Blood was pooling at their feet, spreading quickly on the bright white floor.
My child, in the corner, had another team surrounding it, and I realized then that I never even heard whether it was a boy or a girl.
I hadn’t realized I’d been screaming until somebody’s arms wrapped around me from behind.
Those arms that used to mean the world to me twenty-five years ago meant nothing right now. The ache in my heart was multiplying, and I realized Baylee was going to leave me.
“You promised.” I whispered brokenly.
The last thought I’d had before my father dragged me away, in response to what she’d said right before I’d left the room.
I’ll love you for the rest of my life, she’d said.
No, Baylee, I thought. You may love me for the rest of your life, but I’ll love you for the rest of mine; you’re it for me. Don’t you leave me like this, you promised.
Epilogue
There is a fine line between wearing makeup and looking like Crayola gangbanged your face.
-Life Lesson
Baylee
I walked into the house cautiously.
Slowly, stepping over the pile of cars in the entryway of Johnny’s room, around the half-finished bottle of Blaise’s in the hall, and over a pile of clothes belonging to Sebastian.
Based on the white stain over the front of the shirt, I assumed Blaise had thrown up.
Again.
This is what happened when Sebastian watched the kids, however.
But fuck it, even if I had to clean up afterwards, it’s worth getting my nails done.
“She’s going to kill you when she finds out you did this without a shirt on.” Sterling said from the kitchen.
I froze and listened to what Sterling and my man were saying.
“Yeah, but I did it to show off the tattoo. It’ll totally be worth it. Especially when she finds out where all the proceeds are going.”
“Yeah, she’ll like that.” Sterling said dryly.
I rounded the corner, eager to find out what Sebastian would risk my wrath for, and came to a stop in my state of the art kitchen. Then, promptly, swallowed my tongue when I saw how much muscle Sterling had put on since I’d last seen him.
Sterling was a conundrum to me. He was a very sweet and docile person, and it took me around six months to figure out what the appeal of the MC life was to him.
Family.
He wanted a family.
And with us, he got that.
He’d yet to have a nickname bestowed on him, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he did something stupid in front of the boys, and he’d have one.
After patching in with the Dixie Wardens, Sterling had joined the military. The Navy, in particular.
He’d gone to boot camp a few weeks after Sebastian’s accident, and then stayed for specialized training.
It’d been well over a year since I’d seen him, and the changes in him were staggering.
Then the fact that Sebastian was standing in the middle of our kitchen, stripped down to his boxer briefs, caught my attention, and my mind started to wander.
Until the smell hit me.
“What is that smell?” I asked worriedly.
Sebastian didn’t waste any time pointing to a large pile of vomit in the middle of the kitchen floor.
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure how that much puke could come out of one small child.
Surprised, I asked, “Blaise did that?”
Sebastian shook his head. “No, Johnny did. And then Sterling did. Apparently, they can’t handle vomit, which is why they’re going to be cleaning it up. Not me.” He said looking pointedly at the offending pile.
Which translated to Blaise projectile puking as she always did, and then Johnny puked, followed quickly by Sterling.
“Jesus Christ, I’ll just puke again, that’s what I keep trying to tell you.” Sterling growled.
“I’ll get you a bowl.” Sebastian offered.
“Where’re the kids?” I asked, finally realizing they weren’t in the room.
“On the trampoline.” Sebastian answered.
Walking through the kitchen carefully, I stepped out on the back porch and had to laugh seeing Johnny stripped down to his tighty whities and Blaise in only a diaper on the trampoline with the sprinkler running.
Did I mention that Sebastian was the fun parent?
He did have the surrounding net zipped up tight, luckily.
The screen door creaked open behind me, and I looked over my shoulder at my husband and best friend.
“Could you at least clean up the puke?” I asked with a small smile on my face.
Sebastian’s arms threaded around my midsection, pulling me in close to his body, before answering, “My clothes cleaned it up perfectly well.”
I snorted, and leaned back against him. “How were the kids beside that?”
“Blaise was good. She took a nap on my chest before puking on it. Johnny played Legos with Sterling the majority of the time.”
“Bet that was nice.” I observed dryly.
