“Is he getting into trouble?”
“Not really. He seems angry all the time. He worries me because he has no male influences in his life besides teachers, and teachers don’t exactly resonate as role models to teenage boys. He spends hours playing video games.”
Nate’s lips pressed into a hard line. “Why don’t we all hang out one day? We’ll go out on the river, and I’ll see if I can figure out what’s going on.”
“You don’t have to do that.” She knew the kids would go bananas to spend the day with Nate, and the way her heart leaped in her chest, she would, too, but she didn’t want to strap Nate with Patrick’s attitude.
“I’d like to spend the day with you guys. I haven’t seen them in months, and it’ll be nice to catch up.” Nate looked out over the water. “When’s the next time you are all free?”
“Really, Nate, you don’t have to.”
“Hey.” Nate waited until she met his gaze. “I want to spend the day with you, okay?”
She managed a nod. He’d said with you, not with everyone.
“I work Monday and Krissy has dance Tuesday, but Wednesday should be good.”
“It’s a date.”
A date? A date! Her excitement faded as she realized it was a date with three kids. She felt silly for letting her mind wander in that direction.
“You’re sure you don’t mind?”
He stretched out on his side and propped himself up on one elbow. Moonlight reflected off of his deep-set eyes, which were again trained on her.
“You don’t listen very well, do you? I said I want to do this, okay?”
Clear as day. “Okay.”
“And what about you, Jewel? Besides your ankle, how are you doing?”
She laughed and tugged a few more blades of grass to focus on. “I’m good. Still working at Chelsea’s.”
“And doing what for fun?”
She laughed. “Um, I don’t have much time for fun, Nate. You know that. Chelsea wants me to take over as manager, but I really can’t commit with the kids and all.”
His brow furrowed. “Why not?”
“Oh my gosh, you’re kidding, right? Between taking Krissy to dance and Tay to her playdates and making sure they have the things they need, clean clothes, lunches packed…My mom is going to school now in addition to working full-time. She needs the help.”
“Jewel, aren’t they old enough to pack their own lunches and do their own laundry? My mother taught us to do laundry when we were eight.”
“She did not.” She knew Nate’s family well, but she’d never really thought about how they took care of the minutiae of day-to-day chores.
“She did. Laundry and lunches. She had six kids. How else would she keep up?” His smile softened the intensity she’d felt—imagined?—moments before.
“Help from the older kids, like we do?”
“We were always close. I mean, we hung out together and helped each other when we could—still do. But there were things we were each expected to do. Laundry and lunches topped the list. If we wanted to join an extracurricular activity, we’d have to talk to other kids and find a way for my mom to carpool, because she couldn’t take all of us where we needed to go all the time. And sure, the older kids took us when they could, but they had their own commitments to deal with. They didn’t take us on as their responsibility in the same way that you have had to.”
“But your parents have more money than God himself. They could hire drivers.”
Nate’s eyes went serious again. “You’ve known us forever. Have we ever acted like we had silver spoons in our mouths?”
“No. I didn’t mean that.”
He sat up again. She’d obviously touched a nerve.
“What I meant was that…” She wrung her fingers together. “I don’t know what I meant, but I didn’t mean that. Your family is so down-to-earth. I guess sometimes it feels like our family is on an island all alone. Like I’m on an island all alone.”
Nate stared out at the water. “Because Rick isn’t here to help.”
She bristled against the severity of his tone. “I don’t know. I don’t blame Rick.”
She moved closer and touched his tight jaw, drawing his face toward hers again. He shifted his eyes away, but not before she’d registered the haunted look in them. She’d seen it in her mother’s eyes after Rick died. Her mother had blamed herself for not trying to talk Rick out of joining the military, which was ridiculous. No one could talk Rick out of anything.
“I don’t blame anyone for my life, Nate,” she said in an effort to ease the tension rolling off of him. “You don’t blame yourself for Rick not coming back, do you?”
