by Jess Dee
“M…me?”
“You, baby. You changed everything. You changed me. I took one look at you and knew you were her. The only one I’d ever want as much as Declan. The only woman I could ever share with him. And…the only person I could ever share Dec with.”
Violet opened her mouth and shut it again, doing what she could only imagine was a brilliant impression of a stunned fish.
For two years she’d ignored the erotic currents that fizzed through her veins when she was around Noah and Declan. For eighteen months she’d convinced herself she had no feelings for them at all.
All this time she’d longed for both men, believed she’d never have them, and now, now Noah was admitting he’d wanted the same thing.
She pushed off the couch and began pacing the length of the room.
“You never said anything.” No, it wasn’t that. He hadn’t needed to say anything. She’d known he felt it too. Known he was as affected by the electric currents as she was. “Y-you never gave us a chance. Two years ago, I was there, fighting my attraction for you and Dec because I thought it was wrong to want two men at the same time, yet you felt it too. You knew it was there, and you never gave it, never gave us, a chance.”
“What chance did we have?” Noah jumped to his feet and crossed the room to still Violet’s restless pacing. “Declan had disinvested in me. He’d walked away. He was searching for the perfect woman to marry.”
“He didn’t find her. Not in those first six months anyway.”
“Yeah, but he was still searching. And even though he felt the connection between the three of us, and even flirted a bit, he wasn’t going anywhere near it. Not in any serious way. His head was all fucked up with the bullshit his parents fed him his whole life. He felt us, but he refused to follow through on it. Because if he did, he’d never find the wife he believed he had to have.”
And just like that, Violet felt the overwhelming need to cry. To put her head in her hands and sob.
Because Declan had ignored her and Noah. He’d found the perfect woman, and that perfect woman was Violet’s best friend.
Which meant anything that might have existed between Violet, Declan and Noah could never be. If Violet ever gave in to all the urges telling her to open her heart and fall head over heels in love with Noah and Declan, she’d hurt the one person who’d been an innocent victim in the whole story.
Tori.
The fight seeped out of her. She turned sorrowful eyes to Noah. “Why now? Why push something you knew would never work two years ago?”
“Dec wasn’t ready two years ago. He is now. Or he will be, with a little encouragement and support from you and me.”
“I can’t do it. I can’t offer him that encouragement and support. Not without destroying a relationship with a woman I’ve been friends with for twenty-five years.”
“Tori’s moved on. She’s found someone else. Do you honestly believe she wouldn’t forgive you for finding happiness with a man she once dated?”
“Not just dated. Intended on marrying. There’s a big difference.”
“Okay, granted. She might be surprised at first. Hurt, even. But Tori’s cool. She’d understand it eventually. Especially if she saw that Declan and I make you happy.”
“The day after Dec broke up with her, I sat with Tori for hours. Held her through her tears and heartbreak. Supported her through her confusion. I was there. I know how bad it was for her, how much Declan’s actions destroyed her. I may understand the whys of it all, but she doesn’t. And, yes, I give you that she’s happy now. Happier than she was with Declan. But that doesn’t take away what he did to her. If I became involved with Declan…with you and Dec, I’d hurt her. And honestly? Tori’s been hurt enough.”
“Does Tori resent your business dealings with us?”
“No. Of course not.”
“So she’s okay with you being involved with Dec professionally, just not socially?”
“You were my clients before Declan met Tori. She understands that.”
“You and Dec were attracted to each other before he met Tori. Does she understand that?”
“God, no. I’ve never mentioned how I felt about the two of you. I’d never have put her in that predicament. She’d have been too guilty to get involved with Declan.”
“So you refused to stand between your friend and her happiness?”
“Absolutely.” For all the good it had done.
“Then don’t you think Tori would do the same for you? Refuse to stand between you and your happiness?”
Temporarily distracted from her thoughts of Tori, Violet stared at Noah.
Did he and Declan represent her happiness?
