by Jodi Payne
“I would love that. Yes.” Matthew stood, lifted book and Coke, and headed back to one of the tables along the wall.
He picked up his own Coke, ducked into the kitchen for his fries, and then found Matthew, looking comfortable and watching him cross the room. “I’m hungry.”
“You’ve been working your heinie off.” Matthew stood and pulled out his chair for him.
That made him feel important. “Thank you.” He kept his eyes on Matthew as the cowboy sat down again. “How was your dinner?”
“It was good. I like a steak sandwich, and your cook makes good fries. I like when they’re crispy. I can’t ever make them like that.” Matthew’s eyes searched his face. “Do you cook?”
“A little. I make a few things. Nothing fancy. My kitchen is really tiny. But I enjoy trying. You?”
“Same here. I can make basic food, for the most part.” Matthew chuckled softly. “I do better with the grill and eggs and stuff. And I can make oatmeal like a champion.”
“Don’t laugh. I make really good salads. I love salad. And I do make mac and cheese. Some chicken dishes. Cooking for one isn’t much fun.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come visit the ranch? My baby girl is a fiend for mac and cheese.”
Visit? Matthew was so sweet but… “If I were to visit anyone after knowing them for twenty-four hours it would be you.” He smiled and rested his fingers on Matthew’s. “I am touched that you trust me, that you’d trust me around your kids. I am. But you move fast, cowboy.”
“I do. I’ve been told that before. I listen to my gut a lot.” Matthew turned his fingers over, gave them a quick squeeze.
“I do too, and it’s telling me you’re a good man. Everything else it’s telling me is about me, not you.” His heart was in self-defense mode, and he knew it.
“You’ve had a hard row to hoe for a bit. I’m sorry.” Matthew held his gaze, and he could drown in that gray. It was like clouds.
He hadn’t pulled his hand away, he just let it rest in Matthew’s, and didn’t shy away from that gaze either. “You’re the first person I’ve been able to have a conversation about Will with. That counts for something.”
“It means a lot. I appreciate your trust, honey.” Matthew took a deep breath. “You’re the first person I’ve felt a connection to in a long time.”
If there was something real here, what was the rush? “Where did you get your beautiful eyes from? Your mother or your father?”
“I am the spitting image of my daddy and granddaddy. Very, very much. Premature gray and everything. I started going gray at seventeen.”
“I was going to ask. About the hair, I mean. Peter asked me if you were a lot older. It doesn’t matter to me at all, so I didn’t even think about it, but I told him I didn’t think you were even forty yet.”
“I turned thirty-three in December, so closer to thirty than forty.” Matthew actually pinked, and that was adorable. “Jonas says I need to dye it, but… I have to admit, I like how it feels, and I’m used to it.”
“No, no. Don’t.” He took Matthew’s hand more firmly. “I like it. It’s handsome. It’s…you.”
“Thank you.” That blush deepened, and Matthew beamed at him, so obviously pleased.
He smiled at Matthew quietly for a second to let them both enjoy that moment, but curiosity got the better of him. “Are you a Christmas baby?”
“New Year’s Eve. Born at 11:50 p.m. My folks were tickled pink because they got to count three kids on their taxes.” Matthew winked at him. “What about you? When’s your birthday?”
“Christmas Eve eve. Early in the morning. Between the two of us, we’ll ruin the holidays.” He laughed.
Matthew snorted hard. “Oh lord. Emma is Valentine’s Day. Guess Sophia’s birthday?”
He threw it out there. “Halloween?”
“Got it in one. My little sparkly non-spooky girl.”
“You got something backward there. Does that rule out costume birthday parties?”
“What we usually do is let her have her birthday party on the weekend after Halloween. That way she gets both a Halloween and a birthday. Her Girl Scout troop does a party. Her dance troop. Her basketball team.” Matthew sighed dramatically. “I’m so abused.”
Tyler grinned and popped a French fry in his mouth. “The things you do for your kids, right? That’s what my mom would say, usually while rolling her eyes at me. The things I do for you.”
