by Shan
“Who….how….what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?” Shantell asked rubbing the knot that was forming on head.
“You let me in, remember? Now fuck all that, I came here ‘cause I got some things to talk you about concerning my family.”
“Who is your family? I don't know you! I'm about to call the police! You need to get the fuck out of my house!”
“You're not about call anybody and I ain’t going nowhere until I'm done discussing what I need to discuss with you,” I took a stun gun out of the backpack I was carrying and a 4-4 sitting it on the table that was between Shantell and I. “Now, Tamar is my fam and that's who I'm here to talk to you about.”
“Tamar? That muthafucka’ that was dating my daughter? I ain't did shit to him! I don't…I haven't...I mean what…I ain't did shit to him.” Shantell stuttered.
“See the thing about me is I cherish my family a lot; they all I got. It's only a handful of them and I will do anything to protect them at all cost. If anybody crosses them, tries to hurt them, or anything like that it really pisses me off. Tamar is my fam and I will do anything for him and him the same with me. Because Tamar is my fam that makes Rozalyn my fam, the child she was carrying, that was my fam. You get my drift?”
“Rozalyn is my daughter….”
“The way you've been treating her since I've known her I wouldn't think that you was her mama. Shit you a pitiful ass mama. What kind of mama chooses their husband over their kids?”
“I didn't do no such thing…where you…who told you that?”
“Where is he? I need to find him?” I grabbed the stun gun off the table and sat down on the coffee table that was only a couple of feet from Shantell. “Before you fix your mouth to lie to me, I do this here shit for a living. Someone has already informed me that you know where he is so let's make that clear. Let's also make it clear that I don't give a damn about you being a woman and I will not have any mercy on you.”
Shantell took her eyes away from me to the gun sitting on the table then brought them back to me; she then swallowed hard like she had a huge lump stuck in her throat.
“That bitch deserves everything she gets for fuckin’ up my family; I ain’t gonna sit here and sugar-coat it no more. Fuck Rozalyn! That bitch goes down to Atlanta and starts living a good fuckin’ life after she took everything away from me. You see the kind of shit hole I'm living in. 2 years ago I stayed in a six bedroom mansion, I worked ’cause I enjoyed my damn job! Now this little bitch that I spit out my pussy has the nerve to take all that away from me. Fuck that little ungrateful bitch; I hope P.J. causes her ass as much pain as she has caused me,” Shantell reached for a cigarette. “Can you believe that little slut had the nerve to come down here with Zavier wearing nothing but Gucci? Flossing that shit all in my damn face. That's why I told her ass when she was down here that I don't give a fuck about her; I got one fuckin’ daughter and that's Danesha. Rozalyn deserves everything that's coming to her.”
“What do you mean she deserves everything that's coming to her?” I asked wondering if she meant to say deserved instead of deserves.
“I ain’t got shit else to say to you. Negro if you gonna kill me, kill me. I love my husband, that bitch I don't give a fuck about no more,” Shantell reached on the end table and grabbed a lighter, igniting the fire to her cancer stick.
“Rozalyn is dead right?” I asked.
“Wouldn't you like to know?” Shantell took a long puff off her cigarette and blew the smoke out without taking her eyes off of me. I snatched the cigarette out of her hand and turned the lit part towards her. She threw her hands up trying to block me but I'd already shoved the cigarette in her cheek listening to her skin sizzle.
“Aagghhhh!” she screamed. “You muthafucka’!”
“Tell me where I can find P.J.! Bitch, I'm not playing with your ass!” I took the stun gun I was holding and shoved it in her neck letting the thousands upon thousands volts of electricity shoot through her body. This time she couldn't scream, foam seeped from the sides of her mouth and her body jerked like she was having seizures.
“I can do this all night, you just tell me when you ready to talk,” I said holding up the taser.
“Just kill me, just kill me,” Shantell said through gritted teeth.
