by M. K. Eidem
“Dodge, is that Blade fixed yet!” Lucas demands.
“Mostly.”
“Mostly! What the fuck does that mean?”
“Means she’ll fly but I wouldn’t recommend it. Its laser system is fucked! Needs a complete overhaul.”
“How long?”
“Twenty four if Lorre was doing it, forty eight for anyone else.”
“Fuck! Get it started then call it a night.”
“I hear that.”
“You going for third?”
“Later, want to check on Lorre.”
“Tell her we miss her. You and I need to talk sometime.”
“I hear you. Is it going to be a problem?”
“Not with me.”
At Victoria’s hatch, Lucas pounds. Damn it, if she doesn’t answer, he’s contacting the Admiral for the code. She’s not shutting him out. Finally, he hears the lock release. When it opens, he pushes his way in.
“What took you so long?”
“I was in the bathroom.” He can tell she’s angry. Looking down, he sees she’s in the middle of treating her arms.
“Come on, I’ll help.”
“I can do it.” Turning back to the bathroom, she knows he’ll follow. “What are you doing here?”
“Taking you to third meal. After we treat your arms.”
“I told you, I can do it.”
“And I’ll help.” Stepping into her bathroom, he finds it's smaller than his. They’d never have been able to do treatments in this one. He’d forgotten how much smaller the quarters were for the support personal then active crew. Seeing her pick up the tube, he takes it from her.
“Here, let me do that.” Having watched Magnes closely, Lucas spreads the correct amount of cream gently across her raw skin. He feels the slight tremble in her arm as his fingers glide across her skin. “Where is the bandage?” Lucas asks softly, looking into confused green eyes.
“Behind you.” She nods to the shelf behind him. Picking it up, he carefully wraps her arm.
“Tight enough?”
“Yeah it’s good. Thanks.” When she goes to move away, he steps closer. “What are you doing?” Her voice is husky.
“I’m going to kiss you, Victoria.” It’s all the warning she gets before his arms pull her close and his mouth descends.
She has no time to prepare, to build her wall, his gentle touch has her trembling while his hard kiss leaves her gasping.
Pulling her close, Lucas uses her startled gasp to slide his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. God, she was spicy, sweet and innocent. When her tongue touches his, he groans, sliding a hand under her shirt, he caresses the soft skin of her back.
“Lucas…” Victoria finally rips her mouth away from his. This has to stop.
“What?” He lifts heavy eyes to hers.
“I… I thought you were going to feed me.” She grasps at the one thing she knows will stop him.
“What?” Slowly his eyes focus on her, and he sees her need, her need for some space. She doesn’t trust him. Doesn’t trust that this is real.
“You said third meal.” She watches as he banks his desire.
“I did.” Lifting a finger, he gently caresses her fading bruise. “Let’s go.”
Lucas watches closely as they enter third meal. Things his father said are starting to make sense. Heads turn, watching her enter, whispers start. How had he never noticed before? Probably because he was always watching her, not others. Well, she isn’t alone any longer, never would be. Putting a hand low on her back, he guides her to the line. The eyes that look up to him are shuttered but he can see the confusion in them.
“Come on, fill your tray.” Lucas nudges her on. Saying nothing, she does what he asks, picking up what she wants out of the line.
“Don’t even think about it,” she tells him as he goes to add something to her tray.
The half-teasing light in her eyes has him pausing, when she realizes what she’s done, they go flat.
God he loved her when she teased. He hadn’t realized it until just now. He had to make sure she did it more often. Following her, he lets her guide them to a table at the edge of the room that only seats two. People nod and talk to him in passing, but no one says a word to her. He never noticed that either.
“Usual table?” he asks sitting down.
“It works.”
“It does.” Lucas watches her as he eats. “So what did you do today?”
“What?”
“What… did… you… do… today?”
“I cleaned up my quarters. Worked in the classroom. Things were a little messed up.”
“Anything broken?”
“No.”
“Good.” As he goes to take a bite, his forc slips out of his fingers.
Victoria’s eyes immediately flash to his.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it just slipped.”
“Lucas…”
“They’re tired is all. I didn’t do anything to them.”
“Are they cramping?”
“No! Let it go. If you want, you can check them after we eat.” Wanting to argue with him, she realizes that this isn’t the place. Nodding, she eats. Finishing first, she leans back, watching him.
What is he up too? He’d come to her quarters, insisting on treating her, kisses her senseless and now is making sure she eats. She needs to put some space between them, give him time to realize his mistake.
“Not going to happen.” Lucas looks up at her.
“What?” Victoria knows she hasn’t spoken out loud.
“I’m not changing my mind, Victoria.” He sees the shock in her eyes. “I know you. You know me. I’m sticking.” He watches the quick flash of need in her eyes before it’s gone and they go blank.
“I’m going to go check on Lorre.” She changes the subject.
“I’ll go with you, Dodge is there.”
In medical, they find Dodge holding Lorre’s sleeping hand. Picking up the screen, Victoria is happy with what she reads. Lorre’s waking more and while still on liquids, is getting stronger.