Two years ago, when she’d met them, when the sparks of awareness had flared so vibrantly between them, it had been exciting. Heart pounding. She’d woken up every day with a bounce to her step and a sense of breathless anticipation.
That excitement had evaporated the instant Declan laid eyes on Tori. Violet hadn’t felt it again…until yesterday. When she’d walked into the room and found Dec on his knees before Noah.
Every second since then—no matter how fraught with tension or worry—she’d been filled with heart-pounding anticipation. The excitement was back. And Noah and Declan were 100 percent responsible for the nerve-tingling exhilaration.
But did exhilaration equate to happiness?
If it did, then, yes, Noah and Declan represented Violet’s happiness.
If the exhilaration was nothing more than a passing phase, then her attraction to them would serve only to cause her friend more pain. And Violet just couldn’t allow that. Tori had suffered enough when it came to Declan.
Declan stared listlessly at the rose garden. Funny, last time he’d been here, he hadn’t even been aware the garden existed. The gazebo either. Now he sat in the gazebo, mobile phone in hand, staring out at the bushes.
Their dense foliage didn’t conceal the hundreds of tiny buds preparing to open. Nor did it conceal the man who made his way carefully through the garden with a pair of shears in his hand. He was taller than Declan, almost as well built as Noah and had enormous hands. Yet he tended each bush lovingly, clipping off twigs and leaves so small Declan couldn’t see them drop to the ground.
Angus. The miracle landscaper.
He hadn’t spotted Declan, which suited Declan just fine. He was more than content to sit there, alone with his thoughts—morose as they were. Images of Tori and his parents flew around his head, colliding with images of Violet and Declan. The continual crashing had Declan’s head throbbing.
Declan no longer had to look at his phone to see the message his mother had sent.
Your father has arranged a dinner at our house on Sunday night.
Brian and Felicia will be here at 7 sharp.
Has the navy suit been dry-cleaned?
M
What the fuck did M stand for anyway? Mother? Margaret? Mrs. Muirfield? Christ. Nothing like a personal invitation to make him feel welcome and wanted. But then Mummy Dearest never extended personal invitations. She issued summonses. And Declan had been summoned to the house tomorrow night.
Then there was his mother’s reference to his suit. Apparently she still hadn’t forgiven Declan for his last cardinal sin—arriving at the previous dinner with an almost-invisible stain on his collar.
Just what he wanted—another function with Louis and his political cronies. He loathed the so-called informal gatherings. He hated making small talk about issues he did not support, and every moment spent at the dinners reinforced Declan’s political beliefs—which were nothing like his father’s.
The summons had arrived at a critical time—the exact moment Declan had questioned his right to happiness with Noah and Violet. As it was, Blake’s unexpected appearance had thrown him for a loop, his arrival bringing an unwelcome reminder of Tori. The summons to dinner only reinforced the massive chasm between the two parts of Declan’s life: his family and his desires.
Would he ev
er be able to unite the two?
Probably not.
Okay, so failing that, could he ever reach a point where he’d be comfortable putting his desires before his family’s?
A rustle of leaves distracted Declan from his introspection. He looked in Angus’s direction.
Blake walked towards the landscaper, holding a steaming mug of…something. When he reached Angus, he handed over the drink. “You left so early this morning I figured you didn’t have time for a coffee.”
Blake seemed as oblivious to Declan’s presence as Angus.
Angus shrugged. “You and the duchess were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You should have.” The suggestion in Blake’s tone was unmistakable. “Lil woke up with an appetite for both of us. Sadly for me, I was forced to do the work of two men.”
Angus shook his head in sympathy. “A burden you struggled to bear with dignity.”
Blake’s laughter carried into the gazebo. “I have no dignity when it comes to getting naked with you and Lil. Now shut up and kiss me.”
Angus did, and Declan was fascinated by how steady Angus held his arm. No matter how hot the kiss got—and it got fucking hot, with Blake plastered against Angus, their hips bucking together—Angus did not spill a drop of the coffee Blake had brought him.
