by Betty Dodson
COMMON TYPES OF ORGASM
The following categories are in no way complete. They represent some of the general variations of women’s sexual responses that I have observed socially, during my workshops, and in private sessions. I have included my own experiences as well. Many of these observations will also apply to men.
Pressure orgasms are frequently used in childhood with some kind of indirect genital stimulation. We all start off sexual. It has been repeatedly documented with sonograms that both unborn boys and girls engage in genital self-stimulation. From the age of five to around seven years of age, I clearly remember rocking back and forth with a pillow pulled up between my legs to get that “tingly feeling.” One workshop woman said she pressed her clitoris against overstuffed furniture; another pressed against the hard nose on her teddy bear. Some little girls squeeze their legs together to get good feelings and a few carry that over into adulthood for their orgasmic release.
Never moving beyond indirect stimulation might make it easier for a woman to climax from intercourse alone. Maybe that’s why the clitoris has been denied for so long. Because once a woman has had a more direct form of clitoral contact, she will definitely want more of it. Women who grew up with a strong prohibition about touching themselves directly have made a transition to stronger orgasms by letting the water run on their clitoris from a bathtub faucet. Others say wearing tight jeans got them off, and more than a few were very fond of their bicycle seats. As a preteen, I was crazy about riding horses before I got interested in boys.
Tension orgasms, with direct genital rubbing and muscle tension, get most of us through puberty, into young adulthood, and, for some, through the rest of our lives. Tension orgasms rely on leg and buttock muscles being squeezed tight, with the rest of the body held fairly rigid. While holding the breath, a fast motion is used on the clitoris or penis for a few moments or minutes until orgasm explodes in a quick burst. Because these climaxes are silent, many of us grow up masturbating this way to avoid getting caught by our siblings or parents. These quick tension orgasms often carry over into many men coming quickly in partner sex.
A few women have orgasms with muscle tension only, without any direct genital contact. One woman climaxed by hanging from the top of a door to create tension in her entire body while squeezing her vaginal muscle tight. She had to come in under a minute due to the stress in her arms. In contrast to coming fast, a friend of mine has developed tension orgasms without clitoral contact into an art form. Now in her early fifties, she’s in great shape from all the isometric exercise she gets by straining against some form of erotic bondage or keeping her body rigid during elaborate scenes of suspension.
Most people are too busy to spend quality time enjoying sex. So it will come as no surprise when I say tension orgasms are the most common for the largest number of people. While there is no such thing as having the “wrong” kind of orgasm, some are definitely better than others. When a person spends more time building up sexual arousal by breathing, moving, and allowing the body to express a little joy with sounds of pleasure, it will create a more joyful and satisfying experience with orgasm. Fast sex is like fast food—it takes the edge off hunger but it’s not all that nourishing.
Relaxation orgasms are difficult to achieve alone because it’s nearly impossible to be totally relaxed while doing some form of self-stimulation. My relaxed orgasms first happened in my teens with manual sex from a boyfriend’s delicate touch. During long sessions of kissing, I was the classic Sleeping Beauty. To avoid exhibiting any animal-like behavior, I kept releasing the build up of sexual tension by repeatedly relaxing all my muscles. This took major concentration, but I felt my reputation was at stake. At some point, when I could hold back no longer, the orgasm would come and get me. As long as I did nothing to make my orgasm happen and he didn’t “put it in,” I was still considered a virgin.
The best way to experience a relaxation orgasm is to do it with a partner. Some teachers of Eastern sex techniques have their students take turns giving and receiving manual sex with explicit verbal guidance telling each other exactly when and how to vary the stimulation. They are also taught to slow down, relax the pelvic floor muscles, and breathe to allow the orgasm to build more gradually. Rajneesh, a Tantra teacher from India, called this kind of climax a “valley orgasm”—sinking down into the sensation instead of building up as in a “peak orgasm,” which is what I call a tension orgasm.
Rajneesh told his students that people would have a different view of sex in the future; he believed sex would involve more fun, more joy, more friendship, and more play than the serious affair it is now. I wholeheartedly support this image and have incorporated it into my own approach to teaching sex. Two of my heroes, Rajneesh and Wilhelm Reich, both ended up in jail—an indication of how new ideas about sexuality threaten insecure American men and women in government.
Combination orgasms are my favorite, so here is my bias. These orgasms use both tension and relaxation as well as some form of direct clitoral stimulation with either fingers or a vibrator, along with vaginal penetration. The combination orgasm is the one I ended up teaching in my masturbation workshops. After a few groups, I realized I could jump-start sexual arousal for women who had never had an orgasm by using the electric vibrator. So I began teaching women how to harness all that power for pleasure. Even women who were already orgasmic with their hands could take their orgasms to the next level by plugging in and masturbating much longer than the usual few minutes. The key to enjoying an electric vibrator is to layer a washcloth over the clitoris to control the intensity of the vibrations. As stimulation continues, a layer is removed.