“I try. My folks help out a ton—especially now that Emma is older. Otherwise I’d lose my damn mind.”
“Sounds like Emma is going to give you a run for your money.” He glanced at his watch. He didn’t want to leave Peter on his own too long.
“Is it time to get back to work already? That was quick. Do you mind if I hang out, or is that weird as all get out?”
“I have another minute or two. And I don’t mind at all. I like your company, and you’d just go back to a hotel room alone. What fun is that? There’s nothing weird about hanging out in a bar.” Tyler would be on his own for a bit while Peter was on break, and then he’d have to restock and clean up, but Matthew had his book.
“Excellent. Good deal. The hotel is fine, but I’d rather be here with you.”
“With me is kind of a stretch when I’m busy, but I know what you mean.” He chomped down his last French fry. “You’re kind of my new addiction too.”
“I’ll take that.” Matthew squeezed his hand again and stood. “Thank you for sharing your break with me.”
“Thanks for not eating all my fries.” He winked, picking up after himself. “Looks like your seat is still available.” He headed back to the bar.
What would Will have said? Go for it? You’re an idiot? Is this bar it for you? New York was all he knew. It was home, it was easy, it was safe and familiar. It was easy to get lost in when he really didn’t want to be noticed.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d made a decision without Will to help him sort things out.
“I got you, Peter. Go get dinner.”
“He’s staying, huh?” Peter winked at him. “He’s so into you. Like deep. That’s cool.”
“I think you’re right. It’s terrifying, he keeps asking me to visit Texas. I’m not ready to send him away either.”
“Texas. Wow. That’s…that’s forever away. Still, it’s cool as hell.” Peter stared at him for a second, like he couldn’t quite put words together.
He sighed. Yeah, that was what he thought. “It’s too far. I know.”
“I don’t know. If Nathan asked me… I’d go. I’d just say yes.”
He shook his head. “Okay, one, you’re in love with Nate. Two, he’s your Dom, and three…you’ve known him how long? It’s not the same thing. I’ve known Matthew one whole day. One day.”
He wasn’t going to look too hard at why he was so defensive about Peter’s statement right now.
“Okay. Okay, sorry.” Peter stepped back, held up his hands. “You’re right. It’s not my business. I was just being… I’m going to the kitchen. I’ll be back in fifteen.”
Tyler sighed as he watched Peter disappear into the back. Dammit. He’d apologize after Peter got a break. In the meantime, he’d…totally ignore whatever made him step in Peter’s attempt to help him in the first place.
And that meant work. He made a round of the people at the bar, refilled the ice, and restocked the fridge. He ran the mop over the floor because his sneakers were squeaking. He only gave Matthew a couple of quick glances, making sure to smile.
Nobody was mad at Matthew.
Someone came over to Matthew, some younger twink in tight everything, hand on his arm, maybe asking to buy him a drink, maybe asking him to dance.
His eyes narrowed and he grabbed a Dr Pepper from the fridge. “I brought you a Dr Pepper, Matthew.” He rested a hand on Matthew’s and looked at the guy. “Can I get you anything?”
“I—”
Matthew turned his hand over and held on. “I was jus
t telling this young man that I was waiting here for the best bartender I’ve ever met.”
He refused to blush, but he let it straighten his spine a little. “I try. They’re keeping me busy tonight. You have an ID? I’ll make you something special.”
“I—I gotta—” The kid almost ran off, and Matthew blinked.
“Thank you, honey. He was awful forward given I’m old enough to be his daddy.”
Being his daddy was probably what the kid wanted.
“You’re not used to every available man in town hitting on you? I’m surprised. You’re sitting alone at a bar looking h—handsome and available.” Hot. That’s what he wanted to say, hot. Was he crazy? Matthew was available and into him.
“Hit on? Me? I haven’t been hit on… Christ, honey, since high school.” Matthew squeezed his fingers, then drew him to his lips and brushed a soft, soft kiss over his knuckles. “Handsome, though? That I’ll take and be grateful.”
Oh. Okay. That was a first. A very strange and lovely first that made him tingle and blush so dark he could feel the heat travel up from his chest.
