I was so lost in thought that I should have been startled when he gently slipped his hand over my shoulder, but it felt right.
I covered his hand with mine and glanced back at him.
“What were you thinkin’ about?” he asked as he walked around and knelt in front of me.
I could have been coy. I could have held back lest I scare him away, but Jed had been talking about long term, so I would too. “You,” I said softly. “Us.”
He grinned up at me. “And?”
“I love your new house. I can see us being happy here.”
He looked relieved, then pulled me to my feet.
“When I look at you, I see forever, Jed,” I admitted. “That scares me.”
He didn’t say a word, just held my hand and led me upstairs, pausing in front of his closed bedroom door. Then he lifted his hand to my face and stared lovingly into my eyes. “I realize that I’ve hurt you by not sleepin’ with you, and I’m sorry. But so many men have taken advantage of you.”
A new horror washed through me. What if Jed couldn’t bring himself to sleep with me because I’d been raped? What if that freaked him out so much he didn’t want to touch me?
His gaze narrowed. “Sunshine, whatever is runnin’ through that creative mind of yours, just reel it back in and make it heel. Let me finish.”
“Okay.”
“Man after man has used you. They’ve hurt you in the most brutal way.” His eyes darkened. “I want to rip them limb from limb for daring to lay eyes on you, let alone touch you, but I can’t. The only thing I’ve known to do is treat you with the respect you were owed by those men. The respect you are owed by any man, but especially me.” He paused. “I didn’t want you to just sleep with me, Neely Kate. I want you to know that I will always treat you with respect and love.”
“Jed, you do.”
“I didn’t want to sleep with you until I could tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love you, and hopefully give you time to catch up. You deserve a man who respects you enough to wait. To treat you like the precious gift you are.” He stared down at me with love and adoration. “I love you, Neely Kate Rivers. I’ve been waitin’ my whole life for you. Waitin’ a month to sleep with you was nothing.”
Tears stung my eyes. “Say it again.”
He grinned. “I love you, Neely Kate. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you and make you mine.”
My elation dampened. “I’m still married, Jed. I can’t marry you.”
“We’ll track down the bastard and get him to sign the papers,” he said, as though it was as easy as going to the grocery store to buy milk. “But that’s not gonna stop me from loving you now. Ceremony or not, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
His face radiated with happiness and he pushed open the door. “Now let me show you.”
Chapter 22
Jed had set multiple candles around the room, their flickering flames serving as the only light. The soft music playing felt like an invitation, and I stepped in, taking it all in. His brown and beige bedspread had been removed from the bed, now replaced by a white blanket and a pile of white pillows.
I looked up at him with a questioning look. “When? How?”
He laughed. “It wasn’t easy. I never expected you to come over until I brought you here, and I was sure you would see the bags in the closet.”
I walked to the foot of the bed. “I saw them but never thought a thing about them. You didn’t have to do all of this.”
“I wanted our first time to be special,” he said as he followed me in.
“More special than you tellin’ me you waited to say you loved me first?” I shook my head. “Jed…”
“I’ve wanted to sleep with you for months, but I knew I had to wait.” A hungry look filled his eyes. “But we’re done waitin’.” He paused and held my gaze. “Unless you’ve changed your mind. You’re in control tonight, Neely Kate. You’re callin’ all the shots.”
“I haven’t changed my mind. I want you even more.” I gave him a mischievous grin. “So I tell you to take off your shirt, you’ll do it?”
He reached for the knot of his tie. “Just say the word.”
I walked over to him and gently brushed his hands away, then captured his face with my palms. “Let me get one last look at you all dressed up.”
He laughed. “We can dress up again. I can take you to Shreveport. Or Little Rock.”
I tilted my head. “While this was fun, and I definitely want to do this again, I don’t think we’re dress-up-very-often kind of people.”
“What about that fundraiser dinner tomorrow night?” he asked in surprise. “You were all excited about bein’ high society.”
“I wanted Joe to not be ashamed to call me his sister, and he proved that he wasn’t ashamed when he introduced me as his sister to all those sheriff deputies.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t feel as important as it did before.” I reached up and kissed him. “I was lookin’ for a family, Jed. I’ve found that with Rose. I’ve found that with you.”
He slowly slipped an arm around my back and gently tugged me to his chest. “Don’t forget you’re callin’ the shots. You’re in total control.”
I knew what he was doing. It was another gift from this amazing man who didn’t have a selfish bone in his body as far as I was concerned. “Show me how much you love me, Jed.”
“Gladly.” He kissed me, soft and gentle. I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him, demanding more, which he willingly gave. His hand lifted to the back of my head, pulling me closer, as his other hand slid up my back to find my zipper.
I stepped back, dislodging his hand, and he watched me with a mixture of patience and desire. “I want to undress you first.”
He grinned, holding his hands out at his sides. “I’m yours to undress.”
I closed the distance between us again and reached for his tie, loosening the knot, then tugging it over his head and tossing it on the floor. “We don’t want to lose track of that. We might want to use it later.”