“She’s doing good, Dodge. It’s just going to take some time.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Turning to leave, Victoria looks at Lucas’ gloved hands.
“Do you want me to check your hands?” She looks at him. Her eyes carefully blank.
“Yeah, I suppose you should but they’re just tired.”
“We’ll use Magnes, office since we’re here.” She turns, missing his frown. Why aren’t they doing it in his quarters?
Lucas sits, watching her as she carefully removes one of the burn gloves he’s wearing. Her concentration always amazes him. She can close herself off from everything but what she’s doing. He wants that, directed at him as a man, not as a patient.
Forcing herself to concentrate, Victoria examines his hand, gently probing areas that seem puffy. When she doesn’t feel him winch or withdrawal, she’s satisfied that he’s been telling her the truth. Putting it down, she checks the other hand. She finds it the same. Satisfied, she looks up at him.
“They look good. You should rest them for a while. Did Magnes give you extra gloves?”
“Yeah, they’re in my quarters.”
“You can leave them off for now if you’re going to be in quarters, otherwise, I’d put them on. It’ll give you some extra protection.”
“I can do that. What are your plans for the night?”
“What?” He sees the shock in her eyes.
“Come to my quarters, we’ll talk.” He doesn’t think he’s ever seen such a stunned look on her face before.
“No.” As she starts to rise, he grabs her hand.
“Victoria…”
“I have class tomorrow. I need to prepare for it.”
“Fine, I’ll walk you to your quarters.”
“I can get there by myself.”
“Last time you did, you were attacked. Don’t argue with me on this!” Standing, he puts a han
d on her back, guiding her out of medical.
Victoria is silent as they walk towards her quarters. She’s fully aware of the looks they are getting. Opening the hatch, she turns to face Lucas.
“Thank you for walking me.”
“Kiss me goodnight.” He leans against the hatchway.
“What!”
“Kiss me, Victoria.”
“You’ve lost your mind.” Stepping into her quarters, she would have shut him out, instead he steps in, closing the hatch.
“My mind is fine. It’s my heart I’ve lost. To you. Nine cycles ago.” He watches her struggle with what he’s saying. Sees the flare of hope before it’s gone. “I’ve loved you for cycles, Victoria, that’s why I stayed away. Not because I didn’t care.” Sinking his fingers into her hair, he pulls her face up, placing gentle kisses around her mouth until she finally turns to touch her lips to his.
Her tentative respond has his blood pounding. God, he loves her. Slowly, he deepens the kiss, letting his tongue play with hers. When she presses closer, his arms wrap around her, lifting her against him.
Sensations swamp her. He’s telling her everything she’s ever wanted to hear. This is what she always believed would happen, believed… but it’s not real, it can’t be…
Lucas feels her stiffen and lifts his head to see the pain in her eyes before it’s gone. “Victoria…”
“Put me down, Lucas.” She fights to control her voice.
“What’s wrong?” Slowly, he puts her down but doesn’t release her.
“Let go, Lucas. This is wrong.”
Instead of releasing her, he pulls her up to her toes.
“This is right, Victoria! The first right thing I’ve done in a long time.”
Violet eyes clash with green. He is not going to lose her.
“Let go, Lucas,” He feels her start to tremble. “Please…” It’s the please that gets to him, telling him she’s at a breaking point, slowly he releases her. When he does, she’s quickly across the room, putting as much distance between them as the small room will allow.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, please Victoria.” He doesn’t move but the plea in his voice pulls at her.
“I think you need to leave.” Her voice is shaky.
“I love you Victoria.” He watches green eyes flood.
“Please, Lucas, just go. I need you to go…” When he steps forward, he freezes as she immediately steps back. “Please…” she whispers. Nodding stiffly, he turns to the hatch, then stops, looking over his shoulder.
“I’ll leave for now but this isn’t finished Victoria. I know I’ve screwed up, that you need time to trust me again. I’m going to give you that time but I won’t stay away anymore, I can’t, I love you. Secure the hatch.” In the corridor, he waits until he hears the locks engage.
“We need to talk.” Lucas finds her in the maintenance room, running on the tread.
“I’ve got another fifteen here.”
“I’ll wait.” Nodding, Victoria turns her attention back to her run. She’s been able to avoid him this last week. Changing when she eats, making sure she’s out of her quarters. It hasn’t always worked, Lucas is nothing if not persistent, but she hoped it would give him time to realize the truth. Finishing, she grabs a towel, wiping the sweat from her face, before turning.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“Not here.” Putting a hand at the small of her back, he guides her into the observation room.
“Do you need a treatment?” She’s going to keep this professional.
“No.” Turning, she waits. “You’re avoiding me.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Victoria, it isn’t going to happen.” He walks over to her, invading her space.
“What isn’t?”
“I’ve been in love with you since I met you. It’s not going to change now.”
“Lucas…” Turning away, she looks at the stars, she used to look up and wonder where he was. Now she’s here with him and he’s never seemed further away.
“Talk to me.” He lightly touches her hair.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Sighing, she turns to him, not realizing he’s moved so close. “It would never have worked. You’ve always known that, now I do too. Let it go.”
