by Londyn Skye
In the very hour that James was supposed to be making his escape with Lily, he was, instead, watching as his baby’s head began to crown. “God why?” he tearfully whispered after another powerful contraction forced its tiny head all the way out. With Lily still paralyzed in the depths of a coma, her body was simply expelling the baby with no effort from her whatsoever. Corrina watched on from the corner as James wiped away his tears while trying hard to accept what was happening. With no other choice but to surrender to the circumstances, he got into position to help bring his baby into the world. He took hold of the head and waited for the next contraction. Seconds later, James was holding onto his very first newborn child. He quickly took his pocketknife, cut the umbilical cord, and began rubbing the baby’s back, desperate to force it to breathe. Miraculously, he heard a faint whimper from a baby who was only slightly bigger than his hand. James turned it over and gazed at the face of his newborn for the very first time. Its soft whimpers were just as beautiful to him as Lily’s music. He delicately cradled his baby close to his chest as joyous tears welled in his eyes.
Corrina found the partially knitted yellow blanket that Lily had been working on and handed it to James. He wrapped his newborn snugly within it, pulled it close to his chest again, and then knelt beside his wife. “Lily, our baby’s here. Lily, come on, wake up.” Lily’s eyes were so swollen that she could not open them to see her baby even if she had the strength to. When Lily did not respond, James’s tears of joy began to mix with those of despair all over again.
“Masa’,” Corrina said, approaching him cautiously. “You go on and be with yo’ baby.” While it’s still alive, she thought to herself. “I’ll take care of Lily for now.”
James looked up at her through appreciative tear-filled eyes. “Thank you,” he replied.
The sorrowful sight of him shattered Corrina’s heart. “You’re welcome,” she replied, tears now coursing down her own cheeks.
James then turned his attention back to his newborn and noticed the speed with which it was breathing, panting hard like it was nearly out of breath. He then pulled the blanket back and saw the way its stomach moved as rapidly as each breath it took. James had seen these signs in a premature baby he had delivered during his medical training, but he was not ready to admit to himself what he knew such signs would lead to. All he wanted to do was be with his child for however long God was going to allow.
James sat down with his newborn in a corner, not far from Lily, and began swaying gently with it, running his fingers through its feathery dark hair. For minutes, he just stared at the beautiful little miracle in his arms. He was in complete awe over what his love for Lily had created. “You’re my dream come true,” were his first words to his newborn. “I been dreamin’ about you nearly every day since your mama told me you were comin’. That’s how I finally won. Normally, your mama beats me at everything, but I won this time because my dreams were too real to ignore.” He kissed the baby’s cheek. “I told ’er you were a little girl, not no rotten, knuckle-headed boy like me,” he smiled as he continued to caress his daughter’s feathery hair. “I dreamt you’s gonna be strong and beautiful … just like your mama. And just look at you, my little Rose.” He stopped a moment to appreciate his tiny miracle. “I could neva’ have been more right. You sure are just as beautiful as your motha’,” he whispered, kissing her soft forehead.
“Your mama’s gonna be so excited to hold you when she wakes up. I just know she’s gonna be so proud when she finally gets to show you off to Isabel and your Grandfatha’, Mr. William. Isabel’ll probably exhaust ’erself fixin’ you up a whole closet full ‘a pretty little dresses … far more than you could probably eva’ wear. And you’re gonna love your Grandfatha’, William. You may not be his blood granddaughta’, but I know for a fact that he’ll treat you no different. He’s gonna have the biggest smile on his face when he finally gets to hold you. I bet he won’t wanna put you down. We’ll probably have to snatch you away from him,” James joked.
“We’re all gonna be stayin’ at Grandpa William’s house in the Old World real soon. You, me, and your mama, we’re gonna be leavin’ tonight,” James told Rose, trying to speak all those facts into existence. “It’s gonna be a long journey. But guess what?” he whispered, still caressing Rose’s hair. “When we get there, Mr. William’s gonna help your mama set up your bedroom, one that’s fit for the little princess that you are. And while they’re doin’ that, I’m gonna get to work buildin’ you a dollhouse to play with all the pretty dolls I’m gonna buy you. And when you’re old enough to play outside, I’m gonna tie a swing to the biggest tree in the yard. As soon as you’re strong enough to hold on, I’m gonna push you as high as you wanna go … high up into the sky, so you feel like you’re flyin’. Would you like that?” he asked, letting her grip onto his finger.
