I headed straight for my room and paced back and forth at the end of my bed. Shoving him felt good, but I was sure that when the adrenaline wore off, I'd be disappointed in myself for not controlling my rage better. If I wanted him to listen to me, I should probably have stopped acting out so childishly.
There was a gentle knock at the door and James came in. He took my hand and drew me close, kissing the top of my head as I laid it on his chest. My breathing slowed and my anger quickly slipped away. He didn't move the entire time except to provide a kiss here and there.
After a few more moments, he looked at me. "Better?"
Nodding, I pulled away from him and curled up on the bed.
"Your dad is okay, Ariya. He's going to be fine. He just needs to be locked up once a month. Your mom knows exactly what needs to be done. They'll make it through."
"It shouldn't be like that. I should have just stayed with Audrey."
"Don't ever say that!” he replied angrily. “Don’t even think that. This isn't your fault. It's theirs. They are the enemy, not you. Do you understand me?"
James crawled into bed behind me, curling his body around mine protectively. I didn't move.
I don't know how long we were lying there until I heard another knock at my door. This time, my mother poked her head in.
"I’ll let you two talk," James said as he got up quickly to leave, but my mother stopped him.
"No, stay. Please," she said. "This concerns both of you. Ariya and I can talk after."
I sat up and James joined me on the bed.
“I’m sure you have questions, Ariya. And I’d like to think I was right in not telling you anything, but now, I fear perhaps that was a mistake.” She wrung her hands nervously as she stood; beginning her own pacing and making me realize where I got that particular habit from.
“When I graduated high school, Marik introduced himself to me. He gave me a box of belongings and a letter from my mom, your grandmother. I read stories and reports that I thought couldn’t possibly be real. He was very patient with me and answered all of my questions. He also told me of the danger our family would be subjected to when the time came that I decided to have a child of my own. I hadn’t met your father yet, so the thought of starting a family was very far away. But I became angry when I realized that this gift had fatally harmed my mother and taken her from me. So I decided to ignore it. I wanted to live my life and push away the pain of never knowing my mom, or constantly seeing my dad grieving from the minute I first appeared. At the time, I selfishly decided that I would never spare a single thought about the gift. If I were truly protected, I figured it would never come up.” She paused for a moment and smiled before moving on.
“I met your father and wanted to tell him so many times, but nothing ever happened. Marik told me that I’d never been threatened or in any danger, so there was nothing to fear anymore. I believed him. I mistakenly thought I’d never have to deal with what my mother had. When I got pregnant, he explained that when you were older and left home, a Protector would always stay with you. He also promised he would continue to remain with me, and we’d be well taken care of. I didn’t think that there was anything to worry about.
“Then you came along and you were so perfect and beautiful! I swore I’d do everything in my power to keep you safe and far away from anything that could possibly harm you.” Tears escaped my mother’s sorrowful eyes and she hung her head, trying to hide and stifle a sob. Instinctively, I reached out, holding her hand to encourage her to go on, that I was not upset.
“Marik agreed no one would know that I knew about our family secret, and to keep you in the dark for as long as possible. In my mind, I convinced myself you never needed to know. I assumed you’d grow up, move out, and start your own family without anyone ever hearing again about this strange family legend.
“But then, something started happening. When you and your friends came home, I realized who they were. Obviously, I knew Caroline was actively participating in your life, and I love her for that, as well as the amazing friendship you share. Marik told me who James was. I… I knew everything, Ariya. Marik advised me to remain ‘clueless’ and in the dark whenever I spoke with you. When you were missing, I was terrified. That’s when I told your father. He was furious for awhile, saying we needed to be more honest with you, but Marik has protected me for my whole life and I still trust and value his opinions.”
I scoffed at that remark and my mother frowned, but she continued.
“Your father and I knew James was protecting you and some of what was happening, but only what Marik knew. For awhile, that wasn’t much. He told me that he had to leave immediately to get to you both. He said he left behind some other vampires in his stead. During his absence, we had unexpected visitors and I guess you know the rest,” she trailed off, blotting her eyes fiercely with a deteriorated tissue.
I took a shaky breath and stood up, wrapping her in a tight hug.
“It’s not your fault. What happened to Dad, Mom, it’s not your fault.”
“If I’d been honest with you, maybe things would have played out differently. I thought I was doing the best I could for you at the time, darling.” She left my embrace and took James’s hand.
“I’m sorry we deceived you. I don’t know what is going on here, or the relationship between you and your father, but I trust you with my daughter, James. Just like I trust Marik with my life.”
“He should have never left you, Mom. Don’t you get that? It’s his fault Dad is a werewolf, now. You were his primary responsibility.”
“Ariya…”
“No, Mom. He may have protected you, but he didn’t do his job! Not the way he should have. There’s nothing you can say or do to make me feel differently about him.”
“And there is nothing you can say or do to make me feel differently about him! Marik has been honest and open with me and he gave me my space when I needed it. He kept me safe and always did what he thought was best.”
I stared at my Mom, failing to see why she refused to consider my side.
