God, he missed it—even the mundane stuff. He missed the camaraderie, the pride each morning as he’d donned the blue.
Gene had called him earlier that day to confirm that he’d be flying home on the weekend. Max had handed over the reports from the jobs he’d worked at Cobalt & Dane—with Logan Dane’s permission, of course. His contribution to the arrest of Nigel Lawson had supported his job application nicely. They were eager for him to start.
Max, however, was not as eager to leave as he’d expected to be.
The door to interview room one remained shut. Sighing, he checked his watch. Only five minutes since the last time he’d checked it. He tapped his foot against the floor, trying to get the nervous energy out now so he could be strong for Rose when she was done the interview.
He should be filled with joy at the thought of returning home. But something rested heavily in his gut. An ache. A void. Some kind of longing for a missed opportunity.
Perhaps he could will the interview room door to open if he stared hard enough. How was she doing in there? If he even suspected that they’d upset her in any way, shape or form...
He had to do something to take his mind off Rose’s interview so he picked up his phone and dialed Owen’s number.
“Hey.” Owen’s cheerful voice instantly lifted some of the weight from Max’s shoulders. “How’d the interview go?”
“No clue. She’s still in there.” The words came out through gritted teeth and he forced down the need to act.
“She’ll be fine. You’ve been on the other side of this. You know they won’t put her in a bad position.”
“Yes, but I’m not in there with her.” He pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead.
“Repeat after me, Rose will be fine.”
“I don’t want to see her cry anymore.”
All she’d done for the past few days was sob or stare listlessly out a window. Max was ill-equipped to deal with her in that state. He’d gone out to fetch her bagels and hot chocolate. He’d tried cooking her dinner. He’d run her baths and come by her apartment every night after work.
Nothing had worked, and the thought of leaving her now... Well, he’d feel less pain if he stabbed himself in the face with a pen.
“You won’t...not after Saturday,” Owen said, without a trace of humor in his voice.
“Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean the crying has stopped.” He frowned. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Does it matter? It’s not your job to make her feel better. It was your job to protect her. You did that.”
He knew Owen was being harsher than normal to force Max to some conclusion. But if he’d been in the same room, Max would have thrown something at him.
“You say that like I don’t care about her.”
“You don’t. She’s just a client.”
Max’s jaw worked as he tried to stop himself from shouting a few choice words into the phone. “I don’t view her as just a client.”
“But you’re still leaving on the weekend...right?”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts.” Owen sighed. “If she really meant that much to you, would you be leaving her while all this was going on?”
“That’s not fair. Gene offered me a job. I can’t delay it.”
“Really? Is that the only job you’ll ever be offered?”
He had no answer.
“If you really cared about her you wouldn’t be in such a hurry to skip the country while she’s probably freaking the hell out.”
Max’s eyes flicked back to the interview room door. Once he left, Rose really would be on her own. No mother, no father. She didn’t have any siblings, and she hadn’t yet made many friends in the city.
He remembered the way her face had lit up when her father had handed her that Christmas present. No matter what had happened in the past, she’d put herself out there. Made herself vulnerable to her father and she’d been abused for it.
Pain twisted in his chest.
“Do you care about her?”
Max jumped at the sound of Owen’s voice. He’d almost forgotten he was on the other end of the line.
“Yeah, I do.”
He hadn’t wanted to make a place in his heart for Rose, but she’d worked her way in there against his will. Their physical connection—while explosive—was only a sliver of what he wanted with her. He wanted her mind, her soul. He wanted the whole damn package.
“How much, Max?”
“Too fucking much.”
Owen sighed. “You have to be sure because you don’t hurt this girl again...not after what she’s gone through.”
Love wasn’t something he ever wanted to let back into his life; it was too much pressure. Too much responsibility. Too much potential for devastation.
But he loved her.
The realization struck him in the middle of the chest like a bullet through glass. He loved Rose. Life without her would be...impossible. Pointless.
Returning home to the perfect job would mean nothing if he couldn’t hold her in his arms at the end of a long day. If he couldn’t wake to feel his lips on hers. If he couldn’t prove to her that love could exist without conditions. The door to the interview room swung open and Rose walked out with the investigating officer. Dark circles hung like weights under her eyes. She hunched her shoulders, stooping like a person who was utterly broken.
“I have to go, Owen.”
“Don’t screw up.”
Max sucked in a breath and stood, conviction running through his veins. “I won’t.”
* * *
THE OFFICER ESCORTED Rose out to the waiting room, his hulking frame casting a shadow over her. She’d noticed he was handsome in an all-American, do-gooder kind of way. But she felt nothing...not a twinge of interest. Not even disinterest.
Literally nothing.
“Thanks for coming in, Miss Lawson.” He nodded briskly, his face impassive. His eyes were the exact same midnight blue as his uniform.