“Hey,” Blake said long moments later, his voice a lot rougher than it had been. “I love you.”
“And you voluntarily left Lily all alone in that warm bed to come and tell me?”
“Nah.” Blake grinned. “Lil made me come.”
“Knew I loved her for a reason.” He kissed Blake again. “Love you too.”
“Finish up with your roses and come back to bed. We’ll be waiting for you.” With a last kiss, Blake headed back to the hotel.
Angus watched him leave with a bemused smile on his face.
The smile didn’t dim as he once again lost himself to his rosebushes, taking small breaks to sip his coffee. He looked so relaxed Declan envied him. Angus was obviously in his element outside, working on his garden. And he was obviously as happy inside with his lovers.
How did one achieve that? A balance between work and play? Contentment with circumstances that were so out of the ordinary, so against the norm Declan felt imprisoned by them?
Or maybe he felt imprisoned by the societal norms.
The summons from his mother had served only to reinforce those norms, to remind him that no matter how close he’d come to being happy and content, it was all just a fanciful dream. A dream that could never reach fruition if the child inside him refused to grow up and stop trying to impress his parents.
Declan couldn’t have Noah and Violet and make Margaret and Louis proud. If ever he chose them over his family, his parents would see his choice as a clear rejection of their values.
But yesterday something had sparked in Declan.
The happiness he’d found in Noah’s and Violet’s arms was something he’d craved his whole life. Maybe, just maybe, it was time for him to make that happiness a priority.
And maybe, just maybe, it was time for Declan to cater to the needs of his adult self rather than to the needs of the child he’d once been.
“Oh, hey. I never noticed you there.” Angus, now standing at a bush beside the low wall of the gazebo, looked surprised to see him.
“Yeah. Hey. You were busy with your roses. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Blake would tell you I’m always busy with my roses.” Angus smiled. “I don’t usually run into guests at this time. Too early for anyone to be up.”
It wasn’t so much a matter of being too early for Declan to get up, but too late for him to fall asleep now. But Angus didn’t need to know Declan hadn’t slept a wink the night before. Hard as he’d tried, a million conflicting thoughts had raced through his mind, making rest of any kind impossible.
“I’m not usually up at this time,” Declan admitted. “Prefer late nights to early mornings. But there’s something about this country air.” He shrugged. “It does something to a man.”
“Sure does. I never get tired of being here, and we come out most weekends.”
“No wonder the gardens look like they’ve been manicured. You must spend hours outdoors.”
“Nice of you to say, but I can’t take all the credit. I have someone come in twice a week to tend to things. When I’m here however…” Angus shrugged. “Can’t seem to help myself. I need to be outside.”
“Not sure I’d be so quick to get outdoors if I had a Blake and a Lily waiting for me indoors.”
Perhaps Declan shouldn’t have said anything, but Angus must have realized he’d witnessed Blake’s kiss and their conversation about Lily.
Angus took no offense. “Long as they’re waiting for me when I get back, I’m good with leaving while they’re still asleep.” Then he hitched a thumb over his shoulder, pointing behind him. “I thought you did have a Blake and a Lily. Reckoned as much when I saw you at the lake yesterday.”
“Yeah?” So much for Noah’s efforts to hide Violet’s passion-drunk expression. Or his and Noah’s attempts to hide their obvious arousal. Angus had apparently seen straight through it all.
“Yeah.” Angus rested the shears and coffee cup on the gazebo wall. “Lily blasted Blake for interrupting the three of you. Said he’d intruded on a private moment.”
“Difficult to have a private moment outdoors where anyone can see you,” Declan said.
“Not that difficult,” Angus chuckled. “Not if you want it badly enough.”
Declan scrubbed a hand over his face. “We were that obvious?”
“No worries, mate. Been there, done that and got the grass burns to prove it. Never regretted a second of it.”
Lucky bastard. Declan was drowning in his regrets.