A muscle flicked in his jaw. “It’s late, we should go inside.” He pushed to his feet, shoved the bag of peas in his pocket, and when he reached for her, she gripped his arm but didn’t move.
“Jewel. Let this go.” His tone rivaled the cold look in his eyes.
“No.”
He pulled his arm away and turned his back to her. She pushed to her feet. Her ankle didn’t scream as it had before, but it was still tender. She put most of her weight on her other foot and wrapped her arms around him from behind. She pressed her cheek to his back and held him. It had been Rick’s choice to join the army. Nate hadn’t pushed him into it. She hated knowing that he might blame himself at all for her brother’s death, but she didn’t know how to make it better any more than she knew how to quell her own grief when it came on so strong that she could barely push past it.
She felt his tension ease as he turned and silently lifted her into his arms again. Somehow, even though she was in his arms, his body felt heavy against her. As if his sadness were weighing him down. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to be so strong, so virile, and so haunted. She wanted to ease his pain. They shared the loss of her brother, the longing for a man who’d been an important part of both their lives. She didn’t analyze her actions as she drew his face toward hers. It felt right when she pressed her mouth to his. His lips were warm and moist, softer than any other lips she’d ever kissed. Nate tried to pull away, but she kept her grip on the back of his neck, keeping him close. Jewel wasn’t experienced in being the aggressor, but with Nate it felt natural to slide her tongue along the seam of his lips and urge them open. She felt the slightest apprehension in his breathing seconds before his mouth opened to hers. The first slick of his tongue sent shocks through her chest, and when he tightened his grip on her and took control of the kiss, deepening it, claiming her, possessing her mouth like no one ever had, she felt as though he were pouring his soul right into her. She gripped the sides of his head, meeting every needy stroke of his tongue with hers. Their kiss intensified, became more passionate than the one kiss they’d shared so long ago.
Nate groaned as he tore his lips from hers, leaving her panting for more.
His eyes were dark, and he almost looked angry, but she didn’t need experience to know it wasn’t anger in his intense stare. It was white-hot desire, and she wanted to feel more of it. More of him. She leaned up to kiss him again.
“Jewel,” he warned.
“Kiss me, Nate. Just kiss me.”
He groaned again—and it was the most erotic sound she’d ever heard. Their mouths crashed together. His hand slid from beneath her knees to her thigh, sending heat between her legs. He moved his lips to her jaw, and—oh God—her neck. Oh, she liked his mouth, his teeth, on her neck best of all. He sucked and kissed, sending shivers down her spine. She couldn’t think, could only feel, and want, and crave. She brought his mouth back to hers. He was better than chocolate, better than walking, better than breathing. She wanted to live in that talented mouth of his forever. She couldn’t loosen her grip on his head as he tried to pull back again. She didn’t want him to move away. He made all the longing for those she’d lost go away, erasing the feeling of being alone. She was in Nate’s arms. Nate. The guy who was always there, the one she could count on, the guy she’d watched morph into the most in
credible man she’d ever known. She’d always loved Nate—only before the kiss they’d shared on New Year’s she’d thought she loved him as a brother, as a friend. And since then, she’d been trying to forget the newer, deeper, more meaningful feelings she had for him.
She’d been so blind.
This was not how you loved a brother.
This was how you loved a man.
And Nate Braden was one hundred percent man.
He tore his mouth from hers and shook his head. “Jewel. Stop.”
She froze.
“We can’t do this.” His eyes conveyed the fury and desire warring within him.
Ohgodohgodohgod. What had she done?
He was breathing as hard as she was. He had to like it, didn’t he? He kissed her like he couldn’t get enough of her. But what did she know? She’d never wished she’d had more experience with guys as badly as she did right now.
“I’m sorry. I just…”
“It’s my fault. I should have stopped, but…” He did that groan thing again.
She loved that groan thing. It might just be one of her favorite sounds. She never realized a sound could be such a turn-on.
“Am I a really bad kisser? I don’t have much experience.” The insecurity flew from her mouth before she could stop it.
