by Izzy Shows
When I finally arrived at the suite, I hesitated before going in. I didn’t want Emily to see me like this and have her know how torn up I was inside. But there was nowhere in the palace to hide.
I wanted time to lick my wounds, but I couldn’t have that.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door. Emily sat on the couch wearing a t-shirt and jeans. She leaped to her feet as soon as I stepped in.
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Just like Mal’s hadn’t.
Stop. You’re such a horrible person for even thinking about him.
“I’m taint free,” I said, trying not to sound like I was four seconds from breaking down. “Everything’s fine, now.”
She frowned. “It doesn’t seem fine.”
I walked around the couch to take a seat beside her.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I don’t think you would want to talk about it,” I said, biting my lip. “It’s not important.”
“You’re upset. I can see that clearly enough. I want you not to be afraid to share everything with me. There’s nothing. I mean it Blair, nothing you can say that will change the way I see you. I want to help, but I can’t if you don’t open up to me.”
“You can’t help with this.” I grimaced. “No one can.”
“Just tell me,” she said softly.
I saw the worry in her eyes, and I wondered if she had guessed what had me upset. It wasn’t fair for me to share these thoughts and feelings with her. It wasn’t fair to our relationship for me to have them in the first place.
Gods, I was the shittiest girlfriend who had ever lived. Why did she put up with me?
I let out a deep breath. “I talked with Mal. We worked through all the shit that happened before. But it doesn’t feel like anything’s better. It feels worse, somehow. Before we were in limbo, but now we’re further apart than we were to begin with. And…” I hesitated for a moment, and then let out a deep breath to calm my nerves. “I’m still confused about how he makes me feel.”
She was quiet for several minutes. I was dying inside to know what she was thinking. Was she going to leave me now? Was this the last straw?
I would deserve it if she did. If she wanted to go, I would let her without making it harder on both of us by begging her to stay.
But it would hurt so much.
“Would you…” She started slowly, clearly choosing her words with care. “Would you rather see what you and Malphas could be, than stay with me?”
Horror struck me in the chest. “Not at all. I love you. That isn’t what I want at all.”
“Are you sure?”
I gaped at her, my horror giving way to confusion. “Why are you talking like this? Nothing’s changed. I’m confused by him, but I want to be with you.”
She winced. “It’s been difficult seeing you together again. It was easier to understand when he wasn’t around. The way you two interact. I can see that there’s distance between you two. But even with that, it’s like you speak a language I’m never going to understand. What if you change your mind?”
“I promise that isn’t going to happen,” I said, adamant.
“Okay. I believe you,” she said softly.
But she didn’t look like she did. There was a shadow in her eyes like she was holding back. It killed me inside.
She took a deep breath and let it out, though it was shaky on the exhale. “If you…if you wanted to be with both of us, I could try to be okay with that. I’d rather share you than lose you.” She looked down at her lap. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be difficult. He’s a Fallen, and I’m one of the Seven. There are some differences there that can’t be ignored. But I could make it work. For you.”
I sucked in a shocked breath, speechless for a moment. I couldn’t believe she had just said that.
The idea was ludicrous.
Wasn’t it?
Absolutely insane.
“No,” I said firmly. “ I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re all that I want, all that I need, and nothing is going to change that.”
“I hope so.”
I would make her believe it. Somehow, someway, I would.
Both of them?
The thought wouldn’t leave my mind now that she’d put it there.
No, it was psychotic. That would never happen. It couldn’t. Could it?
Chapter 38
We sat in the conference room trying to figure out what to do with Zepar. In my opinion, there wasn’t a whole lot up for discussion about it.
We needed to cure him, end of story.
“So, what are we going to do?” Valefor asked, finally breaking the silence hanging over the table. “Zepar cannot be left in the dungeon forever.”
“I cure him,” I said.
Asmodeus looked at me, frowning. “That may not be the best idea, given how you reacted the last time you tried to cure him.”