“Then when you’re even stronga’, I’m gonna show you how to climb that big ol’ tree, just the way me and your mama used to when we was kids. I’m gonna have to teach you real good, ’cause I’m gonna build you the greatest treehouse on this earth. All the otha’ kids will be envious. It’ll be way up high, so you can feel like a princess in a castle. I can already see you up there smilin’ down at me. I’ll be standin’ on the ground smilin’ back at ya’, wavin’ at my little princess up in her towa’ in the sky. I can even get you a telescope and climb up there with ya’, so we can look out at the stars togetha’, just the way your mama and your grandma used to do. Won’t that be fun?
“Then when you’re a little olda’, we’ll have to find us a creek or a lake nearby. It’s where I’m gonna teach ya’ how to fish. I’ll take you out on my fishin’ boat and sit you on my lap and help you reel in all the big fish you catch. We’re gonna have to practice a lot, ’cause I’m gonna need you to be my fishin’ partna’. I figured togetha’ we can finally beat your mama. Trust me, I need all the help I can get … she’s good.” He put a finger to his lips. “Shh, don’t tell ’er I said that, though, okay?” he smiled. “See the rule is, whoeva’ loses has to fry up the fish. So, since me and you are gonna beat mama all the time that means she’ll be stuck cookin’ while I get to be the one who cuddles up with you in a rockin’ chair and tell you stories about how mischievous me and your mama was when we were kids. Your mama was the naughty one, though … not me. I’s an angel. I neva’ caused a lick ‘a trouble until I met her.”
Corrina was patting Lily with a cool cloth but was hanging on every word James was whispering to Rose. Despite the depressing scene they were all submerged in, Corrina could not help but smile at James’s sarcasm. But more than anything, she was incredibly touched at the gentleness and love that such a masculine man was showing to such a tiny baby. She had never seen such a thing before. Although she was smiling at James’s tenderness, she was aching on the inside knowing that the beautiful moment would likely not last very long.
“Then afta’ dinna’ is ova’, me and your mama are gonna crawl into your bed with you every night, sit you right in the middle of us, and read your favorite bedtime story,” James continued. “A-and w-when the story’s o-ova’,” he said, stumbling over his words from the sudden tightness he felt in his chest after noticing Rose’s breathing begin to slow. “I’m gonna look ova’ and see you there with your eyes closed tight, sleeping soundly, and smile at ya’ … just ’cause I’m so proud to be your daddy,” he said, kissing her tiny forehead again.
“Since you’ve made my dream come true, I now wanna spend the rest ‘a my life learnin’ what all your dreams are, so I can help you fulfill each and every one of ’em … no matta’ what they may be. But you gotta be strong for me right now Rose, okay?” James asked of her, trying to ignore the fact that her breaths were becoming fewer and further in between. “Be real strong, so we can work hard to make all your dreams a reality, you and me … togetha’. Look at ya’, fightin’ hard already, but ya’ gotta keep it up … just hold on for me, okay?” he begged of her as her little lips began to turn purple. “Every
day, I wanna be able to kiss you goodnight … just like this,” he said, planting another kiss on her cheek. “And then tell you how much I love you … ’cause I do my little Rose. I’ve loved you from the moment your mama told me about you.” He kissed her again. “Daddy loves you so much, sweetpea,” he whispered just before she took her very last breath.
“Rose?” James pulled back her blanket to look at her chest. “Don’t give up! C’mon, sweetpea, you gotta keep fightin’ for me, okay?” He gently shook her. “Rose?!” He cried out again. “God no! P-please don’t take ’er away from me!” he begged. “ROOOSE!” He gently shook her again … but all movement had indeed ceased.
