It reminded Will of Gloria's Joy of Sex illustrations. He glanced at Amanda. Her breathing was shallow and her face pale. He could imagine her thoughts as she looked at that damned card. How he'd love to have that creep in front of him right now.
He'd had only one fight in his life, when he was eleven and someone had started picking on a smaller kid. Despite that lack of experience, he was certain that given the chance, he would cheerfully knock this guy from here to next week.
Gloria looked at the card again. "Are you sure this wasn't meant for me?"
"It has my name on the envelope," Amanda said.
Turning the envelope over, Gloria glanced at the writing on the front. "So it does. Amazing. I... wait a minute." She gave Will a sharp glance. "That fax. You signed it Your Secret Valentine. Are you somehow involved in this?"
"Not like you're thinking," Will said. "Maybe we should go in your office, like you suggested. This is complicated."
"After you." Gloria gestured toward the open door and they all trooped in. "Don't sit on the love seat," she said as she closed the door. "I haven't wiped off the flavored oil yet." She picked up a chair that was lying on its side and placed it next to another one in front of her desk. "Here you go."
As Will sat down, he noticed that one of her framed pictures was hanging crooked, and magazines had been knocked off the coffee table.
Gloria followed the direction of his gaze. "Clients do get wild. I'm thinking of partitioning off an area and covering it floor to ceiling with padded vinyl. Then I'd throw in padded hassocks of various sizes, any sex toys they wanted, and let them go to it. Cleanup would be a cinch."
Will told himself not to think about that scenario. It would do him no good whatsoever to picture himself with Amanda in the equivalent of an adult playpen. Sex wasn't an option with them, and the sooner he accepted that, the happier he'd be. Well, not happy, but stable. Resigned. Frustrated as hell.
Amanda sat in the chair next to him. He breathed in her scent, a gentle floral fragrance, and was immediately transported back to the moment when he'd kissed her. He couldn't think about that, either. His best bet was concentrating on the violence he'd like to visit on the valentine guy.
Leaning forward, Amanda cleared her throat. "Here's the situation." She quickly outlined what had happened, including the song someone had left on her answering machine at home. "At first I thought it was Will... uh, William, but I was wrong."
"Of course you were." Gloria glanced at Will. "You couldn't possibly be interested in her." He lied. "Right."
"I'm distressed to know the fax wasn't for me, however." Will shrugged. "You're a client. Ethically, I can't—" "Yes, yes. So you've said." Gloria adjusted the V of her sweater to show off a little more cleavage. "I'm sure I can loosen up your morals eventually. But considering that you're not interested in Amanda, what was with the hand-holding business?"
"A pretense," Amanda said. "I asked William if he'd pretend to be my boyfriend for a few days. Maybe if I'm seen as unavailable, the guy will back off."
"A pretend boyfriend? How would that work?"
"It's all fake, of course." Will was impressed with his ability to stretch the truth. "Nothing will be going on between us, but to the general public, we'll look like a couple. We'll hold hands and stuff."
Gloria stiffened, and her eyebrows drew together in obvious disapproval. "What other stuff are we talking about?"
"Not much else, really."
Gloria relaxed a little and leaned back in her office chair. "Okay, then."
"I might put my arm around her once in a while."
"But not often," Amanda added quickly. "And only in public, when we want to make a statement, especially if there's a chance the guy might be there, watching."
"Who do you think he is?"
Amanda shifted in her seat. "I hate to throw out accusations, but... Jacob Silversmith was just here, so he had the opportunity to leave the valentine."
"No, he didn't." Gloria looked at Will. "I'm in a dicey situation, here, William. As my assistant, Amanda has access to client information, but you ..."
"He's trying to help me figure out who's sending the valentines," Amanda said. "I completely understand client confidentiality, but in this case, I think Will needs to know as much as possible. I'm sure he can be trusted."
"Did you just call him WILL?
Amanda's cheeks turned pink. "His friend Justin calls him that, and I got in the habit of using that name, too."
