Tainted Light (Codex Blair Book 7)

by Izzy Shows

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Can you sit up?”

  I grunted, struggling to a sitting position. Gods, my ribs hurt so much. I forced myself to look at the damage I’d caused.

  With a tentative hand, I brushed my fingers along one of the bruises on her cheekbone.

  “I have a lot to be sorry for,” I whispered

  “It wasn’t your fault. It was a trial of wrath, I think. We were hit with something that took control of us and made us fight each other. I’m just as much to blame as you are.”

  I shook my head fiercely, then groaned, pressing a hand to my temple. Hurt so much. Just breathing was painful; I was pretty sure I had a cracked rib.

  I glared at her. “I hit you.”

  “And I hit you. A lot, if you’ll recall. I raised my sword against you…” She shuddered. “If I had made contact…if I had actually done that…I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, and the sword would have been destroyed.”

  I frowned. “Why?”

  “The swords can only be wielded by the pure of heart and with pure intentions. In fact, I’m surprised it’s still intact…” She examined the sword, her brow creased.

  “Maybe it knew that you weren’t in control and shouldn’t be blamed.”

  She let out a huff. “I’m one of the Seven. I should have been able to fight off the wrath.”

  “Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it. That shit was probably specifically calculated to overcome you. You didn’t stand a chance.”

  She shrugged noncommittally, but she didn’t agree with me. “I don’t deserve to wield the sword any more than I deserve to stand by you. What I did is inexcusable.”

  “I don’t blame you for any of it, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

  She brushed a hand so lightly across my cheek that the contact didn’t even hurt. “I’m sorry about your head.”

  “My head?”

  She winced. “I had to knock you out to get you to stop. You’ve got a pretty ugly mark on your forehead.”

  “Eh, I was always ugly. One more mark isn’t going to make a difference.” I grinned, trying to make a joke, but her frown was fierce.

  “You’re beautiful.”

  I shrugged, choosing not to go down that road. She could say whatever she wanted. I didn’t actually think I was ugly, but I was nowhere near Emily’s league. She was fucking gorgeous.

  “We should make camp. I don’t think either of us is up for walking more tonight,” Emily said.

  “Yeah, that’s true. Every inch of me hurts. I think I’ve got some broken bones.” I rubbed a hand over my ribs, wincing when I touched them. Broken ribs were the worst.

  Chapter 24

  We arrived at the next border too quickly for my liking. My bones still screamed at me, and my muscles protested with every movement.

  I didn’t wait for Emily before crossing the border.

  We were pulled into another dreamscape, this one an empty realm of pure darkness

  Emily quirked one eyebrow as if to ask if everything was all right. I shrugged. Everything wasn’t, but I couldn’t tell her that. Not right now.

  A bolt of green energy appeared out of nowhere and pierced her chest, but no bolt hit me. No strange urges grew inside me.

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. Emily could withstand anything. She’d almost fought off the wrath yesterday before I had jumped on her and triggered the bloodlust. She could fight off whatever this was.

  Emily snapped around to face me, no longer standing at my side. There was venom in her eyes.

  “How could you do this to me?” Her voice was broken, so full of pain.

  My eyes widen in shock. “What did I do?” I became defensive. It was a knee-jerk reaction caused by the foster families who’d regularly accused me of things I hadn’t done.

  Calm down. Emily isn’t like them.

  “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” She shook her head. “I’ve tried to deny it, but this…this whole thing just proves it. You’re in love with him, and you’re going to leave me as soon as we find him. I shouldn’t have been so blind, so stupid, but I thought I was enough for you.”

  She was talking about Malphas, but her words were ridiculous.

  Weren’t they?

  “I do not love Malphas. I love you.” I took a step toward her, but she backed away. “I’m not going to leave you when we find him or any time after. I just need to make sure he’s all right. I owe it to him. He would do the same for me, and I would do the same for any of my friends.”

