Then I told her about my dad, letting Iris in to places I hadn’t even realized were so deep and locked away that it almost hurt to think of them. Parts of me that no one else had seen or would ever know. Her hands curled around my forearm as I spoke, my head leaning on my other hand and my eyes closed. How I still remembered the sound my mom had made when she answered the phone. The fear it had rent in my twelve-year-old heart as Mom began to cry. Cry so badly that Corinna cried, and I’d picked up my baby sister without hesitation, rocking her. Then called my Auntie Ellie.
The dull, dreary days that had passed when I'd go outside and see other kids with their dads. The anger at a violent world. And the loss too big for young shoulders.
But then, as I finished, my voice ragged and pained, wondering why I was telling her this when she had enough heartache, Iris slid her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest. I pulled her against me so that she was sitting on one of my legs, one hand on her lower back and the other in her hair. We said nothing. My heart was lighter if a bit raw.
“Little easier if you’re not alone,” Iris said.
Resting my cheek on her curls, inhaling her sweet fragrance, I nodded. I knew my thumb was rubbing a spot under her ear and I should stop, but I couldn't. This was the comfort I'd avoided and denied myself for years, as had Iris.
“How is it I was trying to make you feel better, and you made me feel better?” I asked gruffly. Iris laughed and snuggled against me, her cheek resting on my shoulder. “Thank you.”
At some point, we got up, stretched, and ate, a little quiet and awkward. But Iris came up next to me as I got water and slipped an arm around me, her head on my chest. We understood each other, at least.
Or maybe at last.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kal
A rash of near breaches kept me busy for the next few days, which turned into a week, and then another. Iris and I were comfortable around each other and talking more, talking about anything. I now wondered if it was a good idea to bring more feelings into this.
But I also couldn’t keep up this pretense that my feelings were just friendly. She deserved that. So, one winter morning when the snow was sticking, and the sky was a dark gray but not storming, I asked her to go for a walk with me. There was a gentle trail that led down through the woods and overlooked a little valley. It was beautiful and remote, the long way to Luke's, actually.
Iris had been surprised but had acquiesced.
Outside, waiting for Iris, I found myself remembering a particularly nerve-wracking afternoon spent creeping through a desert while I was in Special Forces. I’d been in the service for years but had been as green as hell when it came to that. Yet at the same time, there’d been a solidarity between you and your team, things you could count on.
The nerves and nausea were worse at this moment, wriggling ropes filling my gut and spearing into my chest. Then Iris came outside.
Adrenaline rushed through me, flooding every vein and sending my racing heart into a tailspin. She was adjusting her gloves and reached up to pat her hat when she saw me, then smiled. Every shade of warm, from her curls, glowing with gold edges, to her brown eyes like chocolate.
Christ, I thought. She would be my mate, making me think sappy shit like that.
And yet underneath it, I saw a stubborn patience, a fight for optimism, and a heart still open in spite of its scars. There was no help for a fool like me when it came to her.
I could kid myself all I wanted, but Iris had gotten past my walls the first time she’d looked at me. That open, hopeful look mingling with incredulity. Happy to be seen but puzzled as to why I was there, rescuing her. I’d seen it, and it had smitten my heart then, as it did at the river.
Iris knew how to give and be grateful, but she’d locked her heart against receiving things. It had taken me weeks to figure out, while she’d probably seen through me in days. A far subtler and stronger way to keep your distance.
As she came over, chattering, and we began to walk, I wondered if I’d closed that distance with her. Iris made it so hard to tell. While I knew more about her demons, and she knew mine, I wasn’t sure if that meant she’d let me in. If I could tell her how I felt without scaring her away.
Although she’d seen me at my worst and hadn’t run. My best, too, I hoped. Still, that scared me in a different way. She wasn’t hanging around because I was tall or an Alpha. She stuck by my side because she cared.
Only today, I wanted to see if it was as a friend, or if Iris knew…
“Where are we going again?” Iris asked.