After getting in touch with our pelvic floor muscle, we did slow penetration with a dildo while squeezing and releasing the PC muscle. Then we added clitoral stimulation with a vibrator. While the hips rock forward and back, the muscles in the body flex and relax similar to those of an athlete in motion. We continued doing slow rhythmic pelvic thrusting along with deep breathing and sounds of pleasure. Just in front of an orgasm, some women’s pelvic movements got more urgent, while others slowed down and a few stopped just before climax.
Combining these five elements—clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, PC muscle contractions, pelvic thrusting, and breathing out loud—make the combination orgasm the one that translates the most easily into partner sex. During intercourse, the woman or her partner simply adds her preferred kind of clitoral contact.
Multiple orgasms started getting press after Masters and Johnson documented women having this sexual response. When I first read about multiple orgasms I felt envious, like a lot of other women did. I thought they happened one right after another like a string of pearls breaking—pop, pop, pop. Most of us are grateful to have one orgasm during partner sex, let alone many. I had no idea it was possible to have more than one orgasm until I was thirty-five. One memorable night Grant kept stimulating my clitoris after I came and I ended up having two more giant orgasms before collapsing in a blissful heap, satisfied beyond my wildest dreams.
Later, when I thought about it, I realized that each one of my orgasms had required some kind of build up. During masturbation, moments after having a nice big come, my clitoris was always hypersensitive, so I stopped touching myself. After having that first experience of several orgasms, I softened my clitoral stimulation, stayed with it, and moved into another buildup. From there I could go on to enjoy several more orgasms. Then I discovered the same was true for other women as well; they, too, needed some additional build up to come again. Once I started calling them “serial orgasms,” instead of “multiple orgasms,” more women could identify with the image and another sexual myth was cleared up.
When women talk about having thirty to forty orgasms in succession, I suspect they are counting the aftershocks of pleasure that follow a big orgasm. These autonomic reflexes can go on for several minutes or longer if we continue clitoral stimulation. While it feels great, I believe the sexual energy is being dissipa
ted from the first full orgasm or two, not thirty new individual orgasms. Because so many men get their self-esteem by taking credit for a woman’s sexual response, every twitch or jerk of her body is counted as another orgasm. Women play into this notion, maintaining the idea that multiple orgasms come one right after another. Due to the confusion and misinformation about female sexuality, I’m sure some women are convinced they are telling the truth when they report these large numbers of orgasms.
G-spot orgasms entered the picture in 1982 with the book by the same name, and we were thrown back to the old debate of vaginal vs. clitoral orgasms. The authors claimed that women had a sensitive spot on the ceiling of the vagina. Finding this spot and stimulating it vigorously with a finger could lead to orgasm. An enhancement to the theory was that some of these orgasms are accompanied by “female ejaculation.” Since I have already made it clear that I support some form of clitoral stimulation for orgasm, I question the trend to glorify G-spot orgasms accompanied by some kind of mysterious fluid as better, deeper, or more satisfying. For a detailed discussion of the finer point of this new Holy Grail of female orgasm, see Chapter 7, “G-Spot or My-Spot.”
Fantasy orgasms or “Look Ma, no hands” are those that some women claim to achieve from sexual fantasy alone. They are either the luckiest women in the world or they are “good girl” holdouts grimly determined to never touch themselves “down there.” Why else would a woman want to avoid touching her sex organ? Another possibility is that some of these fantasy orgasms are imaginary. I know a mistress who has convinced her rich married lover that listening to him talk dirty not only turns her on but also gives her passionate orgasms. However, a few white lies are understandable if an important source of your livelihood depends on persuading a man he’s the hottest fuck in town.
Every time I hear someone say “The biggest sex organ is between our ears,” I agree and I also disagree. While I adore searching my mind for forbidden images that create more arousal, I’ll admit I’m attached to playing with the incredible sex organ that’s between my legs. Sexual fantasy can definitely enhance orgasm, but emphasizing all that is born of the mind is based on our society’s fear and trembling over those unruly sensations and filthy physical functions that emanate from the human body.
The one-hour orgasm is the epitome of sexual hype. There have been articles, books, and videos about women having “one-hour orgasms.” This is a man’s fantasy of a woman’s sexual response. We can enjoy high states of sexual arousal for an hour, and have a series of orgasms over a period of many hours, but no one orgasm lasts an hour. In one video, a man does genital massage to a woman who is carrying on sufficiently to win the Academy Award for best actress. Like I said, every twitch or sound a woman makes is proof enough for a power-driven man to be convinced he’s making his woman come, and come, and come. She goes along with him to keep the peace or maintain her standard of living—or she also believes she’s having a one-hour orgasm.
The meltdown orgasm is a variation on the relaxation orgasm with penetration and clitoral stimulation. It first appeared when Eric and I got together. With a vibrator held near my clitoris, it feels as though the soft spongy tip of his penis is either moving past the mouth of my uterus or gently pressing against the tip of my uterus with slow, deep penetration. Instead of squeezing my PC muscles, I keep everything relaxed. With each deep thrust of his penis, I reach a point where I feel as though my orgasm is building of its own accord, and I know my body will be overtaken by an orgasmic wave. The orgasm is very full and satisfying, but then, I’ve never had an orgasm I didn’t like. Some are just better than others.