“You’re going to make it very hard for me to finish out my shift.”
“Should I be sorry?” Matthew watched him like he was beautiful, fascinating. “I’ll be waiting right here, honey. No worries.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just be…patient.” He slid his hand from Matthew’s, not taking back, just needing to get to work. “And give me a wave if you need anything.”
He couldn’t stop smiling, but he turned away anyway and took a drink order from a couple in so much leather he had a hard time believing Matthew hadn’t put the pieces together yet. Maybe Matthew didn’t have the pieces to put together. He’d asked for gay-friendly. Maybe that was enough to satisfy any questions.
“Hey, Peter.” Tyler caught Peter at the freezer. “I’m sorry. Things are weird, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I appreciate you listening.”
“Sure, man. I’m just a romantic. I know that.” Peter smiled at him, the look tentative. “Is there anything we need up front?”
“I know you are. I like that about you.” He gave Peter a wink and a pat on the arm. “I’ve been stocking…it’s just the liquor I think at this point.” He watched a group walk in through the doors and shook his head. “Looks like we’re going to rock until closing tonight.”
“Good for business, bad for flirting ”
“Shut up.” He laughed and got to work.
When he had a second to breathe again it was late. Late enough that Peter was flashing lights and turning the music down. “Goodnight, everybody!” Peter shouted, killing the dance floor lights and turning on the white floods.
He squinted. So painful.
Matthew blinked, dipping his head against the glare, the last Dr Pepper almost dry. “Y’all need some help cleaning up?”
“Thanks, but Les gets squirrely about that, something about insurance. It won’t take long. You must be exhausted though. Isn’t this past your bedtime?”
“I guess it is, although I’m an hour earlier. It was worth it. I enjoyed our visits.” Matthew looked unsure of himself, then he held his arms open. “Would it be too forward to ask for a hug?”
“A hug. Sure. Not forward at all.” A hug. He already knew this was going to be a slippery slope. If not in deed, at least in his own mind. He stepped around the bar, probably looking every bit as unsure as Matthew felt before he stepped into the cowboy’s patiently waiting arms.
Matthew gathered him in and held him, the touch warm and solid. He could feel the way Matthew breathed, the softness of Matthew’s beard on his temple.
He took a deep breath and held on to the first bit of genuine comfort he’d had in months, shocked to find himself fighting off tears. Matthew was painfully perfect, and he had a much harder time with a second breath than he had with the first.
“Someone I barely know shouldn’t feel this good.”
“I hear that. You smell good to me. I don’t want to go. Do you want—you could come to my room. Just to talk, have coffee?”
“Okay.” The answer came out without a thought, it didn’t need one.
“Oh.” Matthew took a deep breath, and Tyler could feel how nervous the big man had been by the shiver. “Thank you. Where do you want me to wait for you?”
God, he smelled like alcohol and fried food. He was going to have to ask to take a shower. Maybe… “Listen, I smell like a bar and I don’t have anything clean to put on. How about I meet you at your hotel in a little bit? Unless you want some coffee at my place.”
“I’m easy. I’ll be happy to go to yours. I just want to spend more time with you.” Matthew kissed his temple.
The kiss made him warm, made him want to lean in for another one. “Okay. Okay cool. So, hang out at that table by the door, and we’ll go in a bit. Soon.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Matthew reluctantly let him go, moving back toward the table to sit.
Now he was a man on a mission. He used to close up quickly when Will was waiting to head home with him so he’d have company on the subway; he was good at getting the job done fast when he needed to. And Peter was always anxious to get home to his man. The place was clean, the bar was stocked, and they were locking up in less than half an hour. And Peter had only teased him once.
“Cab or subway?”
“I’ll call a car for us.” Matthew handed over his phone. “Put in your address?”
He took the phone and tapped in the address for his little place in Chelsea. “It’s not much. It’s a quirky little place.”
“I like quirky.” Matthew made sure their fingers brushed together when he took the phone back. “I just want to be with you.”