“It’s clean, asshole!” Sterling yelled from the kitchen.
Sebastian buried his face in my neck and laughed. “He would’ve never spoken to me that way a year ago.”
I rolled me eyes. “You were his sponsor, of course he wouldn’t. You’d have kicked his ass.”
“He could’ve tried,” Sterling said dryly from the doorway.
“On that note,” I said, giving Sebastian a peck on the lips. “I’m going to go get the kids dressed. We have to leave here in a few minutes. Turn the water off for me, please.”
We had the annual barbeque this weekend, and we planned to leave this afternoon in order to get there by seven.
We were having the barbeque at the Arkansas chapter’s newly remodeled clubhouse this year, and I was really looking forward to it. Surprisingly, I’d made a ton of friends throughout the Dixie Wardens, men and women alike, and I enjoyed spending time with them.
“Mommy!” Johnny yelled when he saw me coming towards him.
Johnny had started calling me mom the day Blaise was born.
That day was still a bit hazy for me.
I’d remembered nothing of my delivery. Didn’t remember seeing my husband, and didn’t remember seeing my baby.
I could remember being wheeled into the operating room, and then nothing.
Sebastian wasn’t a fountain of information, either.
He hated talking about it, in fact.
He said it was the worst day of his life, and would never speak of it again because the memories were debilitating and they hurt to think about them.
From what I’d pieced together from my family, blood and the club, it wasn’t a good few hours.
When I started bleeding out, they’d gently tried to ease Sebastian from the room, but he’d freaked because he’d promised me he would stay with me no matter what.
They’d gotten forceful, and had to literally push him out of the room when he started resisting.
It was a full four hour wait as Sebastian watched through the glass doors while the medical team worked ruthlessly to save me and Blaise.
Our child was born not breathing.
Then his attention was split when they rushed our baby off to the NICU. From there, he was torn, not knowing where to go and who to keep the promise to.
In the end, he’d chosen our daughter, trusting the rest of our family with me.
After hours in surgery, the doctor had made the perilous decision to remove all of my reproductive organs.
After they’d done that, my bleeding had been contained with a cocktail of drugs, and they’d sewn me up and sent me back to a postpartum room where I was watched closely for nearly forty-eight hours.
Blaise started breathing on her own as soon as they’d gotten her to the NICU.
She was a perfect six and a half pounds of pure anger. Sebastian had said that she reminded him of an out of control fire, w
hich was why we’d named her Blaise.
She’d lived up to the name ever since.
Now, at ten months, she was hell on wheels.
She and Johnny got into so much trouble together, and I loved every second of it.
“Hi, pumpkin. You ready to go?” I asked Johnny as I reached for him.
He came willingly, and I set him down on the grass beside me. “Go get dressed and potty so we can go.”
Johnny went without complaint, which was a rarity for him now a days, but I guessed it had more to do with the fact that we were going on a road trip rather than actually wanting to obey me.
“Mamamama,” Blaise babbled.
I turned and gathered up the wet and slippery baby into my arms and walked into the house.
I was glad to see that the kitchen was spotless, because I wasn’t a fan of cleaning up puke. I had enough of that at my job; I didn’t need more of it at home.
I worked still, but never offered to do overtime anymore. Sebastian was promoted from captain to Battalion Chief after his role in the arsonist case was uncovered.
Devon McRae was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his temple the day after he’d attacked Kettle and Sebastian.
Kettle had changed after that day.
He’d mentioned to me once how he’d felt that he’d failed that day, and had been trying to make up for it ever since.
He was all about the club and work, never taking any time for himself.
“I can’t find my pants!” Johnny yelled from his bedroom.
I diverted from my path and made a pit stop in Johnny’s room to find him pants before I went to Blaise’s room to get her dressed.
The outfit I chose was a Harley Davidson onesie and a pair of tight skinny jeans that made her butt look enormous.
Then I started hunting for the boots that Sebastian insisted on buying her in every single size available.
No cute shoes for his girl. No, she had to wear baby motorcycle boots everywhere she went, or Sebastian would just take them off.
His girl wasn’t what you would call ‘girly’ by any means.
