It went beyond the fact that I’d been upset. After all, I couldn’t imagine him holding Gretchen that way if she’d been sharing a painful story from her past. The more I thought about it today, the more it seemed like it had to mean something.
Or maybe I just wanted to read more into it than I should have. Maybe Nico had just been comforting a friend. Perhaps it hadn’t felt as intimate to him.
It sure as hell had felt intimate to me, though.
Where did that fact leave me? Confused, tired, and adrift in a castle in Falkenberg.
Lunch with the children was rather subdued. Elyse already had her Princess Merida dress and wig on. Usually, I assisted her with it after lunch. I wondered if perhaps Gretchen had helped her put it on this morning. If so, I hoped that didn’t become a habit. I’d grown to enjoy talking with the little girl while I pinned her long hair up. It was the time of the day she was most likely to respond to me.
After lunch, I relied on a favorite trick of nannies, babysitters, parents, and teachers everywhere—I let the kids watch a movie. This time it was The Little Mermaid. The twins loved it, and the music was great, but it did seem rather disturbing that the central message seemed to be that it was okay to trade away your most prized possession—in Ariel’s case, her voice—for a handsome prince with good abs.
Hmm… maybe I was projecting a bit too much of my life into the movie.
By dinner, I was dragging, ready for this day to be over, but also a little curious about seeing Nico again. Would he treat me like an injured bird that needed sheltering? Or would he act like nothing had happened last night? I didn’t know which option I preferred.
When the twins and I entered the dining room, Nico was already there. He greeted me cordially, but when he asked how I was doing, he stared intently into my eyes as if he really did want to know. And while the servers were bringing out the first course, he asked me in a low voice if we could talk for a few minutes after dinner.
I was just about to respond when two guards entered the room. Like the first night I’d been there, the servers jumped to attention, and Nico and his children got to their feet. I did, too, trying not to stare as I saw Queen Margrit for the second time in my life.
The twins and I remained standing while Nico and a servant ushered the queen to a chair at the head of the table. I kept my head bowed, unsure what exactly to do. Was I supposed to curtsy while standing behind a table? It didn’t quite seem right. Why hadn’t there been a course on royal etiquette at college?
“Have a seat, Cara,” Nico said, smiling at me. I blushed, realizing that Derrick and Elyse had already sat back down and were now watching me curiously. Derrick gave me a smile, but Elyse looked concerned, her dark eyes staring at me from under the wild red curls of her Merida wig.
The queen was quiet while servers brought her tea and a bowl of French onion soup. The moment they retreated, she turned to Elyse. “Take that ridiculous thing off your head.”
My mouth fell open as I gasped with surprise. Elyse’s face fell, and I wanted to go over there and hug her.
The monarch wasn’t done. “It’s bad enough you wear it around the castle, but I won’t have it at mealtimes.”
Nico set down his fork. “It’s harmless, mother.”
The queen ignored him, and to my horror, directed her glare at me. “My granddaughter is a princess. You’ve made her look like a cheap circus clown. In my day, there was none of this ridiculous playacting. You’ve filled her head with nonsense.”
It took me a moment to find my voice. “I—I apologize, Your Majesty, I just—”
“Don’t,” Nico interrupted, but I wasn’t sure if he meant I shouldn’t apologize or shouldn’t speak. “It’s just a costume, Mother. Children like to play dress-up.”
The queen rounded on Elyse again. The little girl was pressed back against her chair, looking down. “At least take off that ridiculous wig. It has no place at the dinner table. Who knows where she got it from.”
The she, I presumed, was me. It angered me to hear the queen talk about the beautiful wig that Frankie had sent as if it were a diseased animal.
“I won’t have my granddaughter wear something so tacky. Take it off.”
Everyone looked at Elyse, and my heart went out to her. What was the harm in wearing something that made her so happy?
“It’s just for dinner.” Nico’s voice was gentle as he spoke to his daughter. “You can put it back on right afterward.”