Her chattering teeth brought me out of my reverie. I’d been meaning to talk to her, to admit what I was feeling and see if she wanted to move elsewhere to sort out her own feelings. Instead, I’d been striding along in silence and brooding.
"Fresh air and a little distance," I said and glanced down at her. Iris was shivering, and I realized the wind had picked up, cutting an icy knife through us both. I'd been too distracted to notice my own body was cramping with the cold. "Damn, maybe not this fresh. It got cold."
“I think snow is coming,” Iris said and rubbed her arms, glancing down the trail.
The mellow gray afternoon was growing darker by the minute. Damn. I shook my head and pressed a fist to my forehead, trying not to laugh. I was such an idiot. What a stupid idea.
“Did you want to talk about something?” The softness in her voice had me panicking, and heat rushed up my neck. “Kal.”
“What makes you think that?” I asked, now rubbing my rough beard and wishing I’d trimmed it. What a half-assed, moronic idea this was. What the hell had I been thinking?
Iris gave me a look. “I don’t think; I know. What is it?”
The wind clacked through the trees, and my bones were starting to ache. If I was cold, then Iris was probably almost a popsicle. “We should go back,” I said. “There wasn’t anything.”
“I mean, we can keep going until you get it off your chest,” Iris replied, a smile playing around her lips, and she knew she had me. “Either way, let’s start walking. It’ll warm us up.”
A small laugh escaped me, but my chest ached. I’d blown it. “Let’s go back. Too cold.”
Iris’s head fell back as she laughed and then gave my arm a brief squeeze. “So, you can get cold, and you didn’t want to admit it.”
“I’m not that cold,” I grumbled and hunched my shoulders, trying not to admit her laugh had already warmed me up. “But if I’m cold, you must be freezing.”
“So?” Iris tossed me a smile. “I’m with you.” She swung her arms and looked around the winter woods as she tripped forward. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Iris hadn’t realized I’d stopped until she took a few more steps and turned, her big eyes filled with immediate concern. She was wearing an old winter flannel cap of mine that was too big, a chunky scarf, and an oversized coat. Boots that hit her knee.
I’m sure she didn’t think it was anything remarkable, but I knew I would never forget it. Not that warm, rosy picture she made against the gray landscape and the way she seemed to scatter light around her.
“Kal?”
I closed the distance between us, not able to stand it for another moment. If she slapped me for losing all hold of my sanity and self-restraint, I’d gladly take it. But for now, I had to have her.
My hands caught her face, and I bent down, kissing her.
Hard. Fierce. Straightforward.
So she’d have no doubts. And when I broke off, both in an effort to grasp for sanity and in question, Iris made a ragged, impatient sound in her throat. Her arms went around my neck, and she was kissing me with the very clear declaration that if I stopped, she would never forgive me.
A smile tugged up the corner of my lips.
This works, too.
To warm us up. To answer the question between us.
Pulling Iris closer, a groan escaped me as the kiss deepened, and her lips parted. Everything was diss
olving into the heat between us, and if this woman proved to be an inferno that would ravage the ice around my heart, so be it. I’d throw myself into it.
A devouring, powerful kiss that swept everything else away. Thought shut down in favor of every nerve ending honing in on Iris. Vaguely, I knew I was probably being a little rough and a little too ravenous. I’d held back too long.
However, the way Iris’s fingers dug into my neck and pulled on my hair, only spurred me on. She kissed back with a fire of her own, and there was a distant wonder about whether she’d been holding back, too. Something I looked forward to finding out the answer to.
But I had the most important one right now, in my arms, and I wasn’t letting go.
Finally, though, we had to come up for air. I wouldn’t let her go, though, one hand on her hair and the other gripping the back of her jacket, still pressing her against me. My forehead rested against hers as we both stood there, breathing heavily and letting the world steal back to us in pieces. It was almost a shock to see the forest and sky around us.
