‘Maybe. Maybe we don’t have to do anything,’ I say. ‘Besides, I don’t feel so scared about that anymore.’
I unhook my phone and rest back against my mattress. We are quiet. I can hear Tomas breathing through the phone. He sniffles again and I find something inside me. It pushes the horror aside and makes me feel taller, stronger.
‘I mean, if we do need to come out, then I think I’m ready,’ I say. ‘I’m ready if you are.’
‘You’re ready?’
‘Yeah, I think so. We can do it together, when the time comes. Then my mum will know and Aunty Pam will know and there won’t be any secret anymore.’
‘Slow down,’ Tomas laughs.
‘There’s just nothing I want more right now.’ A tear escapes from my eye.
‘Maybe not just yet,’ he says. ‘I don’t think I’m all the way ready to come out yet. Maybe I will be soon. I dunno.’
‘That’s okay. There’s no rush.’
I stand and walk to my bedroom window. The cooling night breeze finds its way inside. I let it blow against me as I stand there in the dark.
‘Will you still be my boyfriend, though?’ Tomas asks.
‘Yes, obviously,’ I giggle.
I sit back on my bed and we talk for a while. When we finally hang up, I’m all out of energy. The thought of coming out makes me nervous, but not in a bad way anymore. Before, it would have scared me into a hole in the ground or even inside myself and I would have probably never crawled back out, but it doesn’t scare me so much now, knowing me and Tomas will do it together; knowing my friends have my back.
I feel stronger as I rest my head on my pillow. Nothing can hurt me. Maybe I am ready. Maybe I’m truly ready. Maybe. One thing I’m sure of, though, is that I just can’t wait to wake up tomorrow – so I can call my boyfriend and tell him I love him.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
This book is informed by my own experience of growing up in a small country town in New South Wales as part of a big Aboriginal family. This story deals with a number of important themes and issues relevant to First Australians, all of which have informed the writing choices I’ve made.
Racism is very prevalent towards First Nations people in Australian society (you just need to read the comments sections of social media posts regarding any First Nations issue to see it) and therefore is prevalent in this book.
Jackson is a creation of my imagination. The character of Tomas is also a creation of my imagination, and while life has brought me experience working with Aboriginal youth in the out-of-home care system and youth justice system, Tomas is not based on any real person. While Tomas is fictional, many of the issues he faces are real and have informed my writing. I encourage you as the reader to do your own research on these issues.
The Mish and its neighbouring town, while minimally inspired by a combination of real places, are both fictional creations for the purposes of the story. The characters who live there and the activities that take place on the Mish in this story are all fictitious and should not be taken to reflect the experiences of all people living in Aboriginal communities in New South Wales.
This book explores the singular experience of one Aboriginal boy and his journey to accepting his sexuality and finding his place in the world. While Jackson’s experience mirrors my own in a number of ways, his life as depicted in the story should not be taken as an accurate reflection of my own. Jackson’s and my experiences will differ from the experiences of other First Nations Australian people who identify as LGBTQIA+. Having said that, one of the reasons I wrote this book is because I hadn’t come across any young adult stories centred around an Aboriginal teen coming to terms with their sexuality and accepting who they are. I’d like to think reading this book as a teen myself might have helped me on my journey, and I hope soon there will be many, many more books like this for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander teens – and other First Nations teens across the world – to read.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This book is the result of over two years of hard work and a lot of helping hands along the way. I could write forty pages of thankyous but I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.
I’d firstly like to thank Jodie Webster and Elise Jones of Allen & Unwin, who made my first time through the publishing process so exciting, meaningful and fun. A million thanks to the rest of the crew at Allen & Unwin for all your hard work on my book, including Jennifer Castles for her extremely valuable feedback and support, and for championing my book from the very beginning. Thank you to Hafleg (Shaun Lee) for such incredible cover art.
I take great pleasure in thanking many teachers who have shown great support to me and my writing during my school years and beyond. A special thanks to the teachers of St Pats Primary school in Bega, especially my Year 6 teacher, Maureen Scott, who asked twelve-year-old me to send her a copy of my first book. Special thanks to the teachers of Bega High School, especially my Year 12 English teacher, Greg Bartlett, for always cheering on my writing, and my year advisor, Douglas Whitaker, who has continuously supported me through my teen years and into adulthood. Thank you to all the Aboriginal education officers I’ve been supported by during my school years.
I also need to thank my very special personal support group – fellow writers Gabbie Stroud and Kate Liston-Mills – who have championed and challenged me from day one. I’m so thankful to have you both in my corner. I extend this thanks to all my workmates and friends who have supported my writing journey and especially those who read my crappy early drafts. I’m sure I will forget someone, so I won’t name you all here, but know I am forever thankful.
I must thank my massive family – my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I hope you love this book as much as I do. I thank my brothers, Ryan, Lochlan and Damon, and I need to give an extra-special thanks to my extraordinary sister, Hayleigh. Thank you for letting me rant all my ideas at you late at night. Thank you for reading everything I’ve ever written and for being my biggest fan.
Finally, I thank my Mum and Dad – the strongest characters I’ll ever know in my life, who always taught me to be proud of who I am. I owe this book to you both.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Gary Lonesborough is a Yuin man, who grew up on the Far South Coast of NSW as part of a large and proud Aboriginal family. Growing up a massive Kylie Minogue and North Queensland Cowboys fan, Gary was always writing as a child, and continued his creative journey when he moved to Sydney to study at film school. Gary has experience working in Aboriginal health, the disability sector (including experience working in the Youth Justice System), and the film industry. He was Bega Valley Shire Council Young Citizen of the Year, won the Patrick White Young Indigenous Writers’ Award, and has received a Copyright Agency First Nations Fellowship. The Boy from the Mish is Gary’s debut YA novel.
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