“Ms. Morrisey, could you come to earth please and be present for my class?” Ms. Kline quipped.
Thanks. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry.” Math wasn’t my strong suit, but I did need to pass.
So has what’s-her-face been tangled up around him for the past two weeks? I wondered. I mean what else would keep him from at least calling to apologize? I wished I’d punched him in the face that night in the alley. It would have felt better than this obsessive brooding. I couldn’t concentrate in any of my classes, and my roommate was starting to get pissy with me. I hadn’t been much fun before, but now I was a real downer.
“Class dismissed.” The words broke through my thoughts.
It was my last class for the day so I grabbed my pack. My stomach growled, reminding me I needed food. I took off to the nearby Subway for my favorite—grilled chicken with provolone and avocado. After I ordered my sandwich, I saw an empty table and decided to eat my food there and knock one of my homework assignments out. I sat down and situated my laptop, notebook and text. Earbuds in to close off everything else, some Linkin Park and I was good to go.
Thank you, Art History! Something I loved. Maybe I’d be able to get my mind off of him.
The sandwich was good and the homework was easy. Midway through the assignment I startled at a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and some guy was moving his lips at me, so I took out my earbuds.
“A little loud you think?” he asked.
“Probably.” It was Scott Terrence from math. “What’s up?”
“Place is kinda packed. Can I share your table?”
“Sure,” I said, organizing my strewn stuff so he’d have space.
He sat down and unwrapped his sandwich, and the smell of onions wafted around my head. “So how are you liking classes?”
“Fine,” I answered vaguely as I clicked on a site about Michelangelo’s David.
“What’s your major?”
“Art and autistic studies.”
“Interesting combination,” he replied between bites.
“Yep.” I took a drink of my Coke.
There was a brief pause, then he said, “Well, Scott, tell me what your major is.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him and he answered himself, “Electrical engineering, thanks for asking.”
“Sorry, I’m focused on this paper,” I said with a half-smile.
“Yeah, I could tell that about you,” he said with a tone.
I looked up from my screen. “Is that supposed to be snarky?”
He smiled. His teeth were perfect. I rolled my eyes.
“You know you really do need to cut loose every now and again,” he suggested.
I studied him. He was definitely cute. He had blonde meant-to-be messy hair and a real laid back look to him. His red t-shirt was crumpled, and he wore a black leather wrist band and a small black hoop in his left ear. He took a huge bite of his sub, smiling at me as he chewed. Obviously cocky too.
“There’s a party tonight at Kappa. Want to go?”
“I’m not dating,” I said, going back to my project.
“Oh my God!” he said loudly.
I looked around us, freaked at his volume.
“Did you really think I was asking YOU out for a date?”
“Please shut up!” I hissed.
He leaned in. “I might be able to if you say yes.”
“I’m not up for any parties.” The last one sucked.
“But what about the baby? Would you deny our child its …”
“Fine! Fine,” I hollered out, trying to ignore the fact that everyone was looking over at us now. “I’ll go, but just this once, got it.”
“Deal.” Scott smiled and ate the rest of his sub in one bite.
“And just be aware that I will never share another table with you—ever again.”
“Wow! I can’t believe you said yes.”
“Yeah, well, he mortified me in front of a million people.” I told my dorm roommate Lara. “I promise not to have any fun.”
“HA! Scott Terrence is hot as hell, I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun!” she laughed.
“Come with me,” I whined. “It won’t be as awkward.”
“Can’t. Professor Johnson is giving a mega-quiz tomorrow first thing in the morning.”
“What parallel universe are we in?” I shimmied into a clean pair of jeans and a white peasant blouse with fringed sleeves, layering the blouse with a grey sweater short-sleeved sweater. Usually I was the one staying in while Lara went out.
“Oh my God, you look like nun!” she blurted.
“Shut up.”
“Why don’t you just slip into some chainmail?”
“Got any?” I obviously exasperated her.
“At least put on some makeup!”
“The last time I wore mascara it ended up all over my face. I don’t think so.”
“Livie, you can’t keep living in the past.”
“I’m not,” I said defensively. “I’m earning my degree so I can have a great career helping make a difference for kids with disabilities. If I were living in the past I wouldn’t be moving forward, I’d be stuck on pause.”
“With guys, Livie.”
She had a point. Suck it.
“Come on, let me curl your hair and at least put a little eyeliner on you,” she said, pleading with her eyes.
“Why do you care?”
“‘Cause I hate being the only one getting laid and hanging the red ribbon on the doorknob.” She jumped up, turned on her curling iron and grabbed the eye pencil.
Red ribbons, yellow ribbons. Fuck it! “Get it over with before I change my mind.”
“What time is he picking you up?”
“He’s not. I told him I’d meet him there.”
“Oh that’s romantic.”
I shrugged. “Hey, it’s all I’ve got.”
“This guy Jake really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
I almost said, You have no idea, but that wasn’t the truth and it wasn’t fair. “It’s not Jake’s fault. It’s mine. I expected more … I wanted more. He never made me any real promises.”
