“Do you know who you are?” Barb asked her pointedly.
“I thought I did. Now I’m not so sure.” It had been troubling her a lot lately.
“Because of Beauchamp?” she asked, worried about her.
“No, because of everything else. What am I doing with a guy who never talks to me?”
“He’s hot,” Barb said admiringly. She liked his looks, and he emanated a kind of virile sex appeal that had always seemed attractive to Winnie too. But now he seemed like a Neanderthal at times, compared to the aristocrats on Beauchamp Hall. And he’d been acting like a sex addict recently.
“He says the same thing about you, that you’re hot,” Winnie told her with a look of surprise.
“It’s the breasts,” Barb said, looking embarrassed. She had hated them all her life but was scared of having a breast reduction, and couldn’t afford one anyway. “Guys want to meet them before they even want to meet me. They have an identity of their own because they’re so damn big. They think I’m the goddess of fertility or something, except for Pete. He loves me, not just my tits.”
“Rob acts like I’m a hooker he picked up in a bar somewhere and kept around for eleven years. It freaks me out sometimes. And scares me. He thinks it proves he loves me because he wants to have sex with me all the time. All it proves is that he’s a horny guy.”
“There are worse things.” Barb looked anxious.
“I don’t think I’m a person to him,” Winnie said. “I’m just a piece of ass. And I’m not even sure what he is to me.”
“Have you said all this to him?” Barb looked concerned. Winnie was being so intense, which was unlike her. She always went with the flow, even with Rob. But now she was questioning everything.
“I’ve said some of it. But I still need to figure it out for myself. Maybe we’re the wrong people for each other.”
“After eleven years?”
“Could be. Maybe this is all we’ll ever be. A guy who sleeps over at my place because my house is bigger than his apartment, and he can get laid before he falls asleep at night, if he’s in the mood.”
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? He cares about you a lot more than that.”
“I’m not so sure. Now he thinks I’m weird because I’m watching the show. He wants to watch hard-core porn and that seems normal to him. He thinks I’m a freak.”
“He’s into porn?” Barb looked surprised, as Winnie nodded.
“The worse it is, the better he likes it. He wants me to try everything they do. We had a fight about it when he came back from Detroit after Christmas. I don’t think a man who loves me would ask me to do some of those things. It’s demeaning. I don’t know. All of a sudden everything feels wrong about us. Maybe it’s some kind of midlife crisis for both of us.” She was being earnest about it and Barb didn’t know what to say.
“Pete would have a heart attack if I put a porn video on. He’s pretty straightlaced.” She sounded disappointed as she said it.
“It’s better that way, believe me,” Winnie said with feeling. “I feel like a cheap trick with some of the things he wants me to do.”
“I feel like the Virgin Mary with Pete. He thinks I’m some kind of saint.”
“Aren’t you?” Winnie teased her. She knew Barb’s history and all of her secrets since high school. There had been a number of men other than the two she’d been engaged to.
“It’s probably better if he believes that, instead of the truth. I was pretty wild for a while after high school. He doesn’t need to know that. He keeps referring to me as the future mother of his children. A little porn might do him some good. His maternal grandfather is a minister.”
“I guess nobody’s ever happy with what they’ve got. I just want to figure out what Rob and I feel for each other, after eleven years.”
“Maybe he’d respect you more if you got married.”
“I don’t think that’s the issue. Honestly, I don’t know what the issue is. Maybe we’re just bored with each other, and he needs the porn to spice it up. But if that’s true, where will we be in ten or twenty years? Cheating on each other? I don’t want that either. And I’m not going to marry someone to make him respect me, if he doesn’t already.”
“Have you ever cheated on him?” Barb was curious.
“Never. If I want to cheat on him, I’ll break up with him. What’s the point of staying with him if I want someone else?” Barb nodded, thinking about it, and didn’t comment for a minute.