I waved a hand dismissively. “I settled that with Mal already. It’s not an issue.”
Valefor pursed his lips. “I would agree that it’s dangerous for you to continue.”
“Blair knows what she’s doing,” Mal said.
Relief coursed through me. He had my back.
Valefor looked surprised. “You’re willing to risk her safety to heal Zepar? I would have thought you’d be the first person to forbid her.”
“I was, and then we discussed it,” Mal said, raising an eyebrow. “I am confident that she will be able to handle the situation without further issue.”
Marchosias shrugged. “I don’t care what the mortal does. We can’t leave Zepar in chains for centuries. It leaves hell unsettled.”
“It won’t take centuries,” I said. “A few weeks, maybe a month, but not more than that..”
Valefor looked surprised. “You’re all right staying in hell for a month?”
“I’m not going to leave Mal high and dry.” I looked over at Emily. “Besides, I’ve got a paladin with me in case anything gets hairy.”
The brothers all winced at the same time.
“Yes, you do.” Valefor frowned. “I would prefer she leave.”
“I’m not leaving without Blair,” she said, sitting up a little straighter.
“Why am I not surprised?” He shook his head. “It’s up to you, brother. It’s your domain.”
“I am familiar with Emily. I have no problem with her staying here,” Mal said, glancing at Emily as he spoke. “In fact, I would relish the opportunity to get to know you better.”
Her eyes narrowed. “This is not a social visit.”
“No, but there’s no reason why we cannot speak to one another while Blair works.”
“I do not consort with demons.”
“No one is asking you to ‘consort’ with anyone,” He flashed a grin. “I just want to get to know you better. We’ve had our differences, but I see no reason why we cannot work on them while you are here. Especially since you will have nothing else to do.”
“Emily…” I touched her forearm gently.
I did want them to get to know one another better. It might help if she got to know Mal and realized he wasn’t a threat.
She relaxed. “All right.”
“Then it’s settled. Blair and Emily will remain here until Zepar is cured.”
“And then we’re going straight back to Earth,” I said. “I can’t stay away from London any longer than necessary.”
“Of course. I will send someone to keep an eye on things until you return,” he said. “And they will consult with you to make sure that everything continues smoothly in your absence.”
I gave him a grateful smile. “I appreciate that.”
He inclined his head. “Of course.”
“And I expect to see you topside when this is all over.” I narrowed my eyes. “No more of this hiding business.”
His brothers laughed.
“Your mortal’s ordering you around,” Valefor said, grinning.
“She’s got him by the short
hairs,” Marchosias chimed in. “It’s adorable.”
Mal shrugged as if it didn’t bother him at all. “If you want to see me, I will not deny you.”
I smiled. “Good. I’m glad that’s settled.”
Everything was as it should be. I should have been perfectly pleased.
Instead, I felt more inner turmoil than ever before. A month in hell with both Emily and Mal, the three of us confined in one place. I wouldn’t be able just to stuff down my conflicting feelings, pretend they weren’t there. Especially if I had to see him every day. And there would be no way for me to keep Emily from seeing it all.
What the fuck was I going to do?
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Also by Izzy Shows
The Codex Blair Series
Grave Mistake
Blood Hunt
The Fallen’s Crime
Dark Descent
Wild Game
Grim Fate
High Stakes
Samhain Resurrected
The Fallen Hunter
Tainted Light
Summer Storm
Anthologies
Codex Blair Omnibus 1: Books 1-3
Ruled by Blood
Blood Captive: Origin
Blood Huntress
Blood Slave
Blood Queen
Space Mage
Eradicated
Provoked
Enslaved
Recalled
About the Author
Izzy Shows writes urban fantasy novels for adults, and much more in her spare time. She’s also an avid LARPer and enjoys storytelling in all art forms. She can be a little cooky, and really enjoys talking about her works, writing in general, or all things fantasy. To learn more about her you can follow her on twitter or check out her website.
IzzyShows.com
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