“Enough, Ariya. I know you’re angry, but Marik was like a second father to me. The most important thing now is that you know. Now you know my secret and…” She paused as her voice choked for a moment. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“I just don’t understand, Mom.” I paused a moment, unfairly redirecting my anger and frustrations at her. “You teased Grandpa for insisting on all my self-defense classes. You brushed off his worry like he was just a nervous, old man! You knew exactly what he was afraid of! And you let me believe he just had an overly protective streak in him.
“All those times I needed someone who could understand my emotions, someone who might tell me I wasn’t going crazy! Why couldn’t you come clean then? When you knew how hard I was struggling?” I thought back to how often I called home, trying to hide whatever I was feeling, thinking that it would just worry my mother. All those times when I really needed someone there and she knew!
“Ariya, I’m sorry. You’re right. I was too scared to make you worry anymore, and too scared that my admission to knowing the truth would cause you more pain. I should have come out and told you a long time ago, especially when everything started changing so fast. After everything that happened, I just had to reassure you that your world wasn’t crashing here as well.”
“A lot of good that did,” I snapped, immediately regretting my words. “I’m sorry,” I said, softening. I didn’t have any daughter or child to protect. How could I know the lengths to which I’d go for them? Look how far I’d go for just my friends. “Mom, I love you.” I hugged her again. “We’re in it together, now. That’s all that matters.”
She held me tightly for a moment and then pulled back and gently touched James’s hands before she turned to walk out. She only paused for a moment at the door before continuing.
James was sitting deep in thought on my bed and I returned to his side. “You okay?”
“More lies, more secrets.
The Protectors are supposed to work together as a team. How can we be on the same page when it comes to protecting your family if we aren’t even honest with each other? What else might Marik be hiding from us?” He continued staring blankly at my walls as he spoke, clearly disturbed by his own thoughts.
“What do we do now?” I asked.
“We make sure your dad is okay and then we get moving to the next phase of our plan. This will end soon, Ariya. We’ll shortly be free of this.” He cupped my cheek and kissed me gently before telling me I needed to sleep. He left me to my thoughts as I tried to process everything my mother finally divulged to me.
Our time was coming to a close at my parents’ house. My dad finally turned two days ago, and while my heart broke for what he had to endure and his new “normal,” he seemed to be taking everything surprisingly well. He was such a brave man, and as usual, never let any of us know if something were eating at him.
On our first night back, after my mom spoke to James and me, Marik had a private conversation with James. I was not invited to join them this time, not like in Germany. Although I wasn’t technically invited then either. Anyway, the result of their discussion was to reinstate James as my Protector for the time being. How James managed to convince Marik of that though, I don’t know.
James and Nick spent most of their time here together, leaving Caroline, Riley and me to our own devices.
We hadn’t done much of anything, but somehow managed to keep ourselves entertained, just like we always did.
“There is something very important to discuss, something that we have let slide for far too long,” Caroline started one afternoon while we were all sitting around the house. “Ry-guy, have you called Helen yet?”
“Caroline! Can we go four hours without that question?” he fumed, playfully throwing a pillow at her face.
“You did say you were going to do some recon into Mineral Point, Riley,” I added, grinning at him.
“Call her now!” Caroline grabbed his phone from his pocket before Riley could even react.
“Not fair!” He got up to fight her for it, but she was too quick.
“It’s dialing,” she yelped as she threw the phone at him.
He caught it easily. “She isn’t going to answer, she’s not talking…”
He stopped when we all heard a surprised “Hello” from the phone.
“Helen? Um… Hi, of course it’s Helen, I called you,” Riley stammered and I couldn’t hear Helen’s response, but Caroline could.
He glared at her when Caroline’s poorly restrained giggle burst from her lips before he walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.
“Come on,” she said, tugging at my arm to pull me up. “Let’s eavesdrop!”
“Caroline, do you think I would do that to Riley? He’s our friend and he deserves his privacy,” I laughed about halfway through my comment as we ran over to the door.
“I can hear it either way, but at least now I have an accomplice,” she whispered to me as we held our heads against the door, straining to hear Riley’s nervous conversation.
“He loves her,” I said softly.
“Yes.” She nodded. “And she loves him.”
“Is it going well?” I asked, unable to clearly hear anything besides Riley’s deep, muffled voice.
Riley’s voice suddenly sounded much closer before the door unexpectedly swung open. Caroline, of course, stepped back, while I fell onto my hands to avoid doing a faceplant and looked up at Riley’s slightly annoyed, but unsurprised expression.
“In my defense, she could hear you anyway, you know,” I said, pointing at Caroline while I scrambled to stand up. “It was her idea.”
“Yes, you’re always the innocent one, Ariya,” Riley smiled, swatting my hand softly as I laughed.
“So how’d it go?” Caroline leaned back against a chair, swinging her feet while her eyes twinkled.
“Good. Yeah, good. She’s good. I mean, I think she’s good.” Riley said, getting flustered.
“Well … good,” I said, smirking.