My heart sank. I wished he’d stood up to his mother. But on the other hand, it’s not like it would kill Elyse to take the wig off just for dinner.
But the little girl didn’t. Instead, she huddled on her chair, her body trembling. More than anything, I wanted to run over there, scoop her up, and get her out of this room. She seemed terrified—perhaps having this many eyes on her was intimidating?
Unfortunately, Nico was growing frustrated. Or perhaps he wanted to get the matter over with before his mother could say something harsh again? “Take the wig off right now, Elyse.”
With shaky fingers, Elyse grasped a handful of unruly curls and pulled. Almost in slow motion, the wig slid to one side of her head. As she continued to pull, it fell to her shoulder, long tendrils momentarily covering her face.
And then gravity took over and the wig slipped off her arm and onto the floor. The rest of us looked on in shocked silence as Elyse stared at her lap.
The brown hair on the little girl’s head wasn’t long and sleek anymore. Instead, it looked like it had been attacked with a hatchet. It stuck up in all directions, each tendril no more than a couple inches long. It was like no haircut I’d ever seen unless it was done by a blind man with a hedge-trimmer.
For several long moments, there was total and complete silence in the room.
The queen was the quickest to recover her voice, and it was directed at me. “You did this.” Oh my god… Elyse cut off her hair, and the queen was going to cut off my head.
“No, I—” The words rose automatically to my lips, and I could’ve kicked myself. I should’ve taken the blame and protected Elyse. But I hadn’t thought quickly enough, and now it was too late. The queen’s glare had returned to her granddaughter.
“Why did you do this? Your beautiful hair… it’s all gone.”
Nico seemed to break free of his shock. “Mother—”
But the queen cut him off. “I told you not to let this woman into our home. This self-absorbed American who’s barely more than a child herself. I told you no good would come of it.”
The queen’s words barely hurt. It wasn’t much of a surprise that she felt that way. My concern was all for Elyse. Tears glistened on the little girl’s cheeks, and Derrick had reached out and placed his hand over hers.
The queen’s anger turned into baffled confusion as she spoke again to Elyse. “Your beautiful, beautiful hair that was so much like Lady Lisette’s. It’s all gone, and it was so thick and glossy, just like your mother’s—”
“Stop saying that!” My words echoed through the room as I rose to my feet. Blood pounded through my veins though my hands shook.
The queen looked at me, shocked into silence. The prince did as well. After a long pause, he spoke quietly to the twins. “Derrick and Elyse, please go to the playroom. I’ll meet you up there in a few minutes. It’ll be okay,” he added as Derrick guided his sister away.
The few seconds that took was enough time for me to compose myself. I briefly considered backing down, but the memory of the misery on Elyse’s face gave me strength. “Your Majesty, I don’t think you realize how much that comparison bothers Princess Elyse.”
“Don’t you lecture me about my granddaughter.”
“Someone has to,” I said. If the queen wanted to kick me out of the castle, so be it. But I wasn’t going to stop now. “It’s not just you, Your Majesty. I’ve heard many people here say how much Elyse is like her mother.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nico watching me intently. His hands were
flat on the table as if he was ready to stand at any moment, but for now, he was still.
I forged on. “Princess Elyse has been trying her best to live up to that ideal. She’s been so busy trying to act like her mother that she’s hasn’t had a chance to be a child. To have fun and be silly and play. She’s been trying to live up to a memory, a standard that’s impossible for a child to achieve, and she’s been making herself miserable in the process.”
“She’s perfectly fine,” the queen retorted. “She’s a quiet child—there’s nothing wrong with that. Lady Lisette was at that age, too.”
A memory from an article online surfaced in my mind. The prince’s late wife had been the daughter of one of Queen Margrit’s oldest friends. “You’re still doing it, Your Majesty. You’re forcing Elyse into a role that’s not her own. She needs to be herself—and I’m not even sure that she knows who that is.”