  “No, you’ve been in love with him the whole time. Haven’t you told me as much?” She sounded bitter.

  “That’s not what I’d said.” A sharp pain pierced my heart. How could she throw that in my face? .She’d assured me it wouldn’t change anything. “I told you that I had feelings for him, yes. But it’s just a desire I can’t seem to control. I have dreams about him, I won’t deny that, but it’s got nothing to do with love.”

  She scoffed. “You refuse to acknowledge it, even to yourself. But I see the truth. How long? God above, it has been from the beginning, hasn’t it? You’re just settling for whoever is around to distract you from your feelings.

  I shook my head, tears springing to my eyes. “I was attracted to him from the beginning, but I was also attracted to you the first moment I saw you. I can’t control who I’m attracted to, but there’s a difference between the two of you. My feelings for you are real. I love you. I don’t love him.”

  The pain in her eyes looked so real. She wouldn’t hear what I was saying. Damn it, how could prove this to her?

  I knew her outburst had something to do with the trial but did she really feel like this? Had she been holding this inside and just pretending to be all right after I’d told her?

  “You tried to distract yourself with Shawn, right?” She smirked. “But it wasn’t enough. Sex didn’t help because it isn’t just lust between the two of you. I’m not an idiot. I saw the way you look at one another. You two get each other on a level you and me never well. He understands your urge to fight, and I don’t.”

  My temper flared. “So, we’re back to that now, are we?” “Don’t turn this around on me!” Her eyes glittered with anger and pain. “It’s not the fighting I have a problem with. It’s you wanting that demon more than me! Why am I not good enough?”

  “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want to be with Malphas. Why can’t you see that?” I closed the distance to her before she could get away from me and grabbed both of her hands. She had to believe. “I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you.”

  She tried to pull her hands away, but I wouldn’t let go. “ You want him so much more than words could ever convey.”

  “He’s hurt me too much for that.”

  “The very fact he can hurt you at all is proof enough.”

  “Just because he can hurt me doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. I trusted him. I thought I knew what kind of man he was, but he proved me wrong. Anyone would have been hurt to hear the things he’d said. Why did you tell me everything was okay when it clearly isn’t?”

  Tears spilled from her eyes. “Because then you’d have to choose, and you wouldn’t choose me. You never will.”

  “I’m choosing you right now. Emily, snap out of this. This isn’t you talking.”

  “Yes, it is!” She yelled. “This is a problem that I have, and you’re just dismissing it!”

  “I swear, I’m not. I want to work through this. The last thing I want is to hurt you. You’re my whole world.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I mean every last word. I’d do anything for you, Emily. Anything.”

  She wavered. I might have been getting through to her. “Anything?”

  “I swear. Please, trust me.”

  She looked torn. She was battling the emotions inside of her. It hurt so much that she didn’t trust me. I would never leave her, but she apparently believed otherwise.

  It was such bitt
er irony. I was terrified of her leaving, and it turned out, so was she. “I trust you,” she whispered an eternity later.

  The dreamscape shimmered, then spit us out like a rotten onion.

  Chapter 25

  We ate in silence. Ever since we’d come out of the dreamscape, she’d been withdrawn. While it wasn’t a good idea to push her too much, I couldn’t hold out forever.

  “Emily…” I whispered, not daring to look at her. “I want to talk.”

  She stiffened. “There’s nothing more to say.”

  “Of course there is. Tell me what you’re thinking. It can’t be worse than what I’m already imagining.”

  “All right.” She breathed deep, then let it out slowly. “I don’t if it was the envy talking, or if I really… I can’t stop thinking you’d be happier with Malphas.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help myself.

  “What’s funny?”

  “No, sorry, it isn’t funny at all. It’s just for the past few days, I’ve felt that you would be happier with someone else. I don’t make you happy.”

  She shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes. She didn’t let them fall, though. Panic surged through me. I had to make her see what was inside me, had to make her stop thinking this way.

