I don’t stop when I get onto the sidewalk, I keep going, needing to get back home as soon as I can.
This is why I had a plan and why every step was crucial, but now I have nothing. I have no way to pay for my GED, no way to prove who I am.
How did it get to this? What did I do to deserve what’s happening to me?
The tears break free before I can get home, and even though my vision becomes blurry, I don’t stop. Luke’s voice sounds in my head, and right now, I wish I could scream and shout, berate the world for being against me. But what good will it do? It won’t make any difference. I’m stuck here in this place with nowhere to go and nothing to do.
I’m not this person. I’m not the kind who wallows in self-pity, but right now all I want is to get back into bed and not come out of it for days.
My Converse slap against the steps to the house, and once I’ve flung the door open and slammed it closed behind me, I run into the bedroom and flop down on the bed.
My mind runs a mile a minute, trying to come up with some kind of plan to get the money, but it won’t matter if I don’t have my I.D. too.
“Lily?” Gasping, I sit up, my eyes wide. “Darlin’?”
I hold my hands up as Luke steps closer, his brow furrowed. “No… don’t.”
“What happened?”
I look away from him, swiping my hands over my face and trying to rid the evidence of me crying. I hate him seeing me like this. I’m always this person he needs to save and I can’t stand it.
“Nothing,” I finally whisper.
“That shit isn’t nothing, angel. Tell me what’s going on.”
Whipping my head around to face him, I yank out the piece of paper and throw it toward him. “I went to find out how to get my GED.” My nostrils flare, frustrated at the situation. “But not only do I not have the money to take the tests… I don’t have any I.D.”
He leans down, picking up the paper and unfolding it, reading it over and shrugging. “I can give you the money.”
I throw my arms up in the air, fully aware that I’m being dramatic. “See? That’s why I didn’t want to tell you! I knew you’d swoop in and try to save the day.”
His eyes flash as he moves forward, crouching down in front of me. “I’m not trying to save the fuckin’ day, Lily. I’m trying to help you, but you’re too stubborn for your own good.”
“I’m not stu—”
“Yeah, you are.”
My gaze stays attached to his, not moving one inch as my breaths come faster. Why can’t he see how hard this is for me? I want to be free, fully free, but every time I think I’m close or have gained it, it’s ripped away from me. Why can’t he understand I don’t want to rely on him?
“This was never the plan,” I whisper, my head drooping down. “I had everything in place. My bag was packed, some saved-up money in there along with my I.D. It’s all I would ever need.” I twist my fingers around themselves on my lap, not willing to look up and see what’s shining in his eyes.
“And where’s the bag now?” he asks, his voice lighter than a couple of minutes ago.
“In my hiding spot in my bedroom.”
“Fuck,” he whispers.
The silence stretches between us, and just when I think he’s going to walk away and leave me to wallow, he reaches out, cupping my chin and bringing my face up.
“Then we make a new plan.”
“A… new plan?”
He nods, his lips lifting on one side. “You’re not on your own, Lily. You have me and even though I know you hate asking for my help; it’s what I’m here for.”
“But—”
He lifts his hand, pressing his finger over my lips. “You have a problem, you come to me. I don’t want to control you, I don’t want anything in return. I just… I want to help you.”
I swallow at the intensity in his eyes, and when he pulls his hand back, I whisper, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to help me?”
He stares at me, his head tilted to the side. I can see his mind working overtime, see the way he thinks everything through before he says a word, but what I don’t expect is for him to say, “There’s something about you, Lily. Something that draws me to you, and I can’t fuckin’ explain it.” He stands up, scrubbing his hands down his face. “All I know is I shouldn’t feel this way—not after what happened to you—and definitely not while you’re still underage.”
He takes a step back as my mouth pops open, but nothing comes out. I replay his words over and over again. What is he trying to say?
“I’ve tried to stay away from you, but I can’t.”
He spins around before walking out of the room, and several seconds later the front door slams shut.
He tried to stay away?
LUKE
I pull into the compound, but something in my stomach doesn’t feel right. I stayed with Lily for two days, and after yesterday I didn’t want to leave, but I didn’t have a choice. Knowing I’m going to be undercover for at least a week didn’t make it any easier to leave her alone.
I curse myself for wanting to stay, and even though I tell myself it’s to keep her safe, I know it’s not. If I’m honest with myself, it’s more than that. Way more. But I can’t be honest. Not right now anyway. I have to do what’s expected of me, and that’s making sure I find the mole and keep my family safe.
My body vibrates with adrenaline knowing today is the day we take down Aaron—Lexi’s uncle. Once this is over, I need to head back to the bar and start worming my way inside their ranks. I need to build up trust and get into that back room to see what they’re doing in there. But most importantly, to work out who the mole is. They’re bound to turn up there after what happened with Charlie and the judge, it’s just a matter of waiting them out.
I give Evan a nod before watching all the guys get into their cars and grit my teeth when Kitty and Dean get into my SUV.
