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I sunk back in the couch, letting the tears escape that I held back for too long. These tears weren’t for Jericho; they weren’t even for Amory or the rebellion. They were for Kiran. I couldn’t distinguish if they were grief or hurt or longing, but they came in choking sobs that racked my body.
I cried like that for a long time, fully mourning the feelings and memories that were not exclusive to Kiran’s heart alone, that were born in my heart as well and stayed deeply rooted in my veins and magic. And then I lay down on the couch and wiped my eyes. There had been way too many tears for one day. I reminded myself of the war, of those prisoners underneath the castle, and with determined resolve I would not shed another tear over another boy until Lucan was dead, I fell asleep.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I shot off the couch at the sound of pans being banged together. I slept through the night, and until Kiran’s movements in the kitchen I forgot where I was. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, I rubbed my eyes and sent magic through me to fully wake my senses. I turned around to face Kiran, not sure what to expect but braving the consequences for my actions yesterday.
“Good morning,” he smiled chirpily at me from across the house, cooking something that smelled suspiciously like bacon on the stove.
“Good morning…. ” I replied distrustfully.
“Are you hungry? I’m making breakfast,” Kiran explained. I expected wrath and retaliation this morning, not breakfast…. What was going on?
“Yes, I am actually,” I admitted, rubbing my stomach greedily.
“Would you like to change while I finish up?” Kiran asked, looking up at me from the stove. “I don’t have much that will fit you, but I laid out some clothes on my bed upstairs that I think will work, if you want. ” He shrugged as if it were totally up to me. I looked down at my stretched out tank top and jeans I had been wearing for the last three days. Of course, I wanted to change.
I pointed upstairs and he nodded his head permissively. I turned my back on the bacon and walked slowly upstairs, afraid to enter another one of Kiran’s bedrooms. At the top of the stairs, I paused to take it all in.
Light streamed in from open windows on every wall, casting long light beams across a king-sized bed that took up the middle of the loft. The bed had tall, thick posters that matched all of the other furniture, intricately chiseled with careful knife work. One long and one tall dresser took up one wall, made in the same style and a handcrafted writing desk sat against another wall, under a large picture window. I peeked into a modern, luxurious bathroom and then ran back to grab the clothes Kiran lay out on the end of his bed.
In the bathroom I took a quick shower, using his razor to shave my embarrassing legs and then rinsed it thoroughly, deciding to keep that a secret. I used his shampoo on my hair and then his soap that I regretted instantly. Not only was it manly and too strong for me, it smelled just like him and I knew it would stay with me all day.
I hopped out of the shower quickly, remembering the bacon, and dried off together with a towel hanging next to the shower and my magic. I styled my hair the same way, and regretted that my eyeliner waited for me back at the castle. I sighed, convincing myself it didn’t matter and slipped into a plain black t-shirt he left for me and sweatpants that were much too big. I rolled the waist so that they would stay up and took in my appearance in the mirror.
Well, it would do. I grabbed my ponytail holder and threw my hair up in a knot on top of my head, disappointed to hide how tamed it looked after I styled it, but deciding down was just too formal with my sweatpants. I slipped a pair of Kiran’s flip flops on, instead of my gladiator sandals and walked out of the bathroom, feeling very refreshed.
At the bottom of the stairs, I paused to watch Kiran finish setting the table. He stood back from the place setting he just laid down and nodded his head to affirm its perfection. I cleared my throat so he would notice I returned and watched him jump a little, startled at me catching him.
His surprise quickly turned into charm and he smiled at me. He watched me walk toward him, looking me over in his clothes and his expression turned into something more…. something like pride.
He pulled the chair out for me and I sat down, still not sure what to think of his behavior. He took the seat at the head of the table so that we sat adjacent to each other. Our plates were already filled with bacon and eggs and homemade hash browns so I followed his lead and dug in.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was, but I hadn’t eaten at all yesterday and his food was delicious. He watched me with morbid curiosity as I finished everything on my plate and reached for his last piece of bacon without asking.
“Sorry,” I apologized with a full mouth.
“By all means,” he gestured playfully at the rest of his plate.
“Uh, are we Ok?” I brought up our kiss, unable to stand the imaginary tension between us.
“What do you mean?” he asked casually, although his eyes narrowed perceptively.
“You know what I mean…. Are we Ok after yesterday?” I mumbled that last half of my sentence, my cheeks blushing from my own memories.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Kiran admitted, his eyes dancing amusedly. He was seriously going to make me say the words.
“Is everything all right between us after we…. ” I cleared my throat and forced myself to find courage, “after we kissed. ”
“Ah,” he pretended to finally understand. “Well, I think that’s up to you. You were the one upset by what happened, not me. ” His eyes moved over me hungrily and I clasped my hand to my throat in anxiety.