I watched Riley pacing while nervously recapping his conversation with Helen. I was overwhelmed with joy that we were in a great place now, truly friends again. After everything we’d been through, it would have been impossible for us not to be. Finally, something had changed in Riley and he wasn’t hurting over me anymore. Now, he was looking eagerly towards a love that offered him exactly what he needed, a love he just wasn’t quite ready for at first. I had James and everything was working out exactly like I wanted. Riley wasn’t hurting anymore and James and I were happily together.
It’s an interesting thing, getting what you want. Before you have it, you feel as though your heart would shatter if you had to go another day or even another hour without that one thing you desire more than anything else in the world. An overwhelming sensation that promises your happiness depends on having this new dream come true. Sometimes, you find yourself pleading, at others, praying. If I could only have this, I’ll never ask for anything else again.
And then… you get it! You are blessed to get what you truly desire and you relax in knowing that everything will be perfect from now on. What you always wanted is finally yours. Except! That’s not always how it goes, is it? Happily ever after can be a tricky place to live. Messy, even. What we long for appears so perfect and at first, maybe it is. Until reality begins to intrude. A dark cloud descends, obscuring the former rays of sunshine and replacing them with a not-so-bright version of your original desire. It doesn’t change it or remove all the color; but simply reveals the truth behind your choice. A choice that you can’t take back after it has been made.
For every path we choose, we must leave another behind. Who can say what any of those other paths might lead to? Would our hearts’ desires have remained as brightly lit, or untarnished by all the events that reality can throw at them? Or would they only become even duller at meeting life’s harshness, burning out in a final spark and leaving us with no light at all? We can never know so we simply must make our choices. If we choose to follow our hearts, then we must accept the consequences of those decisions for our future. I have begun to learn that those overwhelming desires and dreams, the ones that we must witness coming true in order to have even a remote chance at happiness, are also the very choices that contain the most suffering within them. How can we truly determine our happiness without knowing the sadness of pain?
“Was I a disaster or what?” Riley sighed, snapping me from my own thoughts as he playfully tossed his phone onto the pillow.
“No!” Caroline chimed in. “She liked talking to you, I could hear it in her tone of voice.”
“I don’t know…” Riley trailed off.
“Plus, she said that her sister was getting nervous about all the wolf stories on campus, which is good intel. Now we know they are definitely still near the college, and most likely expanding,” Caroline added. “She was happy to hear from you, Riley!”
He smiled at hearing that and seemed hopeful again.
“Looks like we need to get you to Washington when this is all over,” I grinned.
“What’s in Washington?” Nick asked, entering the room with James.
“Nothing, man,” Riley answered, acting tough and not nearly as nervous as he was with Caroline and me only moments before.
“New plan, guys,” James said, ignoring the sideline banter and moving right on to business. “We are leaving tonight and we have a stop we must make before heading to Colorado.”
“A stop?” I questioned.
“It’s a conversation for the car. Start packing and we’ll say our goodbyes.” He walked out of the room, something seemed to be gnawing at him more and more.
“Is he okay?” I asked Nick.
“Things are getting tense, Ariya,” Nick said quietly. “We’ll all be okay after we get some things figured out. He’s just got a lot on his mind right now.”
I nodded as I started gathering my things while the other
s left to do the same.
My belongings were fully packed within thirty minutes and I went downstairs to spend a little more time with my parents.
It was easier to talk to them now, since they knew exactly what was going on in my life. I prayed my dad would continue to remain strong throughout this new chapter in their lives. After a refrain of I love yous and several tears, I said goodbye and we got into our cars and headed away from my childhood home. Hopefully, it would soon be a truly safe home again for my parents.
“Where are we going?” I inquired as James drove us through dark streets and back roads. Even having lived here my whole life, all the switchbacks and turns he made took us in so many directions that I became confused.
“Things have escalated, Ariya,” He took his eyes from the road to meet mine before searching for my hand. After placing a quick kiss on the inside of my palm, he dropped both of our hands back into his lap. “There are decisions to be made. Things we have to do.”
“Because my dad was attacked?”
“Yes.”
“Are we going to tell anyone that Audrey is involved?” I asked, wondering what decisions had to be made.
James’s gaze flicked to the rearview mirror where Nick and Caroline were sitting. I turned to look at both of them. Nick nodded once, and James turned his eyes back to the road.
“We think it’s for the best. At this point, we can’t operate alone if others remain in danger. I’m not sure what other choice we have.”
“But then whoever is working with Audrey will, no doubt, warn her. How will we be able to plan anything?” I asked nervously.
“Ariya, I don’t see how we have any choice. The three of us can’t find her or fight her alone if she’s turning to attacking and hurting innocent people now. We need to make a move before the wolves make theirs. It’s inevitable at this point that we need to get some more involvement.” James didn’t sound convinced of his plan and I sat staring at him.
“In a perfect world, we would have plenty of time to uncover the spy before making our additional plans. Time, however, is a luxury we’re quickly running out of. At this point, logically, it only makes sense to move forward and keep an eye on the behavior of those around us. That’s the best we can do.” Nick’s voice seemed to reassure James that his decision, or more realistically, the decision he and Nick obviously conspired together, was the right one.
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