He rued being born into a family who expected him to be everything he wasn’t, and he rued his need to live up to those expectations. He hated the fact that he’d gotten Tori mixed up in his pathetic excuse for a life, and he hated it more that he’d hurt her.
But most of all he regretted the misgivings that now haunted him.
He’d had a taste of how amazing life could be with Noah and Violet, and instinct told him he never wanted to be without them again. Yet one message from his mother had left him plagued with doubts.
Declan had no idea how to reconcile the fuckup he was with the man he wanted to be. A man worthy enough to stand at Violet’s and Noah’s sides without a single regret.
“Yeah?” he asked of Angus. “No regrets?”
“Not one.”
“Wish I could say the same.”
“Ah.” Angus looked at him with wise eyes. “The real reason you’re sitting out here while your Lily and Blake are indoors.”
“They’re not my Lily and Blake.”
“But you’d like them to be.”
Jesus, this was surreal. Talking to a man he’d met briefly the day before about the most personal details of his life.
Declan shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
“Always is,” Angus said. “Until you decide it’s only as complicated as you make it. Then it gets easier.”
Declan narrowed an eye as he looked dubiously at Angus. “Meaning?”
“Meaning I almost screwed everything up. Almost walked away from Lily and Blake when it was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t. Now it’s all good.”
“It was that simple for you?”
“Fuck, no. Nothing’s ever simple. But if you shove all the shit aside and focus on what’s important, you’ll realize the complicated bits are usually the ones that don’t matter in the long run.”
Declan shook his head in confusion. “You’ve lost me.”
“Focus on what’s important, mate. Focus on your Lily and Blake. If they’re what you want, they’re all that matter. The rest is insignificant.”
Declan stared at Angus for a long moment.
Could it be that simple? Did Declan have the courage to put all
his shit aside and focus on Noah and Violet? Did he have the capacity to prioritize them so they took first place in his life?
“I gotta go.” Angus picked up his shears and cup. “There’s a warm bed calling my name.”
“Yeah, of course.” Why he’d stayed here chatting with Declan for so long was a mystery. “Go.” If Declan had a Lily and Blake waiting in a warm bed, he’d also have to go.
“Nice chatting,” Angus said.
“You too.”
“Remember, it’s only as complicated as you make it.”
And as Angus walked off, Declan reminded himself he did have a Lily and Blake waiting back in his hotel room. Their names were Violet and Noah.
Now Declan was faced with a choice. He could either make Vi and Noah his priority—and in doing so, find real happiness. Or he could pamper his inner child and put his parents first—as he had for the last thirty-odd years.
Jesus. Was there even a contest?
Declan shook his head. Nope. No contest whatsoever. He knew exactly what he needed to do. And it all started now, with a simple reply to the text message.
Chapter Ten
A knot of powerlessness coiled in Noah’s gut. There were several ways he could think of to convince Violet that being with him and Dec was the best thing for all of them. But he couldn’t come between her and her friend.
As it was, Noah still felt like a shit for accidentally telling Tori that Declan was calling off the wedding. He’d already caused her enough pain. The last thing she needed now was for Noah to interfere in her friendship with Violet.
But fuck, Vi was slipping from his grasp. She was pulling away, and he wasn’t ready to let her go.
“Vi, give us a chance. We could make you happy. Happy enough that Tori would have no choice but to understand we belong with each other. Together the three of us could achieve anything. We could fly.”
Violet’s eyes filled. “Do you think it’s easy turning my back on everything you’re offering? D’you think I don’t want it? God, I do. So much. I’ve fantasized about both of you for years. And then…and then I had you, and the reality was a billion times better than the fantasy could ever have been.” She pointed to her eyes. “You think these bags came from being in an unfamiliar bed? No. I was too busy reliving what you and Dec did to me yesterday to get any sleep. And dreaming about what you didn’t because we were interrupted. I’ve been an aroused wreck since I walked into the suite yesterday at lunch.”