“Damn it, Victoria!” Gripping her arms, he pulls her up, meaning to argue when several crew enter the room. Slowly, he releases her.
“Goodbye, Lucas.” She quickly leaves while she still can.
‘Oh this is so not happening.’ Lucas thinks as he turns to follow her. She is not telling him goodbye.
“Major Zafar to the flight deck. Major Zafar to the flight deck.” The comm announces. Knowing Victoria will have to wait, he heads to the flight deck.
Sitting in her quarters, Victoria pulls a visual out of a drawer. It shows the Zafar men at Kyle’s Union. Lucas and Uncle William in their dress whites with House of Protection purple, both look so handsome. Kyle in full white of the groom, the boys in black.
Looking at them, she realizes how much she loves each and every one of them. They are her family, she knows they love her, unconditionally, she overreacted, but she’d been so hurt.
What does she do now? Without giving herself time to second guess, she places the call.
“Victoria?”
“I’m sorry.”
Cassandra closes her eyes, saying a prayer of thanks.
“It’s okay.”
“No it’s not. None of this is your fault. I know you’ve always supported me. Did what you thought was best for me. You and Uncle William. I had no right to hurt you like that, Aunt Cassie.”
‘Uncle William, thank God’. Cassandra thinks. “You’ve had a lot to handle since the Challenge and never once did I see you break. You were entitled to some time.”
“Maybe, but this was different.”
“When it’s someone you love, it always is.”
“Yeah.” Cassandra waits, she knows her niece.
“Aunt Cassie, what do I do?”
“You have to decide that for yourself, Victoria.”
Victoria sighs loudly, letting her head fall onto the back of the chair. “That’s not helpful.”
“What do you want me to say? It’s for you to decide how to live your life. For you to decide who you let in, who you keep out and Tori, you’ve kept nearly everyone out.”
“You know why.”
“Yes, but it makes for a lonely life. I realize it was hard to make friends in school when everyone was a good eight cycles older then you, but that’s not where you are now,” Cassandra reminds her.
“I don’t know what to say to them, I have nothing in common with them.”
“You have Lucas.”
“Do I?”
“Victoria, you’ve always had Lucas. You know that, deep down, you’ve always known that. From that first day in the cabin when you couldn’t stay away from him. It was a shock to everyone.”
“He fascinated me,” she whispers. “He still does.”
“As what? Someone who fell from the sky? Your protector? Your hero or as a man?”
“All the above. I know he’s not perfect, Aunt Cassie. Actually he’s a pain in the ass when he’s hurt or just irritated but….”
“But?”
“I love him. Every part of him.”
“So are you going to let Audric win?” Cassandra decides to take the hard line because Victoria isn’t connecting the dots.
“Audric? What are you talking about?” Victoria is totally confused.
“He was a large man who hurt you,” Cassandra reminds her.
“Aunt Cassie, I came to terms with that, cycles ago.” She tries to sound unaffected.
“Did you?” she questions. “Lucas is a large man, larger than Audric. He hurt you, not physically, I know that, but in a way, you never thought possible. Just like Audric. You overreacted to it because of what Audric did.”
“Is that why it hurt so badly?” Victoria whispers.
&n
bsp; “No, that’s because it is Lucas. But the reason you’re not forgiving him, not trusting him, is Audric.”
“I…” Victoria frowns, thinking about what Cassie has said. Is it true? She asks herself. Is she judging Lucas because of Audric? Because he abducted her when she was two, because he touched her, hurt her, destroyed her family and planet? Lucas is nothing like that. She knows that. Audric was evil, while Lucas… Lucas is everything, everything she’d ever wanted, even when she was too young to know what that meant.
“How do I fix this?”
“I doubt it will take much, but Victoria, if you decide to let him back into your life, you have to be sure. You’re not the only one who has trust issues. You know things will be said. So does Lucas. You have to truly trust him, with everything, that’s the only way it will work.”
“Like you and Uncle William trust each other. It doesn’t mean you don’t disagree, don’t argue, but it never affects the ‘you’ you’ve become together.”
Cassandra leans back, she hadn’t realized Victoria had been paying that close of attention, she should have known better. “You’re right and I’ll let you in on a little secret concerning the Zafar men, at least mine.”
Victoria sits up straight. “What?”
“They really like sexy eadai.”
“Really…” Victoria’s mind starts to race. There’d been a ‘package’ in her bags when she’d arrived, containing all new very lacy eadai.
“Trust me, there’s nothing better than having him trying to guess what’s under your clothes.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I love you Aunt Cassie.”
“I love you too, sweetie.”
After she disconnects, Victoria takes her time thinking about what Aunt Cassie said. What Lucas has said. What she truly wants and what she wants is Lucas, the man, as her lover, maybe someday her husband. So she’s taking the chance that she hasn’t ruined it with her doubts. That he really does love her. She knows how to get a good grip too. Going to her closet, she smiles.
On the flight deck, she heads directly to Lucas’ office, not noticing the eyes that follow her. Entering the open hatch, she finds Dodge and Lucas leaning over plans.
Dodge notices her first, he can tell something’s up.