Neither of us said a word. Iris slowly tilted her head back, her eyes searching my face, and then her hands slid down around my neck before brushing up across my scruff. Then she held my face for several moments, looking up at me, and a tremble ran through her fingers.
My hand left her hair to find her hand, the one that shared the same scar as mine. Without letting my eyes leave hers, I kissed her fingers. A savage, stern promise of a kiss.
Iris made a small noise, her eyes bright and understanding. Swallowing hard, I had to close my eyes for a second. Gripping her hand more tightly, I pressed it against my lips and let myself memorize this moment.
Then, taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes onto Iris’s and let go of her hand. My fingers traced down her cheekbone to her lips and chin, lifting a bit. I gave her a soft and lingering kiss, one that had her blinking slowly and contently when I pulled back.
“There’s more,” I said.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Iris
Kal’s gray eyes had a translucent quality that you’d never know about unless you got close enough. Watching those storm-gray eyes shift between hues was making it really hard to think.
Also difficult was the fact that I was finding the hard edge of Kal’s jaw with my fingertips, and he was letting me. If anything, I think he was encouraging me.
“Okay,” I managed, through lips I wasn’t quite sure would ever stop tingling. Oh, Kal knew how to kiss. I’d suspected as much, but now the world could have experienced another Rift, and I wouldn’t have known. “What?”
“We should go home and talk, I think,” Kal said.
He made no moves to do so. In fact, his eyes fluttered shut as my fingers smoothed up the cold scruff, contrasting with hot skin, to brush against his bottom lip. The other hand was gently scraping up and down his cheek. Mine, I thought with a fierceness that seemed to echo through my soul and a joy that unknit me at the same time.
“Iris,” he said, a groan catching his throat, and he caught my hands. The sudden loss of his arms around me had me stumbling against his chest. “I…what was I going to say?”
How you were going to kiss me like that again? I wanted to ask.
But he let out a resolute sigh and stepped back, opening his eyes. “I—”
“Kal!” Luke’s relieved shout had me jumping back, but Kal gripped my hands more tightly, preventing me from going too far. “There you…” We both looked down the trail to see him slowing down as he ran towards us and making a hilarious face. “Aha—hi, guys. Um, Xander needs us.”
“I’m busy,” Kal said through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, so that’s why you tuned out…” Luke tapped his head. “Honestly, we were afraid you might be dead.” A grin flashed onto Luke’s face. “But…just preoccupied.” Kal let out a rumble, and Luke quickly added, “Breach. Real one. I’m sorry.”
Kal blew out a long sigh, and I sensed him looking at me. Luke tried to hide his grin, and I dropped my eyes, the rational part of my brain waking up and going bright red.
“I’ll be right there,” Kal said to Luke, who didn’t move. “Lukas. Get your ass gone, please.”
“Of course. And, ah, my apologies, you two. Have a good night, Iris.” I nodded and saw him shift out of the corner of my eye, loping off into the shadows.
I peeked up at Kal, who was frowning and staring off to the side, probably talking to Xander. When I’d found out about the telepathic connection among the pack, it had seemed interesting. Kal had said it was a damn nuisance.
Wait, aren’t mates supposed to have one, too? I wondered, and a nervous thrill went through me. Kal had said that when you didn’t want to be disturbed, you wouldn’t be, and that your thoughts were safe, but still, it seemed shockingly intimate.
But then, the Rift had torn down so many walls between nature and man, why not between humans, too?
“I have to go,” Kal said in a tone of great reluctance. “Any other time, I wouldn’t, but…”
“Go,” I said as his hands slowly uncurled from mine. “I’ll, um, go home and make dinner.”
“I probably won’t be home till late.”
“Then I’ll leave it out for you.”
“Thank you,” he said, and suddenly he was kissing me again, making me rise up on my toes and arch my back. Then he pulled away and grinned at me, a wild and sly grin that was meant only for me. “For the road, y’know?” He stepped back slowly. “Don’t wait up.”
With that, he shifted and was gone.