I don’t want to get involved in their conversation so I block them both out but keep half of my attention on Dean. There’s something extra slippery about him today, and when he catches my gaze in the rearview mirror, something behind his eyes flash. Fucker thinks he’s getting away with whatever the hell he’s doing. He’s wrong. I’m gonna bring him down, just like I do with everyone who tries to cross us.
Pulling into the town Evan said Lexi grew up in, I park before we all exit and head toward the van. We manage to squeeze inside the small space before Evan gives us the rundown. He hands me a blue earpiece—this one different from the ones we normally use. He explains they have trackers in them and record everything. Once he’s done with his speech I jump out of the van after Ty and Kay and take up my position.
“In position,” Kitty says through the earpiece. I don’t turn to face her because I know she’s over the road and a little ways down at a coffee shop with Dean.
Starting to stretch outside the courthouse steps, I say, “In position,” before jogging on the spot.
“In position,” Ty’s voice murmurs.
We all look like normal people—part of the plan—as we wait for Aaron to appear. My gaze is half on the doors and half on everyone else around us.
I half wish Evan would have told me more about what had been happening with Aaron, but I understand wanting to keep part of it between only him and Lexi. I get not wanting the rest of the team to know everything going on.
If they only knew what I was doing when I wasn’t on the compound. I have no doubt not one of them would understand why I was helping an underage girl. I don’t get it either. I could have easily handed her over to the authorities, but just the thought of doing that has my stomach churning and my hands clenching.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I try to think about this case and what I do know off the top of my head. Darrell has disappeared again, only this time he’s going after Daley. Ty said Kay has gotten a message to him through Corey so he knows what’s going on.
As soon as the doors open a
nd Aaron appears, I say, “Got eyes,” while keeping my focus on the person who orchestrated all of this. Yet another man who thought he could control a young woman and punish her in a way he never should have even entertained.
Evan jumps out the back of the van and toward the steps and I follow him but keep my distance, letting him know I’m here if he needs me but allowing him to take the lead.
“Hey, asshole,” Evan growls.
Aaron startles for a second but quickly covers up his shock and smirks.
“If it isn’t the slut’s boyfriend.” He looks around, and seeing no one else—completely passing over me—he thinks he’s safe. “What do you want, huh? You’re in my territory, I can get you arrested for harassment and put in a hole just like your little girlfriend.”
My own hands clench at his words so I can only imagine how Evan feels right now. I watch as Evan tilts his head to the side. “You can try.” He shrugs. “But you won’t succeed.” Evan steps forward and his gaze catches mine briefly. “I, however, will succeed, because it’ll be your ass in prison rotting away.”
Aaron laughs before shaking his head and storming past Evan. “Good luck with that.”
“Darrell won’t get you out of this one,” Evan sings. “He’s dropped you now that you’ve served your purpose. He’s done what he does best… disappeared.”
He freezes before he turns his head and faces Evan. He tries to cover up the fear in his eyes, but everyone can see it clearly: he’s scared.
“I’m guessing you’ve tried to contact him but have been unsuccessful?”
“I don’t know what—”
Evan takes two steps toward him leaving only a few feet of space between them, his expression changing from calm to angry in the space of a second. “You think it’s acceptable to put a fifteen-year-old girl behind bars? For trying her as an adult when you know you shouldn’t have? She was your family. You should have helped, not made it worse.” He looks him up and down. “You’re a slimy piece of shit who used her situation to get your hands on money to keep up your habit.”
“What are—”
“I know every single thing there is to know about you, Aaron Derek Deacon.” Evan pauses. “Every. Single. Thing.” Aaron pales before his hand wanders to his pocket. “Now, now,” Evan tuts. “You don’t want to be getting rid of that coke that’s sitting in your pocket.” He shakes his head. “That’s an added bonus for when you get arrested.”
Aaron looks around us, most probably searching for officers, and after a beat he stands up straighter. “You don’t have shit on me.” He twirls around. “Tell Alexis I said hi.”
I’m waiting for the signal to bring this motherfucker down—to get another evil man off the streets where he can’t harm another person.
Evan gives me the nod once he’s three steps away and I lunge for him.
Wrapping my hand around his arm, I whisper, “You should fear where you’re about to go. I hear they don’t take kindly to men who hurt little girls.” He pales as I slap cuffs on him and my lips spread into a grin. One down, two to go.
I walk him down to the SUV waiting at the curb to take him away where he belongs.
Slamming the door closed behind him before I step back, I then plant my hands on my hips. Blowing out a deep breath, I search the area and find Dean pacing back and forth with his cell pressed against his ear. He thinks no one is watching him, but what he doesn’t realize is he’s got a device that is recording every single thing he’s saying in his ear.
My lips lift into an even bigger grin when my gaze meets Ty’s, and I tilt my head toward Dean before pointing at my ear to silently tell him what I’m thinking.
His answering grin and nod tell me he’s got what I’m saying. I jog back to my SUV instead of waiting around, and as soon as I start the engine, I pull away from the curb and speed back to the compound. I need to be at the bar as soon as possible.