“You need any help?” Sebastian asked from the doorway.
I looked up to find Sebastian staring at my ass that was in the air, as I looked under the bed for Blaise’s boots. “Know where her boots are?” I asked.
His eyes moved reluctantly from my swaying ass to my face and smiled. “Sure do.”
“Think they’re upstairs,” he hedged.
I sighed, took Blaise to her playpen, and then headed upstairs to find the elusive shoes.
I should’ve known better than to fall for it, but I did, every single time.
“Sebastian, I don’t-eek!” I squeaked as Sebastian’s strong arms went around my hips and threw me bodily on the bed.
I bounced, laughing breathlessly as he followed me down, pinning my front to the mattress.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.
“Your t-shirt is wet and I can see your nipples. And those jeans hug your ass so well that it takes my breath away.” He said, pulling said jeans down until they were around my knees.
“The kids.” I tried.
“Sterling’s here. We can spare twenty minutes.” He said convincingly.
And convince me he did.
***
Sebastian
“What do you think of it?” I asked my father.
The ‘it’ in question was the Arkansas chapter’s new clubhouse.
Earlier that year, a tornado had come through and ripped the old clubhouse to shreds.
The club had gathered around and rebuilt it within weeks, and from there, we helped the community by rebuilding the surrounding buildings and town.
“Looks good. Everyone did a good job.” My father replied. “What’s that girl of yours doing?”
I squinted to see across the smoke from the fire to my wife sitting at the outdoor bar. “Looks like she’s arm wrestling Trance.”
My father’s head moved from something to the left of my wife. “Yeah, that’s not the girl I was talking about.”
My eyes moved around the room until they settled on my daughter. The light of my life. My little Blaise.
Who was currently chewing a corn on the cob, sitting comfortably in Kettle’s arms. “She’s teething.” I shrugged.
“Somebody’s going to have to slap some sense into that boy.” He said.
I agreed. He’d not actually said it, but he blamed himself for me being hurt. Ever since, he’d been distant.
He hadn’t acted like himself since then.
He needed something, but I sure didn’t know what.
“Let me know if you think of something.” I said before heading into the direction of my wife.
The day that I nearly lost Baylee changed my life also.
I saw things differently now.
I lived life a little bit harder, and I loved a whole lot deeper.
I knew what it felt like to nearly lose two of the most important beings in my life, and I lived life like it was meant to be. By giving all I had to give.
I took the time to jump on the trampoline with my son. I held my daughter for a little bit longer than I probably should. And I made love to my wife like it would be our last time.
I savored. I experienced. I repeated.
Why?
Because tomorrow it could all be gone, and I had to live like today was my last.
“You’re thinking deep thoughts.” Baylee whispered into my ear as she turned my hat backwards, and then wrapped her arms around my neck.
My hands went low, until they cupped her ass. Then I leaned down and kissed her. “Nothing too deep. Yet. Just thinking about a place to sneak off to for a few minutes with my wife.”
Baylee smiled seductively, and her eyes became hooded. “I saw a nice little bathroom inside somewhere. Maybe we should go check it out.”
Some people might say that I wasn’t a lucky man having experienced all that I had over the last couple of years, but I saw things differently.
She squealed as I wrapped her legs around my hips and started walking purposefully.
I had the perfect wife. Two healthy children. A job that I loved. The best family that anyone could ever ask for in the Dixie Wardens. And I was living to tell about it.
What more could a man ask for?
“Did you know, Sebastian?” Baylee asked as I carried her to into the bathroom and slammed the door.
“What?” I asked, pinning her against the wall.
My lips skimmed up her jaw and came to a rest against her mouth.
“That you’re the lights to my siren.”
And that was why I was a lucky son of a bitch.
***
Kettle
I watched as my best friend walked away with his wife.
Looking down at the baby in my arms, I realized what I was missing.
Life was passing me by.
If I wasn’t careful, I’d be dead before I ever really lived.
I’d tried it before and lost.
Could I try it again?
Then I laughed harshly. What would it matter?
There was no light at the end of my tunnel.
That ship had sailed a long time ago.
Lights to My Siren Page 25