“I guess that’s true,” Barb admitted. It reminded Winnie of her sister, who had cheated on Erik, but their marriage seemed to be solid in spite of it. And maybe Erik cheated on her too. Relationships were so damn complicated. And getting married seemed so extreme. She wondered if she ever would.
“Do you ever feel trapped here?” Winnie asked her then.
“I never think about it. We grew up here. It’s home.” She’d never wanted to move away from Beecher, and had always had smaller dreams than Winnie. Getting married was enough for her.
“All I wanted when I went to college was to leave and never come back. I couldn’t when my mom was sick, and then I gave up on the idea,” Winnie confessed wistfully. “Sometimes now I think about it again. New York, even Chicago. Wouldn’t that be exciting?” Barb shook her head.
“No, it would scare the hell out of me. I wouldn’t last in New York for a week, or Chicago, or Detroit. What would I do there? I don’t know anybody. I’d be terrified to walk down the street.” Winnie still loved the thought of it, even though she knew she’d never do it. Rob was more like Barb and her sister. His universe was defined by Beecher. It was all they’d ever known, and they didn’t want anything else. If Winnie could have flown away on eagle wings, she would have in an instant.
“I think about it now again when I’m watching Beauchamp. I’d give anything to turn the clock back and be part of that world.”
“It’s just a TV show, Win. It seems real, but it isn’t.”
“I wish I could write something that seems that real.” She was full of dreams suddenly, about places and things and people, and the writing she used to love doing. The series she’d been watching had ripped the lid right off the tiny tin can of a world she’d been living in, and now nothing seemed to fit. Everything in Beecher felt too small for her. The show had changed her, just in the space of a week. She felt as though she had come loose from her moorings. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Something was happening to her, she didn’t know what it was yet, but she hoped it was something good.
Chapter Four
In February, they hired a new girl named Elise at the office, and neither Winnie nor Barb liked her. She was spectacular-looking, with a sensual body, and wore low-cut, tight clothes and miniskirts that showed off her legs. She was twenty-one. She had been hired for one of their lowest positions, as a girl Friday and assistant to everyone, before they assigned her to any one department. They needed to know her strengths first. Winnie could always use a spare pair of hands in her overworked production department, and Barb was working on layouts. The office manager started Elise off with taking orders for business cards, and the men who came in to order them were nearly rendered speechless by her looks. Hamm had her in his office constantly, giving her projects. She had spent a year in Detroit as a trade model, but said she didn’t like it, and had come home. This was the first office job she’d ever had, and she mixed up the orders she took several times.
“Hamm looks like he’s going to have a stroke every time he talks to her. He gets all red in the face,” Winnie commented, and Barb laughed.
“Bad luck for him, the blood is rushing to his face instead of somewhere else,” Barb said in an acid tone. The girl was getting on their nerves. Whatever she did wrong, Hamm was willing to forgive, while he was merciless with everyone else. He was clearly dazzled by Elise�
�s youth and beauty.
A month later, whenever the new girl talked to Hamm, she practically pressed her body up against him, and Winnie noticed his hand resting on her shapely bottom and that Elise didn’t move away. She knew who had the power and was milking it for all it was worth.
“I think she’s sleeping with him,” Winnie whispered to Barb one day, after watching her with Hamm again. There was something different about the way they talked to each other, and Hamm looked possessive whenever any man came too close to her.
“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s twenty-one years old, he’s fifty-eight. And his wife would kill him if you’re right.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t know. How’s the wedding coming, by the way?” They were supposed to go to Flint to look for bridesmaids’ dresses, but neither of them had had time yet, and the weather had been terrible since Christmas.
Things had been limping along with Rob since New Year’s, but they hadn’t had any major showdowns since then. He had finally backed down and stopped pushing her to watch porn with him, which was a relief. Whenever Winnie had time to herself, she watched the subsequent seasons of Beauchamp Hall. It just got better year by year, and the sixth season was the best one yet when she got it. She’d offered to lend them to Marje but she wasn’t interested. She still preferred her reality shows. Rob had stopped bugging her about that too. They were no closer than they’d been before, but things were peaceful again, and he worked late several nights a week. When he did, he usually got to her house exhausted and went right to sleep. He said he was in line for a promotion and was working hard to get it, so their sex life no longer took precedence. At least until he got the promotion, Winnie assumed. He had a strong sex drive and needed sex constantly.