“Whatever amateur psychology class you took in school was sadly lacking.” The queen’s heavy, ornate crown seemed to gleam in the light, giving her words extra resonance. “Having Elyse run around the castle pretending to be some kind of wild child with a bow and arrow does not constitute being herself.”
“But it’s a step in the right direction. It’s an identity she’s chosen, not one that was forced on her. And good for her. All children make-believe—at least when they’re not suffocating under tremendously unrealistic expectations.” My voice was strong thanks to years of theater training, but I could feel my hands trembling from the stress of this confrontation. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I don’t think the time Elyse spends with you in the afternoons is doing her much good.”
Nico looked surprised, and I realized I’d never told him about Elyse’s visits with her grandmother.
The queen’s normally dignified face filled with anger. “How dare you say I’m harming my granddaughter? Get out. I want you out of the palace tonight.”
Her command hit my body like a shock wave, and it was all I could do to remain on my feet. If I had to leave now, I’d miss Derrick and Elyse terribly. And the thought of never seeing Nico again? That was too painful to contemplate. Even so, I knew I’d never regret this. Someone needed to stand up for Elyse.
“Stop right there.” Nico’s voice was firm as he stood. “She’s not going anywhere.”
“You can’t possibly defend her. Did you see the way your daughter looked?” The queen’s voice was full of disbelief.
“The state of Elyse’s hair is far less important than what’s going on inside of her head. She needs help, and Miss Andrews was the only one who could see that.”
The queen scoffed. “This girl is not part of our family, and she needs to go back where she—”
“She’s not going anywhere,” Nico spoke over his mother. “I hired her, and I want her to stay. And the twins want her to stay, so it’s settled.”
Nico moved to my side and spoke quietly. “Would you please wait in my office, Cara? I need to speak to my mother and then the twins. Then I’ll come find you.”
I nodded, feeling the fight-or-flight adrenaline fade. All of a sudden, my knees felt weak. As I turned, Nico put his hand on my arm, guiding me. His touch gave me the courage to hold my head high as I left the room.
22
Nico
Dealing with my mother was one thing. Though it hadn’t been pleasant, I said what I needed to say to her. Dealing with my children? That was far harder.
My steps grew slower as I reached the playroom. What could I say to Elyse? To both of them? I’d failed them. There was no doubt about that, but I hadn’t seen it until Cara entered our lives.
She’s seen right away that the twins were struggling. Perhaps I was being too hard on myself? Maybe that was the kind of thing that was easier to see as an outsider. But in my heart, I knew I could’ve done better. Should have done better. Since Lisette died, they’ve only had me, and I let them down.
I found them sitting next to each other on a beanbag chair in the corner of the playroom. Derrick had his arm around his crying sister, and it nearly broke my heart. Even if I hadn’t been there for my son like I should have, he was there for his sister. I’d never been more profoundly grateful that they had each other.
Only Derrick looked up when I reached them, and I rested my hand gently on his head. I sank down, crouching to be at their level. “Elyse?”
At first, I thought she wasn’t going to look at me, but when she finally did, I handed her the wig. She took it, cradling it to her chest like a teddy bear. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry grandmother spoke to you like that.”
“And to Cara,” Derrick added defiantly.
“Yes, to her, too. The thing is…” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to phrase it. “Grandmother means well, but she doesn’t really know a lot about what our life is like. She didn’t know you very well when we lived in the US. Even now, she doesn’t really know what it’s like for us. But this isn’t really about her. It’s about the three of us.”
Elyse wouldn’t look at me, but I could tell she was listening. “I need to apologize to you both. I haven’t been here for you—I can see that now. I was just so sad after Mommy died that I didn’t do my job as your dad.”
Derrick was quick to forgive me. “You’ve always tried.”
“Yes, I have. But I didn’t realize that it wasn’t enough until Cara came.”
“She doesn’t have to leave tonight, does she, Dad?”