Rose Elizabeth Maya Adams had just spent her entire life cuddled up next to the warmth of her father’s bare chest, being held in the strength and love of his embrace as he caressed and stroked her hair and fragile skin. She lay there listening to the tender sound of his voice and bathing in the sentiments of his loving words as she slipped away peacefully into the afterlife.
The one thing James wanted with Lily more than anything in the entire world now lay lifeless in his arms. Accepting that fact triggered a sea of savage tears that came forcefully spilling from his eyes. “NOOOO!” he wailed repeatedly at the top of his lungs while weeping non-stop. A part of James had undoubtedly taken its last breath along with his beloved firstborn child. Not even his mother’s death rivaled the penetrating pain he felt when Rose ceased to exist right there in his arms. Even though she was gone, James could not bear to let her go. He just sat there with his tiny daughter pressed closely to his shattered heart, crying like a man who was in excruciating pain, internally blaming himself for not being there to protect her, and cursing God for not answering his prayers. He continuously sobbed over the fact that he was a doctor but could not even save his own child. He cried over the fact that Lily was unable to hold their daughter during her brief life or share in the welcoming of their first child into the world. He sobbed knowing that he would never see his little girl smile, crawl, walk, or even see the color of her eyes. He would never push the lifeless little girl in his arms on a swing, read her stories, build her a treehouse, or take her fishing the way he dreamed. He would never hear her say, “I love you daddy,” or hear her say the word “daddy” at all. For James Adams, the reality of those truths was soul crushing and left him completely inconsolable for over half an hour.
Corrina watched on while sitting next to Lily, silently weeping and mourning James’s loss along with him. Every slave in the common area did not need to be told what had just happened. James’s anguished wailing pierced through the walls and seeped into the hearts of everyone within earshot. They all broke down into a fit of tears as well, some sobbing like it was their own child who had just taken her last breath. It rocked them all into complete silence and brought forth another round of sympathetic prayers.
James’s current pain could only ever be rivaled by Lily’s loss. After God let his daughter slip away, he was quickly losing faith in the fact that the Lord would bother to spare Lily’s life. The way she still lay unresponsive, in such grave condition, James started to believe it was inevitable that he would drown in the sorrow of her death too. If that were the case, he had already decided that he would take his own life. He was simply incapable of living without them both, especially knowing that he was essentially to blame for their demise.
James’s suicidal thoughts suddenly ceased when he heard a commotion in the common area of the slave quarters. “Where the fuck is James?!” he heard his father bark at one of the slaves. Jesse had been gone for hours not only to get treatment for J.R., but for himself. He had beaten Lily so brutally that he had broken his right wrist. He did not even realize it until his adrenaline subsided and his entire hand began to throb and swell while J.R was getting stitches. Gideon had to take him to his clinic to reset the bone and make a proper splint to stabilize it, which Jesse was now wearing.
“He’s in here pa!” Jacob yelled after he and J.R. found James in Lily’s room.
Jesse stomped into the back room. He stopped near the doorway and glared at James, who still sat in the corner holding onto Rose with tears still in his swollen, bloodshot eyes. “Is that little fucker dead?” Jesse asked, referring to the baby.
James refused to acknowledge him.
“ANSWA’ ME GODDAMN IT!”
Still, James did not say a word, but the sullen look on his face gave Jesse the satisfying answer he was hoping for. He stomped over and looked down at the baby, happy to see that it was indeed motionless. “Good! Now, lemme take that lil’ nigga’ out in the woods and burn it,” he snarled, reaching down to grab Rose.
With his baby still cradled in one arm, James lunged at his father, trying to grab him with his free hand, growling like a primordial beast. In that brief moment, words did not exist in James’s mind. Unabated animalistic rage was the only emotion that surfaced in the face of his father. Fortunately for Jesse, Jacob snatched him back before James could sink his claws into him.
“Touch my baby, and I’ll break y’ur otha’ fuckin’ arm!” James snarled, looking and sounding like a madman with no conscience.
J.R. pulled out his pistol and aimed it at James. “Touch pa, and I’ll put you outta your misery, nigga’ lova’.”
