by Keith Laumer
partially justified. I am prepared to be lenient with you." Hefixed a choleric eye on Retief.
"I am walking out of this meeting, Mr. Retief. I'll take no more ofthese deliberate personal----"
"That's enough," Retief snapped. "You're keeping the king waiting. Getback to your chair and sit there until I come back."
Magnan found his voice. "What are you going to do, Retief?"
"I'm going to handle the negotiation," Retief said. He handed Magnan hisempty glass. "Now go sit down and work on the Image."
* * * * *
At his desk in the VIP suite aboard the orbiting Corps vessel,Ambassador Spradley pursed his lips and looked severely at Vice-ConsulRetief.
"Further," he said, "you have displayed a complete lack of understandingof Corps discipline, the respect due a senior agent, even the basiccourtesies. Your aggravated displays of temper, ill-timed outbursts ofviolence and almost incredible arrogance in the assumption of authoritymake your further retention as an officer-agent of the Diplomatic Corpsimpossible. It will therefore be my unhappy duty to recommend yourimmediate----"
There was a muted buzz from the communicator. The ambassador cleared histhroat.
"Well?"
"A signal from Sector HQ, Mr. Ambassador," a voice said.
"Well, read it," Spradley snapped. "Skip the preliminaries."
"Congratulations on the unprecedented success of your mission. Thearticles of agreement transmitted by you embody a most favorableresolution of the difficult Sirenian situation, and will form the basisof continued amicable relations between the Terrestrial States and theYill Empire. To you and your staff, full credit is due for a job welldone. Signed, Deputy Assistant Secretary----"
Spradley cut off the voice impatiently.
He shuffled papers, eyed Retief sharply.
"Superficially, of course, an uninitiated observer might leap to theconclusion that the--ah--results that were produced in spite of these... ah ... irregularities justify the latter." The Ambassador smiled asad, wise smile. "This is far from the case," he said. "I----"
The communicator burped softly.
"Confound it!" Spradley muttered. "Yes?"
"Mr. T'Cai-Cai has arrived," the voice said. "Shall I----"
"Send him in at once." Spradley glanced at Retief. "Only a two-syllableman, but I shall attempt to correct these false impressions, make someamends...."
The two Terrestrials waited silently until the Yill Protocol chieftapped at the door.
"I hope," the ambassador said, "that you will resist the impulse to takeadvantage of your unusual position." He looked at the door. "Come in."
T'Cai-Cai stepped into the room, glanced at Spradley, turned to greetRetief in voluble Yill. He rounded the desk to the ambassador's chair,motioned him from it and sat down.
* * * * *
"I have a surprise for you, Retief," he said, in Terran. "I myself havemade use of the teaching machine you so kindly lent us."
"That's fine. T'Cai-Cai," Retief said. "I'm sure Mr. Spradley will beinterested in hearing what we have to say."
"Never mind," the Yill said. "I am here only socially." He looked aroundthe room.
"So plainly you decorate your chamber. But it has a certain austerecharm." He laughed a Yill laugh.
"Oh, you are a strange breed, you Terrestrials. You surprised us all.You know, one hears such outlandish stories. I tell you in confidence,we had expected you to be overpushes."
"Pushovers," Spradley said, tonelessly.
"Such restraint! What pleasure you gave to those of us, like myself ofcourse, who appreciated your grasp of protocol. Such finesse! How subtlyyou appeared to ignore each overture, while neatly avoiding actualcontamination. I can tell you, there were those who thought--poorfools--that you had no grasp of etiquette. How gratified we were, weprofessionals, who could appreciate your virtuosity--when you placedmatters on a comfortable basis by spurning the cats'-meat. It was sheerpleasure then, waiting, to see what form your compliment would take."
The Yill offered orange cigars, stuffed one in his nostril.
"I confess even I had not hoped that you would honor our Admirable sosignally. Oh, it is a pleasure to deal with fellow professionals, whounderstand the meaning of protocol!"
Ambassador Spradley made a choking sound.
"This fellow has caught a chill," T'Cai-Cai said. He eyed Spradleydubiously. "Step back, my man. I am highly susceptible.
"There is one bit of business I shall take pleasure in attending to, mydear Retief," T'Cai-Cai went on. He drew a large paper from hisreticule. "The Admirable is determined than none other than yourselfshall be accredited here. I have here my government's exequaturconfirming you as Terrestrial consul-general to Yill. We shall lookforward to your prompt return."
Retief looked at Spradley.
"I'm sure the Corps will agree," he said.
"Then I shall be going," T'Cai-Cai said. He stood up. "Hurry back to us,Retief. There is much that I would show you of Yill."
"I'll hurry," Retief said and, with a Yill wink: "Together we shall seemany high and splendid things!"
END
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | Coming in the March issue of If-- | | | | THE MADMAN FROM EARTH | | by Keith Laumer | | | | TYBALT | | by Stephen Barr | | | | A great new cover novelette by Poul Anderson--plus short | | stories, Theodore Sturgeon's column, features, etc. On sale | | January 14th at all newsstands. | +--------------------------------------------------------------+
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | Transcriber's Note and Errata | | | | This e-text was produced from 'Worlds of If' January 1962. | | Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.| | copyright on this publication was renewed. | | | | One instance of 'tubos' has been corrected to 'turbos'. | +--------------------------------------------------------------+