“I get it.” She made another big wave in my long black hair. “You need to get a piece of ass so you can put him out of your mind.”
I choked on the air.
“Really! A nice hard body on top of you will help you forget, and I know Scott will oblige.” She moved to the other side of my head.
“And why’s that?”
“Because he has a reputation for being a flirt and moving on. No commitments, no strings, baby, just pure sexy fun,” Lara purred.
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
When she was satisfied with what she’d done considering how little of a pallet I’d allowed her, I grabbed my Navy pea coat and started out the door.
“Livie, have fun, you deserve it,” she called.
I smiled half-heartedly over my shoulder.
I found a parking place about five blocks down from Kappa house. I could hear the music from three blocks away. It was around nine o’clock and we were going through a cold snap. I made my way quickly to the party, simply for the warmth. The house was blue with white trim and was bursting at the seams with people, noise and lights. Some guy ripped open the door and tore around the back of the house, laughing, while another guy chased him. This really wasn’t my thing. I didn’t think I’d know anybody but Scott, and I didn’t really even know him.
Bad idea. I turned to leave.
“No you don’t.” I squeezed my eyes closed. Scott.
I turned to see him leap off the front steps and jog towards me. “You actually showed! You can’t get cold feet now.” He smiled in his easygoing way. He really was that cute. I would have thought he was hot, but Jake still held that title.
Maybe Lara was right.
Maybe I needed to get laid. If I wasn’t going to be able to give myself to the one guy I truly loved, maybe I should just give it to some stranger—no emotion, no pain. Rig
ht?
“Come on! I’ll show you around and introduce you to some people.” He took my arm and led me towards the house.
It was at this moment that I flew on autopilot. The house was in complete chaos. Metallica roared. People in the living room were drinking and talking or making out everywhere.
He brought me through the kitchen. In the sink was a silver beer keg. On the floor were several coolers opened, offering beer, wine coolers, spritzers, soda and juice all floating in ice and water. On a long counter were bottles of booze and blue and red disposable cups.
“What’s your poison?” Scott cooed, searing me with his eyes.
I almost said it—rum—but the thought of it stung. A lemonade caught my eye. “Jack.”
“No, baby, I’m Scott.”
“Ha, ha.” I smiled.
He scooped some ice into a cup, covered it with Jack Daniels and finished it with the lemonade. Different. Totally different.
“Hey, Pete!” Scott said to a red-haired guy walking through to the bar. He had a blonde girl attached to his arm who looked completely wasted.
“Scottie!” Pete and Scott did a manly hand shake. “Who’s this?” Pete took a moment to look me up and down.
“This is my date, Olivia,” Scott said.
I cringed at the word date. Pete held his hand out to me. “Nice to meet you, O-liv-ia,” he slowly sounded out.
I took his hand and forced out a smile. “P-e-te.” I tried to return the favor. He was looking at me like I was a plate of lasagna.
“Hi,” I said to the blonde.
She didn’t make eye contact. “Hey.”
“Next,” Scott announced and pulled me away from the kitchen through the other rooms.
“Great friends. Very conversational,” I quipped.
“Don’t worry, I have more.”
“I don’t know, you sure?” I jeered.
“You’re pretty, smart and funny—lethal combination.” He smiled at me.
You need to get laid. Thanks Lara for that thought rolling in my head.
The house smelled like spilled beer and sweat, so I breathed through my mouth. The rooms were big and there were a lot of them. Scott introduced me to a bunch of his friends. A lot of the kids I had already met or at least seen in the hallways at school or in a few of my classes. The library was really cool and it would have been great to look through the volumes, except couples were groping each other against the stacks.
In a huge gathering room with large glass windows and sliding doors, was a pool party.
Really?
Three blue, plastic kiddie pools were filled with different colors of Jell-O. Blue and green tarps were spread across the floor, either for color or carpet protection. The guys and girls in here were in swim trunks and bikinis, or just their lacy bras and panties. A few of the girls were topless and rolling over each other through the squishy Jell-O.
“Want to give it a try?” Scott winked.
I didn’t bother with a response.
With all of these easy targets I wondered why the hell Scott had asked me here. My anger made me think of Jake, though, which I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do for just this one night. “Hats Off to the Bull” blaring wasn’t helping the anger situation.
“Okay, maybe we can wrestle in Jell-O on our second date,” Scott joked. At least I thought he was joking.
Date.
Can you pretend I never left?
And as easy as that, Jake was all up in my head.
I followed Scott down the basement stairs to where they had card and pool tables set up. “Do you like to play?” he asked.
Jake had taught me how when I was a kid.
“No. Look, I’m sorry I’m not much fun,” I admitted. “There’s no reason you should be stuck with me.”
“I get it. This isn’t really your speed,” Scott said. “There are a few quieter rooms. Would you like to find one of those?”
“Okay.” I took another swig of my drink. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t love it.