“Are you…? Hell no, Jewel. You’re the best kisser I’ve ever…” He lowered her to the porch step, then sat down beside her and scrubbed his hand down his face.
She dropped her eyes and couldn’t help but notice the impressive bulge in his fatigues. At least I know our kiss had some effect on you. She was still confused and afraid she’d blown their friendship and any chance they may have had for something more. She needed to understand why he’d pulled away after kissing her like he wanted to own her. Despite his hard-on—he was a guy, after all; didn’t they get hard at a change in the wind?—she asked the most hurtful question of all.
“You’re just not into me? I get it. I’m like your little sister. I thought you were like a brother to me, but I was just hiding my feelings—ignoring them all this time. It’s like you broke the dam. Or I did, I guess, because technically I kissed you first. But I definitely don’t feel like you’re a brother, because I wanted to kiss you. God, did I ever want to kiss you.” The words tumbled fast from her lips. “I still want to kiss you. I love kissing you. You’re an amazing kisser.” She finally paused long enough to look at him. The muscles in his jaw were clenching again. She’d totally screwed up and misread him. Embarrassment sent her hands to her face.
“Oh God. Nate.” Her hands slid from her cheeks. “Just pretend I never said anything. Or kissed you. I—”
He cupped the nape of her neck and sealed his mouth over hers again, kissing her deeply, passionately, like he’d been waiting his whole life to kiss her. His tongue moved slowly over hers as he lifted her into his lap. His strong arms enveloped her, keeping her close, pressing their bodies together. God, he felt good. He was definitely enjoying this kiss. Either that or she was a complete idiot with no hope of ever being able to read him.
He drew back slowly this time, as if he were savoring every second their lips touched. With a smile, he brought their mouths together again. Softer this time, and when they parted, she opened her mouth to speak, and he pressed his lips to hers again.
She tried to talk, he kissed.
She liked this system.
When he pulled away again, she could barely breathe, much less speak.
He touched his forehead to hers. “Jewel,” he whispered. “Stop talking.”
She smiled.
He kissed her again. And again. She marveled at the way her body flamed inside. All these years she’d wondered if there was something wrong with her for not getting turned on when a guy kissed her. And now, kissing Nate, feeling his desire hot and hard beneath her, she knew it was because her heart had always belonged to him.
He ran his hand through her hair and cupped the back of her head. “You’re a phenomenal kisser. And I’m totally into you.”
“Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was making a fool of myself.” She breathed a little easier.
He kissed her again. “No. You read me perfectly.” He pressed his lips to hers again, and she felt her insides melting. “I want you in my bed, lying beneath me while I touch you, taste you. I want to feel you come apart beneath me. I want to hear you say my name in the heat of passion, over and over again until we both get our fill.”
Hearing Nate say such intimate things made her heart race and her body fill with desire. And if she were completely honest with herself, the desire that was consuming her was so new, so big, it was also a little frightening.
“But I can’t. We can’t. I won’t.”
Jewel couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think past the sound of her heart shattering inside her chest.
Chapter Four
NATE DIDN’T SLEEP a wink all night knowing that Jewel was a few feet away in his guest bedroom wearing nothing but the T-shirt he’d lent her to sleep in and a pair of panties. He’d offered to drive her home after they’d finally stopped kissing, but he hadn’t wanted her to leave, and she’d claimed to be exhausted and said she’d rather take a bath and go to sleep than have him drive her across town. He’d listened to her fill the tub, and it was hell knowing she was lying naked one room away when he wanted to be in that bathtub with her. He fantasized about climbing into that tub with her and lovingly washing her and just holding her until his mind was drenched with Jewel. He would have carried her to his bed and loved every blessed inch of her. He got hard just thinking about her lying in his bed, imagining her blond hair strewn across the pillow, her luscious curves beneath him, her body wet with need for him.
Christ. He needed to get a grip.