"Either way is fine." Will squirmed under Gloria's sudden scrutiny.
"Will," she said again as she continued to study him. "I like it. There's a little harder edge to Will. It has a sexy ring to it. I'm going to call you that from now on, myself."
Now he was completely embarrassed, but he tried to toss it off with a shrug. "Whatever."
"In any case," Gloria said, "I think Amanda's right. As part of this investigation you need information, and I'm sure
I can trust you. But let's stop using names, unless there's reason to think the person is sending the valentines." ".That's fine," Will said.
"Concerning the last male client who was in the office, I can guarantee he was kept quite busy with his wife and the flavored oils."
"But what about at the end of the session?" Amanda asked. "Was he ever alone in the outer office before they left?"
"Never. I taught her some licking techniques and the man was wrung out by the end of the hour. He had to lean on her for support as they walked out the door. Trust me, there was no valentine drop involving that man."
Licking techniques. Will hadn't imagined the investigation would create such vivid pictures in his brain. To think there were techniques that would bring a man to near exhaustion. Had Amanda picked up any of that knowledge by hanging around Gloria's office?
It doesn't matter. His conscience shook an accusing finger at him. Amanda could be educated in all sorts of sexual techniques and it mattered not one bit, because they weren't going to become involved that way. He'd given her his word that he wouldn't take advantage of the situation. He always kept his word.
"So we can eliminate him as a suspect," Amanda said. "And ... the man who broke his—"
Gloria nodded. "Yes, we can. Poor guy. His noodle is still firmly bandaged and he refuses to go anywhere because it sticks out like the flagpole on a government building."
Will grew uneasy. Licking techniques sounded great. Injuries, not so much.
Gloria glanced at him and laughed. "You should see your face. You're whiter than a New Hampshire nudist. Accidents like that couple had are extremely rare. I've never encountered one, and I've been in practice for fifteen years."
"Exactly what did happen?" Now that he was privy to this insider info, he decided knowing was better than letting his imagination fill in the blanks.
"He was very erect," Gloria said. "She leaped on him and missed. Broke the damn thing."
Will winced. "I didn't know ... you could."
"It takes a great deal of enthusiasm, believe me. I don't recommend leaping, in any event. I've always counseled my clients to move with fluid grace." Gloria surveyed her office. "Some are more successful at that than others."
A knock sounded on the closed office door. "Anybody here?"
"Be right out!" Gloria rolled her chair away from her desk and stood. "That's probably my next appointment."
Will hoped he was wrong, but the voice sounded a lot like Justin's.
"We can continue this conversation later." Gloria lowered her voice and glanced at the closed door. "This couple is a priority. He's developed such an uncontrollable foot fetish that his wife has to wear running shoes to bed. Unfortunately she has a tendency to kick in her sleep. I'm going to try hypnotherapy."
Will kept his voice low, too. "What about this guy, then? He sounds strange enough to leave secret valentines."
Amanda shook her head. "I've never met him. They're new clients. He'd have no reason to know who I am."
Will wasn't giving up th
at easily. A man with that kind of weird obsession could have others. "Unless he's also a customer at Geekland and faked this fetish thing to get closer to you. Take a good look at him as we go out. See if you recognize him from anywhere, even school."
Her hand on the doorknob, Gloria gave him a glance filled with admiration. "For a number cruncher, you're not bad at this investigative business."
Will wasn't a number cruncher. That label applied to accountants. Will wooed numbers instead of crunching them, but he decided not to say that. "I'd like to find out who's doing this. But barring that, maybe I can help run him off."
"I hope you do. He's interfering with the efficiency of this office." Gloria opened the door.
Sure enough, Justin stood on the other side. He'd cleaned up his act. A shave and fresh clothes made him look like the old Justin except for the dark circles under his eyes. "Hey! Looks like the gang's all here."
"Well, if it isn't Will's friend." Gloria sounded pleased.