Absently, she wondered if Max had looked like that when he’d been a police officer. Conservative. Clean-cut.
“That’s okay,” she said, not even bothering to try to smile as she normally would have.
Her face wouldn’t have obeyed even if she’d asked it to. Officer Not-Max shook her hand and said he’d be in touch if they had further questions and that they appreciated her time. She may have walked away before he finished speaking.
A loud protest came from her stomach as she shuffled past a vending machine. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten; it might have been a spoonful of the oatmeal Max had made her for breakfast when he came to collect her for the interview. He’d insisted it was part of his job to accompany her in case they had questions for him.
She believed that about as much as she believed in Santa Claus.
“Hey.” Max was waiting for her, his hand held out.
“See, you didn’t need to come, after all,” she said, tucking her hands in her pockets. “Just as I said.”
“You were right.” He nodded, dropping his arm.
They left the precinct side by side. Walking past the neat row of squad cars, she dragged her feet along the pavement. While she hadn’t exactly enjoyed herself in the interview, she wasn’t in a rush to get home, either. What would be waiting for her but a reminder that she was truly alone in the world? Especially once Max left.
It was for the best, though. She’d decided in the middle of the night while staring at the ceiling that some people weren’t destined to be loved. Her mother had never been able to make it work, and neither would she.
They turned onto a main road sparkling with Christmas cheer. Decorations hung from the street lights, glittering Christmas trees, snowflakes and presents. Happy Holidays was
emblazoned on shop windows, along with chubby Santa faces and the occasional reindeer.
She couldn’t have felt less festive if she’d tried. In fact, she’d be pulling that damn Christmas tree down the second she got home. Lola had given her a few weeks off work to deal with her personal issues and she’d use that time to drown herself in her commission work and studiously ignore the passing of her most hated holiday.
“Did they say what the next steps would be?” Max asked, his body so close to hers that no more than a sheet of paper could fit between them.
“They said they’d contact me if they needed more detail, but it could be a while. I’m guessing they’ll want me to testify.” The thought of facing her father again was enough to send a chill down her spine.
“And the diamond?”
“It’s evidence for now. Sounds like I’ll get it back once the case is done,” she said, her eyes darting around as a man in a dark coat passed her.
Now she checked for the man with the black spade tattoo wherever she went, despite the fact that he was currently locked up. But how long would that be for? Would he come after her again?
“I don’t think I’ll keep it, though.”
“Really?”
“Too many bad memories. I’m sure there will be someone out there who’d appreciate it more than me.” Rose shrugged as they took the stairs down to the subway station.
Max had returned his work car to the security company, and traffic was hell, so they were taking public transport. The number three line whisked them away from the chaos of midtown.
“I’ll contact the park where it was mined and see if they want to have it on display,” Rose said as they exited the subway stop closest to her apartment. “Diamonds like that shouldn’t be kept locked up in a security box.”
“Or a music box.”
They rounded the corner to her street and Rose’s stomach dropped. Every time she approached her home the same edgy apprehension filled her, the dark thoughts and darker memories haunting her before she’d even reached the block.
Her lease would be up in less than a year, but she doubted she’d last that long.
“Thanks for coming with me today,” she said, hovering at the front door.
Max leaned against the brickwork and folded his arms across his chest. “Just doing my job.”
“No, you weren’t. You were being a friend and I appreciate it.” She put her hand on his arm and immediately regretted it.
Electricity zinged through her, the first inkling of life she’d experienced in days. Since Max was no longer protecting her, their contact had been professional and hands-off. But the simple touch of her fingertips to the buttery soft leather of his jacket filled her head with everything she wanted desperately to forget.
The way he kissed her, held her. The soft way he stroked her hair and the way he felt inside her.
She pulled back, dug around in her purse for her keys. Hair fell in her eyes and she hoped it obscured the quiver in her lip. Part of her wished he’d leave now so she didn’t have to feel the pain of seeing him again...yet the thought of him going was equally painful.
You’re never going to open yourself up to anyone ever again. Family is not in your future. Love is not in your future.
“Do you mind if I come in?”
Rose looked up, her mind shouting no so loud the roar echoed in her ears. “Sure.”
Stupid, stupid heart.
15
MAX’S HEART THUDDED as he followed Rose into her apartment. It had been a long time since he’d confessed his love for someone.
But Rose had made him see that he wanted love in his life. Being with her wasn’t always easy. She’d demanded he open up to her, and he’d told her things he’d never told anyone before. It had stripped him, removed the years of investigative training. It had broken the shell he’d used to protect himself. Because with Rose he’d been unable—or unwilling—to keep any barriers between them.
He hadn’t seen the signs the night he’d held her and confessed his guilt over failing his friend. But they’d been there. Deep down in the part of himself he wanted to ignore, his love for Rose had taken root.