Scott navigated me back onto the main floor, then upstairs and up another set of stairs into a dark attic.
“Um …” I could fight well and I carried mace, but I also knew no one would be able to hear me scream from up here. We were totally removed from the party.
He snapped on a light. “Better?” he asked.
It was quiet; the noise downstairs was more like an echo instead of an intense throb. “Yeah.”
He reached into a cubby space and grabbed a large folded blanket and spread it over the floor. Scott sat on it and patted the floor next to him. I took a breath and sat.
“You don’t much like the JD and lemonade either, do you?”
“How can you tell?”
“Something about the full cup.”
“Oh, that. Yeah, well …” Something came over me in the quiet and I chugged more than half of the drink, despite the taste.
Scott’s eyes widened.
“Don’t look so surprised. Where are you from?”
“Bismark. How about you?”
“Williston.” I burped behind my hand.
“Oil country,” he crooned.
“Yeah, let’s not talk about that.”
“We don’t have to talk about anything at all if you don’t want to.”
“Wow, that was direct.”
“Well I’m trying to think of how to melt that sweater off of you.” His eyes undressed me as if he were trying to imagine what was under the plain grey fabric.
You need a piece of ass with no strings or commitments, to forget.
I swallowed the rest of the drink and shuddered at the bitterness. I let a bit of alcoholic euphoria seep into my head before I pulled the sweater over my head.
“You’re so hot! Why do you cover up so much?” Scott reached out and caressed my arm.
I shrugged. “It’s cold out.” Last party I was at I wore … never mind.
He looked at my long sleeved poet blouse. “Pretty, but you’re still all covered up.”
Scott didn’t mince words, I’d give him that. What would it feel like … his hands all over me? In all of the places Jake would never touch?
“Hey don’t tense up.” He started to massage my shoulders. “How about you let yourself go enough to let yourself feel? Feel what I can do to your body …”
He leaned in towards my mouth. My lips parted to meet his, but my lips had last touched Jake. At the final moment I turned my head and let him have my neck instead. But Jake had kissed me there too. And Scott’s kisses didn’t feel anything like Jake’s. Jake’s mouth scorched my skin, while my pulse slammed through my ears and every part of me was lit with fire.
Scott’s mouth was just … there. It was as if I was rubbing my arm or something. No tickly sensation, no skin goose bumps, nothing.
His hand slowly crept across to my breast.
“Nope. Done.” I pulled back, grabbed my sweater and jumped up like I’d touched a hot poker.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” Scott said lightly.
“Nothing to do with you,” I assured. “You’re cute and fun and …”
“Stop already, you’re killing me.” He feigned a heart attack.
“Really, you’re probably a great one night stand.”
“Well, I don’t always just play one night shows. I like you and want to get to know you,” he qualified.
I put my sweater back on. “How can you like me? You know nothing about me.”
“I know you always look so pensive and a little sad. Maybe I want to know your story,” he said.
“Cool. I could see how that would be real attractive.” I stood up. “Thanks for inviting me …”
Scott stood up too. “Let me walk you to your car, it’s getting late.”
“I don’t need an escort service,” I said as I opened the attic door and went to the stairs.
“Really, I insist. I know you couldn’t have parked anywhere close to the house.”
<
br /> He was right. I stopped and turned back towards him. “Thanks. You’re a good guy.”
“Some other guy broke your heart, huh?”
“You’re perceptive, Scott.”
We walked outside leaving Guns and Roses behind us.
“So does he go to the university?” he tried.
“No.”
“Does he work in town?”
“No again,” I answered.
“So he isn’t geographically close?”
I looked at him with a what-are-you-getting-at expression.
“Just wondering if I maybe stand a chance?”
“This is my car,” I announced and unlocked the doors with the remote.
“Am I feeling a definite maybe coming from you?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. But I didn’t answer.
“I won’t worry about it … I know where you go to school. I’ll talk to you again in math class tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you will,” I said, and Scott scooped me into a lingering hug. I hated to admit it, but it felt good to be held. And call it sadistic but I couldn’t help but imagine the arms around me were Jake’s. Yeah, I needed help badly.
“Goodnight now,” Scott said, planting a quick peck against my cheek.
I got into my car and drove away, leaving him on the sidewalk, watching me go.
As I looked back through the rearview mirror I saw a single motorcycle headlight come up the road behind me then turn left at the cross street.
Why was I wishing?
Chapter 10
“My Immortal”
Evanescence
It didn’t seem to matter how hard I tried to put my life back together or how many years it had been, I was never without Jake North, even though I had been alone for years now. How was it that he had been able to become such a part of me?
Smart girls didn’t wait forever for their crushes; they crushed, healed and moved on. I was certain that whatever happened, I’d never be healed from Jake or without Jake. When he was gone every pain and fear I’d ever had became more intense. My mother’s abandonment and my dad’s stoic absence hurt more … it was Jake that had held me through all of it, who wiped my tears and made me feel alive and safe and … loved.
True North Page 9