“You keep saying that, so I guess I’ll believe you. I’m very… I’m just going with my gut.” He wasn’t sure where his head was at, his heart. Matthew just seemed to have his own gravity, and Tyler had decided not to fight it.
He started running over what his place looked like in his head. Was the kitchen clean? The living room? Did he have milk for the coffee? Shit.
“Me too.” Matthew let him have his space, let him breathe. “They’re here. Are you—do you still want me to come with? I’ll respect it if you say no.”
He took Matthew’s hand firmly, then glanced up at the cowboy. “Where’s the car?”
“Come on. Her name is Alana, apparently. Pretty little lady with pink hair.” Matthew beamed at him and led him outside.
“Have you ever been out running around New York at two thirty in the morning before?”
“I have not. Not once.” Matthew didn’t look the least bit scared.
“It’s busier than you would think in some places and weirdly deserted in others. My neighborhood is quiet, but to get there we’ll go through midtown, and that’s still busy. A lot of those bars are open until four.” It wouldn’t be a long ride though.
“Yeah? I don’t think they can be open that late at home. I haven’t been to a lot of bars in the last decade or so. Just a few.” Matthew held his hand, thumb stroking his skin. “What’s your favorite drink to make? Have I asked you that?”
“I don’t know…” He watched Matthew’s big fingers practically swallow his, and he wasn’t tiny. “I like the layered drinks like the black Russian. I like simple, pretty drinks like…a J&T. A Johnnie and tonic? That one has guava juice and lime…yummy.”
“I make virgin pina coladas once in a while and de-virgin mine. I do like a tequila sunrise sometimes. Mostly I make milkshakes.” Matthew winked at him. “I rock at those.”
“Tequila sunrise is one of my favorites to drink. And who doesn’t like a milkshake? Add a little Kahlua if you want a kick.”
“Yes, Kahlua and I are friends. I like a Kahlua and cream sometimes when I can’t sleep. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Coffee? Chocolate? Cookies and Cream?”
“Yes.” He laughed and nodded. “All of those. You?”
“It depends. I love a blackberry cobbler mi
lkshake in the summer. A pumpkin one in the fall. Peppermint and chocolate at the holidays…”
“Oh my God, you really know your stuff. I’ve never even heard of a blackberry cobbler milkshake. That sounds amazing. You’re a milkshake expert.”
They rode across town, right past the bright lights of Times Square where it might as well be high noon.
“I live within driving distance of the Blue Bell factory…” Matthew leaned toward him. “There’s a miniature horse ranch next door.”
He snorted, grinning. “Tempting. Are you going to start offering me lollipops next?”
“I’m sure I have some suckers, but…” Matthew looked at him, eyes wide. “So. Yeah, I said that. Lord have mercy.”
He blushed, dropping his face into one hand. “Oh God. I asked the damn question first.”
They stared at each other for a while, then they both cracked up, laughing hysterically.
“I swear,” he said through his giggles. “I didn’t mean it that way. I swear to God.”
“Me either. Although, I sure managed to get there, didn’t I?” Matthew rolled his eyes, and the chuckles started again.
“It’s late. The twelve-year-old boys were bound to come out.” The car pulled to a stop. Wow. He’d lost a few blocks laughing. “Oh. This is us.”
“Good deal. I can’t wait to see.”
Two locked doors later, they were inside his building and climbing stairs. His apartment was on the third floor, and three more locks got them in. He was a fairly neat person, but he had a lifetime worth of things in this two-bedroom apartment. He’d lived here and had the same bedroom since he was nine years old.
He turned on the light in his tiny kitchen as they entered and then went for the one in the living room too. “Sorry if it’s kind of a mess. I wasn’t expecting guests.”
“It’s fine, honey. I’m not worried.” Matthew took his hat off, turned it brim up and put it on the table. “Is this okay?”
God, Matthew was pretty. Rugged, tan, with those intense gray eyes.
“Oh, yeah. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll start some coffee and then hop in the shower.” Matthew looked enormous in this small space. He just took up all the air, all the room. But Tyler didn’t mind one bit.