James’s eyes homed in on the gauze tied around his brother’s arm, where he had just received his stitches. An unwanted image of J.R. forcing himself inside of Lily then suddenly flashed in James’s mind; it instantly escalated his animalistic rage tenfold.
“Let ’em be, J.R.,” Jacob said. “The Lord is already punishin’ him for his sins anyway. Go on and let ’em finish watchin’ this otha’ nigga’ die,” he said, motioning his head toward Lily.
J.R. suddenly turned his gun toward Lily. “Why don’t we make her our special guest at our rally t’night, pa? Burn the bitch alive and get it ova’ with,” he growled, a sinister smirk emerging on his face.
“Nah,” Jesse replied, locking eyes with James. “I want this nigga’ lova’ to watch his whore rot to death as slow as humanly possible.”
James and Jesse exchanged evil glares for a moment longer before he and his older boys peacefully departed. James then calmly returned to the corner he was sitting in, cradled Rose close to him again, and continued digging deep for the strength to let go of her. After gazing at his baby for a moment, he turned to look at Lily, who was still trapped in a comatose state. Despite Corrina’s efforts to keep Lily’s body cool, she was now sweating profusely. After the added bodily trauma of giving birth and losing fluids, her breathing had also become even more labored. Lily’s worsening condition finally gave James the strength to let go of his daughter. There was nothing he could do about Rose’s loss, but he now wanted to be sure that he did not lose her mother as well.
James got up and walked over to where Corrina was sitting. “Would you hold Rose for me?”
“Yessa’, of course,” Corrina replied.
“Please don’t let ’er go,” James said, kissing Rose’s forehead before reluctantly handing her over.
“I promise I won’ t.”
James was supposed to have already been on the road, headed to meet Samuel at the first trade-off spot. Despite the unfortunate delays, he still had every intention of making his escape with Lily. But he knew he would be taking a major risk by leaving with her now while his father and brothers were nearby. James’s original plan was to wait for his father to fall into his typical drunken stupor before departing, but considering Lily’s condition, he felt he had no choice but to try to sneak away with her as soon as possible.
Thinking quickly, James picked Lily up and walked with her to the common area of the slave quarters. He gathered up all the male slaves and had them quietly follow him to the barn. Earlier that morning, he had already loaded up his wagon with everything he planned to take with him on his way to New York. When he entered the barn, he placed Lily inside of that same wagon and covered her up with a blanket. Fearing the noise of horse re
ins would command the attention of his father and brothers, James asked all the men to quietly push his wagon through the darkness of the woods and out the back way to the main road. He had them take two horses along with them, so they could attach their reins when they were a good distance away from the main house.
While all the male slaves gladly began working swiftly and quietly to carry out his wishes, James headed back to the slave quarters. He walked sullenly back into Lily’s room with a small, wooden shoebox in hand. As promised, Corrina was still sitting there faithfully holding on to Rose. James stopped, sat the box down, and gazed at Corrina with appreciation. “Thank you, Corrina. For your kindness, and for everything you’ve done to help me and Lily…” He felt a lump forming in his throat as he reached out his hand to help Corrina stand. “And m-my sweet little Rose,” he continued, while choking back his tears. He looked down at his daughter, who looked like she was only sleeping. The moment he gazed at her tiny innocent face, he could no longer hold back his tears. He took Rose into his arms again, kissed her tiny cheek, and then wiped his eyes before gaining the courage to look up at Corrina.
A tear trickled down Corrina’s cheek the moment he looked at her. “You’re welcome, masa’ James. And I’m so very sorry for your loss.”
James nodded and then kneeled with Rose near the wooden box he had retrieved. He had no intention of leaving her behind. He stared at the box for a few moments before finding the willpower to open the lid. He froze with fresh tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’ll hold you again in the afta’life,” he assured Rose as he kissed her for the last time. “I love you, sweetpea.” He looked down at the shoebox again and was instantly paralyzed by the thought of placing his baby within it, especially while her body was still warm. “C-Corrina, I-I can’t,” he sobbed. “Please help me. I just … I can’t put ’er in there.”