“No, I won't kill you. I will do everything but that. Is Rozalyn with P.J.?”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck me….no…no..” I picked my pistol up from the table then moved quickly to the kitchen, grabbed a sharp knife from the pile full of dishes in the sink, and walked back to the living room. Shantell was now on the floor trying to crawl her way to the door. I kicked her in the stomach flipping her onto her back then took her hand and sliced away her pinkie finger.
I imagined the pain had to be a sharp one ‘cause the only thing that came out of her mouth was a wheezing noise.
I laughed, “That shit hurt huh?”
“Oh my Lord…..please…please just kill me.”
“Nope,” I said before taking the taser and giving her another shock. I was enjoying watching her shake like a whore in church that caught the Holy Ghost. Not letting up on her I took her other hand and chopped the pinkie off of that one. She just don't know that I enjoy shit like this and can go on all fuckin’ night.
I grabbed one of her cigarettes and lit it up while watching her struggle. She didn't know which part of her body to tend to, which pinkie hurt the most, or why certain parts of her body seemed to be still jumping on its own.
“You ready to talk now?” I asked taking a puff from the Marlboro.
“Beijing….Rozalyn….and her baby are in Beijing with P.J. as well.”
I pulled out my 4-4 cocked it and pulled the safety off; I had to kill this bitch now. I hadn't planned on it but after what I just heard I had to. I didn't want to give her any chances to warn anybody before I could verify the information she just told me.
“I swear to God you bet not be lying to me,” I said. “Why the fuck…..why did you call and tell Tamar she was dead?”
“I wanted my life back….I needed the fuckin’ money!”
“Where are you getting the money from? Who's paying?” I asked. My hands were trembling so bad out of frustration.
“I don't know where it's coming from!” she yelled.
“You do your daughter like this for some fuckin’ money! You’re pitiful!”
“Like I told you before I don't give a fuck about Rozalyn. Somebody came to me and told me they got a way for my husband to get out of jail and for us to earn some money so I went for it. They said they wasn't gonna hurt her, all I had to do was make a call, P.J. was to take her out of the country and keep her there until the money was collected. Once we collect we were free to do with Rozalyn what wanted to do; I want the bitch dead. So at the end of the year P.J. is to kill her, for me, for us!”
“Who came to you? What's his name?”
“I gave you all the information I know…”
POW!
I shot Shantell in her right kneecap watching as her bone shattered into pieces. She let out a loud howl that echoed throughout the apartment; I had to get the rest of the information I needed quickly so I can get out of here before the neighbors get alarmed and called the police.
“Come on Shantell don't stop talking now. Give me the rest of what I need to know now!”
“Just know….that…. everybody in your…. so called family…. don't feel the way…. you do. Fuck you…I've said enough.”
“Bet that.”
POW! POW! POW! POW!
11 ROZALYN
Giving up is easy
Just how much can a girl take; just how much pain can one ‘cause another before they finally say that's enough. I wanted a life where there was no such thing as hurt, where no one forced another to do things they didn't want to do. A life filled with joy and happiness. My seventeen years of existence hasn't been one worth bragging about. I have been blessed to have points where I had access to things that
people would die for; hell even kill to have. Even then what is all that if you don't have happiness.
The fact of the matter is, I've lost all hope, gave up patiently waiting for that point where I will be truly happy. The pain I felt deep inside was far greater than the reality; the reality that one day I would find what I was destined to have.
My son; loved me unconditionally, even now he makes me smile knowing that no matter what I became in life he would love me. I tried to live for him, put him first in my thoughts, but my thoughts were overpowered by fear, by the unknown of what was next. I could only hope that when he heard my story that he would understand and know that mama fought for as long as she could. The pain just became too much to handle.
It was almost over; I could feel my body slipping into the shock stages. The ice cold water that I lie in felt like a bed of pins and needles but it was only a temporary problem to a permanent solution.