LILY
I hum along to some unknown song as it plays on the small radio I found in one of the cupboards. I’ve scrubbed this place within an inch of its life over the last two days, and with each room I felt lighter. A weight having been lifted off my shoulders. There’s probably some kind of quote or something for what it feels like, but all I know is I haven’t been this happy since… well, since my mom died.
Knowing now what she had to go through every day with my dad—the pain, the control taken away from her own body—has me understanding why she did what she did.
The last words she ever said to me reverberate over and over again in my head.
“I love you more than anything in this world, baby.” She runs her hand over my hair and down my face. “Never forget that, okay?” I nod, my eyes starting to close as sleep takes me away. “No matter what happens, I’m with you, Lily. Always.”
My eyes close and my hand wanders to my cheek, sure I can feel her palm on my skin even now, but I can’t because she left us—me.
I wonder how different my life would have been had she not taken her own life. Would he have destroyed her completely? Made her even more of a shell than she had already become?
When I think back to how things were as a child, I no longer see it through innocent eyes. It’s all clear now, and I can’t help wonder if she ever tried telling anyone what was going on—the abuse she suffered.
I shake my head. Of course she did and I can guarantee no one believed her—either that or they chose to ignore it. After all, the preacher couldn’t possibly have a bad bone in his body.
It’s all a mirage. One he’s perfected over countless years.
My cell pings on the kitchen counter and when I look over I see Luke’s name flash on the screen with a message. Washing the last plate before drying my hands, I then reach for it with a smile on my face.
It’s been over a week since I saw his face, and thinking back to the last night he was here has butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I didn’t ask him what he meant when he said he shouldn’t feel this way, but I wish I would have had the courage to. Was he trying to tell me something?
I trail my finger over my bottom lip as I think about him and me in the field. Was that really a month ago? How can so many things change in such a small amount of time?
Luke: Stuck at work again but wish I was there with you.
I love how he’s straight to the point. No frills and meaning in his words other than what he’s saying.
Lily: I wish you were here too.
I click send before looking up and staring out the window at the darkening sky. There’s something peaceful about being in the middle of nowhere on your own with only the stars and wildlife to keep you company.
Grabbing the trash bag after locking the cell and placing it on the counter, I continue to hum along to the tune as I start to walk outside.
I halt when the instrumental section starts and close my eyes. The notes flow through me as goose bumps rise on my skin. There’s nothing more emotive than a piece of music calling to your heart, and that’s exactly what this does.
I don’t move when the song has finished, instead I take everything in, thankful for how different my life is now. I never thought I’d be where I am, and although it wasn’t the plan I had set out, I’m grateful to be out of that house.
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and step outside, keeping my gaze connected to the stars as I walk around to the side of the house and place the trash bag in the bin.
The cool night air whips around me and I relish in the feel of it. However much I wish Luke had been here this last week with me, there’s no doubt in my mind that I needed the space. Not only from him, but from everything.
My mind was a mess of thoughts. All scrambled around with no order to them. This time has given me the chance to sort through them all. And even though I know I have a long way to go before I’ll be okay, I know I’m on that path now.
Taking a deep breath, I let the fresh air invade my body before turning around to head back inside. And that’s when it hits me. The gu
t feeling.
Luke’s words bat around in my head, “Always be aware of your surroundings and listen to your instincts.” That’s exactly what I’m doing right now, and I berate myself for not doing it sooner.
My breaths start to come faster as my fingertips tingle, and before I know it, my feet work on automatic running toward the hatch door. I feel for the key Luke told me to keep in my pocket at all times, and when I get to the door, I try to pull it out.
I fumble for several seconds. My fingers shake and no matter how many times I chant in my head over and over to go faster, nothing works.
The metal key makes contact with the keyhole, and for a millisecond I think I may be safe. But I’m wrong. So so wrong.
The air changes around me. Frigid. Cold. Threatening.
“Thought you could get away from me, huh?”
I grip the key in my palm as I jerk forward. I need to get it into the lock—
I sway to the left when something hits the side of my head, and when I turn around, I see the brick my dad holds up like it’s his trophy.
Stumbling, I try to keep myself upright, but nothing works. My back hits the wood door and before I know it I’m sliding to the floor.
My eyes well up but I will the tears to stay at bay. I can’t show him any weakness.
I gave myself a false sense of security—a security I’ll never have, not while he’s still around.
He crouches in front of me—much the same as Luke did last week—before he grips my bicep. He smirks, one that says he’s got me just where he wants me, and he’d be right, because in this moment, I have no fight left in me. He took that away the night he stole my last piece of innocence.
No matter how many times I’ve tried to tell myself everything is okay—that I’m getting over what he did to me—it’s a lie. Seeing his face only inches away from mine has terror running through my veins like water rushing through a broken dam.
I see his arm lift and I even prepare myself for the pain, but what I don’t do is flinch. I may be terrified right now, but I can control what he sees and I’ll be damned if he sees the terror on my face. He may have the upper hand now, but I won’t let it show.
Catching Teardrops Page 18