“I know,” I rushed forward, “but I just didn’t want things to, you know, get weird between us. ” I admitted honestly, but inwardly admitting to myself that I liked having Kiran as a friend, just not anything more.
“Define weird,” Kiran commanded mulling over my words carefully.
“You know, like, um, awkward or…. tense,” I explained, making things the exact opposite of what I wanted to convey to him I didn’t want.
“Oh, I see,” he understood. “Well, I don’t know if they’ll be awkward or tense, but I have come to some conclusions that I think I should make you aware of. ” I gulped and he continued, “Before yesterday, Eden, I was punishing myself. I truly believed I didn’t deserve your forgiveness and that I didn’t deserve you. ”
He paused, waiting for me to react, but I was stuck on the words, “until yesterday,” and so I sat stone still and echoed them in a harsh whisper, “Until yesterday?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “Call it what you want, but I think yesterday opened both our eyes. Mine, maybe more than yours, but I can work with that,” he smiled devilishly at me. “Before yesterday I was content to move at your pace, to wait patiently on you. ”
“And you’re not, uh, content with that anymore?” I filled in the blanks, feeling more fear than I thought would be necessary for someone just explaining their feelings.
“Exactly. From now on, I’m going to try,” he confessed confidently.
“Try?” I repeated meekly.
“Yes, try. I not only deserve your forgiveness, I think I already have it. Although, I’m not going to wait idly around for it anymore. If one day, you would like to forgive me then I will happily accept it, but I don’t need it anymore to pursue you. You will love me again, Eden. It’s fine if you’re not ready now, or if you want time to get over Jericho or whatever. But know, that I will not be patient anymore. I will not wait around until you come to me. You are much too stubborn for that…. I don’t think there is enough time in the rest of eternity for me to wait for you,” he finished, his eyes sparkling and that damn smirk back on his face.
I gulped and clasped trembling hands together, truly terrified of him. Once upon a time, Jericho had a very similar conversation with me, when I was still getting over Kiran. Only when Jericho admitted he planned to pursue me, he gave me hope; I looked forward to falli
ng for him. For whatever reason, Kiran had the opposite effect on me. I trembled with anxiety at his determination and lost all courage when he looked at me like that. “I think we should go back to the castle,” I suggested firmly.
“Don’t worry, I have no intention of holding you prisoner here,” Kiran laughed. “Although, I prefer this to the Citadel…. ” When I didn’t respond, he continued, “We will go back this afternoon, but first I’m going to teach you how to shoot a gun. ”
“You’re not serious,” I blurted, laughing at the idea of me holding a firearm.
“I’m completely serious,” he leveled his turquoise eyes at me and I felt his sincerity.
“Well, I’m not shooting anything alive,” I promised, sitting back in the chair and crossing my arms.
“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Kiran agreed.
“Are you sure teaching me to use a weapon is a good idea?” I laughed, picturing the one living thing I would gladly shoot and he was clearing our plates as I spoke.
“No, not at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s one of my worst ideas,” he teased, taking my plate from in front of me.
I relaxed in the chair. The thought of Kiran actively pursuing me terrified me, sent shivers quivering my entire body. I was strong, but how strong? I had morals, and standards and…. a past to remember. But if his idea of making me fall for him included shooting things, maybe it wouldn’t be so impossible to restrain after all.
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“All right, would you like to try the handgun or the rifle first?” Kiran smiled widely at me, opening his gun case on the front porch.
My mouth dropped open at the three rows of guns that fit into the case. The door itself held long shot guns all the way across, and then there was another panel, that swung out loaded with all kinds of guns on either side. I stood behind Kiran, peering over his shoulder, waiting for one to fall off the shelf and accidentally shoot me.
“This is a ridiculous amount of guns,” I laughed. “But I can see why you need so many, I mean with the pending zombie apocalypse and all…. ” I teased him and he turned around to face me.
“You know it was your grandfather who taught me how to hunt,” he reminded me. “It’s not like I’m some ruthless killer; hunting is a skill honed in respect for nature, not the other way around. ”
“Tell that to all the dead animals on your wall,” I continued sarcastically, “I’m sure they feel very respected. ”
“You little tart,” Kiran scolded, laughing at me. “Would you have given Amory this hard of a time?”
“Well, first of all, he was my grandfather, so probably not…. And second of all, it’s not fair to judge his hunting skills when he learned in the era of hunt, or be hunted, and guns weren’t even invented yet,” I retorted, turning my attention back on the guns. Kiran opened his mouth to say something smart to me, but I moved on, out of the territory that felt very much like flirting. “Are you sure you’re brave enough for this? I mean, I might have terrible aim…. You have no idea what I could hit. ”
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