His eyes widened at that and his nostrils flared, and I wondered if Jed wanted to tie me up or be the one who was tied down. I didn’t dwell on it as I quickly undid the top button of his shirt, then stretched up to place a kiss at the base of his neck. His next two buttons followed, with my mouth blazing a trail down his chest to his perfectly rippled abs above the waistband of his pants.
“Can I touch you?” he asked in a raspy voice.
I smiled up at him. “Of course.” I dropped to my knees and unbuckled his belt, then unfastened the clasp of his pants, placing a kiss on the bare skin above his underwear.
He groaned and lifted a hand to the back of my neck, his fingertips gently caressing.
Smiling to myself, I slowly unzipped his fly, the bulge in his underwear springing into the gap. I placed a kiss on his underwear, working my way down to the bottom of the zipper. I reached up to his waistband and tugged down, sliding his pants over his hips and then pushing them down to his knees. I bent down and lifted his foot, slipping off his shoe and sock, then moved on to the other. Once I’d removed both shoes and socks, I tugged his pants to the floor, and he kicked them to the side.
I glanced up, in awe that this gorgeous man was not only letting me undress him, but was staring at me as though I were the most beautiful woman alive. He stood there patiently, and unguarded, in his open dress shirt and his white boxer briefs, his erection straining against the fabric, ceding all control to me.
“I know I told you that you’re in charge,” he said in a tight voice, “but can I make requests?”
“I’m not in charge,” I said, placing another kiss at the tip of his erection over his underwear. “We both are. What do you want, Jed?”
“I want so much, Neely Kate,” he growled, sinking his hand into the side of my hair, being careful not to mess up my updo. “So fucking much.”
I placed another kiss over his underwear. “Then show me what
you want.”
He reached under my armpits and hauled me to my feet, his mouth covering mine as his tongue and lips devoured my own.
I clung to him, overcome with emotion and lust, and before I even realized what he’d done, he had the back of my dress unzipped. His hands landed on my shoulders, pushing me back slightly so he could see down the length of me. His fingers barely brushed the skin of my collarbone, sending a shiver up my spine as he slid the dress over my shoulders and down my arms until the fabric hung on my hips.
I started to push it down, but he grabbed my hands and brought them to his lips, kissing the knuckles of each hand. “No. Let me unwrap my gift.”
I smiled at him as he dropped my hands and then rested his on my hips. From there he slowly slid his palms down, tugging my dress until it puddled on the floor at my feet.
“Heels on or off?” I asked.
“What makes you feel sexier?” he asked, his mouth dropping to the base of my neck.
“I want you to like what you see,” I said, another shiver running down my back as he kissed, then licked a sensitive spot.
He chuckled against my skin. “Oh, Neely Kate, I would love lookin’ at you even if you were wearin’ a paper bag.” Looking up, he held the side of my face as he searched my eyes. “I love seein’ your sexy legs in heels, but I also know they aren’t the most comfortable things to wear. Besides, I got plenty of opportunities to peek at them during dinner.” His gaze turned serious. “But this is about making you feel empowered. If you feel sexier in four-inch stiletto heels, I’ll run out and find you a pair. If wearing heels in our bedroom reminds you of times you were hurt or mistreated, I’ll take them off your feet and burn them in the fireplace.”
“You make me feel sexy, Jed. Not the shoes.”
A sultry grin spread across his face. “Then take ’em off.” He dropped to his knees and bent my right leg and then my left, taking off my heels and tossing them by his shoes. His gaze drifted up, over my lacy panties and bra and up to my face. “You are the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.”
I flushed, and he nudged me backward until my legs were pressed against the foot of the bed, then eased me back so that I was sitting on the edge.
“Before we start this,” he said in a solemn tone, his face a foot from mine, “we need to discuss protection.”
“I’m not on the pill, Jed,” I said, glancing down. “And I don’t have an IUD or anything. I can’t get pregnant.”
“Those things don’t protect against STIs,” he said.
Shame washed through me and I looked away as my eyes filled with tears.
“Why are you upset?” he asked. Then he cursed. “Oh fuck. I’m not talkin’ about you, Neely Kate. God, not you.” He knelt in front of me, pulling me to him and wrapping me up tight in his arms. “I was talking about me. I’m sure I don’t have any, but…” He paused. “This is all about you bein’ in control, even if I’m doin’ a piss-poor job of makin’ that happen. I don’t want to make love to you and have you worried that I’m going to give you a disease or infection.”
I kept my gaze on the bed. “I trust you, Jed.”
He brushed a stray hari from my eyes, letting his fingers trail down my cheek. “I’ve hurt you.”
“No. I’m just…”
“Ashamed?” he asked quietly, his dark brown eyes holding mine.
I nodded, looking away again.
He grasped both sides of my face in his hands and gently tipped my chin up until my gaze met his. “Neely Kate, I plan to make it my lifelong goal to help you banish that shame. I know it’s not gonna happen overnight, but I’m a patient man.” He grinned. “Look how long I waited for you.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “A couple of months isn’t that long.”
“It’s been longer than that.”
Before I could ask how long, he kissed me, soft and gentle, as though we were starting over again. He laid me down on the bed and scooted me up so my head was on the pillows. He took his time, exploring my mouth with his tongue while his hands roamed my body, a lazy pace that had me writhing from his touch.