"Justin, were you looking for me?" Will sincerely hoped so. He'd left word with Bonnie that he'd be down here if anyone wanted him.
"Not exactly. But we can grab lunch if you want."
"I have some errands to do during lunch."
"I'll help."
"Uh, okay." He glanced quickly at Amanda, who gave him a little shrug, as if acknowledging the inevitable. Justin might as well find out about the new arrangement now and save confusion later.
"Then let's go," Will said. "I have a book I want to show you. There's some great stuff in it." He said that partly to butter up Gloria, but in reality he loved the book. He was a trivia nut, and sexy trivia was even more fun. The book was more from Amanda than Gloria, anyway, so he felt good about enjoying it.
"That's fine," Justin said, "but first I want to see if Dr. Tredway has an opening in her schedule."
Will stifled a groan. His buddy was going for it, despite all Will's best efforts.
"For you and a partner?" Gloria asked.
"No partner. My fiancée called off the wedding. Needless to say, I could use some counseling." He adopted his most pitiful expression.
Will had seen him use that expression with deadly accuracy in the past. Women always wanted to take care of him when he made that face.
Gloria gazed at him with obvious sympathy. "I appreciate your position, but I restrict myself to couples."
"Could you make an exception? After this trauma, I don't know if I could ever have sex again." Justin looked even more pathetic.
Will didn't want Gloria making any exceptions. Putting these two together was a train wreck. "Tough luck, buddy." He clapped Justin on the shoulder. "Chicago is full of therapists. I'm sure you can find one by letting your fingers do the walking through the Yellow Pages."
Gloria smiled. "Why, Will, is that jealousy talking? I'm very flattered!"
Shit. "I wasn't... I mean, that wasn't—"
"He just wants Justin to have someone who specializes in his particular problem," Amanda said. "Right. Will?"
"Right." He sent her a look of gratitude. "I'm sure couples therapy must be totally different from individual therapy."
"It is, of course." Gloria glanced at each of the two men as if sizing up her best prospect. "And I find that by sticking to couples, I eliminate the temptation to become involved with clients, which could get messy."
"So you have that rule, too?" Will was astonished.
"I do. But somehow it seems more necessary in my case than in yours. Besides, I'd become your ex-client in a heartbeat, but then I'd deprive you of income. I think you deserve both me and the money."
Will had painted himself into such a corner he couldn't imagine how he'd ever get out.
"And now the poor guy's speechless," Amanda said.
Gloria preened. "I have that effect on men. But then, talk is highly overrated."
Will thought he'd better get out of there before Gloria grabbed him by the tie and reeled him in. He came up with a tired cliché and used it without remorse. "Hey, I'm out of time. Justin, are you coming with me?"
"Guess so." Justin looked deflated. "Dr. Tredway, are you absolutely sure you can't fit me in?"
"Tell you what. Let's have a drink tonight and talk about it."
"He can't," Will said. "We have that thing after work today. Remember?"
"What thing?"
"You know." Will tried to think of what would capture Justin's attention. "At Geekland. There's that trivia tournament. You don't want to miss it."
Amanda stared at him. "What trivia tournament?"
"Leonard and some of the guys set it up. You might have been too busy to notice."
"I don't remember it, either," Justin said. Then he brightened. "I know what! Dr. Tredway and I can have a drink together at Geekland." He turned to Gloria. "How's that?"
This wasn't turning out at all the way Will had hoped. "Gloria would hate Geekland."
"Probably." She smiled. "But if both of you cute nerds will be there, how can I resist?"
Will ignored the nerd remark. After all, he had been spending much of his free time at Geekland recently, so being labeled a nerd was partly his own fault. He appealed to Amanda. "Tell Gloria that Geekland is not her style."
Amanda looked amused. "It's not, but sometimes a person needs to explore new options."
That's when he remembered that Amanda had thought maybe Gloria would be good for Justin. With no allies left, he might as well wave the white flag and get off the field.
"Then Geekland it is," Gloria said. "See you boys at six."