In April, there was an opening at the printing company. One of the senior women, in a technical position doing their digital artwork and graphic design, decided to retire, which created a vacancy that only a few people in the office could fill. The position was filled internally within a week, which left a managerial position open that Winnie was qualified for. It would have officially made her their production director, with a higher salary, a title, and an office. She was in direct competition with two of the men in the office for the job, but Barb was sure Winnie was going to get it. She’d been there longer, she had ten years’ experience, and was so good at her job. She could have run the whole place if she had to. Neither of the men who wanted the position had been there for as long as she had. Thinking about it was exciting for Winnie, and the higher salary would be nice to have. She had saved a fair amount of money over the years, but the promotion would make a real difference to her. She talked to Marje and Erik, who were sure she’d get it too. She had even started dreaming that if she got the job, she’d make enough money to do some traveling.
The position sat open for three weeks, while Hamm said he was moving some people around in key positions, and an announcement would be made soon.
He finally broke the news to them on a Monday morning. Hamm gathered everyone around in the main room where they all sat. Winnie was disappointed because Barb was out sick with the flu, and she would have liked to be with her to hear the news. Barb had sent her a few texts that morning about how sick she was. Winnie tried to stay calm while Hamm made a short speech, and she noticed both of her male competitors looking smug. A minute later, he announced that each of the men had been made head of a department, which had taken some reorganizing. And he still hadn’t announced who had gotten the position they’d all been angling for as production director. But the two men being given other jobs left only Winnie as a possibility for the position so the conclusion was obvious. With both men out of the running, only Winnie had the organizational skills to run production and finally get credit for it, which she never did, even if she was already doing the job and had been for years. She was starting to smile broadly when he made the announcement.
“And I’m very proud to share with you that Elise Borden is our new director of production. In the two months she’s been with us, she has demonstrated her outstanding abilities.” Winnie knew that Hamm thought the production department ran itself. Elise was beaming at Hamm, and Winnie’s mouth nearly fell open as she stared at them both. What he had said just wasn’t possible. Elise was twenty-one years old and a total airhead. What was Hamm thinking? But it certainly confirmed that he was sleeping with her. This made her Winnie’s boss. Winnie would be reporting to her now. Hamm thought Winnie could do the job while Elise got credit for it.
Everyone went back to their desks a few minutes later, murmuring softly about Elise’s miraculous promotion, and Winnie drifted back to hers with her ears ringing, as though an explosion had gone off in her head. After ten years, she had been passed over for a girl with no experience who had been there for less than two months. It was a massive slap in the face and humiliation. She sat stewing at her desk for the rest of the morning, and sent a slew of texts to Barb. Barb didn’t answer, and then finally responded and said it was insane and she’d call Winnie later. She was feeling too shaken to want to talk about it anyway. Tears stung Winnie’s eyes, and by lunchtime, she was so agitated that she walked into Hamm’s office. Elise was moving her boxes and papers into her new office at the same time.
“What is it?” Hamm snapped at her the minute he saw Winnie come through the doorway. She thought he looked embarrassed but wasn’t sure.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” It was a question he dreaded and never good news, especially now. He knew that Winnie’s request could only be about Elise’s new job. The whole office was buzzing with it.
“I’m leaving for a lunch meeting in five minutes, you’ll have to make it quick,” Hamm said vaguely. She was sure that the lunch was with Elise to celebrate her new position. Hamm beamed every time he laid eyes on her, he was ridiculously obvious.