“I...uh... I wondered if we could talk about something.” He paced the living room and her mesmerizing eyes followed him.
“Sure.” She sat on the arm of the couch, her hands folded neatly in her lap.
Today she hadn’t worn a single piece of jewelry, not an earring or a bracelet to liven up her all black outfit. Without some element of sparkle, she didn’t seem herself, and the dark clothing made her fair skin seem even more devoid of color.
“You know I’m supposed to be leaving this weekend.” He traced the exact same line back and forth in front of the coffee table.
“Yes, I’m aware of that.”
“I have a job waiting for me there and...my family.” God, the words just didn’t want to come. Talking about feelings wasn’t his strong suit, and he was one fumbled word away from chickening out altogether. “I’ve resigned from the security firm already.”
“Max, why are you telling me this?” She let out a long breath. “I already know it.”
“I don’t want to leave you.” The words tumbled from him like a stone off a cliff’s edge. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
She paled, her eyes locking on him with such an intense focus that he would have suspected her to be a trained interrogator. “But you are leaving.”
He stepped toward her, closing the distance between them so that his hands came to rest on her shoulders. Smoothing his palms down her arms, he captured her hands in his.
“What if I didn’t leave?”
Her breath stuttered in and out, he could practically hear the cogs of her mind working overtime to process his words. “You just told me you have a job and your family waiting for you.”
“I can turn the job down. The security firm will hire me back, no problem. My family will understand.” His thumbs traced the ridges of her knuckles. “I thought I wanted my old life back...but my old life doesn’t have you.”
“You’d give up your job to stay here with me?”
“Yes. I love you, Rose. I’d give up anything for that.”
For a moment she didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t blink. He wondered if the words had turned her into a statue, permanently capturing her shock.
“I... I can’t let you do that.” She shook her head, limp strands of hair shaking about her face. “I don’t want you to give up something so important.”
“Why?”
He’d put himself on the line and he had to know how she felt. The connection they had wasn’t just about sex. She’d said it herself. She must feel something for him.
“Because you’ll resent me for it one day. Maybe not now, maybe not even in five or ten years. But one day I’ll become the girl who held you back from your dream career, from your family.” She blinked away tears. “I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want us to be those people.”
“What people?”
“The ones who grow to hate each other because of the sacrifices they made. It ruined my parents. I won’t let it ruin us.” She pulled her hands out of his grip.
“So you’re saying you’d rather not give us a chance than risk it possibly falling apart in the future?” He shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense to me. I’m sick of losing people... It hurts too much.”
“Rose, I’m not your father. My love is real.” He squeezed her hands. “What I feel is real.”
She looked up, doubt swimming in those beautiful feline-like eyes of hers. “That’s what he said, too. When he told me he loved me. When he said he missed me, that he wanted to spend Christmas with me. They’re just words.”
“Then
let me prove them to you.”
She held up her hand, her eyes squeezed shut. “Please stop, Max. Go home, be with your family.”
“I know you’re hurting.” He wanted to reach out to her again but she was like an injured bird ready to take flight at the slightest movement.
“I am. But that’s not your problem anymore.”
“I want it to be my goddamn problem.” He tried to pull himself together. “I love you.”
“You were the one who said the timing was wrong, and you’re right.” She stood and stepped away from him, walking toward the kitchen. “I won’t take this opportunity away from you.”
“Then come with me.”
The weight of her silence crushed him. It bore down on his chest, turning his heart to pulp. He would never regret laying it all on the line for Rose. She’d changed him. Made him see that he could trust people; he could do his job the way he used to. He could follow his instincts.
“I can’t.” She turned to him, her hands knotted in front of her. “I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”
“What your father did is not your fault. He’s a criminal, Rose. A thief and a bully and a liar.” He regretted the words the second they came out of his mouth. She didn’t need to hear him say all the things she’d no doubt thought in the past week.
“Yeah, and he’s the person who promised to love my mother and to love me. I’m sure he did at one point.” Her lips pressed into a flat line.
“Just tell me this,” Max said, his chest seizing as though a fist had closed over it. “Do you love me, at all?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
He swallowed. “It does to me.”
A ghost of a smile passed over her lips. “I can’t love you, Max. I won’t allow it. Goodbye.”
* * *
THE BITTER CHILL sliced through Rose’s jacket as she jogged up the stairs out of the subway station. Christmas was mere days away and the city had gone a little crazy; the cabs honked louder, the traffic ran thicker and people seemed anything but festive.
Or perhaps she was projecting her own misery on to the world.
When she’d received a call from Cobalt & Dane Security requesting that she come to complete some paperwork, she’d cringed. The last thing she needed was to go somewhere that reminded her of Max. But as she walked into the lobby of the building, déjà vu hit her.
A Dangerously Sexy Christmas Page 17