The 24 Advil I'd taken only minutes ago will send me to that place that I have longed for, for so long. I stared at the darkness behind my eyelids as my heart sped up uncontrollably then slowed down to almost none. Almost over, almost over. I thought as I slowly drifted away.
***
"Hey Rozalyn," Ashley said. I've never seen her look so pretty before. Her hair hung down to her shoulders, it was straight and jet black. Her eyes had a glow about them, brown but almost golden, her skin glistened along with the bright light, her teeth pearly white.
"Ashley, is that you? What are you doing here?" I asked confused.
"I'm home, what are you doing here?"
"I was..."
"Look who it is," Ashley now held an infant that practically tried to swallow his whole hand. "it's Jr. Rozalyn and see he's okay."
"Can I hold him," I asked holding my hands out unable to stop the tears. The thought of holding my baby boy with his eyes open was something I only dreamt of.
"What about Tamarion?" a deep voice from behind Ashley asked. I was only able to make out a shadow for a moment but then the face became as clear as day.
"Zavier!" I expelled breaking down to my knees, crying tears that seemed would never stop.
"What about Tamarion, Roz? You giving up on him?"
"No! I just..."
"You gonna lay down and let them get away with what they've done to you, to Ashley, to me? What they will do to Tamarion?" Zavier's voice was stern.
"I'm just...I just couldn't take anymore."
"You're a fighter, Rozalyn. You may not know it yet but you are!"
"Zavier, I can't take no more. I don't want to live anymore it hurts too bad!"
"Rozalyn you gotta keep fighting baby girl. You don't ever just lie down and give up, you fight even if you gotta die trying. But don't just walk away, don't just give up!"
"Okay, okay," I sighed.
"Thank you Rozalyn, for everything." Ashley came closer to me and put Jr. in my arms. I covered his face with my tears, and placed a warm kiss on his cheek as he smiled up at me.
"Tamarion is waiting for you, he's all that matters now. From this day forward Rozalyn, you stand tall and never give up on life no matter what. He depends on you, everything you do you do it for him. Promise me?" Zavier was now standing in front of me.
"I promise, I promise Zavier," I said looking into his glowing hazel eyes.
"Love you baby girl," he said reaching for Jr.
"Just a few more minutes," I said cradling Jr. close to my chest.
"You gotta go back now! You don't have time!" Zavier snatched him from my arms causing my body to jerk violently.
"I think we got her! Wait let's see, yes...yes! We got a heartbeat, it's weak but we have one."
My eyes shot open for a moment, there were a ton of people around me, machines beeped from left to right around the room. Did I die? What the hell just happened?
12 TAMAR
Hustlaz Ambition
Diamond was riding me like there was no stop in sight, her big, round, and perky breast bounced wildly as she came over and over again. I could feel her muscles clenching tightly around my dick, followed by a rain of her creamy juices.
"Don't answer it....Ohhh I'm cumming again!" she screamed.
"Let me just see what he want, he done called me like three times back to back, " I reached for my phone on the nightstand sliding the bar across the screen. "yo, what's up?"
"Damn bruh, answer your muthafuckin’ phone when I call you!" Keylan yelled in my ear.
"Fuck is you talking to like that, check your fuckin’ tone!"
"Meet me at Dmitri's ASAP! Don't say shit to nobody about where you going!"
"Meet you at Dmitri's for what? I just left from over there an hour ago."
"I can't talk over the phone just know that it's very important. I'm on my way from the airport now, B gonna meet us there too. Bring Taron if he there, he ain't answering his shit either."
"You can't tell me what it's about,"
"Damn bruh, your fuckin’ baby mama, a’ight?"
“What about her Key?"
"Not over the phone.”
The phone beeped in my ear signaling that Keylan had hung up. All kinds of thoughts were running through my head now, what kind of information did he have on Diamond; or wait could he be talking about Rozalyn? Finally the cemetery was scheduled to dig Rozalyn's body up on this Friday, thanks to the few connects Dmitri's had with the police department they were going to open her case back up for a small amount of time only if the DNA or dental records showed that it wasn't her. This was just between me and the MPD; I didn't want anyone to think that I wasn't trying to get over this.