“I’ll be quick,” Winnie promised as she closed the door behind her. She didn’t want anyone else to hear what she had to say, least of all Elise. She knew that if Barb had been there, she’d have kept her from walking into his office, but she wasn’t, and nothing was going to stop her now. “What exactly just happened out there? Elise has been here for five minutes, I’ve been here for ten years. Is this some kind of joke? Or do you have to sleep with the boss to get ahead?” His face blushed purple, and he looked like he wanted to strangle Winnie on the spot. “If that’s the way it works now, I never got that memo. It would have been nice to know, although the whole office has figured it out.”
“She’s had training in production,” he said in a choked voice, lying about it shamelessly. “And if you had gotten the memo, Winnie, what would you have done about it?” He challenged her. He had never liked her and it showed.
“Actually, nothing. I don’t give blow jobs under the boss’s desk. But if that’s the way it is now, I wouldn’t have bothered to stick around for ten years or wait for a promotion you weren’t going to give me. I just got screwed royally.”
“Maybe if you were a little more ‘cooperative,’ ” he said, with emphasis on the last word and a wicked look in his eye, “if you get my drift, maybe you would have gotten promoted before she did. She’s a hell of a bright girl, and she knows what she has to do to get ahead.” Winnie couldn’t believe he’d said that to her, and made it quite so clear.
“What happens when your wife finds out?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But in today’s world, some women know what they have to do to get promoted and some don’t.” She had made him so furious because she had flushed him out.
“Damn, how could I have been so confused for all these years? I thought this was a printing business. I must have read the sign wrong. It turns out it’s a prostitution ring.” He looked like he was going to have a heart attack when she said it, and there was a vein throbbing on the side of his head. “I don’t turn tricks with my boss, Hamm, even for a promotion I deserve. I don’t nee
d the job that badly. I guess she does. She’s young. Someone else will offer her a bigger job for doing the same thing, and you’ll look like an idiot. And by the way, I quit.” With that, she pulled the door open and walked out. She went straight to her desk, put a few things she had on it in her purse, didn’t bother to open or empty the drawers, got her coat, and walked out. She saw Hamm scurry into Elise’s office before she left. He closed the door to talk to her with a worried look, and Winnie knew he must have been scared stiff she would file a discrimination suit, but she wasn’t going to stoop to that. He was a pig, he always had been, just a bigger one than she’d thought. She felt sorry for Barb having to go back to work there, but she was going to quit and go to work for Pete anyway, after they were married.
Winnie wondered how long it would take Hamm to figure out what he’d just lost. Production would slow down to a halt without her, and no matter what her title, or his claims, Elise had no idea how to do the job. And there was no one to take over Winnie’s job and make Elise look good in her new position.
Winnie couldn’t remember ever being so angry in her life. She had gotten passed over for the girl he was sleeping with. It was so pathetic she couldn’t believe he’d done that to her. She was going to text Barb and tell her she’d quit, but she wanted to go home first. She needed to cool off. She didn’t even think about what she was going to do next when she quit. She was incredibly well organized, great at what she did, but there weren’t many options for her talents in Beecher, Michigan. It was almost as if fate had forced her out of a job she shouldn’t have stayed in anyway. But now what? She had no idea.
She parked her car in the driveway, and almost forgot to turn the ignition off. She was surprised when she noticed Rob’s truck parked in the street. She figured he’d forgotten something and had come to pick it up, or maybe he was sick. She unlocked the door and walked in. The house was quiet, and she wondered if he was in bed asleep. She wanted to tell him all about what had happened, and ran up the stairs to check the bedroom and stopped dead in the doorway when she saw him. She almost choked when she took in the whole scene. Barb was tied to the bed by her hands with ropes, while Rob was performing oral sex on her, and one of his favorite porn movies was playing on the TV. Barb screamed when she saw Winnie, and struggled against the ropes, Rob thought she was writhing in ecstasy, doubled his energies, and Winnie was behind him so he couldn’t see her and she didn’t make a sound. She was too stunned to speak. Barb couldn’t stop screaming, and Winnie felt as though someone had just ripped out her guts. It was the perfect follow-up to one of the worst days of her life.
Beauchamp Hall Page 5