The first time I experienced the meltdown orgasm I couldn’t wait to do it again. The next time we had sex; those sensations were nowhere to be found. And I knew why. My mind was focusing on any sign of “impending ecstasy.” It’s similar to wanting simultaneous orgasms—it’s very nice when it happens, but if I look for it, expect it, or try to achieve it, I’ve lost it altogether. Sexual activity continues to be one of my best teachers. I cannot command my body to go into orgasmic ecstasy. I must trust my body, stop thinking, and allow my senses to take over. The minute I think I’m taking too long, or think he’s getting close to coming, or wondering if I’m about to catch the orgasmic wave, I’m outside my body looking in. I need to be inside my body focused on the pleasurable sensations.
THE AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM
This is the key to having orgasms. Along with all the romantic or commercial versions of female orgasm, I agree with Wilhelm Reich’s theory of the two phases of the voluntary and the involuntary control of orgasm. The orgasm reflex is part of the autonomic system. We can consciously control how we are building up sexual excitation, but we are not in control of the actual orgasm.
The autonomic system operates the motor functions of all the internal organs and the smooth muscles in the intestines, blood and lymph vessels, and glands. I can’t will my body to come, just as I can’t make a decision to sneeze. But I can tickle my clitoris or my nose until my body responds with an orgasm or a sneeze, which are both autonomic reflexes.
In many of my Bodysex groups, we did a position I called the goddess pose, which stretched the inner thigh muscles while opening the pelvic floor. Putting the soles of our feet together and drawing them close to our bodies, we let our legs drop open. After breathing and relaxing the leg muscles while in this position for at least three to five minutes, we very slowly drew up our legs an inch at a time. Everyone’s legs would tremble to different degrees as the tension was released. This was an exercise in learning to trust our bodies instead of always trying to control them with our minds. The automatic leg trembling was a demonstration of the autonomic nervous system, which is where our orgasms come from.
There are many forms of sexual stimulation. To one woman it’s a tongue on her clitoris; another wants deep vaginal thrusting that pushes against her uterus; still another prefers fingers inside her vagina because her partner has more control; and many want a vibrator on the clitoris alone while others want to combine a vibrator with vaginal penetration. Some sexually advanced women want anal and vaginal penetration along with a vibrator for clitoral stimulation all at once. A few women squirt a small amount of fluid when they come, a few can have orgasms with breast stimulation, and a person with a spinal cord injury can develop a new place to trigger orgasm.
Some women like role-playing and erotic restraints and some want a little light spanking before or during partner sex. Oh, I almost forgot the Tickle Orgasm. We all know that people who are ticklish have probably been conditioned to respond that way by a parent who went tickle, tickle, tickle when they were babies. Several men and women have told me how their lovers have used restraints or tied them to the bed so they were helpless. They were tickled until they were limp from laughter. Then with just a few strokes with a hand on his dick or a feather on her clit, it triggered a big O. Exhaustion equals surrender equals orgasm.
I’m sure I’ve left out a thousand other ways women as well as men are enjoying their orgasms alone and with their partners. However, I’m positive about one thing: Among all this sexual variety, once a woman discovers what turns her on and is able to clearly state her pleasure, instead of the question “Did you come?” her lover or husband will be asking “Do you want to come again, honey?”
7
G-SPOT OR MY-SPOT
Reaffirming the Clitoris
A lot of weird things happened in the early eighties that ended a good part of the sexual freedom many of us had enjoyed during the seventies. There are still theories circulating as to what took place to curtail our sexual liberties. Some say it was the AIDS virus spreading among the gay men’s community that made sex equal death. Others claim it was heterosexual men’s backlash from too much sexual freedom for women. Many feminist spokeswomen complained that the sexual revolution was for the benefit of men only. When Women Against Pornography was formed some feminists took a wrong turn by supporting this well-funded organization,
which revived the call for censorship of sexual images. All in all I felt caught in the middle of a sexual disaster that seemed to be masterminded by some secret government agency—maybe the CIA.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, The G-Spot by Alice Kahn Ladas, Beverly Whipple, and Dr. John D. Perry came out in 1982, heralding the return of a new kind of vaginal orgasm, one where women ejaculated. The book was full of glorious testimonials giving ejaculating orgasms rave reviews. Their theory claimed the G-spot freed us from thinking of vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm. Just as there are two ways for men to climax—from the penis and the prostate gland—the same was true for women. We could climax from our clits or our G-spots. They pointed out that while it was easy for a woman to touch her clitoris, she needed a partner to stimulate her G-spot. The same thing was true for a man. It was easy enough for a man to simulate his penis, but he needed a partner to reach his prostate. Evidently they were not aware that either a woman or man could do themselves with a dildo.
The timing of the book was perfect. As couples headed back into a more strict monogamy to avoid death from casual sex, they had a new game to play. They could look for each other’s spots—hers inside the vagina and his inside the rectum. Just when I thought the clitoris had been reinstated, men and women started digging around inside vaginas searching for some magic spot.