I pushed Diamond up and sat up in the bed letting out a big sigh. I didn't want to get my hopes up but deep down I felt like the person we buried was not Rozalyn. I've had too many dreams of her and my son; so many that I thought either God or her was trying to tell me something.
“Daddy, why you stop me? What's wrong, where you going?" Diamond asked nibbling on my ear and sinking her head between my legs. I pulled her out my lap by her pony tail and kissed her on the cheek.
"I gotta go, I'll be back in a few," I said.
"Baby, when are you gonna move me into your house. I still have yet to see it and that was months ago when you brought it up."
"Got a lot going on right now, maybe sometime next month. Move!"
"Tae, you’ve been saying the same thing every month. I’m starting to think you don’t really want me there."
"I really ain't got time to talk about that right now; I gotta go," I got up walking to the closet to grab something to put on.
"You’ve been avoiding the topic ever since you bought it up months ago. What's so important that it can't wait for another 30 minutes while we have this conversation?” Diamond whined standing in the doorway of the closet.
"Keylan wouldn’t tell me what was up. I’ll let you know when I get back. Turn the shower on for me," Diamond was really starting to get on my nerves. I hate I ever told her that I wanted to move her to my house ‘cause now she ask about it every day. The minute I thought it was a good idea; I quickly changed my mind. I mean I care about Diamond and all but parts of me couldn’t trust her. Shit was moving so fast between us; soon as we started fooling around she was pregnant and now it seemed as if I was stuck with her.
I grabbed a Polo fit from the closet and made my way to the shower where Diamond took it upon herself to get in as well. I already knew where this was heading, she wasn't about to let me leave until I nutted. It was her way of knowing that I wasn’t going to give anybody else none when I left the house.
I wasn't even able to get both feet in the door before Diamond snatched me up aggressively taking my dick into her mouth.
"Baby it ain't happening right now; got some shit on my mind."
"Daddy, please. I want..."
"I said not right now!" I shoved Diamond off of me causing her to slip and hit her head on the shower door. For a second I thought I may have killed her but she brought her hand up to rub the
back of her head.
"I ain't mean to..."
"Let me guess, your DEAD ex-girlfriend is what's on your mind huh? That's the only time your ugly ass start acting funny! Is that what Keylan called about?"
“He didn’t tell me what it was he said my baby mama which could be either of you!” I yelled.
“We both know it ain’t got shit to do with me,” Diamond got up from the floor of the shower, stepping out, and slamming the glass door closed.
After taking a long hot shower, I dressed, and stepped into the bedroom finding Diamond packing a suitcase.
“Where you going?” I asked.
“I just got a call saying that something has happened to a close family member of mine out in New Jersey, she was killed and I need to go out and be with my family,” Diamond was rushing tossing things into her suitcase.
“Damn, that's fucked up. You need me to do anything?” I asked hoping she would say no.
“Nope, I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone though. So don't do anything stupid.”
“Never that. Anyway I'm ‘bout to go over here and see what they talking about. I ain’t mean to flip out on you earlier. I don’t know what Keylan wants to holla at me about.”
“Well let me know when you find out, okay?” Diamond stopped packing and turned to look at me.
“I will. Be safe and let me know when you land,” I kissed Diamond on the forehead and headed out of the bedroom.
***
I came so far from the bottom
couldn't even see the top
just as soon as I feel the
drought I'm whippen up
every block I'm a good god
fearin man with a criminal mind state
ain't nobody gave a shit and
that's why we grind weight
my grandma off in the
church while I'm in the frigerator.
Young Jeezy's ‘Hustlaz Ambition’ blasted through the speakers, sending Taron, me, and Brandon all down memory lane to the days when we was just some poor hustlers grinding nonstop dreaming of the days we would be on top. Now here we were some balling ass black men, sitting on millions on top of millions.