  I walked to where she sat on her sleeping bag and knelt, cupping her face in both my hands.

  “I will always love you. You never need to worry about that.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead, her nose, and finally, her lips.

  She parted her lips with a whimper. I took possession of her mouth, thrusting my tongue inside to taste the sweetness only she could offer. She intoxicated me in every sense of the word. I would never be able to get enough of her.

  There was desperation in the ferocity of my kiss. This wasn’t the time for tenderness. I needed to show her in actions where my words had failed.

  I nipped at her lower lip. She gasped. When I took it between my teeth, tugging it into my mouth to suck long and hard, she moaned.

  “Let me show you,” I whispered, breathing hard.

  She nodded, need bright in her eyes. I tugged the hem of her chainmail. She lifted her arms so I could yank it off. Her shirt quickly followed.

  I trailed hot kisses from her jaw to her throat and bit her flesh between my teeth. She moaned again, a deep sound that made my stomach clench with need and anticipation. Her hands clung to my shoulders, and she arched her neck to push it closer to my mouth. I nipped and sucked at her throat, then laved her skin with my tongue to soothe the little pains.

  I needed her more than words could describe. I’d waited to take this step longer than I usually would. I hadn’t wanted to rush her before she was ready.

  I dragged my lips along her collarbone, then dipped them to the swell of her breasts. She whimpered, arching her back to thrust her breasts up. I made no move to pay them the attention she so dearly wanted. I was going to draw this out to the point of agony, to the point of all-consuming need, and expel every doubt she had about us.

  I flicked my tongue across the creamy dark skin of her breast, teasing, nearing the temptation of her nipple but not quite touching it.

  She made a soft, tortured sound, as her fingers tangled in my hair.

  “Blair, please,” she pleaded, desperation in her voice.

  I obliged, taking the tight, hard peak into my mouth and sucking hard. Her hands tightened around my hair as she purred.

  Lust swelled in me at the evidence of the pleasure I gave her. I tempered the urge to consume her. This was about her, not me, about proving how good I could make her feel. My need for her overwhelmed me, and though I wanted to be gentle, I struggled. I yearned to taste her on my tongue.

  As I kissed, nipped, and sucked one nipple, my other hand teased the other. She murmured, shuddering and squirming to get closer. It drove me to the brink of insanity.

  Need her so much.

  I held my libido in check. Barely. I feared my intensity would frighten her away.

  I kept up the torture for far longer than necessary. She tasted like absolute heaven. I didn’t want to come up for air. I could spend my whole life pleasuring her and never be sated.

  Her breasts overflowed in my hand, a bit too large to fit in my mouth, but I wasn’t complaining. I would happily die smothered here if that was to be my fate.

  She groaned. “Oh, God, please…” She undulated her hips, seeking the friction she craved. “Blair…”

  “Yes?” I arched my eyebrow. “Is there something you need?”

  She mewled, unable to voice her need. Had she ever before? I burned for the answer. A feeling of possessiveness rose in me at the thought of being her first.

  I tamped it down. It didn’t matter, not really, though liked the idea I was showing her pleasure she’d never experienced before.

  “Take off your pants,” I said, my voice rough with desire.

  She nodded, her breath coming in soft little pants. She rose up on her knees to undo her pants and push them down. I pulled her close so she could balance against me long enough to take them off. The feeling of her breasts crushed against my chest was almost enough to kill me then and there. She felt so good in my arms, so right, and I wanted so much more of her.

  When the last piece of her clothing was on the ground, I leaned back to drink in the sight of her.

  Her creamy brown flesh, her overflowing breasts, her tiny waist and the swell of her hips, ignited a hunger between my legs hotter than I’d ever felt before. She was divine. And she was mine.

  She blushed and made a move to cover herself.

  I captured her wrists before she could “Don’t ever hide from me.” I locked eyes with her, though it killed me to look away from her beauty. “You’re perfect.”