SEVENTEEN
Harvey rode the bus home, which gave him a chance to think. He could be driving the Mercedes or the BMW, but on the bus you could watch people and imagine them naked. Sometimes he'd think of someone naked like the girl across the aisle and get worked up. Other times he'd think of someone naked like the bus driver guy, and start laughing. The world would be a lot more fun if people weren't allowed to wear clothes.
Or maybe he'd get bored if everyone ran around naked all the time. He was bored thinking about it now. Besides, he had Amanda to figure out. He wondered if she had seen him hiding in the stairwell when she'd come walking back to the office with that guy from the investment company. She must have. That would explain why she'd suddenly started holding that nerd's hand.
Women were like that—making you think they liked you one minute, trying to get you jealous the next. Good thing he'd given her that supersexy valentine this time. That should make her forget the nerd. Once he got her alone, she'd probably want to try all those positions shown in the card.
He'd do it, too, as long as he got to be in charge. One thing he hated about sex with Louise was that she never let him be in charge. Amanda wouldn't be like that, though. She would recognize that Harvey was the sort of man who should be in charge of sexual doings.
Tonight he'd call her answering machine and play her another song. He'd just thought of that idea yesterday, and it was a good one. He'd play her some of his favorite songs, which would help her get to know him better. One of them could become their song.
He and Louise had a song, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," but Louise liked it better than he did. She was the one who'd said it should be their song, and he'd had to go along. He always had to go along with whatever Louise said. It wasn't fair.
But then he remembered that he'd put her cigarettes in the freezer right before he'd left for Starbucks. She slept later than he did. She'd be getting up about now, and she'd go for the cigarettes.
He hopped off the bus and hurried toward the two-story brick house Louise had inherited when her folks died. It was so big it had maid's quarters, except they had trouble keeping a maid. Louise would be mean to them and they'd leave, so the house was always a mess.
By the time Harvey put the key in the lock, he could hear her raving. He was just in time for the show. Walking into the huge kitchen, he ducked just as the frozen carton sailed past his head. It hit the paneled wall with a thud, which showed how hard
it was.
Louise stood in the middle of the kitchen panting hard, her bathrobe untied, and she wasn't wearing anything else, so he could see her boobies wiggling with every breath. Her frizzy hair sat on her head like a yellow scouring pad, and her eyes reminded him of the cartoon ones that looked like whirligigs going round and round.
He smiled like nothing was wrong. "What's the matter, honey pot?"
"You know damn well!" She gasped for breath. All that smoking was starting to have an effect on her lung power. "You put my cigarettes in the freezer, you mealybug."
"No, I would never do that, sugar bum." He gave her his sincere look. "But now that you mention it, when you came home from the store yesterday, you must have been a little distracted."
"I was not distracted." Her nostrils flared like a horse after it had been running a lot.
"I think you were, sweet bunions. I wondered why you'd put the ice cream in the refrigerator, but I thought maybe it was too hard and you wanted it softened up. I guess you put the cigarettes in the freezer instead of the ice cream."
“ I did not." She looked as if she could take him apart with her bare hands.
He shrugged. "Go look." He'd enjoyed reversing the two items, which made it look logical that she'd done it.
Turning, she stomped toward the double doors of the refrigerator. Louise was a woman who knew how to stomp. This episode was proceeding nicely.
Harvey took off his coat and watched Louise open the refrigerator. There sat the carton of rocky road, and Louise stared at it like it was possessed. Then she began to swear, and she used all the words Harvey knew and a few that he thought she'd made up. They sounded great.
Taking the ice cream out of the refrigerator, she threw that at him, too. She missed, of course, and the ice cream splattered all over the kitchen floor. "You're making me crazy!" She looked crazy, too, with her face all red.
Then she advanced on him, her fingers flexing. He knew what was coming next, and it was the price he'd have to pay for yanking her chain. At least she wasn't boring right now.
She made a sound low in her throat. "Take your pants off, maggot mouth."
My Nerdy Valentine Page 17
