s Anna?” I demanded.
Frig offered me a withering glance and mumbled “Cock blocker.”
“I think we should try another way,” said Trinity as she slowly unsheathed her sword.
Frig’s eyes went wide. “No, wait, I’ll tell you. I spoke with a soul reaver who knows where the elf floozy was taken. But I want the rest of the pie first.”
“You’ll get it after you tell me,” Nanaya promised. “It’s either that, or I let Trinity here beat it out of you.”
Frig snarled and reached for the pizza, but he slammed into an invisible force field instead. The barrier shocked him with electricity, and he was knocked back on his ass.
“What’s it going to be?” I said.
“Fine, you fetid frog fuckers! The elf was taken as a personal slave by…” Frig glanced around worriedly. “You know who…”
“Who?” said Tweak.
“Do you mean Kin—” Kit began, but I cut her off, not wanting her to give him the name.
“What is his name?” I asked.
“The big guy. The head honcho. The bad boss man,” Frig offered with frustration. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”
“Why won’t you say the name?”
He rolled his eyes at me and eyeballed the pizza. “Only an idiot would speak his name and Frig is no idiot.”
“I think we’ve heard enough.” Nanaya glanced at me, and I nodded. She tossed the rest of the pizza to Frig, who caught it and tore into the food like a rabid dog. The entire pizza was gone in five seconds, at which point Frig began eating the grease-soaked cardboard.
“We’ve got to talk,” I told the others.
“You got what you wanted,” said Frig. “Now let me go.”
“Not until we confirm that your information is true,” said Nanaya. “Until then, you will remain my prisoner.”
“Not fair!” the imp screamed.
I gestured for the others to follow me into the bedroom and then shut the door behind us.
“This is bad,” I said and began pacing.
“Do you really think Kincaid has her?” Kit asked, biting her claws.
“I don’t believe a thing that comes out of that little creep’s mouth,” said Trinity.
“Let’s just take this one step at a time,” Nanaya suggested. “First, we find out if what he said about Drac’Megulla is true or not. If she’s got Cecilia and Ember, then chances are Frig was telling the truth about Kincaid as well.”
“It makes sense that Kincaid would have her,” said Kit. “He’s like obsessed with her.”
“But this isn’t Arthur Gaines we’re dealing with,” Trinity reminded her.
“Yeah,” said Tweak. “This is like Kincaid 2.0.”
“It sure fits his M.O.,” I said. “And it might as well be Arthur Gaines that we’re dealing with. Kincaid is like an echo, or a digital ghost of the man. But I don’t think that he’ll hurt her.”
“I hope you’re right,” Kit said nervously.
“Anna’s a tough cookie,” said Trinity with a smile. “She’ll be alright.”
“Alright,” I said, looking to Nanaya for guidance. “What do we have to do?”
“To find out if Drac’Megulla has Cecilia and Ember? Well, there’s only one way to know for sure. We sneak into her castle.”
Chapter 16
We emerged from Brikturd’s place an hour later and followed Nanaya through the city streets. She had informed us that not only was the castle heavily fortified with demonic gargoyles, but it was also in the 3rd level of the Underworld.
Nanaya told us that the levels were easy enough to move between, but a person would have to be insane to even want to. Level 1 was bad enough, and Nanaya said that they got progressively worse as you moved up toward the worst of them all, level 7.
“This way,” said Nanaya, and she slipped into a black building with a skeleton hanging above the door.
“God, it smells like rotten ass in here,” said Tweak.
“Quiet, I’ll do the talking,” said Nanaya as she led us through a curtain beaded with eyeballs and into a dark room.
The walls were black and rough to the touch, while the ceiling was dark red and as smooth as glass. At the center of the room, an old hag sat at a small table, and was bent over a churning crystal ball.
“Nanaya,” the old woman croaked, though she hadn’t looked up at us at all. “It has been a long time since you strode through my doors.”
“Hello Helgara.”
“Your friends, why are they tied up?” the old woman asked.
“How did she know we were your friends?” Kit asked mystified.
“She’s some sort of witch doctor, obviously,” said Trinity.
Helgara finally glanced up at us all with a grin. “You are all very brave to want to try and sneak into Castle Megulla.”
“How did she know that too?” Kit demanded. “I mean, it’s not like NPC’s can really divine the future.”
“What did you just say, young kitty?” said Helgara.
“She meant nothing by it,” Nanaya ensured the old woman. “You know why I am here, does that mean that I can assume that you have prepared the portal?”
“Of course,” said the hag. “And you know what it will cost you.”
Nanaya nodded, then withdrew a sack from her interface and handed it to the old woman.
After checking the contents, Helgara nodded and tied it up tight. She fished something out of a bag sitting on the floor beside her and reverently handed it to Nanaya.
“It will work only twice, once to get there, once to get back.”
“Thank you, Helgara,” said Nanaya as she accepted the small bundle.
“You are quite welcome. Its activation word is the name for a horse with one straight horn.”
Nanaya opened the bundle and inside was a single golden key. She called us all over to her and we gathered close, creating a circle.
“Ready?” she asked us all, and when no one complained that they weren’t, she spoke the spell word. “Unicorn.”
A door appeared before us, and Nanaya inserted the key into the glowing keyhole. It swung open smoothly, but there was only dark
ness beyond. Kit squeezed my hand tight as we followed Nanaya through the door, and when the last of us was through, it slammed closed and fizzled out of existence.
“Holy shit,” I said as I took in the view.
We had emerged near the base of a mountain, and high atop its peak was a large black castle with long ominous spires. The mountain was barren but for similar spires jutting out of it like the needles of a pin cushion, and a blue glow issued from the deep cracks in the stone. We may have still been in a cavern, but I couldn’t be sure given the ominous storm clouds hanging above the castle. The land beyond the mountain was a wasteland of steaming fissures and broken spires.
Bulbous blue creatures roamed the land, slinking along like slugs. They had two long, boney arms protruding from their layers of fat rolls, and nondescript heads with a dozen black eyes darting searchingly about for their next meal. NPC characters and real-world players alike frantically ran from the fat worms, but they didn’t make it far once they had been spotted. The slugs were as large as semi-trucks, and their arms stretched out like metal cranes to pluck the unfortunate players as they scurried away.
I watched horrified as one of the slugs snatched up a player and dropped the screaming man into its toothless maw. My horror multiplied when a minute later that same man came sliding out of the creature’s ass. It looked like acid had eaten the man’s clothes and skin, and he ran screaming from the creature only to be grabbed up once again and plopped into the slug’s mouth.
“That’s just nasty,” said Tweak as we watched the poor bastards being eaten and then shit out repeatedly.
“Let’s get moving before we catch the attention of one of those slimy fuckers,” said Nanaya.
We started up the side of the mountain, and I scoured our surroundings, feeling like I was being watched. Steam erupted from the fissures, sending blue mist shooting high into the air. I thought I saw a small creature scurrying behind a long, broken spire, and I could hear the pitter patter of little feet on the stones.
The place smelled like a landfill, and the distinct egg-like stink of sulfur burned my nostrils as my breathing quickened.
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