  She smiled, lowering her lashes. “Thank you.”

  “Lay down.” It was an order, and one I expected to be followed.

  Thank all the gods in the world, she did as she was told, though, she shivered as she did.

  I tapped the inside of one of her thighs. She spread her legs, still trembling. I knelt between them, grazing a hand across her stomach and looking her in the eye.

  “Are you, all right? Do you want to stop?” The idea of stopping now slew me, but this wasn’t about me.

  “No, I want you.”

  “Good. Because I think I might die if I don’t taste you.”

  She whimpered. I couldn’t help the grin spreading on my lips. One of my hands skimmed down past her hips to massage her thigh. My other stroked her cleft.

  A surprised, needy sound escaped her lips. She bucked against my hand, though I’d barely touched her. So damned receptive. Gods, I was going to enjoy making her moan.

  I found her clit and circled it with slow, lazy little movements. My muscles tensed as I struggled to contain myself. She tilted her head back. Her eyes fluttered closed as she let out a tortured keen. Her hips moved against my hand, but I resisted increasing the pressure. I teased.

  She was so damn wet for me, so ready to give me what I needed from her. I shifted, my thumb coming up to press against her clit as I pushed two fingers inside of her. Her back arched and she almost lifted off of the ground.

  Her eyes popped open. Her mouth formed a small ‘O’ as she gazed at me, though she didn’t say a word. I pumped into her, fucking her with my fingers. She whimpered, taking her lower lip between her teeth.

  My fingers curled inside her in a little ‘come hither’ movement that made her gasp and moan.

  Found it.

  I grinned, continuing to stroke that hidden spot inside of her as her hips thrust in time with my strokes. Her body started to clench, and I withdrew my fingers from inside her.

  She gasped, then groaned, looking as if I’d betrayed her. “Why?”

  “I want to feel you come on my tongue.” I grinned when she blushed at my words.

  I settled down between her thighs and feasted my eyes on her most intimate parts.

  I flicked my tongue over her clit, and she cried
out, lifting her hips to meet my mouth.

  Oh, hell yeah.

  I suckled hungrily at her clit and shifted to allow me to thrust my fingers deep. I lashed the sensitive bud with my tongue as I curled my fingers to hit that sweet little spot, intent on driving her insane.

  Two strokes; that was all it took. Her inner muscles clamped around my fingers as she screamed my name. I rode out her orgasm, never letting up until she started to come down from the high. Stroking her clit slowly, I eased my fingers in and out of her until I stopped at last.

  I looked up from between her legs, licking my lips to savor the sweet taste of her.

  She was panting, her chest heaving, like she’d just finished a marathon. She was so fucking beautiful when she came. The image was seared into my memory, thank the gods.

  “Again,” I said.

  Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “I couldn’t possibly…”

  “You will.” I grinned at her and ducked my head.

  I was going to make her come a thousand times.

  Chapter 26

  Last night had been so perfect I’d been a little sad when I finally had curled beside Emily and fell asleep. I was even more so when I opened my eyes the next morning, knowing we had to get on with the mission. I wished we were home, so I could spend days pleasuring her and hearing her scream my name. Emily’s eyes were bright, and her cheeks flushed when she looked at me. She remembered the events of the night before, as well.

  “You all right?” I asked as we climbed to our feet.

  She stumbled a little bit and laughed. “Yeah, but I’m not looking forward to walking so much.” Her cheeks flushed.

  “Oh? Why’s that?” I painted a picture of innocence on my face.

  She shot me a dirty look. “I’m a little tired.”

  “Mmm…” I closed my eyes, remembering the taste of her on my tongue. “You had better be.”

  “Blair!” She slapped my arm, giggling. She loved the way I talked to her.

  “I wish we could stay here,” I said wistfully.

  “There’ll be time enough for that when we get home.” Her cheeks reddened. I bet she couldn’t believe she’d just said that.