He pushed up on his elbow. “I love you.”
I smiled up at him. “I love you too.”
He pulled me to a sitting position and unhooked my bra. After he slowly tugged it off and tossed it to the side, he quickly dispensed with my panties.
Jed was still wearing his unbuttoned shirt, so I nudged it over his shoulders, letting it fall on the bed behind him. My gaze fell on his underwear, then lifted to his face.
“I love you, Neely Kate, but if you’ve changed your mind, we can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait.” I pushed him down on the bed so that he was lying on his back. He stared up at me with hooded eyes as I knelt next to him and started to pull down his underwear. His erection sprang free and I grinned at him. “Not crooked.”
He laughed.
I wrapped my hand around him and began to stroke.
He sucked in a breath. “I’m not gonna last long.”
I leaned over and kissed his tip, and he grabbed my arms and pulled me up, rolling me onto my back, and kissed me.
I laughed against his mouth and he rolled to his side, groaning playfully.
“You like driving me crazy,” he said.
I gave him a mischievous grin. “I like knowing I can.”
His hand slipped between my legs and I arched my back, drawing in a breath. His dark eyes watched me closely. “I like knowin’ I drive you crazy too.”
I rolled on top of him, straddling his upper thighs, then took him in my hand again. “I want to be on top.”
His chest rose and fell. “You’re in charge.”
Lifting up on my knees, I straddled him and slowly took him in. His hands rested on my hips, and he slowed me down as he filled me so completely. I leaned back my head, reveling in the fact that this man was mine.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he groaned. “I can’t believe you’re finally in my bed.”
I rose again and lowered. He moaned, his fingers dug into my flesh unwittingly, and sat up. Sliding an arm around my back, he captured my mouth with his while I continued to ride him.
Then he held me still and lowered his mouth to my breast, his tongue and teeth setting my body on fire, my core tightening in response.
I needed more. So much more. I pulled his mouth to mine and kissed him hard, taking him even deeper inside me.
Jed groaned, his hands returning to my hips as he quickened the pace, until I was breathless and begging for him to give me what I needed. I could feel myself climbing higher and higher until the air was so thin I was dizzy, and for one long second, I felt suspended in time before I fell apart, calling out his name.
I was vaguely aware of his own release as he gave one last plunge. Then he held me close as we waited for our breathing to return to normal.
I rested my forehead on his shoulder, and because all of that skin was begging for my mouth, I kissed his collarbone up to his neck.
He shifted, placing his finger under my chin so he could study my face. “Neely Kate…” The awe and love in his eyes took my breath away all over again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
I knew I couldn’t have happily ever after. But I could revel in my happy for now.
Chapter 23
We made love again, and then I fell asleep in Jed’s arms, feeling more loved than I’d ever felt in my life.
When I woke, the room was dark, and Jed was gone. Panicked, I sat up as my imagination ran wild. “Jed!”
I heard footsteps on the stairs.
“Jed?”
“I’m here,” he said in a tight voice as his silhouette appeared in the doorway. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry,” I said, feeling foolish. “You were gone, it’s dark, and I was in an unfamiliar room I’m not familiar with…”
He sat down on the bed next to me and wrapped me up in his arms. “Sorry if I woke you.”
&nbs
p; “You didn’t.” I snuggled into his bare chest. “What were you doin’?”
“Dermot called so I took it downstairs.”
I pulled away from him and tried to look up into his face, but the room was too dark to see his expression. I leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp, wincing as my eyes adjusted to the light. “What happened?”
“He thinks he found out what Adkins was up to, but he says he wants me to come see it for myself.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t now, but he wants me to come out to the Broken Branch Motel.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s where Carol Ann Nelson was murdered.”
He made a face. “It wasn’t the first murder there, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I have a feeling Adkins was holed up there.”
“Wouldn’t the sheriff’s department have found that out?” I asked.
“No. Henryetta PD won’t give up the case.”
“But the motel is outside the city limits.” Rose and I had figured that detail out when we’d investigated Carol Ann’s murder a couple of weeks ago.
“First of all, Henryetta PD couldn’t investigate their way out of a paper bag, and second, if Dermot found something and neither law enforcement agency knows about, it’s likely because Adkins didn’t leave a paper trail. Witnesses are far more likely to talk to Dermot and Skeeter’s guys before they’ll talk to someone with a badge. But the sheriff’s department isn’t stupid, which means they’ll figure it out soon enough. So before you ask,” he said, leveling his gaze, “yes, that’s why I need to go see it now. To beat them to it.”
“I’m coming with you.”
His lips pressed together. “I was gonna tell you to stay here with the guards, but I’m feelin’ even more protective of you now. I don’t want to let you out of my sight.”
I leaned closer and gave him a kiss. “That was easy.”
He grinned, but his eyes were troubled. “I’m gonna get dressed. How long will it take you to be ready to leave?”
“Five minutes.”
“It rained while we were sleepin’, and the temperature cooled off. Did you pack a pair of jeans?”
In High Cotton: Neely Kate Mystery #2 Page 23