“No, she doesn’t. Though she’s only here until August.” That fact was a painful truth that needed to be said. Otherwise, we’d all hurt more if we let ourselves forget.
“Can’t she stay longer? She’s really nice.”
“She is, but she has her own life, too. She’s going to start graduate school.”
“Will we get a new nanny then?”
“Maybe. In the meantime, the three of us need to work on communicating better. We need to stick together. I’m sorry that I forgot that for a while.”
I put my hand out and grasped Elyse’s. She took it but still kept one hand clasped around the wig. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, if I ever made you feel like you had to be like Mommy. She was a wonderful person, and so are you, but you’re different people. Just like you and Derrick are different. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself, Elyse.”
My little girl nodded, her tear-streaked face breaking my heart. “I love you both for who you are. Elyse, it doesn’t matter to me if your hair is long and straight, or wild and curly, or shaved off entirely. That’s completely up to you—not me and not grandmother.” Her hand went to her shaggy head, and her crying increased.
God, I wished Cara were there. She’d know how to make Elyse feel better. But I needed to do this without relying on her. “Why did you cut your hair, sweetheart? That was dangerous, you could’ve hurt yourself.”
I wasn’t sure she was going to answer, but eventually she did. “I didn’t like it like that anymore. It… it made me sad.”
I’d never thought about how much upkeep it must’ve taken. Hell, I’d seen Gretchen spend up to twenty minutes on it in the morning, and I’d never given it a second thought. I bet Cara had. “When you’re ready, we’ll ask Gretchen to neaten up your hair a little. I think it’ll look good.” I didn’t have the slightest clue what it would look like, but that didn’t matter to me. And anyone it mattered to—like my mother—would just have to get over themselves.
“You can do whatever you want, Elyse. If you want to wear that wig twenty-four hours a day, that’s fine with me. But what I want is for us to spend more time together. We’re a family, and we need to figure out what works best for us. Cara had some ideas, but what matters most is what you both think.”
“Ideas about what?” It was Derrick who spoke, but Elyse was looking at me curiously as well.
“About some activities we can do now that it’s getting a little warmer outside. Derrick, I’ve been talking with Wilhelm, and we think it’s time for the Royal family of Falkenberg to tak
e up falconry again. Would you like that?”
“Really? We’d get real falcons and train them?” Derrick’s excitement was palpable, and even through her tears, Elyse looked happy for him.
“Yes, if you want to. But it’s a lot of work. There will be a lot to learn and do every day. Wilhelm’s going to help, but you’ll have to, too.”
“I will! I want to learn everything about it. I’ll help every day.”
“I know you will.”
“Thanks, Dad. Can Elyse help too?”
“If she wants,” I said. “But I also think that it’ll be good if sometimes we do some things one-on-one. So sometimes I’ll spend time with you at the mews working with the birds… and sometimes I’ll spend time with Elyse practicing archery.”
At that last word, Elyse’s eyes widened. With one small hand, she gestured at the toy weapon that was never far from her.
“Not with that,” I said. “We’ll get real bows, one for me and a special sized one just for you. We’ll practice outside until we’re both better than Robin Hood. Would you like that?”
Her dark eyes lit up. It had been a long time since I’d seen that. “Can we get a target?” Her voice was hoarse from crying, but it was good to hear it nevertheless.
“Of course.”
“I saw one in a movie. There was a bulls-eye in front of a bale of hay.”
“That’s what we’ll do.”
“But where will we get it?”
I winked at her. “I’m the crown prince. I’m fairly certain I can procure a bale of hay.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice lighter already. “I mean, thank you.”
“Yes, thanks,” Derrick added.
“We’ll start making plans tomorrow. Now, if you two are okay, I need to go check on Cara—I need to make sure grandmother didn’t throw her in the dungeons.”
I was joking, but Elyse popped to her feet when I stood. Her little face was concerned again. “Please don’t let grandma hurt Cara.”
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