At least he could think today. Last night he’d found her phone on the coffee table, and when he’d gone to give it to her, she’d been fast asleep. She’d looked beautiful lying in his guest bed. As he’d drawn the covers up over her, he’d spotted her clothes on the chair. They were streaked with dirt from her fall, so he’d stayed up and washed them so she’d have clean clothes in the morning. When he’d returned them to her dresser, she was in the same position she’d been in earlier, curled on her side with a faint smile on her lips. He’d had an overwhelming urge to slip beneath the covers and just hold her while she slept. She’d been strong for everyone else for so long. He wanted to be the man she felt safe around, the man she could rely on to be there for her and to help her through anything and everything. But he’d forced himself to leave her room without so much as another glance. She didn’t need a guilty man, even if she thought she wanted him. She’d change her mind once he told her about his role in Rick’s death.
He’d lain in bed after that, unable to think past the look in Jewel’s eyes when he told her they couldn’t keep kissing, but if he hadn’t forced himself to stop then, he wasn’t sure he would have been able to stop at all. Kissing Jewel was better than any fantasy of kissing her had ever been. It was even better than the kiss they’d shared on New Year’s Eve, the kiss that had fucking blown him away. For a few blissful minutes last night he’d allowed himself to get lost in Jewel and to forget everything else. Those were the best minutes of his life. For two years every thought of Jewel had been chased by thoughts of Rick. Every time he’d thought about coming home, it had been followed by, Rick’s never going home again. Kissing Jewel had momentarily erased those painful thoughts, but the second their lips parted, guilt had sucked him under like a tidal wave. As much as he wanted Jewel, he couldn’t lead her on, and he damn well couldn’t take her to bed. Not with Rick’s death hanging over his head.
He gave up on sleeping at around four and put his pent-up energy and frustration to good use. He ran the almost seven miles down to Jewel’s Jeep and drove it back up to the cabin. Driving the Jeep stirred up more memories of Rick. He and Rick used to call the Jeep the chick magnet because everywhere they went, girls turned their heads. He knew now that it could
have been the red Jeep—it was a cool vehicle—but it probably had more to do with two cocky blond dudes acting like they ruled the road. They’d had many good times four wheeling in the mountains and cruising around town.
The past was all he and Rick would ever have. It was all Jewel and her family would ever have. Rick would never see Jewel get married or his younger siblings graduate from high school or college. Nate knew how lucky he was to be alive, but surviving wasn’t all it was cut out to be. Rick’s ghost lingered around every corner.
After picking up Jewel’s Jeep, he sat on the deck and wrote a few lines in his journal, but mostly he stewed over last night. He should have known that being close to her was a bad idea the minute he’d climbed over her on the couch and trapped her hands beside her head when she’d reached for the journal. He knew he was tempting something bigger than him, but he’d been selfish. He hadn’t wanted her to leave, and he’d been glad when she’d said she wanted to stay. He’d spent years thinking of Jewel, feeling guilty about it at first because she’d been a teenager. Over the years he’d watched her blossom into a beautiful woman. He could no sooner stay away from her than he could stop thinking of Rick. They were both too big a part of him, and he knew they always would be.
His mind drifted to how right Jewel had felt in his arms and how beautiful she’d looked beneath the moonlight. Jewel wasn’t built like most of the girls he’d been with. She was lithe and lean, with slim hips and small, perfect breasts. Then again, she wasn’t like any other girl he knew in any way. She didn’t have to try to make her hair fall just right or use makeup to be more alluring. She was naturally beautiful in a pure, understated way, and her beauty radiated from her heart. It always had. Jewel’s priority had always been her family, and he admired that about her. He felt the same way about his family. He had always believed that he and Jewel were perfectly matched.
But perfect matches didn’t come with baggage so heavy they could barely carry it around.
Unable to concentrate on writing, Nate set his journal on the table beside him and watched the sun rise. When he’d been in Afghanistan he’d thanked God for every sunrise he witnessed, whether they were out fighting or on base, because it meant that he’d survived another day and he was one day closer to coming home to Jewel.
Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Page 5