I made my way back to the house, dazed and giddy. Stripping out of my many layers, I was a bit damp and decided to take a shower. Everything was slow and dreamy, my brain lost in replaying that kiss over and over again. The moment I’d said his name as I tried to figure out why he’d stopped, I knew he was going to kiss me. Some primal knowledge had risen up.
But still, when he’d stalked over and kissed me like that, I'd been…
Well, I was still reeling.
And now I had questions. So many questions. What did he mean by more? Were they the answers to my questions? Were we going to keep living together? Was this a one-time thing?
Out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself and looked into the mirror, touching my lips. A shiver went over me, recalling the little moments between us over the last few weeks, maybe more, when I’d wondered if maybe Kal’s feelings had changed toward me.
Or had they been there all along?
Picking up another towel, I squeezed the water from my hair and wandered to my room to get dressed. Even though Kal had said he wouldn’t be back until much later, on the off chance he did come back, I picked out a cute pair of loose black lounge pants and a peach tank top, over which I put on one of his hoodies that I’d borrowed the other day. It still smelled like him.
Traipsing downstairs, I cooked dinner. More often than not, the cooking fell to Kal. He was good at it. His mother had taught him after his dad died so they could spend time together. Like most things, he was efficient, practical, and direct about it. As well as far too good at it.
I ate, read, and tried to get some work done. But I was too restless and antsy, wishing Kal would come home. Finally, I nodded off on the couch, worn out from the day.
Unfortunately, when I woke up, Kal still wasn’t home. Getting a second wind, I read for a while and was about to head upstairs when I heard a noise. Heart leaping, I bolted upright on the couch and peered over the back of it, down the hall.
Kal came stomping through, covered in snow and soaked to the bone, his skin an angry red. A squeak escaped me, and I hopped up, vaulting over the side of the couch.
“Iris?” he asked and scowled, looking like a drowned bear. “Why are you up?”
“Fell asleep on the couch,” I said and came forward a little.
“Don’t—stop right there,” he said. “Don’t touch me. I’m a mess. I need to take a shower.” Kal stripped off another layer and piled it by the door. “Leav
e it—I’ll get it. Go to bed.”
He’d been working, and I’d been mooning. I should’ve gotten more done.
“Hey,” Kal growled as I began to walk upstairs, and I turned. “You—you look good in that hoodie. Keep it.” His throat bobbed. “What’s mine is yours, and all that.”
I smiled at him. “I wasn’t planning on giving it back.” Kal’s shirt was sticking to his skin and highlighting every edge of sculpted muscle as he stretched, working out a kink in his back. My mouth went dry. “Um, ha, good night!”
Fleeing upstairs, I knew there was no way I was getting to sleep. For a few minutes, I paced around, tugging on my hair and trying to put random things away. Then I flopped on the bed and rolled around, trying not to remember what it was like to have those broad shoulders at my disposal. Or how warm Kal’s skin was, even on the coldest days.
Worse, because I’d fled up here, I’d forgotten my glass of water and book. Thirsty and bored, I peeked out into the hall. No sign of Kal. I couldn’t tell if he was in the bathroom without creeping down there, but the house was quiet. He probably still was. It hadn’t been that long, had it?
Soundlessly, I headed downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, I heard a noise in the kitchen and craned my neck to look, only to back up into the wall abruptly.
Kal was standing in the kitchen in a pair of sweats—and only a pair of sweats.
He turned immediately, and I gave a little wave. Color crept up his neck, and he folded his arms, leaning back against the counter. Shaking his head, he murmured, “Why did I bother?”
“I forgot something,” I said and rubbed my arm, before realizing I’d shed the sweatshirt upstairs. I’d almost taken off my pants, too. Even though I could see the glass of water and my book next to it, less than ten feet away, I couldn’t move. “Is the food okay?”
“Haven’t eaten yet,” Kal said in a faint voice, glancing away and then back. “Uh…”
Ice Bear's Bid (Northbane Shifters Book 4) Page 26
